Keeping Secrets

by Treasure Hernandez

  “Don’t ‘Mommy’ me. Grown bitches don’t holler out for they mommy. Now talk some more shit, ho. You think just ’cause you pregnant I won’t floor your ass. Keep running that mouth.”

  “I can’t believe you just hit me like that while I’m pregnant with your grandchild,” Secret cried. “Grandmother would have never done that.”

  Yolanda being compared to her mother made her blood boil over and out the pot. Before she knew it, she’d hauled off and swung on Secret, this time the punch landing on Secret’s side. She swung yet again, but this time Secret was able to stop her by grabbing hold of her wrist.

  “Oh, not only do you wanna run your mouth,” Yolanda hollered, “but now you wanna put your hands on me, too. Oh you really need me to shut your ass down.”

  Yolanda tussled with Secret until they ended up on the ground. Yolanda managed to loosen one of her wrists from Secret’s grip. As she yanked her wrist from Secret’s hand, Secret’s nails sliced down her arm. In pain and anger, Yolanda grabbed Secret by the hair and began slamming her head into the floor. Secret grabbed hold of her mother’s wrist again, trying to pull her hands from her head, but she wasn’t strong enough.

  “Stop it! Stop it!” Secret cried out. She kicked and twisted underneath her mother as she kicked and scrubbed her feet on the ground in a desperate attempt to free herself.

  After what felt like forever, Secret managed to muster up a heap of strength, buck her body, and flip her mother off of her. In a flash, Secret was on her feet and back out of the house. Secret didn’t look back as she raced down the sidewalk.

  “And, bitch, if you think you ever coming back here, you got another think coming,” Yolanda yelled from the porch. “Gon’ disrespect me like I ain’t gave you life.”

  Secret walked down the street crying like a baby as she listened to her mother call her every whore, tramp, ho, and bitch there was. Secret had long been immune to her mother’s rage, temper, and verbal insults. But now it wasn’t just about her anymore. Now she had another living being to look after, and as far as she was concerned, there was no worse way her mother could have violated her than to attack her while she was pregnant.

  “She could have killed my baby,” Secret called out as she was walking in them wedges as if she’d been wearing them all her life. Her adrenaline was all the way turned up. She made it to Shawdiece’s house in record time.

  She walked up to Shawdiece’s double-family home and knocked on the door. Only a few seconds went by, but it felt like hours as she knocked on the door again, harder this time.

  “I bet whoever it is betta be the ma’fuckin’ police knocking on my shit this time of night like that.”

  Secret could hear Shawdiece’s mother’s voice from the other side of the door.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Franklin,” Secret immediately apologized once Shawndiece’s mother opened the door. “Is Shawndiece here?”

  “What?” Ms. Franklin eagerly stuck her head out the door and looked around. “She s’posed to be dropping you off. Why you back here and where the fuck she at with my car?” She threw her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what kind of game you two are playing, but y’all lucky I got company and ain’t had none in a minute or I’d be in both y’all asses.” Ms. Franklin stepped back inside. “When you find Shawndiece, tell her she better fill my tank up; playing games with me.”

  Secret stood on the porch stunned as Ms. Franklin closed the door in her face and went back to entertain her company.

  Secret began to cry again as she buried her face in her hands. “Oh, God. I can’t believe this,” she cried. “What am I going to do?” Secret had no idea what her next step was going to be. What she did know was that she could not, she would not, step foot in her mother’s house ever again.

  She sat down on the steps. Even though it was summer, there was a chill in the night air. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She knew she had to come up with something. She couldn’t sit on her best friend’s porch all night and freeze to death. And if she knocked on Ms. Franklin’s door again and interrupted her getting her groove on, she’d probably do worse damage to Secret than her mother had already done.

  As snot dripped from Secret’s nose, she dug into her purse to get a tissue. She felt around and that’s when she pulled out the answer to solve her dilemma.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Secret was beginning to think that her best friend was right; perhaps she really did need a cell phone. She needed a phone right now more than anything. From the looks of things, they just didn’t make pay phones anymore.

  “You all right?” Secret heard a voice ask her as she exited the gas station lot. She’d gone there hoping to find a pay phone on the grounds but had no such luck.

  “No, I’m good,” Secret said on instinct. It was the middle of the night. Good people weren’t out lurking in the middle of the night unless they were up to no good. Then she thought for a second. Heck, she was out lurking in the middle of the night and she wasn’t up to no good.

  “Actually,” Secret said as she turned around to face a woman who was pumping her gas. “Do you happen to have a cell phone I can use?”

  “Sure. Hold on a sec. It’s on the car charger.” The woman, dressed in scrubs as if she worked in a hospital, finished up pumping her gas and put the nozzle back. “You bold to be out here in the middle of the night in a mini skirt,” the woman said to Secret. “Figure it wasn’t by choice, especially with that distressed look on your face like you’ve lost your best friend.” She went and opened up her car door. She reached in, grabbed her cell phone, and then handed it to Secret.

  Speaking of best friend, that’s exactly who Secret planned on calling. If Shawndiece was still out in her mother’s car, she could come swoop her up. She dialed her best friend’s cell phone. She was excited to hear it ring, but her excitement was short-lived, murdered to be exact, when it went straight to voice mail after just one ring.

  Secret sighed heavily. She dialed again and again it went straight to voice mail. Shawdiece’s phone was apparently turned off.

  “No answer?” the woman surmised. “Is there anyone else you can call or somewhere I can drop you off at?”

  Secret closed her eyes and tried to think hard about who else she could call. After just a few seconds, her eyes opened, full of renewed hope. She reached in her purse and pulled out the piece of paper she’d been fondling earlier while on Shawdiece’s porch. She proceeded to punch the numbers from the piece of paper into the borrowed cell phone.

  “Yo,” Secret heard a voice say.

  “Hey.” She hesitated in her response.

  “Secret?”

  “Uh, yeah, hey,” she said, looking down, away from the good Samaritan who was staring down her throat.

  “What’s going on, girl? Let me guess; your little plan backfired. You done got a taste of me and now you got midnight cravings?” Lucky’s laugh flowed through the receiver, putting a half smile on Secret’s face for the first time in a minute.

  “Something like that, I guess you could say.” Secret tried her best to keep her voice from cracking, but she couldn’t help it. Lucky’s voice was like a safety net right now that she just wanted to fall into. She just hoped by calling him she wouldn’t look desperate or that it would turn him off when he learned the truth about her home life.

  “You okay?” Concern trimmed out Lucky’s words.

  Secret paused, swallowing tears. “I hate to call on you, but I wouldn’t if I really didn’t—”

  “Yo, you can call on me whenever. What’s up?”

  Where was Shawndiece when Secret really needed her? Certainly her friend would have been able to feed her some quick lie to share with Lucky. All Secret had was the truth. She prayed the truth wouldn’t make Lucky think she was this little girl with issues with her mommy at home. What man would want to deal with that kind of drama? Well, she had no choice but to find out. “I kind of got into it with my mom and she put me out.” Secret r
an her hand down her hair, realizing for the first time that it was in total disarray. She had no idea she’d been walking around with her hair standing on top of her head like she was one of those Treasure Troll dolls she used to play with when she was little. “I tried to call Shawndiece to come pick me up, but—”

  “Where are you?” Lucky interrupted her for the second time.

  Secret quickly put her hand over her mouth to hold in the cry that wanted to yelp out. She was so touched that Lucky was willing to help her without hesitating. Her eyes watered and the owner of the cell phone rested her hand on her shoulder, letting her know it would be okay. She then voiced her gesture. “Li’l Muffin, it’s going to be all right.” The woman smiled, her comforting reassurance putting a smile on Secret’s face, enabling her to pull herself together and finish her conversation with Lucky.

  Secret looked around at the street signs and then told Lucky where she was.

  “Cool. You inside the gas station? You using their phone?”

  “No, this lady let me use her cell phone. I’m outside.”

  “Well, go inside and wait for me. I’m on the other side of town, so it’s gonna take me a minute. Go inside and wait,” Lucky repeated for good measure.

  Secret nodded as if Lucky could see her sign for understanding through the phone. “Okay.” Secret ended the phone call and then handed the phone back to the woman. “Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. My friend is on his way. I’m going to go wait inside.”

  “Fine. I’ll wait with you,” the woman offered.

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Secret told her. “It’s late.” She pointed to her. “And it looks like you either just got off work or are headed to work.”

  “Just got off,” the woman informed her. “Oh, by the way, I’m Ray. That’s what my friends call me. It’s short for Raygiene.” The woman extended her hand to Secret.

  “Thank you, Ray.” Secret shook her hand. “But really you don’t have to wait. I’ll be fine. My friend will be here in a minute.”

  “You sure? Because I don’t mind. Really, I don’t. Pretty girl like yourself out here dressed like you’re about to hit the runway . . .”

  Once again, Secret smiled. “Thank you.” She knew the woman was just being nice, trying to comfort her. She looked a hot mess and she knew it. “But you’ve done plenty. I’ll be fine.” Secret thanked Ray again and then made her way inside the gas station.

  She went to the bathroom to straighten herself up a little before Lucky arrived. Even after she’d used the bathroom and got herself together, she waited inside a little longer. She’d rather wait in there than stand out in the gas station looking like a hooker waiting for her pimp to come scoop her up.

  After about twenty minutes, Secret made her way out of the bathroom. She crossed her fingers that when she looked out the gas station door she’d see Lucky’s truck, but she didn’t. She did see something else that put a surprised look on her face. Secret smiled and waved.

  Ray, who stood outside leaning against her car, waved back.

  Secret shook her head. She couldn’t believe this complete stranger had thought so much about her safety as to wait and look out for her. A horn tore Secret from her thoughts. Her eyes darted to see Lucky’s SUV pulling up in front of the door. Secret hurried and exited out the door at the same time Lucky was getting out of his truck. He made it to the passenger’s side just in time to open the door for Secret.

  “You all ri—”

  Before Lucky could even get his complete sentence out of his mouth, Secret threw her arms around his neck. “Thank you so much for coming. I hope you don’t think I’m some chick with drama, but . . .” Secret’s words trailed off when Lucky pulled away and placed his index finger over her slightly swollen lips.

  “Ma, I know drama, and this ain’t shit,” he told her. “Come on. Get in.” He opened the door for her, waited until she was nice and situated, and then closed the door. He walked around to the driver’s side and got in. He then looked at Secret and said, “Where to?”

  She looked down. She hadn’t thought that far in advance. She just knew that she needed to get off the streets. “I can’t go home,” was all she said.

  Lucky put the vehicle in drive. “Don’t worry, I got you.”

  As they pulled off, Secret thought about Ray and wanted to give a thank-you wave. But as they drove away, she realized Ray had already driven away and was nowhere in sight.

  Secret sat back in the seat with her seat belt on. She had no idea where she was going, but was just glad to be going somewhere other than home. She looked down at her stomach.

  I might not make it out of the hood, little one, but I’ll be damned if you don’t!

  Chapter Eighteen

  Lucky didn’t say too much to Secret as they drove. He figured whatever information she wanted to share with him, she would. After about ten minutes of driving, Lucky pulled up into a Walmart. It was at a crazy hour, so there were quite a few available parking spaces close to the door. Lucky pulled into one and turned off the engine.

  “If it was a decent time, you know Walmart wouldn’t be quite the place I would have liked to have taken you to on a shopping spree,” Lucky said.

  “What?” Secret’s thoughts had been preoccupied with the fight she’d just had with her mother. She hadn’t even paid attention to the fact that they’d even pulled into a Walmart.

  Lucky repeated himself. Secret still just sat there looking at him without understanding.

  “You’re gonna need some stuff to get you through the night, the next couple of days, or whatever. Right?”

  Secret’s thoughts became clear as she looked over to the store entrance. Realizing where she was at and what Lucky had just said, she put two and two together. “Oh, yeah, but . . . I, uhhh . . .”

  She had to think quickly. She didn’t have any money. Her dilemma with coming up with a lie, though, was that she was already lying by omission by keeping the fact that she was pregnant from Lucky. That was enough to keep up with. If she continued to lie, she’d end up getting caught in her own trap. She didn’t want to take that chance, so the truth it was.

  Secret turned her body to face Lucky. “Look, Lucky, my focus has been on school, getting good grades so I could make something of myself. I don’t have a job. My mom looked out for me. So you can just pull off.” She turned back to look straight ahead. There, she’d said. She was broke and now homeless. What?

  Lucky didn’t say a word. He just got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, and opened the door. He stood there.

  “What?” Secret said.

  “Get out, that’s what,” Lucky told her in just as crabby of a voice as she had used.

  “I said I don’t have any money.”

  Lucky closed his eyes, put his head down, and swung it from left to right. “You just don’t get it do you?” He lifted his head and looked at Secret. “Ma, you fuckin’ with a real nigga now. Now let me be that nigga and take you up in here and get you what you gon’ need.” Lucky took Secret by the hand and pulled her out of the car.

  Secret slowly got out. She stood there and looked up at the Walmart sign while Lucky closed the door behind her. The timid and inexperienced side of Secret began to surface. Shawndiece hadn’t told her how to act when a guy basically took her by the hand into a store and told her to run free like a kid at Toys “R” Us. Her eyes were sparkling with excitement. Then she remembered something Shawndiece had told her.

  “And don’t be lookin’ and actin’ all thirsty or else he might know something’s up,” Shawndiece had said.

  Secret quickly blinked away the excitement in her eyes so that Lucky wouldn’t mistake it for greed. She walked side by side with Lucky into the store. After about an hour, they came out of the store, each carrying bags of everything Secret might need to hold her for a couple of days or so. Toiletries, a pack of underwear, bras, pajamas, a couple outfits, a pair of shoes, and other miscellaneous items.

  “Tha
nk you. I really appreciate this,” Secret said. “I’ll pay you back.”

  “Oh, yeah, how?” Lucky asked with just a light sheet of confusion covering his face.

  Secret stopped in her tracks. Lucky took a few more steps before he realized that Secret was no longer beside him. He turned around to find her standing with her hands on her hips, bags dangling from each arm.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Pay you back, huh? Mr. I Got You, Let Me Be a Man.” Secret sucked her teeth. “Oh, you a man all right. Buy a chick a couple items and now she gotta pay you back with some sex?” She let out a harrumph. “Well, if that’s what you think this is about, you can march this stuff all the way back into the store and return it.”

  “Is that what you thought I meant by that?” Lucky laughed. “I mean how you gon’ pay me back when you just said that you didn’t have a job.”

  If Secret’s hands weren’t full of bags, she would have been able to pick up her face off the ground. She felt real stupid. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  Lucky laughed. “You snapped off on me. I didn’t know you had it in you. You sure underneath all that good-girl exterior there ain’t the real you, a hood chick, waiting to jump out?” He took off walking again.

  Secret chuckled. “You crazy.” She followed Lucky. “And no, there isn’t. What you see is what you get.” Under her breath she added, “And a little bit more.”

  They loaded the bags into the car. Once they were both settled back into the SUV, Lucky drove for about another twenty minutes before they pulled up to a hotel. Secret noticed on the sign that they offered weekly rates.

  “You can wait in here while I go make sure they have a room available. Then we can lug all this stuff in.” He got out of the car and disappeared into the hotel building. After about ten minutes he returned and got back in the car. “Your room is around the other side.” He started the truck and drove to the side of the building. They got all the bags from the car and Lucky guided them to a side door where he had to swipe his hotel-issued key card for them to enter.