“Buying the house?”
“No. Buying into love.” He gazed out across the water. She turned out from under his arm and looked at him.
“Do you really mean that?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” He raised an eyebrow. “Love destroyed my life.” He let his hand fall back to his side.
“Love isn’t destructive.”
“Says you.” He smirked a little. “In my experience, it’s been incredibly destructive. I don’t understand why anyone would take the risk of letting their life revolve around one person, if it meant that things could turn out so horrible.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mateo. Maybe she just wasn’t the right person for you.”
“She was.” He kicked a rock with the toe of his shoe. “She was the only person for me.” He glanced up at her and hesitated. He wouldn’t normally share so much with anyone, but Jillian’s calm accepting presence created a sense of safety for him. “I can’t imagine ever loving anyone else.”
“You just need to give it time. You might be hurt now, but your heart will open again.” Her fingertips grazed the surface of his chest.
He looked from her hand to her.
“No, I don’t think so.” His hand wrapped around hers and held it against his chest for a moment. “The only thing I’m sure of is that I’ll never take that risk again.”
Jillian offered a secretive smile, as if she knew something he didn’t.
The expression frustrated him. He brushed her hand away from his chest. “I mean it, Jillian. This kind of pain”—he shook his head—“only a fool would risk going through it twice.”
Chapter 17
As her hand drifted back to her side, Jillian saw the ferocity in Mateo’s eyes and heard the venom in his voice. It was clear to her that the thought of love triggered him. She couldn’t imagine what that kind of heartbreak felt like, though she guessed it might be similar to how she’d felt when her parents died.
“It hurts now, Mateo, there’s no doubt about that. But it will get easier with time.”
“Jillian, I appreciate the walk, but we have different views on things. This isn’t something that will get easier. I don’t even remember myself without this anger inside me. Like you mentioned—yes, it is exhausting to live like this.”
“You don’t have to live like this, Mateo.” An irresistible urge drove her hand up to the curve of his cheek. “No one deserves to suffer this way. You have a choice. You can dwell within it, or you can move on from it.”
He turned his cheek into her hand a little, as if he enjoyed the sensation of her touch. “It’s all so simple to you. Isn’t it?” He met her eyes.
“No.” She held his gaze and let her hand linger on his cheek. “None of it is simple. Life can be so very difficult sometimes. But the first step to healing is deciding that you’d rather be whole than angry.”
He turned away from her with a sharp motion.
She experienced it like the snap of a branch, quick and final.
“You think I choose to feel this way? You think it’s something I enjoy?”
“No, I don’t think that. That’s not what I meant.”
His shoulders tensed as he stared out over the lake.
She continued. “Sometimes anger can become like a shield—one we’re too afraid to step away from.”
When he swung back toward her she took a slight step back at the sight of the fire in his eyes. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Except this?” She swallowed hard and cupped both of his cheeks with her hands. Her heart fluttered with a hint of fear at his unpredictable anger. “You’re afraid of this anger that you can’t control.”
His lips tensed.
She expected him to spew angry words, even shove her away from him.
Instead, he reached up and placed his hands over hers. He held them there against his cheeks.
She could barely draw a breath as he gazed into her eyes. She parted her lips to speak, to reassure him that his emotions were valid, that his feelings mattered, but before she could form a word, his lips drew close to hers.
With her hands still pinned against his cheeks, she couldn’t push him away. The truth was, she didn’t feel the urge to. In fact, before she could think about what she was doing, she met his lips halfway.
The kiss sparked within her a roar that seemed to carry through her entire body—from the beat of her heart to the rush of her thoughts. The intensity of the sensation wiped away all thoughts of caution or questions about her motives.
Gingerly, she broke the kiss.
Mateo’s eyes remained half-closed for a moment, and his lips lurched toward hers as if he might kiss her again.
She turned her head before he could. Her heart fluttered as the magic of the moment dispersed into subtle panic.
She started walking along the path once more.
Mateo didn’t follow her. He didn’t call out to her either.
After a few seconds she glanced back at him. He stood right where she’d left him, his gaze fixed on her. When she met his eyes he began to walk toward her.
She waited until he was beside her, then she began to walk again. She didn’t make any attempt to speak.
After some time, he stopped by the water. His jaw tensed as he seemed to be gazing down at his own reflection in the water.
She lingered a few feet away. It occurred to her that something should be said, but she had no idea what that something was. For once, she was at a loss for words.
“We should talk about it,” he said, still looking at the water.
“Talk about what?”
“The kiss.” He looked over at her.
She smiled as he met her eyes. “What’s to talk about? It was just a kiss. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” She shrugged.
“It doesn’t?” He searched her eyes.
“Not unless you want it to. Do you?” She shifted her gaze to the water.
“You won’t be angry if I say no?” He took a step closer to her.
“No. We’re neighbors—and I hope that we can be friends. There shouldn’t be anything awkward between us. A kiss can just be a kiss.” She stole a glance back at him. She could see his relief in the way his entire body relaxed.
“Oh, good. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“Too bad.” She offered a playful pout. “I enjoyed it.”
His expression warmed as he stared at her. For a moment she thought he was going to try for another kiss. Instead, he shook his head. “I should get back to work.”
“You’re right. I’ve distracted you.” She looked back out at the water. “I just wanted you to take a moment to see the beauty that surrounds you.”
“I see it.” He met her eyes as she looked back at him. “I definitely see it now.” He turned and walked back along the path toward the houses.
Jillian stared at him as he walked away, but didn’t follow. When she was sure he was far enough away not to see her, she reached up and stroked her fingertips across her lips. They still buzzed with the memory of his kiss. Her heart was in her throat; her body tingled from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. He’d kissed her on the mouth, but her entire body had experienced the passion of it. No kiss had ever felt like that before.
She closed her eyes and let the feeling wash over her. She could enjoy it for the moment, but only for the moment. Mateo had made it quite clear that he wasn’t looking for anything more, and she had no idea how she could ever get involved with a man with so much to work through. She needed a levelheaded, spiritual, open-minded partner—not someone who would be infuriated by the thought of love.
“Let it go, Jillian. This isn’t what you think.” She shook her head and took a deep breath of the fresh fall air.
Maybe Mateo was there to teach her something, but it certainly wasn’t going to be about love.
Chapter 18
It took every ounce of willpower Mateo possessed not to pull Jillian
back to him when she’d turned away from his attempt at another kiss. In that moment, he was sure that she’d regretted it. She didn’t mean to kiss him. She was just being polite and sympathetic. It was a pity kiss. Even when she’d teased him about enjoying it, he knew better. She wasn’t the type to ever be with a man like him—so rough around the edges.
Not that it mattered. He meant what he’d said. He’d never take that risk again. But the thought of her lips on his was enough to drive his senses crazy.
He forced himself to walk back up the path toward his house. Some hard work would hopefully distract him from the mistake he’d just made. After every few steps, he glanced back over his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he expected. Would she come after him? Did she mean what she’d said—that a kiss could just be a kiss?
When he reached his house, a familiar car parked in the driveway left him breathless. There she was—with her hands on her hips and her head tilted back. He could sense her assessing the home, judging his progress on the repairs, picking out flaws in his work. A part of him wanted to run right back into the woods. Her presence was not going to be good for his temper. Still, it wouldn’t matter if he hid out in the woods, she would hunt him down.
He paused at the edge of the driveway. “Kate.”
She spun around to face him. He could see it in her eyes—the victory. It glowed from the depths of her as she swept her gaze up and down his body.
“Mateo. Taking a break?” She gestured to the ladder. “I thought you were going to stay on top of this.”
“Why are you here?” He didn’t dare to step onto the driveway. In the back of his mind, he hoped that Jillian would stay gone. He didn’t want her to witness what might happen between him and Kate.
“I told you that you’d be hearing from my lawyer. He says that you’re not returning his calls, so I thought I’d remind you that I’m not a problem you can just ignore.”
He grimaced as she walked toward him. “You should go, Kate.” He took a step back when she reached the edge of the driveway.
“What’s wrong, Mateo? Don’t like someone checking up on you? Taking a leave from work to fix up the house? Doesn’t look very fixed up to me. You need to get it on the market so we can get this settled.” She crossed her arms.
“What are you talking about? You’re not getting anything from the sale of the house.”
“Uh, yes I am.” She narrowed her eyes.
He wished her lips didn’t pout out that way when she was angry. It always distracted him.
She continued. “Just because we’re divorced doesn’t mean that you get all the money from this house.”
“Are you kidding me? You got the apartment, the furniture, the boat, the SUV, and even our dog. What are you trying to do to me, Kate?”
She lifted her chin and looked into his eyes. “I’m trying to get what’s mine, that’s all.”
His chest ached with fury as he took a slight step toward her. “No. You’re trying to take me for everything. What did I do that was so bad that you’d want to destroy me?”
“Now, now, Mateo, don’t go losing that temper of yours. There’s no reason to take this personally. I’m just looking out for my best interest.” She shook her head. “You can’t blame me for that.”
“I can’t blame you? You stole everything from me.”
“It’s mine to take!” She raised her voice first.
That thought echoed through his mind. It set loose a torrent of anger. “I’m not yours!” The strength of his voice startled even him. “You don’t get to tear me apart!”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Do you think I’m going to shudder and hide because you yell, Mateo? Please. I don’t want you. I just want you to give me what I’m owed. You’re the one dragging this out. You’re the one that can’t let go.”
He had to turn away from her to keep from shouting again. As she stood there so casually, plucking at his every vulnerability, it was impossible for him to look at her without wanting to unleash his emotions.
When he turned, he caught sight of Jillian at the edge of her house. She stared at him with wide eyes. His stomach clenched. There. She’d witnessed him as the monster that he was yet again.
“Mateo, I’m not done talking to you about this.” Kate touched his shoulder.
He turned around so fast that she took a step back. “We’re done talking. I’m done talking. Get back in your car and get off my property.”
“Our property.” She pursed her lips.
“No, Kate. It’s mine. Your lawyer can call as much as he wants; you’re not getting this house or a dime when I sell it.”
She sighed and brushed her black hair back over her shoulders. “Don’t be like that, Mateo.” She met his eyes. “There’s no point in fighting with me. You know that.”
“Just go. Please, Kate.” He swallowed hard as she pouted again.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She tried to touch his cheek.
He ducked away from her touch. “What are you doing to me?” He pushed the words through gritted teeth.
“Sh.” She tangled one hand in his hair. “It doesn’t have to be a fight.”
“Don’t, Kate.”
“Sh.” She brushed her thumb down across his lips. “I know you’re only angry because you still love me.”
“No, I don’t.” He turned his head from her touch. “You ended this. Remember?”
“Hm.” She touched his cheek again.
This time he didn’t pull away. He longed for her touch so much. He dreamed about her still. It made waking in the morning an exercise in torture. He looked into her eyes. “You did this, Kate, not me.”
“Mateo?”
“Yes?” He leaned a little closer to her. Her lips seemed so soft and warm, waiting to be kissed.
“Answer my lawyer’s calls.” Her palm cracked against his cheek in a firm slap.
Every muscle in his body reacted with the urge to strike back. His hands balled into fists. “You’re not getting this house, Kate!”
“Bye, Mateo!” She climbed into her car and started the engine.
Mateo was so angry he couldn’t see straight.
As Kate pulled out of the driveway, he turned to go into the house, almost walking right into Jillian.
Chapter 19
Although she’d only caught bits and pieces of the conversation, Jillian had heard enough to get an idea of what Mateo’s ex-wife was like. The way she seemed to toy with his emotions made Jillian’s blood boil.
She was tempted to interfere, but remained by her house instead. She was sure that Mateo wouldn’t appreciate her being a witness to the encounter, but she couldn’t bring herself to walk away. For some reason, a part of her believed that Mateo needed her to be there.
When Jillian saw Kate get into her car to leave, she knew she had a decision to make. She could either go to him, or she could slip inside and pretend she’d seen nothing. It hurt her heart to think of the latter. Mateo didn’t deserve to endure all of that and then be left alone.
She took a chance and walked toward him as he turned back to the house.
The moment he looked into her eyes she regretted it. He appeared to be annoyed at the sight of her.
“Mateo, are you okay?”
He winced and pushed past her toward the door. “I just need to be alone, Jillian.”
“You shouldn’t be alone. You should talk about this.”
“Talking doesn’t fix anything. I just need some space.” He didn’t even look at her as he closed the door behind him.
Jillian stood outside the door, tempted to knock. It was hard for her to resist the urge to fix things. She was sure that if they had a nice long conversation about his emotions, he’d feel much better. But Mateo had a hard shell to crack.
She sat down in front of the door and thought about what to do next. As a life coach, she knew that communication was everything—but Mateo seemed afraid to communicate—or at least that was her assessment of something he’d probably never ad
mit to. After a few minutes, she came up with an idea.
She stood up and knocked on the door.
After two rounds of knocking, Mateo flung the door open. “I told you I need to be alone.”
“I heard you and I understand, but I hoped that you might want to go kayaking with me this afternoon. I noticed that the movers took one off the truck.”
He looked into her eyes, then nodded. “I guess—if you want to.”
“Great, I’ll meet you down by the lake. At about two?”
“I’ll be there.” He nodded as he closed the door.
She wondered if he only agreed to appease her, but she hoped that wasn’t the case.
She walked back to her house and decided to check in with Hannah. A little advice might set her straight. She stretched out on the couch as she waited for Hannah to answer the phone.
“Jillian, how are you?”
“I’ve had an interesting morning.”
“Oh? Do tell.”
“Let’s just say that the neighbor and I are getting along better.”
“Hm, interesting the way your voice sounds like it’s dancing. Do I detect romance?” Hannah laughed.
“Romance? No. A little fun, maybe.”
“Why no romance?”
“He’s getting out of a bad marriage. Plus, he’s not exactly my type.”
“What type is that?”
“You know—introspective, calm.”
“Oh yes, and you find that type so stimulating that you always walk away.”
“Not this again.”
“I’m serious, Jillian. It’s something to think about. There’s clearly a pattern here.”
“I have been thinking about it.” Jillian sighed. “I honestly don’t understand it. My parents were a great example of romance. I haven’t had too many horrible relationships. I guess I just haven’t met the right person.”
“The important question is, if you did meet the right person, would you know it? Or would you be too busy avoiding it?”
“You’re pushing it, Hannah.” Jillian raised an eyebrow. “I think you’re seeing things that aren’t there.”
“Maybe I am. Tell me about your parents.”
“I’ve told you before.”
“You’ve told me what happened—about the accident—but not about them before that happened.”
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