Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4

by Blake, Lillianna

  As these thoughts carried through her mind, she looked through her closet. She had the perfect dress to wear, but her hair was a mess from swimming, and she hadn’t bothered to bring much make-up.

  “I’ll be fine without it. It’s just dinner with a friend. That’s all.” She pulled the dress out of the closet and spread it across the bed. It was a slinky red number with a skirt that just grazed her knees. She liked the way it flowed on her body. The shawl that went with it made her feel like a bird, though she’d never tell anyone else that. No, she had to keep up the hard image—there’s Ella, wild and immune to heartache.

  But that wasn’t the truth. Ella worked hard to keep up the image, not just for others, but also for herself. More than anything, she wanted to believe that it was true. But it wasn’t.

  She held up the dress in front of the bathroom mirror. As she looked at her own reflection, she saw all the subtle flaws of her skin that make-up usually covered. There were creases in places she wished there weren’t. Her eyes bore dark circles, but not too heavy—nothing a good dose of foundation couldn’t cover. She realized there was no way she was going to dinner without looking the part.

  She hung up the dress, took a quick shower, and changed into some jeans and a loose blouse. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door. She had noticed a salon in the lobby when she’d first arrived. If she had any luck, she’d be able to get in. If she didn’t, she’d just try to talk her way in.

  When she stepped off the elevator and into the lobby, she noticed a group of men gathered around the fountain in the center of the room. Her best guess was that they ranged in age from twenty to thirty. They were a handsome group, and one wore a sign that declared him a groom-to-be.

  She smiled to herself as she watched them joke and laugh with one another. She loved the playfulness of a younger man. They were always up for anything and never clingy.

  Chapter 12

  When Ella stepped into the salon, it was already busy. The woman at the front desk ushered her back to an empty chair. She sat down in the chair and waited for the stylist to walk over.

  As she waited, she glanced over at the chair next to her. A woman sat in it with a magazine open in her lap, but she wasn’t looking at it. She stared across the room into a wall mirror. Ella noticed how relaxed the woman looked and hoped that she’d be feeling the same way when she’d had her turn with the stylist.

  “Hello, how are you today?” A female stylist walked up to Ella and began to comb through her hair. “What are you interested in?”

  “I have a dinner date. I’d just like a simple up-do. Do you offer make-up services?”

  “Yes, we do. As soon as your hair is set I’ll take you over to the cosmetics table.”

  “Thanks.” Ella settled back in her chair.

  The woman beside her looked up from her magazine and spoke. “All of this for a date? He must be someone special.”

  “No, not really. It’s not even really a date—just someone I met.” Ella remained still as the stylist worked with her hair.

  “So why the hair and make-up?”

  “I just like to look my best at all times.”

  “You mean, you want to make him want more than just a friend on this date?” The woman winked at her.

  “No.” Ella frowned. “I just feel uncomfortable about going without all this. I usually do it myself, but I planned on this being a solo vacation so I decided not to bring my make-up and hairstyling gear.”

  “I can understand that. I like to take a break too. I’m only here because I’m attending a wedding. Everyone has to look just perfect according to the bride. She’s a sweet girl, but she has no idea how life changes perfect.”

  “What do you mean?” Ella glanced over at her. “How can perfect change?”

  “Well, I guess perfect doesn’t, but our perspective of it does. I used to need to have my red lipstick on before I left the house. It wasn’t a choice, it was a need. One day I couldn’t find it, and I freaked. I caught sight of my crazed self in the mirror and was shocked to see that my lips looked just fine. I had bought into the idea that lipstick made me perfect, when I was perfect already. After that, I never had to look or dress a certain way. Now I just wear what I like and add make-up when I feel like it.”

  “I can’t imagine being that comfortable with myself.” Ella frowned.

  “Why not? You’re a beautiful woman.”

  Ella blushed and glanced away. “I can make myself look that way.”

  “But you can’t make yourself feel that way.” She leaned forward and offered her hand. “I’m Jillian, by the way.”

  “Ella.” She took Jillian’s hand in a quick shake. “I wish I could be as confident as you.”

  “You are.” Jillian smiled so wide that Ella had to smile back. “You just aren’t allowing yourself to be. It’s our primal nature to be confident. We’re trained out of it by our surroundings, because—well, we’re surrounded by insecure people. But deep down inside, we know who we are. Am I saying too much?”

  “Not at all. I feel confident at certain times. Let’s say, I find confidence in being seductive.”

  “Many women do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is when you only feel confident because of external approval. I went through a phase like that. I was dating a different man every week. I thought I was having a fantastic time, until it struck me that I hadn’t had a meaningful conversation in months. Despite all the men I was meeting—and all the numbers in my phone—there wasn’t a single man in my life who actually knew anything about me.”

  “Oh?” Ella narrowed her eyes. Jillian’s story sounded very similar to her own.

  “It was because I wasn’t trying to be with any of these men. I wasn’t trying to make a connection. I was using them for validation. I wanted them to want me so that I’d know that I was desirable. But it didn’t occur to me that they only wanted the image I presented, not the person I truly was inside. The more I sought attention, the more I lost sight of myself.” She scrunched up her nose. “Please don’t think that I’m preaching, it’s just that realizing my own confidence has changed my entire life.”

  “How so?” Ella was genuinely curious about this woman.

  “I no longer need to worry about how I look—not really. When it comes to dating, I don’t try to look the part for a man. I expect him to accept me as I am and see beyond the physical to who I am; otherwise, in my opinion, it’s a waste of my time.”

  “So, you’re looking for Mr. Perfect?”

  “No, not at all. In fact, I’m more happy than ever being single. I really enjoy getting to know new people and have no intention of getting married. I guess you could say that I’ve learned to see perfect, not only in myself, but in the men I date as well. I connect with them on a deeper level than I ever did before. We let the relationship go where it takes us and then move on when it no longer suits us—no hard feelings, no broken hearts.”

  “That seems impossible to me. I can’t imagine opening myself up that way to a man, let alone more than one. I tried it once, and it was a disaster.” Ella stood up from the chair and studied Jillian. There was no question that the woman was at ease. She smiled without hesitation, she laughed without covering her mouth, and she even didn’t seem to mind that her dress didn’t flatter her figure.

  “Oh, sweetie, you can’t let one tragedy stop you from experiencing a lifetime of pleasure. You may think that you’re enjoying yourself with the men you date, but when you truly connect with someone—when you feel comfortable with yourself and with him—it takes things to a whole new level.”

  “If you say so.” Ella walked over to the cosmetics table. “Right now, I’m just trying to get to know myself.”

  Jillian stood up as well. “Trust me. The best way to get to know yourself is letting yourself be known.” She smiled at her and set a business card down on the table in front of her.

  “If you ever want to talk, feel free to call me.”

  Ella was a
little surprised. She nodded at the woman. “Thanks.” She picked up the card and tucked it into her purse.

  Jillian’s words lingered in her mind after she’d left the salon, but Ella wasn’t sure if she believed them. In her experience, she’d only ever gotten lost in the arms of a man—but she’d never found herself.

  Chapter 13

  As soon as Dane was alone in his hotel room, the impact of what he’d agreed to struck him. He sat down on the couch and rubbed a hand across his forehead. What had he gotten himself into? Dinner with someone he barely knew? What was he going to talk about with a woman like her? She was probably accustomed to a certain type of man—a type that wasn’t him. If only he’d declined, he could have been relaxing by the water instead of wondering what he should wear.

  He considered ways he might be able to get out of the date. Claiming illness wouldn’t work because she was bound to see him again around the hotel, and that would be awkward. Maybe he could just call her and tell her that it had been a mistake. She seemed at least somewhat reasonable. She’d understand.

  He took a deep breath and tried to relax. It was just one dinner. He was sure that he could find a way to get through it. All he had to do was be polite. As long as he didn’t lose his cool, as he had earlier in the day, he should be fine.

  Maybe it wasn’t even the dinner that worried him. Maybe it was the fact that even thinking of her had left him flustered. One minute he considered the dinner nothing but a gesture, the next he wondered if it could be something more. Was the budding excitement within him a sign that he might be ready to explore the dating world? The very thought was so foreign to him, that it sent him right back into confusion.

  As he wrestled with his concerns he went through the process of showering, dressing, and heading out to the restaurant. It was located on the resort property, so he didn’t have far to go. But every step toward the restaurant filled him with a sense of dread. What if she expected more from him than he was willing to offer? The last thing he wanted to do was cause her more frustration than he had already.

  Still, he opened the door to the restaurant and stepped inside. A waiter led him to the table.

  As he sat down, he looked toward the door. It was already a few minutes after seven. He guessed she would be there any second.

  Several minutes later the waiter walked over to him. “Can I get you anything while you’re waiting?”

  “Just a glass of water, please.”

  “Are you sure?” He handed Dane a menu. “Maybe an appetizer?”

  “No, thank you—just the water.” He set the menu down on the table.

  A few minutes later the waiter returned with the water.

  Dane took a sip, looked at his watch, then looked back at the door. He tapped his fingertips on the table just loud enough to hear.

  He tried not to look at his watch again. He was sure a minute hadn’t gone by, but it felt like an hour. He wondered if maybe he’d gotten the time wrong. Maybe it was his mistake. He tapped his fingers again.

  The waiter looked over at him. Dane looked away. His nerves were on edge.

  It wasn’t as if he’d asked her to dinner. She invited him. Why would she invite him and then just not show up? Maybe she was still upset about their first encounter. Was this some kind of twisted revenge? Even after he came to her rescue?

  He clenched his jaw. That’s what it was. She wanted to humiliate him. He wasn’t about to just sit there and take it. He had other things that he could be doing.

  As he started to stand up from the table, the door of the restaurant swung open. He almost didn’t recognize her at first. On the beach she’d only been wearing a swimsuit.

  As she walked toward him in a dark red dress and full make-up she looked like an entirely different woman.

  “You’re late.” He met her eyes.

  “You waited.” She smiled and reached for her chair.

  He reached out at the same time. His hand brushed hers away as he pulled out the chair for her.

  “Ah, a gentleman.”

  To Dane, her smile seemed forced.

  “Does that bother you?” He lingered by her chair for a moment.

  “I guess I’m just a little more modern than that.” She sat down in the chair.

  “Oh, I see.” He sat down in his chair across from her. “My son tells me I’m a little out of touch. Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It’s refreshing. I’m sorry that I kept you waiting.”

  “It’s alright—but I did think that maybe you weren’t coming.”

  “It takes time to look like this.” Ella brushed her hair back over her shoulder.

  Dane forced his own smile. “I thought you were beautiful on the beach.”

  She smiled at him, but didn’t respond to the compliment. “Did you order yet?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Well, I’m starving.”

  Dane handed over his menu and raised his hand for another.

  The waiter brought it over. “Can I get you something to drink?” He smiled at Ella. Ella smiled back at him.

  Dane immediately noticed the snap of chemistry between the two. He wondered if it was like that everywhere for her.

  “Just a glass of white wine, please.”

  “I’ll bring it right out. Let me know when you’re ready to order.”

  “Thank you.” She began to study the menu.

  Dane took in her features. The make-up did accentuate them in a pleasant way, but it also detracted from her natural glow—or maybe that had just been the sunlight earlier. He blinked and forced himself to look away. It was just dinner, no matter what his pounding heart seemed to be telling him.

  “I think I’ll have a steak. Did you find something that you like?”

  “I’m going to go with something light. It’s been a wild day.” She closed her menu and looked at him. “This is my treat, by the way. Don’t try to pull any old-fashioned nonsense when the bill comes.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t allow that.” He frowned.

  “I don’t recall asking for your permission.” She lifted an eyebrow. “You really are out of practice, aren’t you?”

  “It just seems wrong not to pay.” He shifted in his chair.

  “Why? I invited you as a way to thank you for today. Besides, this isn’t a date. It’s just a meal between new friends. Try to relax and enjoy yourself.”

  Dane clenched his jaw. It went against his instincts not to pick up the bill, but she was right. It wasn’t a date—apparently. “Alright.” He smiled. “Thank you.”

  Chapter 14

  Ella stared across the table at Dane. Everything about him seemed traditional—if not just a little bit boring—yet when he spoke, he had her full attention. When he smiled, her heart skipped.

  The waiter returned with her wine.

  “I’ll have the rice and vegetable medley, and the gentleman will have the steak.” She winked at Dane.

  Dane’s cheeks reddened a little, but he didn’t protest.

  “It will just be a few minutes.”

  “So, what is that you do—when you’re not rescuing people?” She picked up her glass of wine.

  Dane fiddled with the glass of water in front of him.

  “I’m an architect.”

  “Wow.” Ella raised an eyebrow. “That’s different.”

  “Is it?” He shrugged. “It’s just something I had a passion for.”

  “What do you find so interesting about it?” Ella sipped her wine and then put the glass back down on the table. “I mean, it’s just design, right?”

  “I think architecture is a lot more than that. Every building I see tells me a story. Written words, photographs—all can capture history, but wood and stone create it.”

  “Hm.” She smiled. “I never thought of it that way.”

  “Most people don’t.” He chuckled. “I guess I’m a bit strange.”

  “Oh, no, I don’t think there’s anything strange about you, Dane. You seem like the type of man that tak
es his time with everything that he does—patient, reliable, and happy with routine.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You think you have me pegged, hm?”

  “Maybe.” She smiled a little wider. “I’m pretty good at reading people.”

  “Well, I do enjoy routine. But I wouldn’t call myself patient.”

  “You did wait for me.”

  “I did, out of courtesy. But, I have to say, as I’ve gotten older, I find I get riled up a bit more easily than I used to. Again, I apologize for the way I spoke to you earlier today.” He shook his head and lowered his eyes. “Honestly, that wasn’t like me.”

  “Oh, please. Stop apologizing.” She sighed. “I could have been nicer myself. I wasn’t in a good mood to begin with.”

  “No? Something about paradise irks you?” He sat back as the waiter placed their plates in front of them.

  “No. It’s not that.” She stared down at the mound of rice and vegetables in front of her. “I’m trying something new on this vacation, and it’s a bit more difficult than I expected.”

  “What is it?” He slid his knife through his steak and inhaled the aroma. She could tell he was used to savoring things.

  “I came here to get to know myself again.” She laughed and poked at a string bean. “That probably sounds ridiculous.”

  “No.” He met her eyes across the table. “It doesn’t sound ridiculous to me at all. I suppose I’m doing the same thing in a way.”

  “Really?” She leaned closer to him. “It’s rather boring, isn’t it?”

  “That depends.”

  “Depends on what?”

  “On whether you enjoy your own company. I’ve come to enjoy mine quite a bit.”

  “I’m not sure that I’ve spent enough time alone with myself to know.” She shook her head. “I’ve never really thought about it, but I tend to keep myself pretty busy. I guess even when I’m by myself, I’m most often watching television or reading a book.”

  “I do those things too, but I like to take some time to think as well—think about my life, the things that have happened, the things that might happen. Maybe I spend a little too much time in my memories, actually.” He shrugged.