Keeping Secrets

by Treasure Hernandez

  “Entitlement,” Secret said.

  “Yeah, entitlement,” Lucky agreed. “Like the world owes them something.”

  Secret stared back up at the ceiling. “It’s funny, most of us come from nothing, yet expect everything, but aren’t willing to work for anything.”

  Lucky paused for a minute. “That’s real talk right there.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  Secret turned her attention back to Lucky. “Speaking of work, I have to find me a j-o-b.” Secret sighed. “I can’t live in a hotel forever. Even if I could, I couldn’t afford to.”

  Lucky went to open his mouth, but Secret cut him off.

  “And before you even say anything, I know you got me. But I’m eighteen now. I need to have myself.”

  Lucky sat up in bed. “I feel you on that. I wanna see you doing your independent woman thang. Like I said, you got it going on in so many ways other broads out here don’t. You’re special. Other broads need to see a chick like you make it. Need some motivation in their life.”

  “You sure do place me on a high pedestal without even hardly knowing who I am.”

  Lucky leaned over to get up close and personal with Secret. “I don’t care that I don’t know who you are really. I’m a pretty good judge of character, so what really matters is that I know who you are not.” Lucky kissed Secret on the lips and then went into the bathroom.

  After hearing the toilet flush, Secret heard the shower come on. She sat up in bed just when Lucky peeked his head out of the bathroom. “Wanna join me in the shower?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.” Secret got out of the bed and joined Lucky in the shower where they took turns washing each other’s backs.

  They were intimate, but not in a sexual way. It was hard to describe, but it was safe to say that a connection had been made in the shower just as much as it had been made in the king-sized bed, where neither one of them would ever admit that they’d made love.

  “You two good?” Lucky asked Shawndiece and Secret as he prepared to leave the hotel room.

  “Yeah, baby, we good,” Secret replied as she walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for taking me to get my stuff.”

  “Yeah, thank you,” Shawndiece cut in. “’Cause I thought I was about to catch a case trying to keep them hounds from taking your shit after Ms. Yolanda set it all out on the curb.”

  That morning Secret had received a frantic call from Shawndiece telling her that her mother had called her informing her that she’d set all Secret’s stuff out on the curb. She’d been under the impression that Secret was staying with Shawndiece and Shawndiece didn’t tell her otherwise. She just picked up the phone and called Secret as she hauled tail over to Secret’s house to guard her stuff until Secret could come pick it up. Secret could hear Shawndiece fighting off the leeches in the background when she called to relay the news.

  Thank God Lucky had been there to take her to go get her things. After loading up his Escalade, all three went back to the hotel. After getting a 911 text from Major Pain, Lucky was now on his way out the door to take care of business, something he’d neglected to do the past few days, opting to stay up under Secret instead.

  “Be safe out there,” Secret said to Lucky as he exited the hotel room. She closed the door, turned around, leaned against the door, and just stared off for a minute. She smiled and then sashayed over to join Shawndiece on the couch.

  “Bitch, that nigga got you wide open. I can tell,” Shawndiece said, staring at Secret. “Damn, Secret, girl; is it like that?”

  “Shawndiece, girl. I hate to admit it, but I’m really feeling Lucky,” Secret confessed.

  “Hell, I can tell. You got stars and shit in your eyes. I know it just ain’t the pregnancy glow. Speaking of pregnancy . . .” Shawndiece scooted in closer to Secret. “I know you been lettin’ that nigga hit that. He done hit it raw so you can handle yo’ business, right?”

  Secret threw her head back. “It’s not even like that, Shawn.”

  “You can tell yourself that so you can sleep at night, but we both know that’s exactly what it’s about. You remember why you need this nigga in your life. If you fall in love with him for real, hell, that’s just a plus. But don’t fuck this up by letting your emotions get in the way. In two weeks, tell that nigga you missed your period and get the ball rolling, then you good to go. Fall in love, get married. Fuck, have a bunch of babies. Just do what you need to do for this one right here.” She pointed to Secret’s belly.

  “I know, I know. You don’t have to keep reminding me what the ultimate goal is.” Secret stood and stomped over to the kitchenette. She grabbed a juice from the fridge, cracked it open, and took a swig.

  Shawndiece let out a deep breath. She got up off the couch and went and met Secret in the kitchenette. “Look, Secret, I know this is hard for you. You ain’t cut out like the rest of us in the hood, but, baby girl, when you’re back is up against the wall, you got to use every muscle to make shit happen.” She grabbed Secret’s crotch. “And that means your pussy muscle, too.”

  Secret slapped Shawndiece’s hand away and went and flopped back down on the couch.

  “Everything is going to work out, Secret. Just keep it together. I’m here for you every step of the way. It’s all going to work out. You hear me?”

  Secret, trying to remove all doubt from her tone, replied, “Yes, I hear you.” Hearing it was the easy part. Believing it would be a whole other thing.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  “Nigga, what the fuck? Trying to get a hold of your ass the last few days has been like trying to figure out where the fuck Jimmy Hoffa is at.” Major Pain could hardly control his temper as he got in the passenger seat of Lucky’s Escalade.

  “Man, shut up and get yo’ ass in the car,” Lucky said, already expecting to get the business from Major. For the last few days Lucky had been MIA from the world. Time must really fly when you’re having fun, because he was losing track of the days due to the fact he was having so much fun spending time with Secret.

  In the last four days Lucky had gotten Secret a cell phone, and talked with Secret about taking her to pick out a nice reliable used car so that she could go job hunting. It was clear, after her mother put all her stuff out on the curb, that she was officially now on her own. She’d have to put all the independent woman stuff in motion. Strangely enough, Lucky felt good spending dough on and taking care of Secret. For the first time since he could remember, he felt like someone in this world really needed him. Secret asked for nothing, yet he was willing to give her anything. Lucky felt that he was turning into what his boys would have referred to as a sucker. Which was why there was no way he was going to tell them he’d hooked up with this shorty who he was giving all his time to.

  “I had a family emergency, ma’fucka,” was the lie Lucky told Major Pain. He didn’t actually feel like he was lying though. Secret felt like family, something Lucky knew nothing about. His dope-addicted, jailed parents had only made him. The streets had raised him.

  “But your phone still worked, right, nigga?” Major spat as he slammed the door after getting in the passenger seat.

  “Yo, man, watch my fuckin’ door.” He looked at Major Pain, who was looking straight ahead with his lip poked out. “Man, is you one of my bitches or you my ride or die nigga? Over there lookin’ like one of them hoes I be fuckin’ wit’.” Lucky shook his head and pulled off.

  “Nigga, fuck you!”

  “You act like you are fucking me. If you didn’t like pussy so much, I’d think you had a crush on a nigga.” Lucky started batting his eyes and rubbed Major Pain on his knee.

  “Man, fuck you!” Major Pain spat before a smile forced itself on his lips. “For real, though, man. I been holding shit down. But you know how these li’l niggas get when they don’t see your face around for a minute. They think they can start slipping and dippin’. I ain’t trying to have no more Aces on our hands.” He looked over to Lucky. “You fe
el me, my nigga?”

  “Yeah, I feel you, which is why I called yo’ ass so we can go make some rounds today. Like I said, my bad for being MIA, but some shit came up that I had to handle.”

  “Well, is that shit handled?” Major Pain shot him a serious look. “You need me to take care of some things for you?” He patted his gat he had tucked down in his waist.

  “Naw, I’m good. But good looking out.”

  Major Pain nodded. There was brief silence before he spoke again. “Oh, yeah. Here you go.” He dug into the inside pocket of the windbreaker he was wearing. “This is from my rounds the past couple of days.” He pulled out a thick envelope and extended it to Lucky.

  “Go on and just throw it in there.” Lucky nodded toward his glove box; then Major Pain did as he was told.

  “You know, for a minute there I thought one of your bitches was pulling a Misery on you or some shit.” Major laughed. “I thought one might have had you tied up somewhere holding your ass hostage. You know that Kat broad is crazy. I wouldn’t put that kind of thing past her ass. But then she came over to Spot A lookin’ for your ass yesterday. Hell, her ass know you well enough where she can do the rounds.” Major Pain laughed.

  Kat had been blowing Lucky’s phone up beyond belief. He’d had to download this app someone had told him about that sent her calls directly to voice mail. She left him all kind of crazy and deranged messages. He knew it wasn’t nothing that a nice piece of jewelry, some money to go shopping, and some dick wouldn’t cure.

  “Yeah, I gotta get at her before she files a missing persons report and has the cops looking for me and shit,” Lucky joked.

  “And you know we can’t have the cops looking for your ass, so you betta handle that ho quick, fast, and in a hurry.”

  Lucky knew Major was right. He had to settle Kat down. She wasn’t his girlfriend, but she was the main girl he knew would always be just a phone call away. But considering it had been Secret he’d just spent the last few days with instead of her spoke volumes. He thought about the prospect of perhaps Kat being replaced as his go-to, keep this one around chick. He shook his head and bit his bottom lip while thinking, over her dead body.

  “No license?” Lucky said to Secret as they stood in front of a nice little BMW that the salesman who had been helping them asked if they wanted to test drive. Lucky couldn’t believe his ears when Secret told him she couldn’t test drive the car because she hadn’t yet gotten her license.

  The way Lucky was looking at her made Secret feel stupid. She began to tuck her head away as if she were a turtle going back into its shell. “I’m sorry. I just never . . . My mother never . . .” Secret couldn’t even find the right words. Her focus had been so tough on getting out of Flint, that she didn’t even consider her means of transportation.

  “It’s cool, baby,” Lucky told her. “I ain’t have nobody to teach me how to drive either. I taught myself. Owned a car and was driving for four years before I ever got a license.”

  Secret quickly looked up at him. “I don’t want to drive without a license. I don’t want to get in trouble.”

  “We have a company we refer people to that gives driving instruction,” the salesman interrupted and said. “It’s not that expensive. For now, even if you just pass the written part, you can get your temps.” He did not want to lose this sale, and was therefore willing to do whatever it took to help this couple decide to purchase the BMW.

  “Well, figure that out later,” Lucky said. “For now, I’ll test drive it and see if it’s a car a chick can handle.” He smiled and winked at Secret.

  A half hour later, after test driving the car, Lucky was laying enough cash in front of the salesman to close the deal on the BMW. Secret just sat there amazed when Lucky went to his glove box, pulled out an envelope, and gave most of it to the salesman.

  “For now we’ll just put it in my name,” Lucky told her. “As soon as you get your license, we can transfer the title to yours.”

  Secret just nodded, still not able to believe this dude she had only known two weeks had just purchased her a car. Shawndiece was going to be so proud, or hating on her, considering she had screwed so many dudes and hadn’t even gotten one to buy her a moped.

  “Shawndiece got a license, right?” Lucky turned and asked Secret.

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool. I’ma bring y’all back up here so she can drive the BMW off the lot. You sign up for them classes and then . . .” Lucky stopped mid-sentence. “Naw, I know your girl Shawndiece gon’ be like she can teach you how to drive for less than some driving school.”

  Secret laughed at the fact Lucky already knew her friend so very well in such a short period of time and not even having been around her that much. That’s exactly some stuff Shawndiece would say.

  “So, I’ll just throw her a couple bills and she can teach you or whatever.”

  “Trust me, Shawndiece will be down for that.” Secret felt confident that her best friend could teach her how to drive; after all, she’d pretty much taught her everything else.

  Lucky and Secret left the salesman’s office after finalizing all the paperwork. Once they got back in Lucky’s car, Secret called Shawndiece, who agreed they could come pick her up and she’d drive the BMW back to the hotel. She also agreed to teach Secret how to drive for a few dollars. Shawndiece was ecstatic about the whole car situation. She was more excited than Secret was. This reminded Secret of what her grandmother used to tell her about when you really love somebody.

  “When you really love somebody, or when somebody really loves you,” her grandmother had said, “you can each celebrate one another’s success.”

  This was just more proof that Secret really didn’t need to know that Shawndiece was truly a real friend.

  “What she say?” Lucky asked Secret after she ended the call with Shawndiece.

  “She’s all for it; just like I knew she would be.”

  “Yeah, I figured she would be. I know her kind.”

  Secret turned and looked at Lucky with offense. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Lucky could tell by Secret’s tone she hadn’t liked his last comment.

  “Oh, nothing, baby girl. Calm down. It ain’t no dig against your girl. It’s just that, I hate to say it, but Shawndiece is your typical hood chick. I don’t mean that in a bad way. It just means that she’s gon’ get hers by any means necessary.” He shrugged. “And if you ask me, ain’t nothing wrong with that. It’s called survival. Hell, it’s the hood motto. So relax, baby girl. Shawndiece is good with me.”

  Secret was glad Lucky had explained himself. Shawndiece was one of the most important people in her life and it appeared as though Lucky was going to become a close runner-up. All of a sudden Secret’s belly got jittery, like she had to throw up. She grabbed her stomach and kind of hunched over.

  “You okay?” Lucky asked.

  Secret shook her head. “I think I’m about to be sick. Maybe you should pull over.”

  Lucky pulled off to the side of the road. No sooner than Secret opened her door did she throw up. Lucky handed her a napkin out of his center console. Secret wiped her mouth and then sat back in the seat, closing the car door.

  “You okay?” Lucky asked her.

  “Yeah, must be something I ate.” Secret knew exactly what it was. It was her baby correcting her statement; letting Secret know that it was the most important person in her life. That both Shawndiece and Lucky were the runners-up.

  Point taken, baby, Secret thought. Point taken.

  “Do you think you might need to go to the doctor’s or something?” Lucky asked with a look of concern on his face.

  “No, I’ll be . . .” Secret thought for a moment. Her going to the doctor would be the perfect opportunity to get the ball in motion for her plan. But did she really want to go through with this plan? This wasn’t who she was. Actually, due to circumstances, this was who she had to become. “As a matter of fact, I think I might need to do just that.” Secret smiled in
side as Lucky pulled off. The ball was in motion all right. It was just a-bouncing indeed. Now she just had to wait to see where it would land.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “Pregnant?” Lucky couldn’t believe his ears. He sat in the hotel room, on the couch next to Secret. She was staring at him, trying to see if she could read his emotions. He wouldn’t look at her, though. He just looked straight ahead. He washed his hands down his face and then still just looked straight ahead.

  “I’m sorry,” Secret finally said. She was sorrier than Lucky would ever know. She was sorry for the huge lie she was about to live with this man.

  “Are you sure?” was all Lucky said, still not looking at her.

  Secret got up and went to the bathroom. A few second later she returned with some sort of stick in her hand. She extended it to Lucky. He looked at it for a moment. He looked up at Secret for the first time and then looked back down at the stick. He took it from her hand and then studied it.

  “Pregnant,” he read the message on the rectangular caller ID–type screen on the stick.

  “And that’s the second one. Shawndiece and I bought two just to be sure. Both read that I was pregnant.”

  Secret hadn’t made the doctor’s appointment she’d told Lucky she had after he suggested she go see the doctor. He was genuinely worried a couple days ago after he had to pull over to the side of the road for Secret to throw up. She didn’t need to go to the doctor’s because she knew exactly what was wrong with her. But she also needed proof, which was when Shawndiece informed her that it was cheaper to stop off at CVS and pick up a couple pregnancy tests than it was to visit a doctor with no insurance. Secret knew Lucky would have paid for the appointment, but she was already doing him wrong. She didn’t want to do any extra if she didn’t have to. Secret had already gone to the free clinic and they’d confirmed her pregnancy with both a urine and blood test, so that wasn’t an option.