Good Enough to Trust (Good Enough, Book 2 - Going Back)

by Stoneley, Zara

  My foot slid over an algae-covered tree root and brought me back to the present, pushed the lump lodged in my throat back down to the place in my stomach where it normally lived.

  Will had told me not to follow the path all the way, the café would be shut, the access down to the kieve closed to protect Cornwall from claims of negligence.

  ‘Can’t have the emmets diving headfirst into the water and breaking their necks now can we?’ he’d said. Then he’d mapped out a path that wasn’t really a path.

  “Do you know where we’re going?” Holly was panting as I slithered ahead over the rocks.

  “Not really.” I grinned back at her, a bit of exertion and a dash of fear was frightening off the damp. “You can go first if you want, then you can set the pace, slow us down?” She nodded, not taking offence and walked past me. I knew we must be nearly there, I could hear the water and I half wanted her to see it first. Be there with no one else spoiling the view. I wanted my magic place to be magic for her too. And, okay, I admit I was scared.

  “What the—”

  She stopped abruptly and I almost ran into her. This wasn’t what I’d expected, not white-faced shock. Then she relaxed a bit and I shifted my gaze from the frown on her face and took a step forward so we were side by side. “Why’s he here, what’s going on?” There was a trace of panic, a tremble in her voice. I looked down, ahead of us, saw what she had seen and my stomach did a lurch all of its own.

  “No.” I put a shaky hand on her shoulder, and took a deep breath to steady my voice. “No, it’s not Dane.”

  He stood on the edge of the kieve and the heavy sound of the rushing water must have drowned out the sound of us crashing through the undergrowth. “That isn’t Dane, it’s Ollie.” And I could see why, for a second, Holly had thought it was Dane. They were cousins but they could have been twins, from the outside anyway.

  I stared at that back I knew so well and it scared me. And then he seemed to realise he was being watched, and he turned his head, saw us and looked like he’d seen a ghost.

  “You go down, I’ll see you back at the cottage.” I couldn’t take my eyes off him and Holly gave me a gentle nudge. “Go on.” And before I could stop her she’d turned away.

  It was slippery and damp, but I couldn’t help it, I scrambled down over the few tree roots and boulders, then slithered across the last of the rocks to where he stood at the water’s edge and he half caught me. The heat of one hand warm against my elbow, the other sending indecent thoughts from my waist to my pussy. Oh, God, how I’d missed that touch, even though I’d not acknowledged quite how much until now.

  As he steadied me, he pulled me in tighter against his oh-so-familiar body and his warm eyes heated up the parts of me his touch hadn’t yet reached. Dry lips skated briefly across my parted ones.

  “Shouldn’t you say, sorry I shouldn’t have done that?” I knew I didn’t need to say anything, but I couldn’t help it. My mouth had a habit of opening and spewing out the unnecessary to avoid the reality.

  “No, because I’m not. Are you?” He didn’t wait for my answer. Just gently propelled me backwards until my back met the soft covering of the lichen-covered rocks and my hips tilted forward until I could feel the heat of his cock pressed hard against me.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Sophie.” His hand slipped under my T-shirt burning a molten path up my body that left me whimpering. “Have you come back to torture me, show me what I’ve missed out on?”

  I shook my head dumbly, because right now my brain hadn’t got the capacity to think, to answer questions, to do anything but pander to my body’s reactions.

  “You shouldn’t have come back.” His voice was hoarse, his hand closed around my heavy breast, his thumb brushing over a nipple I knew was hard, but he was looking at me. Straight to the heart as they say.

  “I had to.”

  “Shit, Sophie.” And when he kissed me it wasn’t the exploration of yesterday it was hard, physical in a way that made me gasp, controlling and yet demanding, as though he had to catch up on all the years in between.

  And it made me cry.

  I clung to him, clung as though I was afraid he’d go, even though his hard body was pressed against mine, his mouth claiming mine. I could taste my salty tears as our teeth clashed, as his fingers meshed into my hair, as the hunger we’d both kept under control erupted. And I was shaking, trembling with need and anticipation as I tasted the lust in his mouth, felt the want in his body.

  He grunted as the button of my jeans gave way for him and his hand forced its way into my panties, his fingers slipping into my wet channel. I lifted my leg, wrapped it round him, my hand on his face as we drank from each other. And all I could do was rock against him, clutch at him, lick him and kiss him as the tears gradually slowed to a stop and a hunger that scared me took its place.

  “Stop a sec.” He was breathing hard as he eased his grip on my hair, slipped his fingers from my pussy, but it was only for second, just long enough for him to free his cock from his pants and then he was inside me.

  I would have screamed, but his mouth was on mine, and all I was aware of was his hands cradling my bum, of my head against the hard rock, of his steady thrusting and the rhythmic sound of the water crashing around us, of my nails raking the skin of his back, of the look on his face as he tipped his head back and then I came with a fast judder, a shudder that came from nowhere and left me shaking, and clinging and gibbering like some idiot.

  Chapter Seven

  I just stood, still playing the idiot, as he carefully straightened my clothing and put me back as he’d found me. He did his own clothes up, rested his sensitive hands on my hips and rubbed small circles with his thumbs, which didn’t do my recovery any good at all. I swallowed, hard. Reached out and touched the oh-so-familiar face, ran my fingertips along the angry scar that said so much, but felt of nothing, and this time he didn’t stop me.

  “You’re playing with fire.” And he didn’t smile.

  “Maybe I want to get burned.”

  “It was just an accident. I should have been more careful.”

  But even though his words were light, his thumbs had stilled against my skin.

  “When?” I leaned forward, against him and he slipped his warm hands around my body and I suddenly remembered what it felt like to be protected, looked after. The hardness of his chin was on the top of my head; his steady breathing reverberated through my body and left me wanting. “When did it happen?”

  “The day after you left.” We seemed to be whispering, even though the sound of the water was loud, but maybe sometimes the softest words are all you need.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  There was a long pause. “I was in hospital.”

  I must have tensed, because he stroked down my back in the same settling way that Will had, but this time I felt like it was for me, not just something that came naturally.

  “It was bad?”

  He gave a low rumble of a laugh. “Not that bad, I just needed stitches and sedation and crap like that, and maybe the nurses just liked having me there.”

  My mouth curled at the edges despite my telling it not to. “Tell me, please.”

  “We were abseiling, me and those lads we met on the campsite.” Lads I hadn’t liked because they were just a bit too wild, a bit too free for me. “I wasn’t going to go but it was just a last chance before I packed up and headed back to reality.” He stilled for a moment and I guess we were both thinking about our own version of reality. “We’d more or less done for the day when we noticed this couple going down the cliff not far from us.” He hesitated again, long enough for me to think he might not go on, so I nudged him in the ribs. “They were stuck, starting to panic a bit so we went over to help out.” People like him always helped out, anyone who liked danger knew the risks, would put their life on the lines if one of their adrenalin-junkie brothers had a problem. “We got the first one secure no problem, but the other one’s mind had gone AWOL, h
e was swinging round one minute, trying to hang on to me the next. It was my own fault, he swung and was flailing around in a panic, I should have stayed above him, but instead I worked my way down and when the rocks got loose, I caught them.”

  “The odd rock doesn’t do that much damage.”

  “The odd rock followed by a slip down the face does.” His chin shifted on my head and I could hear the grimace in his voice. “They were novices, hadn’t fixed the hexes properly. He went faster than I expected, probably because he wouldn’t damned well stay still, and I half caught him.” He paused again, and then his voice was softer, the grit gone. “Eventually.”

  “Was he okay?”

  “Oh, yeah, he was fine. Used me as a landing mat.” He shifted, took me with him. “Time we headed down?”

  “Ollie?”

  “Yup.” His gaze was on mine, but I had a feeling that his mind was somewhere else and he looked like it hurt.

  “It was more than just a few stitches wasn’t it?”

  “A bit, I had concussion, had dislocated my shoulder and pinged a couple of ribs. So they kept an eye on me for a few days.”

  “So that’s why you didn’t come?” For once I didn’t want to look at his face. I looked down at the polished rocks, slick and shiny from the constant run of water. But he waited silent until I looked up.

  “I would have come if I could.”

  And I knew he was telling the truth. And by the time he’d been fit enough to try and find me it was too late, I wouldn’t let him.

  I took the hand he held out and I felt like I wanted to hang on to him forever, to never let go, to never grow up. We wandered down in silence. A silence that got deeper as we left the sound of water behind. But it was fine.

  We stopped in the middle of a small bridge.

  “Why didn’t Dane tell me?” It hurt, and it niggled me. How could he have been in hospital and no one had told me? Okay, I was a mess at the time, but what about afterwards?

  “I think we both needed a break.”

  So did that mean he had just walked away? A slow, cold sadness seeped through me.

  “Soph, isn’t it easier to just forget all the crap, move on?”

  “I can’t just forget.” I curled my fingers around the wooden rail and stared into water that might as well have not been there. “I can’t forget what I did to her, and if I do it’s just saying it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t matter.

  “There’s only you knows what you need to do, but cut yourself some slack once in a while.”

  “That’s what Holl said.”

  “Clever girl, I like her already.”

  “Everyone likes Holl.” She was sensible, level-headed, safe and sane. Unlike me. “I get the feeling you’re not telling me everything.”

  “Same here.” He rested his hand gently on my hip and sounded sad, which just about summed up how I felt.

  “Why did you stay on here?”

  “I liked it.” The warmth of his breath drifted across my neck. “And it was easier. Come on.” He shoved me out of my wallowing, over to the other side of the bridge. We followed the path upwards, away from the water, finished the last part of the journey hand in hand again, through the silence of the trees.

  “You’ll come in and have a chat to Holly?” I wanted her to meet him; maybe I wanted someone else to approve, to tell me what I should do.

  “I don’t think so.” His voice was noncommittal, but when I followed the line of his gaze I spotted Will’s four by four nestled behind Holly’s clapped out car.

  “I didn’t ask him—”

  “I’m not judging you, Soph, you don’t have to say anything.” He looked straight at me and I wanted to grab him, wanted him to pull me close and wrap his arms around me again. But he didn’t.

  “But, he—”

  “Ssh.” He put a finger on my lips. “I’m not sure I can do this.” He waited until he was sure I wasn’t going to speak, and then shoved his hands back in his pockets. “You, him, all this free and easy crap.” I wanted to say something, I really did, but the look on his face warned me not to. “I’ve got a job to do, I’ll be back in a couple of days, and maybe we can catch up if you’re still around.”

  I nodded, I didn’t know what else to do. But I had a horrible feeling that he didn’t have to go anywhere, and he wasn’t coming back. At least not to me.

  “Ollie.” I wanted him to stay, to talk to Holly. No, I just wanted him to stay.

  He shook his head. “I can’t.”

  Chapter Eight

  “Maybe it was a mistake, me coming back here. It was, wasn’t it?”

  Holly took the mug of coffee, more to stop me stirring than because she wanted it, and sat down opposite at the small table.

  “Do you really think that?”

  “Dunno.” I shrugged and dropped the spoon in the sink. “Were you really angry with your mum when she went to Australia?”

  “Not exactly angry.” She pursed her lips. “I was more just resigned to the fact that I wasn’t good enough for her, that I didn’t matter.”

  “But you do, matter I mean, to everyone including her.”

  “I know. Are you angry at Ollie then?” I nodded. I think I probably was. “Why? For bringing you here in the first place?”

  “When it all happened I was angry at him yeah, I blamed him for persuading me to come, blamed myself for running away and I blamed Dad most of all.”

  “But?”

  There wasn’t supposed to be a ‘but’, but I supposed there had to be, unless I was just going to let things keep on like they always had.

  “I’m still angry at him for leaving me. I thought he loved me, Holl.” I rested my forehead on my hands and stared at the timber table, each tiny knot, each twist in the grain going nowhere. “And I’m angry he’s still here because he wasn’t supposed to be, and I’m angry I don’t know what to do.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  Which I suppose was a pretty ordinary question, but I hadn’t thought about it like that. “I want to stop being angry, but I can’t.” I felt like wailing, but I didn’t because it wouldn’t help anyone and it wouldn’t change a thing. “I want to hate him, but I can’t because when I look at him it feels like I’m a teenager still.”

  Yup, that was the problem. When I was with him it was like turning the clock back, but with a bit of responsibility and grown up feelings thrown into the pot just to complicate things. “When Will touches me it’s fun, it’s kind of fizzy and good and I get a buzz and a damned good shag, but…” I met her eye and remembered how she’d been when she first met Dane. And it was like that. “When Ollie looks at me, I feel like I can’t speak, but it doesn’t matter, and I can’t move and I want him so bad. It isn’t just lust, I don’t just need him to touch me like that…I just…want him, need him.” Brilliant with words I am. “Crap isn’t it?”

  “Only if that’s what you want it to be. Maybe you matter to him just like I mattered to Mum.”

  “I need to talk to Will.”

  “You do.” She pulled me to her slim frame and gave me a surprisingly firm hug that made something well up in my throat. I missed her and I didn’t want to lose her, and I didn’t want her to go and leave me here with all my mess. Which was weird because normally people relied on me, the way I liked it. I sighed. “Then I need to talk to Ollie I suppose, if I haven’t blown it already.”

  She raised an elegant eyebrow. “Blown it? But I thought, at the waterfall?”

  “I think he’s gone.”

  “What do you mean gone?”

  “I wanted you to meet him, but he wouldn’t come in, he said he’d had enough or something like that.”

  “Ah.” It was one of those, oh I get it, type of ahs.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Will, he saw Will was here, didn’t he?”

  “So?” I shrugged. Will had been more than happy to leave me and Holly alone for a chat, in fact he’d more or less rushed off the second I’d shown up,
well as soon as I’d agreed to go out with him the next day.

  “Soph, how would you feel if the guy you loved reappears but he had another girl in tow?”

  “Will isn’t in tow, and who says Ollie ever loved me?”

  “You? It’s the way you talk about him and the way you look.”

  “It was just kid’s stuff…and anyway, he left me.”

  “Or you left him and by the time he was fit enough to follow you, you wouldn’t talk to him?”

  “He could have tried harder.” I know I sounded like some sullen kid but I couldn’t help it.

  “Maybe that’s what he’s doing now. Trying?”

  “But.” Except there wasn’t really a ‘but’. Being back with him by the waterfall had brought every dream back to life. We hadn’t been faking anything, it had been as real as it had all those years ago. “He said he can’t.”

  “Can’t what?”

  “Everything, anything, dunno.”

  “And when did that ever stop you?”

  She was right, can’t wasn’t really in my vocabulary, unless I was scared and it was too personal. “I will try once I’ve sorted things out with Will.”

  She let me grill her then, ask about her and Dane, and Charlie and Anna and everything else I missed so much. Then she got back into her little tatty car.

  “You’ll be okay?”

  “I’m always okay.” I leaned into the car and gave her an awkward hug. “Thanks for coming.” She gave a tiny shrug and a self conscious grin.

  “You don’t want to come back?”

  “Not yet. Think this rust heap will get you to Bristol?”

  “Ssh, you’ll upset him. He got me here didn’t he?” She started up the engine, and after a bit of grumbling it settled into a loud but steady rattle.

  “I don’t get why you don’t buy a proper car.”