Our Darkest Maze

by Sarah Bailey

  “You have no idea what it means to know you respect my choices.”

  He brushed my hair from my face.

  “You might be my daughter, but you’re also a grown woman. I’m never going to stand in your way, Rora. I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  “Are you angry with your mum?”

  I shook my head. The only people I was angry at were Logan and my dad.

  “She didn’t do anything wrong. Dad did.”

  “You know he only worries about you.”

  “Don’t you start defending him too.”

  I’d had enough of people trying to justify his actions.

  “I’m not, I’m merely saying Quinn loves you and wants the best for you. I’ll talk to him, okay? I don’t want you two falling out over all of this. Yes, he’s at fault, but you also kept the truth from him. There are no winners here. I know you’re hurting right now and you don’t have to fix things with him, but remember, we all care about you deeply.”

  I buried my face back in Rory’s chest. He made a lot of sense. No one had won in this situation. It was all shit and fucked up.

  “I know. Thank you, dad. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  He kissed the top of my head.

  “I’m always here for you.”

  Rory couldn’t fix what Logan had broken, but he did soothe me. He did keep me from drowning. I could always rely on him. And what I said to Logan before I slammed the car door in his face? Well, it was true. If I did see him again, I would destroy him. I would ruin him the way he ruined me.

  He deserved nothing less for tricking me and breaking my heart.

  He deserved nothing at all.

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Saying all those things to Aurora had cost me dearly. My heart fucking hurt. It was like a bomb going off inside me, the pain excruciating. I barely knew what to do with myself as I drove away from her parent’s house, hating myself for all of it. Hating everything.

  The only reason I’d been so fucking heartless was because I had to. It was better if she hated me, then she wouldn’t hold out any hope for us. Because there was none. Aurora Knox and I couldn’t be together. We weren’t meant for each other. Her family and mine didn’t fit right.

  Her father arriving was the last fucking straw. It had sent me over the edge with his accusations and anger. I knew I was going to have to break it off with Aurora after my conversation with my uncle, but her father’s presence only confirmed I had to get on with it. I couldn’t delay. And now I was heartbroken. Destroyed. Ruined.

  It was my own fucking fault, of course, but it didn’t make it any easier. If anything, it hurt worse. I’d brought it all on myself for wanting someone I couldn’t have. For being with her when I shouldn’t have.

  It was only when I turned back into my parent’s road, I realised what I’d done. There was only one person I wanted to see right then. Aurora had been right about one thing. I couldn’t keep hiding the truth from the person who loved me unconditionally. I parked up and got out, walking up to my parent’s house and unlocking the front door.

  “Mum?” I called out, “You home?”

  “In the kitchen.”

  I walked along the hallway, stuffing my keys in my pocket. Mum was standing over the stove with a bright smile.

  “To what do I owe this pleasure? Dante said you were coming over tomorrow night.”

  I didn’t say a word, merely approached her and tugged her against me, burying my face in her hair.

  “Logan?”

  “I’ve fucked up, Mum,” I whispered as my body started shaking with the force of my emotions, “I really fucked up.”

  She wrapped her arms around my back.

  “What happened?”

  I didn’t know where to start. How to explain the mess I’d got myself into with Aurora Knox. How I didn’t want to take over Bensons. I’d kept so much from her, but now, I couldn’t any longer. If the girl I loved had taught me one thing, it was the need to be honest even if I’d failed with her. It was for her own good. I didn’t want her to know my family would disapprove of her because of her family’s background after what she’d told me. It was fucking horrifying it was even the case. Well, I didn’t think my mother would have a problem with Aurora, but she wasn’t concerned with reputations like my father and uncle were.

  “I… I fell in love and now I’ve broken her heart and mine.”

  Mum hugged me tighter and didn’t prompt me to continue. We stayed like that for a long time before she pulled away and looked up at me.

  “Why don’t you go sit in the conservatory, I’ll make us some tea and you can tell me everything, okay?”

  I nodded. She reached up and stroked my face, her green eyes full of concern. It broke me further. Today had to be the worst one of my life.

  Mum let me go and turned off the stove before moving away to fill the kettle. I walked through into the conservatory and took a seat on the sofa. One of the four cats in the house was curled up next to me. I reached out and stroked his head. Hades, my parent’s black and white cat, opened his green eyes and gave me a dirty look for disturbing his sleep. He was the grumpiest cat I’d ever encountered, but Mum doted on the little guy. Dad called him and the others, the damn cats, but he loved them too. I’d found him asleep on the sofa with one of the cats on his chest several times when I’d been around my parent’s house. The other three were called Jupiter, Oreo and Charon. I’d grown up with two cats in the house, Sooty and Sweep, but they passed away when I was a teenager. Mum had adopted the new cats not long afterwards. I swear she’d have more if Dad hadn’t put a stop to it.

  I looked out at my parent’s small garden. The rope swing my father had set up when I was a kid still hung from the big tree. It reminded me of when Maia, Callie and I were small enough to fit on it together and Uncle Brent had pushed us until we were all screaming. My parents sat on the patio furniture together smiling whilst Aunt Jen was yelling at my uncle not to push us too high. It was one of the fondest memories I had of my childhood.

  It made me long for those days of simplicity. Before the time where expectations were placed on me. I wanted to be back there. Rewind time and make different choices so I never had to break Aurora’s heart.

  When Mum came through with a tray and set it on the coffee table, my hands were trembling in my lap as I stared down at them.

  You’re a mess.

  She sat down next to me and covered my shaking hands with her own.

  “Start at the beginning.”

  A vision of dark hair and golden-flecked brown eyes filled me with utter despair.

  “The beginning. Well, it started a year and a half ago… when I met her…”

  Once I started talking, I couldn’t stop. It all came spilling out in a mess of thoughts and memories. Nothing about it made me happy. It all fucked with me further. My chest constricted and my body became tense, especially when I told my mum everything my uncle had said today. And I choked on my words trying to explain what I’d done to Aurora afterwards.

  When I was done, I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. My body deflated and I rested back against the sofa cushions, exhaustion plaguing me. It neither felt cathartic nor relieving to have spilt my guts to my mother. Maybe my emotions were too raw. The knowledge I’d hurt Aurora only caused me more pain. It ruined me.

  “Your uncle should not have said those things to you,” was the first thing out of Mum’s mouth. “I cannot believe Brent. How dare he.”

  “Mum...”

  She put her hand up, effectively cutting me off.

  “I have had enough of this family thinking they have any right to interfere. This isn’t the first time one of them has stuck their nose into something which isn’t their business. Honestly, I thought they’d learnt their bloody lesson after the fiasco between Fi and Jensen, but no, my son is now fair game. I will not have it.”

  She got up and paced away.<
br />
  “Your happiness comes first, Logan. It will always come first to me. I do not care one fucking bit about reputations. The company has survived much worse than you dating a girl whose family have links to criminals.”

  My mother rarely swore in front of me, unless you counted the times I overheard her doing it when she and Dad argued. They might love each other but they were by no means perfect. I didn’t think any relationship was. Perhaps it’s why I was so cynical about love, or at least I had been until Aurora. She changed everything. She changed the whole fucking world.

  “It wouldn’t matter anyway. Her father hates me and now she does too. Aurora isn’t going to forgive me.”

  Mum came and sat back down next to me, her green eyes full of concern.

  “You didn’t mean what you said to her.”

  “She isn’t the type of girl who forgives things when someone has wronged her. I think it’s what I love about her. She’s unapologetic about who she is. So strong-willed and minded. I hated it at first, but she made me feel alive again. Now I’ve ruined everything between us.”

  Mum rubbed my shoulder, trying to soothe me, but it didn’t work. I wasn’t sure what would.

  “Well, I can’t say it was the smartest thing you’ve done, Logan, but I understand why. You were backed into a corner by Brent and her father. I’m sorry this happened. If you’d come to me, I would have helped you.”

  I looked away, feeling worse than ever. I’d stupidly been wrapped up in my own need not to disappoint my parents. Too focused on trying to be the son they wanted me to be.

  “I didn’t want to tell either of you how I felt… I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  “Look at me.”

  I turned back to her, trying to summon my courage. When I’d told her about Aurora, all the stuff about how I didn’t want to own Bensons came spilling out. It was relevant to reasons why I’d broken it off with Aurora. I didn’t think I could keep it from my mother any longer.

  “You will never be a disappointment to me.” She reached up and cupped my face. “You’re my son. There is nothing I won’t do to help you. All I’ve ever wanted is your happiness. And if you don’t want to run the company, that’s okay.”

  “I don’t even know what I want to do with my life… I just know it’s not that.”

  She smiled.

  “You don’t have to know right now. You’re only twenty-two and you’ve got so much life ahead of you. There’s nothing which says you have to know who you are or what you want at any age.”

  “Mum…”

  She dropped her hand from my face and took my hands instead.

  “We’ll talk to Dante this evening, okay? He’s not going to be upset. We made a promise to each other when you were a baby never to force you to be someone you’re not. It’s not as if you don’t have cousins who are more than capable of running Bensons when the time comes.”

  I sucked in a breath. The sincerity and seriousness of her tone had me feeling stupid. Why did I think she wouldn’t understand?

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure I never want you to feel obligated to do anything you’re not on board with to please us. Logan, you are your own man. Please don’t think we aren’t aware of that. And don’t think I won’t be having a conversation with your uncle. This is the last time I will tolerate any more talk about our children’s choices ruining our reputation. If what happened with your grandfather didn’t sink the company, nothing else will.”

  I felt overcome with emotion. Letting go of my mum’s hands, I tugged her into my arms, burying my face in her hair. She hugged me, rubbing my back in soothing circles.

  “Thank you, Mum,” I whispered, “You have no idea how much I needed to hear all of this.”

  “I love you so much, Logan. You’ll always be my pride and joy no matter what you do.”

  Knowing my mum was on my side got me through the pain of losing the girl I loved. Of knowing I’d caused her immeasurable damage. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t finally found the courage to tell my parents the truth. Aurora had given me it. And I certainly deserved her wrath.

  If I ever see you again, Aurora Knox, I’ll deserve everything you decide to throw at me. I’ll let you make my life a living hell if it meant I could be near you.

  Part III

  mollify

  verb, mol·li·fied, mol·li·fy·ing.

  to soften in feeling or temper, as a person; pacify; appease.

  Chapter Thirty

  Three years later

  I tugged at my bow tie, hating the constricting feeling it gave me. It had been a while since I’d worn anything this smart. Most people would think I was crazy for leaving my life of luxury to volunteer for conservation projects abroad. It taught me a lot of life lessons. First and foremost, I’d found myself along the way, something I needed to do. And second, I’d worked out where I fit in the grand scheme of things, particularly when it came to being a Benson. There was something about being away from the world you’d grown up in which changed your perspective on everything.

  Now, I was happy to be home, hence I even agreed to be at this charity event with my parents. I’d been sorely regretting it ever since we stepped out of the car. The onslaught of cameras and flashing lights only reminded me of how much I hated being in the public eye. But, of course, when Dante and Liora Benson’s son returns to the fold, it’s newsworthy.

  I only have to be at this event a little longer, then I can go home.

  The charity auction had been held and now the guests were mingling whilst a band started up with music. People were dancing, including my parents, but I had zero interest in getting swept up in that bullshit. Instead, I stood leaning against a high table with a whisky tumbler dangling from my fingers. I hadn’t ever lost my taste for the stuff. I could blame my Uncle Jensen for giving me an education in scotch. It’d been hard to come by whilst I was away. I was not about to be one of those over-privileged rich boys who had to import shit to survive.

  I scanned the room. I’d paid no attention to the occupants before. Sure, I’d met several people here when I’d been working at the flagship store, but I’d been gone for a few years. As I brought the tumbler up to my mouth and took a sip, I almost spat it out all over the floor. My heart froze in my chest, my body going almost numb with shock.

  Standing on the opposite side of the room with a man I didn’t recognise with her head tipped back with laughter peeling from her lips was Aurora Knox. Her dark hair spilled down her back in waves. The dark purple dress she wore clung to her shapely figure like a second skin.

  She looked happy.

  She looked like a fucking goddess.

  I could barely breathe after I swallowed the mouthful of whisky. My fingers tightened around the glass. I didn’t know what the fuck to do with myself.

  She was there. Right there in front of me. The woman I’d hurt far worse than I ever intended to. The one I’d fallen in love with and never truly told her my real feelings. The one who made me feel alive again. The reason I swore to myself I’d sort my life out to make up for how fucked up I’d been.

  I couldn’t drag my eyes from her. The last time I’d seen her beautiful face, it’d been streaked with tears I caused. It haunted me. And yet, here and now, she was happy. Still so full of fucking life.

  Who is that man she’s with?

  He had light auburn hair with blue eyes and a stocky build. There was an odd familiarity about him as if I recognised him but wasn’t sure how. Her being with a man caused a stabbing pain deep in my soul. I had no right to be jealous. Aurora was her own woman. I’d broken her trust and her heart. It didn’t stop the torment of knowing she might belong to someone else infecting every part of me.

  I placed the tumbler on the table. My feet carried me towards her even as my mind screamed at me it was a terrible idea. I hadn’t forgotten she’d told me if she saw me again, she’d make my life a living hell. I didn’t giv
e a shit if she did. It would mean she still felt something for me, even if it was hate.

  I can take you hating me, Rora. I’ll take whatever I can get.

  As I drew closer, I noted the man looked relatively young, which had me questioning whether this was a boyfriend or someone else. He noticed me first, his blue eyes narrowing at my appearance. It was pretty clear where my focus was. On the woman beside him.

  “This is fucking boring, Duke. Why did Dad insist we come to this thing?” Aurora was saying.

  “He didn’t want to come himself, obviously, you know he hates this sucking up to people shit,” he replied, eyes still on me as I drew within a couple of feet of them.

  Aurora snorted, rolling her eyes as she flicked out her hand.

  “Oh, because we’re so much better at it.”

  “You made me come as your date. Quit complaining. Jesus, you’re such a pain in the arse.”

  Aurora put her hand on the man’s shoulder. The familiarity between them made me unsure of their relationship. He didn’t look like the type of man Aurora would date, but what did I even know about her now?

  “I would’ve been inundated with dickheads trying to get in my knickers if you weren’t here.”

  He laughed and shook his head.

  “So, I’m here to look all scary and shit, is that it?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “Well, apparently, I’m not scaring everyone off.”

  He waved a hand in my direction. I’d stopped to listen to their conversation, having not wanted to interrupt. Aurora turned in my direction. Her eyes widened and her face drained of colour. For all of a few seconds, shock and horror registered over her features before she smoothed them out, levelling me with an intense stare that had me straightening my spine.

  “No,” she ground out through gritted teeth, “Apparently not.”

  “Do you need me to get rid of him?”

  She dropped her hand from his shoulder and flipped her hair over her own.