Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4
Page 37
“Is it really so bad? I’m not asking for you to take me back, but there’s no reason not to have some fun.”
“There’s every reason. I want you to leave.”
“No, you don’t.” She pursed her lips and looked up into his eyes. “I know you too well, Mateo. You want me right here. So here I am.”
He pushed past her and walked over to the door. When he swung it open, he gestured for her to walk through. “Out. I have nothing to say to you.”
“Call your date and cancel.”
“No.” He narrowed his eyes. “I want nothing to do with you, Kate. You had your chance.”
“You can pretend to want someone else if you must, Mateo, but you and I both know that I’m the only woman you’ll ever love.” She grabbed the collar of his shirt and drew his mouth close to hers. “Nothing is going to change that.”
“Stop.” He gritted his teeth. He was afraid to touch her, even to push her away. He knew Kate well enough to suspect she was attempting to get him to put his hands on her to help her case.
“You’re so pathetic. I came here out of pity. No one else is going to want a man like you.” She tightened her grip. “Deep down, you know that.” She pushed her lips against his in an awkward forced kiss.
Mateo groaned and jerked his head away. Every nerve in his body was repulsed by her touch. It was in that moment that he truly understood Kate’s spell over him had been broken. With firm pressure he guided her out the door.
“Don’t you dare come back or I’ll take out a restraining order.”
Kate laughed and rolled her eyes. “Dramatic as always. Fine, I’ll go. But when your little date doesn’t show up, call me.”
He pushed the door closed behind her and drew a deep slow breath, just like Jillian had taught him. He had to remain in control of his anger so that Kate didn’t win. His heart pounded with the desire to lose his temper—to tell Kate just what he thought of her. But that wouldn’t do anything but create chaos.
He focused instead on the fact that Jillian had agreed to the date with him. There was a time when he would have taken Kate into his arms and shown her exactly how much he wanted her back, but those feelings for her no longer even existed. It was a relief to know that. She was finally gone from his life.
Now the only question was, would Jillian believe that? Would she trust that he had truly moved on from his marriage and give him a chance to show her just how much he cared about her?
Chapter 34
Jillian tried not to look, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to know why Kate was there and how Mateo would respond to her presence. She was sure that he would reject her.
When she noticed that Mateo let her in, she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. Why would he do that? Why wouldn’t he just turn her away? Her mind raced through irrational thoughts of jealousy. She and Mateo were nothing more than friends. Officially, she had no right to be jealous.
But it was more than that. She didn’t want Kate to hurt him again. She didn’t want Mateo to be her prey.
She was supposed to meet him for dinner. She had an excuse to knock on the door. Just as she opened her door and stepped out onto the driveway, the door to Mateo’s house opened as well. Kate stepped out with a laugh. The laughter made Jillian’s throat tighten. What did Mateo say to make her laugh? Why were they alone together? What happened while the door had been closed?
Kate walked toward her car but paused in the middle of the driveway. Jillian tried to duck back before Kate could see her, but it was too late. The woman began to walk toward her. Jillian had no idea what she might say to her—actually she had hundreds of ideas, but none of them were appropriate or polite.
“You must be Mateo’s date—I’m guessing by the way you’ve been over here watching me.” Kate looked her over with an amused smirk. “He was cooking dinner for you. Isn’t that cute? I saved you from a terrible meal, trust me.”
Jillian cleared her throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, I’m sure it was just meant to be a casual get-together between friends. You don’t mind too much, do you? He’d rather spend his time with me. I mean, if it was a date, I guess he wouldn’t have invited me inside.”
“I’m sure you didn’t give him much of a choice.” Jillian tried to remain calm but Kate’s voice was grating on her last nerve.
“He was happy to have me.” Kate reached up and touched the corner of her mouth where a smear of lipstick stretched to the curve of her cheek. “Very happy.”
Jillian tried not to be bothered by the idea that Mateo might have kissed her as she found the words that she wanted to say. “You should leave him alone.”
“He should leave me alone first. But he won’t—because he’s in love with me, and he always will be. He might act like he’s not, but trust me, he’ll do anything it takes to get me back. Why else do you think he invited me to stay?”
Jillian’s throat grew dry. “He wouldn’t do that.”
“No?” She glanced at the front window of Mateo’s house. “Take a look for yourself.”
Jillian watched as he walked by with a tissue in his hand. He reached up and wiped at his lips. When he pulled the tissue away, she could almost make out what looked like bright lipstick across the white of the tissue.
Jillian was too shocked to say a word. At the same time, she wasn’t surprised and she felt her heart fall. Kate was the only woman he’d ever loved. He’d told her as much himself.
“Don’t feel bad, honey. Mateo is always going to take me back. He always has.”
Jillian’s heart sank. She was mortified to be frozen there in front of Kate while Mateo cleaned up after their passionate kiss.
“Excuse me, I need to get my overnight bag from the car.” She walked toward the trunk.
As she bent over to retrieve her bag, Jillian could see that she wore nearly nothing under the coat. A moment later Jillian’s cell phone began to ring. Her heart sank. It was Mateo. He was calling to cancel, she was sure of it.
Without another word, she fled the driveway and ran back into her house. She ignored his call and turned her phone off entirely. She was mortified that she’d let herself believe that whatever was between them could be real. Of course if Kate offered herself to him, there was no question that he’d take her back. He’d never stopped loving her.
Jillian closed herself off in her room and tried not to allow a flood of emotions to overwhelm her. But it was too late. The floodgates were wide open. Maybe the fear of love that haunted her was valid after all. As her heart was wrenched with pain at the thought of Mateo and Kate together again, tears sprang to her eyes. This was what she’d been missing all of those years. This was real heartbreak. She stretched out on her bed and tried to force the thoughts away.
Some time later she heard someone knock at her door. She covered her head with a pillow to try to block out the sound. She didn’t want to talk to Kate again—to learn about how Mateo had welcomed her home. She wanted to block out the entire world.
Now she understood how Angela had felt when she’d insisted that romance wasn’t worth it. Jillian had no idea how bad it could hurt.
She woke the next morning still sick to her stomach—and angry—angry that she’d been so easily fooled. Doubt crept into her every thought. Maybe she shouldn’t have listened to Hannah. Maybe meditation had guided her in the wrong direction. Even the home that she loved so much no longer offered her comfort.
All she could think about was him—his touch, his kiss, the way he looked at her with such desire that her entire body responded to it. Was that really all a lie? It hurt her even more to think so. Yet, at the same time, a part of her understood. She knew better than to get into a relationship with him. Things were now messy, and she only had herself to blame for it.
She grabbed her purse and keys and decided to get as far away from Mateo as she could. It was the only way she’d be able to think straight again.
Chapter 35
When Jillian didn’t answer his call, Mateo figured she was on the way over. He didn’t want her to be surprised by Kate’s presence. His lips burned with the memory of Kate’s kiss. He wanted more than anything to celebrate the fact that he’d genuinely moved on. Jillian was the reason for that. The thought of being alone with her made his heart pound.
When dinner was done and Jillian still hadn’t shown up, he called her again. The call went straight to voicemail. Worried, he crossed the distance between their homes and knocked on her door. He could see a light on upstairs in her bedroom, but she didn’t come to the door. He pounded again and again but she didn’t come to the door.
Her car was in the driveway. He realized that she’d stood him up. She’d let her fear win once again. He couldn’t deny the fury that swirled through him.
He returned to the house and threw the dinner he’d cooked for her into the garbage. He wanted to sling pots and pans across the room, but he resisted. He didn’t want to let his anger control him any more.
Kate was gone from his life, and all he wanted was Jillian to be part of it. He had to show her that he wasn’t going to be pushed away.
When he woke the next morning, he was just as determined. Maybe it hurt him that she hadn’t shown up, maybe she didn’t really want to be with him, maybe all of the passion was one-sided—but if that was the case, Jillian would have to tell him to his face. It was the only way he would believe it.
“I’m not going to let you run from me, Jillian—not this time.”
He sat on the porch and waited. He knew she would come out eventually. He tried not to be angry, as he didn’t want to present himself that way, but every minute that ticked by made it more difficult to control his frustration. Why hadn’t she shown up for dinner? Why was a simple meal such a hard thing for her to endure?
If he could honestly believe that she felt nothing for him, it would be easier, but he knew that his instincts weren’t off. He knew that when she looked into his eyes, she felt something as intense and unshakable as he did. So why did she deny it? He risked being hurt the moment a kiss stopped being a kiss, but he still hadn’t expected this from her.
When the door swung open, he jumped to his feet. She didn’t look in his direction as she hurried to her car. His face grew hot.
“Jillian!”
She fumbled with her keys.
He crossed the space between their two driveways and paused beside the car. “Jillian, what happened last night?”
Despite the fact that he was only inches from her, she didn’t look at him. She shoved the key into the lock and started to open the door.
Mateo pushed his palm against it and closed it again. He held it shut. “Jillian, talk to me.”
“No.” She stared at the car window.
“Why not?” He tried to meet her eyes. “What do you have to be angry about? I’m the one who was stood up.”
“I’m sure you didn’t mind that.” She stole a glance toward him.
“What are you talking about?” He shifted a little closer to her. “Of course I minded. I’ve tried to be patient. I told you I would take things slow. I know you’re scared, but you couldn’t even call me? Leave me a note? Something? I sat there waiting for you. I know you were home last night, and you refused to open the door.”
“Why are you lying? I know that Kate spent the night with you last night. I know that you took her back.” Jillian sighed and closed her eyes. “It’s okay, Mateo. I understand. Please, just get out of my way so that I can leave.”
“Kate? You think Kate spent the night?” He grasped the curve of her elbow. “That’s not what happened, Jillian.”
“Please don’t lie to me. Please. I know that you’re still in love with her. I know that she’s the one you want. I saw you wiping her lipstick off your mouth.” Jillian tore her arm from his grasp and started to walk off in the direction of the lake.
He ducked in front of her and blocked her path. “Don’t do this. Don’t walk away from me without even giving me the chance to explain.”
“What is there to explain?” She blinked back tears as she looked at him. “I was a fool for ever thinking that things could end any differently, but I took that risk. It’s not your fault. I’m happy for you, Mateo—that you have the love of your life back in your life.”
Mateo gritted his teeth. He wanted to scream at the thought of Kate being the love of his life, but it was more important to him to convey just how he felt to Jillian.
“Jillian, I told you once that if I’d known you existed, I never would have stopped looking for you. I promise you that, no matter what you believe happened last night, that hasn’t changed. You are the love of my life. I have no doubt in my mind about that. No matter how long it takes me to prove that to you, I will prove it.”
“Stop, Mateo. Please.”
“No.” He brushed his hands across the tops of her shoulders and curled his palms around the back of her neck. “Look at me, Jillian. You look at me, and tell me that you believe I willingly kissed Kate. Tell me that you believe I would hurt you that way. Tell me that you can’t see how much I love you.”
She met his eyes but didn’t speak a word.
He held her gaze and tried not to crumble at the sight of her tears. When he spoke again, it was in a whisper. “Maybe once I thought Kate was the only one for me, but that was only because I had no idea what it was like to be truly seen, to be known by a woman that I could trust. You saw past my anger, past my heartbreak, and knew who I was from the first moment we met. Maybe I’m not perfect, maybe I have some growing to do, but I want to do that with you, Jillian—no one else. I wouldn’t do anything to risk that.”
“Mateo, we just rushed into this. It’s just too fast and too—”
“No.” He tightened his grasp on her. “Don’t do that.” He held her gaze. “What we have is real. I can’t let you run away from this.”
“I don’t want to run.” Her voice wavered. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it. That terrifies me.”
“It’s okay.” He leaned close and kissed her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, Jillian. I know you’re frightened, but we can overcome that together. We’ve found each other—despite all the odds stacked against us, despite the distractions and grief that we’ve faced in our lives, we still found our way to one another. I can’t imagine anything more powerful than that.”
She tilted her lips up against his and kissed him.
As passion ignited within him, he was flooded with emotions—from joy to fear to longing. They weren’t just his own. He cradled her close, with a promise of loyalty and a promise of comfort.
They had a long road of healing ahead of them, but he was confident that nothing could tear them apart.
Forty and Free
(Book 4)
To Try Again
A Sweet Romance
By
Lillianna Blake
& Maci Grant
Copyright © 2016 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
The soft music summoned a sensation of peace. It was so familiar to Angela that the moment she heard it, her entire body relaxed. Attending the daily meditation classes had made a big difference when it came to her perspective on life, but that wasn’t the only thing that had changed.
Over the past few months, Angela had transformed nearly everything about herself that she didn’t like. The twenty pounds that she’d lost and the hours she’d spent with her nose buried in self-help books had caused her confidence to skyrocket.
The only thing that still bogged her down, sometimes, was the memory of how many years she’d spent reclusive and somewhat crippled by her low self-esteem. The turning point in her life had come when she’d finally faced the truth. If she were to continue to live the way that she had been, she was never going to be happy. Each day pushed her deeper and deeper into a rut that she might never be able to escape from.
Over time she’d eradicated the voices that echoed through her mind, a result of multiple abusive situations that had led her to believe that she didn’t deserve to be loved, or to love. She’d even convinced herself that love itself didn’t exist.
With her self-esteem on the rise, and the world seeming like not such a bleak place any more, the desire to experience love began to blossom somewhere in the back of her mind. Each time it did, though, she froze. She could accept that life was beautiful—that even she was beautiful, to some degree—but the thought of believing that someone special was out there just waiting to meet her? That was where she drew the line.
She’d spent too much of her life caught up in the notion that fairy tales could come true. It hurt to even consider believing in it again.
She stood up from her meditation mat and walked away from the regular group of women that she’d normally chat with after a session. The more the desire for romance stirred within her, the more she could feel herself falling back into old reclusive habits.
She didn’t want to risk everything that she’d worked so hard for. All of the love that she’d found for herself, all of the love that she’d found for life—it could crumble in a moment if she had her heart broken. At forty-three, she didn’t want to crumble. She’d spent enough time anxious and afraid. Now she just wanted to enjoy the new life she’d found.
It’s better to be alone, she thought to herself. There’s less risk.
Still, when she saw one of her friend’s husbands waiting outside the class, her heart lurched as she realized that there was a part of her that wished she had someone waiting for her at the end of the day.
To take her mind off her thoughts, she focused on the rest of the errands she needed to run for the day. Since she’d opened her own flower shop, she’d had less time for the little things like grocery shopping and car maintenance. As this was one of her rare free days, she needed to make sure she checked off everything on her list.