Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4

by Blake, Lillianna

  Ella took another sip of her tea. The warm liquid soothed her raw nerves, but it did nothing to hold back the hot tears that filled her eyes. Was Jillian right? “One of us has to make the right decision. He’s too weak, too naive. What I feel when I’m with him is too much. It could never last.”

  “Or maybe it’s love. Maybe what you felt with your ex was lust, and infatuation, mixed in with puppy love. Maybe what you feel for this man is the real thing—and you think you’re not strong enough for it.”

  “I’m strong.”

  “So, why are you running?” Jillian set her mug down on the table in front of her. “If you were really strong, you wouldn’t be trying to escape the one thing that might allow you to be happy.”

  “This is what you do for a living? You insult people?”

  “I don’t mean to be insulting. I help people to be honest with themselves. Most of the time, the only thing blocking people from a successful life is the lies that they tell themselves. They tell themselves that they’re not good enough, that they’re failures—that they’re never going to amount to anything. Some people apply the same beliefs to romance. If you’re hurt once, it can become this huge barrier within you against ever loving again.”

  “Isn’t that the smart thing to do?” Ella frowned. “I’m not interested in going through that again. I can get pleasure my way—and no one gets hurt.”

  “Sure, you can get physical pleasure. But that’s not what you’re really looking for. Is it?”

  “I don’t know.” Ella wiped a hand across her forehead. “I have no idea.”

  “Yes, you do, Ella. When you close your eyes, what happens? Try it.”

  Ella closed her eyes. Instantly she saw Dane looking at her—just before he’d kissed her. “Oh no.” She groaned.

  “See?” Jillian smiled. “You know exactly what you want.”

  Chapter 23

  When Dane stepped out of the bathroom in fresh clothes, Thomas was there waiting for him.

  “Dad. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing. You look miserable. What’s wrong?”

  “Thomas, it’s not your problem, alright? I just want to finish this vacation and get home.”

  “Are you that upset about me going out last night? I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to get you upset. I was just trying to have some fun.”

  “It’s all about fun with you, isn’t it?” Dane glanced over at him. “Everything’s a game.”

  “Dad, what are you so upset about? I won’t go out again, okay?”

  “No. You should. Go out, have fun. Enjoy yourself. I shouldn’t be trying to drag you down. This vacation should be your last hurrah before you go off to college. I’m sorry I snapped at you. Alright?”

  “It’s not like I don’t want to spend time with you. Yesterday everything was fine, now you’re acting like you wish you’d never come. All because I didn’t wake up for snorkeling?”

  Dane sighed, feeling angry with himself for being so harsh with his son. “It’s not that. The truth is, I’ve been relying on you too much. I treat you like my friend, when you’re not. You’re my son.”

  “Yeah, but we’re friends too.” Thomas stood up and looked at him. “Dad, I want you to be happy.”

  “Son, you shouldn’t be worried about that. Whether or not I’m happy is my business. It’s not for you to worry about. I’m a grown man—in charge of my life.”

  “Okay, okay.” Thomas shook his head. “Whatever you say. Why don’t we go hit the beach? The rain has cleared up.”

  “No.” Dane frowned. “I don’t want to go to the beach.” He didn’t want to take the chance of running into Ella again. If he did, he might not be able to hide his emotions. He already felt ridiculous for being so honest with her—and for that kiss.

  “Okay. Do you want to get some lunch then?”

  “Sure. Fine. But let’s find a small place—away from here.”

  “We’ll have to take a taxi.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “Okay.” Thomas grabbed his phone. “I’ll see what I can find.”

  As Thomas looked for a restaurant, Dane walked over to the window. He stared down at the beach.

  People were already starting to claim their positions on the sand. The sky was still gray, but the memory of the storm was fading fast.

  “Tacos?” Thomas looked up from his phone.

  “Sure. As long as it’s away from here.”

  “Dad, are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’d be better if you stopped asking me that.”

  “Sure. I ordered a taxi.” Thomas grabbed his shoes and pulled them on.

  Dane pulled on his shoes as well and they headed out of the hotel room.

  “You can order a taxi on your phone?”

  “Yup. There’s an app for that.” Thomas chuckled.

  “Great.” Dane pressed the button to call the elevator.

  As he waited for it, he wished he could be invisible. What if he ran into Ella in the lobby? Or while waiting in front of the hotel for the taxi? How was he going to handle that? He stepped onto the elevator and held the door for Thomas.

  “I can’t wait to get some tacos. It’s been a long time since we did that.”

  “We used to go after every soccer practice.” Dane smiled.

  “I remember. Those are good memories.” Thomas rested against the back of the elevator. “You know what I appreciate the most about how you raised me, Dad?”

  “I’m still raising you.” Dane met his eyes as the elevator doors opened.

  “I know.” Thomas smiled. They stepped out of the elevator together. “Do you want me to tell you or not?”

  “Sure. Tell me.”

  “Losing Mom was hard. But you never let me forget her. Everything we did—you’d tell me about her, how she might feel, what she might laugh about. It was like I got to know her through you. So even though I only had a few years with her, you gave me the chance to feel what it would have been like to grow up with her.”

  “Did I?” Dane’s smile faded some. “I always worried that I was dwelling on her too much—that maybe I should let you move on.”

  “No, you gave me an opportunity to have memories of her that I never would have been able to have. I always thought that was great, but now—”

  “—Now?” Dane looked around the lobby for any sign of Ella. He hurried his son toward the exit.

  “Now I wonder if maybe that stopped you from being able to move on.”

  “Not the dating talk again. I don’t want to hear it.” Dane jerked open the door of the hotel and ushered his son out.

  “It’s what she would have wanted, Dad.”

  “I know that.” Dane turned to look at his son. His voice held a hard edge. “You don’t think I know that? But maybe she was wrong. It’s not like she could see into the future. So what—she wanted me to be happy. What if dating isn’t going to make me happy? What if it’s the worst thing I could do?”

  “So you want to be alone?”

  “I like being alone. I like it. What’s so wrong with that?” He shook his head. “You know, relationships are not exactly all romance and joy. It’s not like there aren’t fights, heartaches, and compromises. Maybe I don’t want all that.”

  “Wow, remind me not to get married.”

  Dane looked over at Thomas. Then he looked back at the driveway in front of the hotel. “Don’t say that. When you find the right woman, it’s worth it. The thing is, your mother was the right woman for me.”

  “And there can’t be more than one?”

  “I thought maybe, but now I know for sure that she was it. Maybe other people have a few right people in the world, but I don’t think I’m one of them. I’d just really rather we drop the subject now, alright?”

  “Okay. Sure, whatever you say.”

  “Good.” He pointed a finger at Thomas as the taxi rolled to a stop. “And you are going to get married. You have to give me grandkids
—just not for a while. Alright?”

  “I’ll see what I can do.” Thomas grinned.

  Dane let him get into the taxi first, then climbed in behind him.

  As they pulled away from the hotel, he thought he caught sight of Ella on the sidewalk, but he forced himself to look away.

  Chapter 24

  After her talk with Jillian, Ella returned to her cottage and changed. With every piece of wet clothing that she peeled off, she thought about what Jillian had said. Was she really letting something amazing pass her by?

  She closed her eyes for a moment and recalled the look in Dane’s eyes when she’d told him to go. Could he really forgive her for the things that she’d said?

  Louis had always been so “all or nothing.” He’d demanded her loyalty, and if she even questioned him, he’d threaten to leave. She learned not to question. She learned to keep her mouth closed. When Louis left her, she swore she’d never hold her tongue for any man.

  Unfortunately, that had led to her being a little sharp-tongued—or more accurately, very sharp-tongued—at times. It was hard for her to know whether Dane had truly meant what he’d said, and she desperately needed to know. But was she desperate enough to follow after him like a lovesick puppy?

  When she looked at herself in the mirror, she knew that she was. The kiss that they’d shared was more powerful than any experience she’d ever shared with any man. It was more than sensual; it was as if she’d truly connected with him.

  That level of intimacy was foreign to her. It scared the hell out of her, but she knew she wanted to experience it again. If she wanted another chance with Dane—she knew deep down that she did—then she’d have to get herself in the same place as he was. She knew that there was no chance that he’d come to her. She’d have to go to him.

  That meant that she had to find a way to figure out where he was going to be. She figured her best bet was to be in the lobby of the hotel. If he was going to go anywhere, he’d have to come through the lobby. It made her feel a bit uneasy, but she couldn’t think of another way to find out what his plans were.

  She dressed carefully. She made sure that her hair was perfect. Then she left the cottage and walked toward the hotel.

  Along the way, she thought about turning back several times. She could just let all of it go. Dane could find someone else. He should find someone else. If she couldn’t make things work with Louis, did she really think it could be different with someone else?

  She paused outside the lobby, prepared to turn back. It was better to just let things end. It was what he wanted.

  But as she started to walk away, she saw Dane and Thomas outside the hotel. She watched them get into a taxi and noticed that another one pulled right up behind them. Even though she hadn’t planned it, things fell into place perfectly. How could that not be a sign?

  She climbed into the taxi.

  “Follow the taxi in front of you, please.”

  “Whatever you say.” The driver trailed behind Dane’s taxi until it pulled up to a small Mexican restaurant. “You want to stop here?”

  “Yes. But can you drive around back to drop me off?”

  “No problem.” He drove around behind the restaurant.

  Ella paid him and stepped out of the taxi. She walked cautiously to the front door.

  Through the window she watched as the pair settled in at their table. It struck her that she could be considered a stalker at this point, but she wasn’t going to let that deter her. She was fairly certain that Dane wouldn’t have her arrested.

  After taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door to the restaurant and stepped inside. Quietly she ordered her tacos, then headed for a table. Her heart pounded with anticipation as she neared the table where Thomas and Dane sat. This was it. This was her last chance to save face and run, but before she could, a voice drew her attention.

  “Hey, that’s the woman you rescued, isn’t it?”

  She heard Thomas pose the question and turned in time to see Dane look up at her. His grimace told her that he wasn’t pleased at the sight of her. It was clear that Thomas didn’t feel the same way.

  He smiled at her. “Why don’t you come sit with us?” Thomas pushed out the chair beside him to invite her.

  “Oh, thank you.” Ella smiled and approached the chair.

  Dane stared hard out through the window of the restaurant. He refused to look at her when she sat down.

  “Hello, Dane.”

  “Ella.” He continued to study the parking lot as if it might hold the meaning of life.

  Thomas looked between the two of them with a furrowed brow. “Dad, aren’t you going to eat your tacos?”

  “I’m not hungry. You can have them.”

  “But you haven’t even taken a bite.” Thomas looked between them again. “Is something wrong?”

  “I’d rather not talk about it. Can you please just finish your meal?” Dane glanced over at Ella, then looked quickly away.

  She wasn’t sure what she’d expected, but Dane’s reception was colder than she could have imagined. Could he really turn his feelings off that easily?

  “I’m sorry for intruding. It was rude of me.” Ella’s heart sank. She thought sharing a taco with him might fix everything. Perhaps things were far more broken than she’d imagined. “I’m just going to go.” She wrapped up her taco and stood up from the table.

  “I’m sorry, he must be out of sorts or something.” Thomas scowled at his father. “He’s never this impolite.”

  “Thomas, stop.” Dane glared back at him.

  “You two enjoy your meal.” As Ella walked to the door of the restaurant, she felt a strong desire to turn back and look at Dane. But she knew that if she turned back to find him not looking in her direction, she’d be crushed. She pushed her way through the door and then waited for just a moment. Maybe he’d rush to stop her. Maybe he would call out to her.

  After the moment passed with no attempt from Dane to draw her back, she let the door fall closed behind her.

  Chapter 25

  Dane watched as Ella walked away from the table. He had to bite down on the tip of his tongue to keep from calling out to her. His first instinct was to pull her close and ask her to stay, but he knew better than that.

  She was obviously playing a game with him. She accused him of being manipulative, but she was the one that had told him to go, then showed up out of nowhere. But what were her intentions? Why was she even bothering?

  As soon as Ella was out of earshot, Thomas leaned across the table. “Dad, what were you thinking? That was so rude. How could you treat her like that?”

  “Be quiet, Thomas.” He glared at his son.

  “No, I won’t. I know something is wrong, and you need to tell me what is going on here. Why would you just ignore her like that?”

  “She asked me to.” He met his son’s eyes and took a deep breath. “We had a thing.”

  “A thing? What kind of thing?” He raised his eyebrows.

  “Not like that. Well, not exactly. It was very intense. After dinner we took a walk on the beach, and then today she met me to go snorkeling.”

  “Oh? You didn’t tell me that.”

  “You weren’t there for me to tell you.”

  “Good point. So what happened? It went sour?”

  “Let’s just say that Ella has a lot on her mind, and I have a lot to learn about dating. She asked me to go, so I did. I can’t say I was happy about that.”

  “Dad, you old dog, you had your first hook-up.”

  “No.” Dane snapped the word. “It wasn’t like that—not at all. I…” He looked down at his plate of food and sighed again. “I don’t know. I thought maybe we could explore what was between us, but she shut me out and told me that she didn’t want to do that. Now she just shows up to share a meal? You should have asked me first before you invited her.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Thomas balled his hands into fists. “It’s terrible that she’s trying to play games
with you.”

  “It’s not quite like that. I just don’t think either of us is ready to be in a relationship, and we pushed things a little too far. Feelings got hurt, terrible things were said, and I’m sure she was right, actually—it was better to just end it.”

  “What kinds of things?”

  “Just things.”

  “Like what? I’ll set that woman straight.” Thomas narrowed his eyes.

  “Don’t. Don’t talk like that about any woman. She has a right to her own feelings, just like I have a right to mine.”

  “So just tell me what she said. She obviously got under your skin.”

  “She said she felt sorry for your mother—that she’d ever been married to a man like me.”

  “What?” Thomas stood up from the table. “I’ll tell her a thing or two!”

  “Sit down, Thomas.”

  “No, Dad! Nobody gets away with talking to you like that.”

  “Sit down!” Dane pointed to his chair.

  Thomas sank back down into it. Dane continued, “I said some terrible things too. I don’t know what it is about her, but when I’m with her, I have a hard time holding my tongue.”

  Thomas stared across the table at him. “Are you in love with her, Dad?”

  “I barely know her.” Dane took a bite of his taco.

  “You don’t have to know her to know if you’re in love with her.”

  Dane wiped his mouth with a napkin and shook his head. “Son, that might work in high school, but when you’re my age, you don’t just make decisions based on your feelings. Logic has to play a part. Do I feel something when I’m with her? Yes. I can’t deny that. Is either of us in a place where we could be in a sane healthy relationship? Absolutely not.” He shrugged. “I thought maybe I was ready, and she showed me that I’m not. I think I did the same for her. Just because we feel something for one another doesn’t mean that we’re good for each other.”

  “I guess. But it seems to me that if you feel something for her, you might be able to figure out the rest.”

  “Maybe—if the timing were different, if we weren’t both on vacation.” Dane finished the last of his taco. “What she wants and what I want are two different things.”