Our Darkest Maze

by Sarah Bailey

  “The protective and caring kind who will do anything to make sure his son is happy.”

  “Well, I try. He doesn’t make it easy.”

  “Hey!” I interjected, “I’m not that bad.”

  Mum looked at me with a smile.

  “No, you learnt your lesson.”

  I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the TV. There were many lessons I’d learnt over the years, especially about women. The way I’d treated Aurora was fucked up, not to mention the other girls I’d been with. Not to say I was ever a bad guy to them, but my aversion to getting serious had been an issue. I wasn’t ready for a huge commitment to anyone even though I was now twenty-five. What I was ready to do is give Aurora my heart and hope it was enough. Eventually, I’d give her everything she desired, but we were still young. She was only twenty-one. There was no rush. I had to get her back first, then I could think about the future.

  I mean, shit, I already was in some ways. The house I’d bought is where I wanted to have her live with me. If she agreed to come back to me, I’d ask her to move in and put her own stamp on it. Maybe it was crazy to even be considering these things when I had a long way to go before she forgave me… if she ever did. The way she looked at me tonight at her front door gave me hope. There was a need in her eyes. A need for me. I hoped my eyes had reflected the same thing. My need for her.

  I tugged my phone out of my pocket and contemplated texting her. What if it was too soon? Would she hate it? I’d meant what I said. I didn’t want to hurt her further. The only thing I sought to do was make her happy.

  Logan: I forgot to tell you how beautiful you looked this evening.

  I almost slapped my hand over my head when I realised I’d forgotten to tell her it was me, but I needn’t have worried as I got an almost instant response.

  Aurora: If I looked so beautiful, why weren’t you trying to fuck me?

  A snort left my mouth, making both my parents turn their heads towards me. I tried to play it off as a cough, but I don’t think either of them was buying it.

  Logan: Did you want me to proposition you?

  Aurora: No.

  Logan: Then what’s the problem?

  Aurora: You said you want me, but you didn’t specify in what capacity.

  This wasn’t how I imagined the conversation going at all. I didn’t entirely blame her for asking since the last time I’d told her it was only about sex and nothing more. Those lines had blurred after we’d started sleeping together.

  Logan: I’d rather tell you in person.

  Aurora: Withholding information isn’t going to make me willing to see you again.

  Logan: You’re the one who told me you didn’t care.

  Aurora: Maybe I do.

  Logan: Then you know what you need to ask me.

  When she didn’t respond, I put my phone back in my pocket. Aurora wasn’t ready to get answers from me yet. I wasn’t deliberately trying to hide it from her, but I knew how stubborn she could be. I wouldn’t force my presence on her. She had to want me in her life. I was determined not to behave like a prick. Any of our interactions would be on her terms. All I could do was ask for her permission to see her again.

  It wasn’t until an hour later after I’d got into bed when I received a text from her.

  Aurora: Pick me up at 7 on Monday.

  Aurora: And wear a suit again.

  Aurora: I liked the suit.

  Aurora: But don’t think this means you’re forgiven.

  I couldn’t help grinning.

  Logan: I’ll keep that in mind.

  Aurora: Good.

  I set my phone on my bedside table and pulled the covers up, intending to go to sleep. My phone buzzed again. I grabbed it, shaking my head when I saw her message.

  Aurora: Did you forget something?

  Logan: If you tell me to take you out, I’ll be there. Consider it a given.

  Aurora: I still require confirmation.

  Logan: I’ll be at yours on Monday at 7, ready to take you to another nice restaurant.

  Aurora: And?

  I couldn’t help laughing. She was going to put me through my paces. I was up for the fucking challenge. No matter what she asked of me, I’d do it.

  Logan: I’ll wear a suit for you.

  Aurora: Don’t be late.

  I waited for a moment in case she wanted to expand on her message.

  Aurora: Are you going to do everything I tell you?

  Logan: Yes.

  Aurora: Bring flowers.

  Logan: What are your favourites?

  Aurora: They’re not for me.

  Logan: Then who are they for?

  Aurora: My mother.

  She was clearly testing the waters with me. Seeing what I’d agree to.

  Logan: Okay, flowers for your mother it is.

  Aurora: See you Monday.

  Logan: Sleep well, beautiful.

  It was my instinct to call her by her nickname, but I refrained. I’d promised Aurora I wouldn’t say it until she asked me to. No matter how much I wanted to see her expression when I did. She couldn’t hide the way it turned her on. She’d never told me it did, but I could see it. I’d learnt how to recognise Aurora’s moods three years ago. Nothing would stop me from learning everything about her all over again. I was on a fucking mission to be the right man for her.

  I made a silent promise to her and myself.

  I’ll never let you down again, little masochist.

  Chapter Thirty Five

  This time when Logan rang the doorbell, I was ready and waiting. I answered it, finding him with two bunches of flowers in his hands. He’d done as I asked and worn a suit. His dark hair was ruffled by the wind and the smile he wore made my heart flutter.

  “Evening, Aurora.”

  “Hello. Why do you have two bouquets?”

  His smile grew wider.

  “Well, these are for your mother.” He indicated the beautiful array of pink and white flowers. “And these are for you.”

  The second bunch were pale purple roses. I swallowed. The fact he’d bought them for both of us had my heart in knots. I couldn’t help it. Since when did this man become so sweet? It shouldn’t melt me. It was a simple action, but one I never expected from Logan.

  “Do you want to give them to her yourself or should I take them in?”

  “Whichever you want.”

  I took the purple roses from him, lifting them up to my nose and breathing in their sweet scent.

  “Thank you, they’re beautiful.”

  The way his eyes softened had me trying not to smile at him. I knew Mum was in the dining room setting the table. I took a step back and turned my head.

  “Mum!”

  “What, sweetheart?” she called back.

  “Come here for a minute.”

  She appeared in the dining room doorway a moment later. Not all of my parents knew about Logan being back in my life. I’d only told Mum and Rory. Raphi and Cole knew since Duke blabbed to them. I didn’t mind. Us kids stuck together and had grown closer the older we got.

  Mum looked between me and Logan, raising her eyebrow. I indicated with my head she should come over. She came towards us, her eyes falling on the flowers.

  “Mum… this is Logan.”

  Her eyes landed on him and the second bouquet in his hand.

  “Hello, Logan.”

  “It’s nice to meet you properly, Miss Bykov,” he said before holding them out to her.

  Mum took the flowers, eyeing him with no small amount of respect. It’s not as if Logan didn’t know how to be polite to people. He had worked in customer service for years, although I had no idea what he was doing now.

  “You can call me, Ash, and thank you, these are lovely.”

  “You’re welcome. And I want you to know I’m very sorry for the way I treated your daughter. She deserved better from me.”

  Neither me nor Mum was e
xpecting those words to come out of his mouth. I stared at Logan but he merely smiled at the both of us. This man had been constantly surprising me since he’d come back into my life.

  “I appreciate that. I hope you plan on treating her better.”

  “I do.”

  “Good. I have a family to feed, so I should get back to it. You two have fun and don’t keep her out too late.”

  Mum gave him a nod before turning and walking away with her nose buried in the flowers. I already had my coat on. I walked out of the door and shut it behind me. Logan offered his arm to me like he was the perfect gentlemen. I knew for a fact many aspects of him were not gentlemanly at all, but I wouldn’t complain about the way he was treating me right now.

  He put the flowers in the back seat and helped me into the car. The two of us made small talk on the way to the restaurant and it continued when we got there. I wasn’t sure why neither of us wanted to start the conversation about where he’d been and why he’d ended things between us. Perhaps as we’d started on an even keel, rocking the boat felt wrong. Besides, a large part of me no longer wanted to feel anger and resentment towards him.

  When I was younger, I’d been quick to anger and lash out at people. Guess I’d grown up in the intervening years. Working at the Syndicate had taught me a lot of things. I had to be a shrewd businesswoman to make it in this world. It meant keeping my temper in check and giving people the benefit of the doubt. In business anyway. In my personal life, it was a different matter. I didn’t trust many men and the ones I had, the connection we shared didn’t come close to how I felt about Logan. How he’d set my fucking world on fire. My heart didn’t want to beat for anyone else. He’d hurt me, but I’d learnt giving people second chances wasn’t a weakness if they were genuinely sorry. The lesson had come from falling out with my father. I didn’t want to forgive him for interfering in my life, but ultimately, he was the man who’d raised me. He’d given me more opportunities in life than I ever gave him credit for. Not to mention he was sorry for what he’d done.

  It wasn’t until we left the restaurant, I realised how good it felt for there to be no pressure or anger between us. We’d enjoyed each other’s company as opposed to arguing or having it out.

  Logan helped me into the car and we sat in silence for a moment. He appeared reluctant to start the car and take me home.

  “I don’t want the evening to end,” I whispered.

  “Me either.”

  I turned to him, finding his eyes on me.

  “We still need to talk about things. I haven’t told my dad about you yet. My house isn’t an option. Can we go to yours?”

  He looked away.

  “I’m staying with my parents.”

  “Oh.”

  I wanted to ask why, but the words didn’t form in my mouth.

  “I would take you home with me, but I think I need to explain a hell of a lot of things before you meet them.”

  I fiddled with my handbag strap. If we went to a bar, it wouldn’t be private. A part of me wanted us to be alone to have this conversation in case things went downhill. I didn’t want to make a scene in public.

  “Is there anywhere else we can go?”

  He stared out of the windscreen for a moment before starting the car.

  “Yeah, I know somewhere.”

  The car journey was silent. Logan’s body was tense. I was nervous about what he’d reveal. And I hadn’t asked him for an explanation. By the time we pulled up in front of some large houses in a quiet street, I had sweaty palms and a racing heart.

  Logan got out of the car and waited for me on the pavement. I took a deep breath and climbed out, eyeing him warily. He took my hand and led me up to a house, producing a key from his pocket and unlocking the door. As we walked in, I noticed there were building materials stacked in the hallway and wondered where we were.

  Logan shut the door and carefully picked our way through the toolboxes and stacks of wooden flooring along the hallway until we reached the end. It opened out into a large kitchen. The room looked to be recently renovated with brand new counters and appliances. The cabinets were black and the counters white granite from what I could see as Logan hadn’t turned the light on.

  “Whose house is this?” I asked, as he brought me over to the kitchen island.

  “Mine.”

  Before I had a chance to ask another question, Logan dropped my hand and wrapped both of his around my waist. He hoisted me up on the counter and then pulled himself up to sit beside me. I set my handbag down next to me.

  “Yours?”

  “Mmm.”

  “But you said you were staying with your parents.”

  He chuckled.

  “Yes. I haven’t moved in yet. It’s being renovated. The sale went through a month ago. I’ve only been back in England for a few months. The charity event was the first time I’ve been out in public.”

  I looked down at my hands. It had never occurred to me Logan had left the country. Perhaps I should have asked Colleen. She knew about me and Logan. I’d opened up to her when she started dating Leo. He was lovely, though he had little time for a girlfriend since he was studying medicine. Colleen supported him, which was sweet. She’d finally found a guy who wasn’t an absolute cunt.

  I’d asked her not to talk about Logan as I was determined to forget all about him. It hadn’t worked, but a girl could try. Hearing about him would have only made it worse. Now I regretted having cut myself off. Maybe I’d have been better prepared if I knew what he’d been up to.

  “Where were you before that?”

  “I thought you didn’t care where I’ve been.”

  “Well, maybe I do.”

  “Maybe? You either do care or you don’t.”

  I let out a long breath and turned my head away from him, staring out across his kitchen. There was space for a dining table in here. I could imagine a white one with black seat cushions.

  I like the monochrome. It’s clean and simple.

  “You owe me an explanation.”

  “That may well be, but you haven’t told me you want to hear it.”

  “If I didn’t want to hear it, I wouldn’t have asked where you’ve been.”

  I felt his fingers under my chin and he turned my face back towards his.

  “Do you care, Aurora? I mean, really, do you actually care why I ended things? Do you still care about me at all?”

  My bottom lip trembled. He had a haunted look on his face, which was made worse because it was half-hidden in shadow.

  “I care,” I whispered, “So tell me.”

  Instead of answering, he leant closer, his other hand coming up to frame my face. I let out a breath when his nose brushed against mine.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  His words made tears prick behind my eyes. The fact he asked rather than taking did funny things to me.

  “Logan…”

  “I’m going to tell you the truth, but I… fuck… I… you make me feel so many things and I’m fucking scared, okay? I’m terrified you’ll never want to see me again when you know everything. I’m fully aware I don’t deserve to feel this way since I don’t really have you, but if I lose you, it will ruin me.”

  His words undid me. They tore open all my old wounds. He’d already ripped the stitches but now they were gaping. He’d ruined me, but I didn’t have it in me to ruin him too. The knowledge made something deep inside me shatter into tiny pieces. I wasn’t a vindictive person. Hurting someone else the way they hurt me wasn’t right. It wouldn’t fix what he destroyed. It would only make it much worse.

  “I haven’t forgiven you,” I whispered.

  He rubbed his nose up and down mine, making it harder for me to breathe.

  Fuck. Fuck. Why, Logan? Why are you hurting me all over again? Why am I letting you?

  “I know. I’m not asking you to.”

  His lips were close to mine. I could feel them if I wanted. If I fu
cking dared. Would it confirm what I already knew? Would it prove my feelings had never left?

  “Tell me one thing.”

  “Anything.”

  “When you said you felt nothing for me, was it a lie?”

  His breath dusted across my lips as he let it out.

  “Yes.”

  The moment the word left his mouth, I pressed mine against it. A tear leaked down my cheek whilst my heart wrenched painfully. I’d known he was lying and to have him confirm it made the dam break. The kiss between us wasn’t desperate or all-consuming. His lips were gentle against mine as if reassuring me it was okay. It only made me cry harder, the tears flowing freely. He could taste them as they fell on my lips, but Logan didn’t care. He kept kissing me, promising me with each swipe he cared. That he had feelings for me. That he always had.

  When he shifted back, he wiped away my tears with his fingers even though they were still falling. Holding back my emotions would be useless. He’d see right through me. I couldn’t hide from him. Couldn’t change how much I wanted him back in my life.

  “Can I say it?” he whispered.

  I nodded, knowing exactly what he was asking me, but it didn’t prepare me for the words which came with it. Nothing could. Logan ripped the rug right out from underneath me, leaving me speechless for once in my life.

  “I love you, little masochist.”

  Chapter Thirty Six

  It’s not as if I meant to tell her how I felt before explaining everything, but the words just rolled right out of me. They were true. I loved her. This beautiful girl who’d made me feel alive from the moment she walked into my life. We had to get to know each other all over again, that was true, but it didn’t change my feelings towards her. Didn’t stop me from loving her.

  Judging by her shocked expression, Aurora hadn’t been expecting me to say those three little words. I probably should have waited. Kissing her had driven my emotions to the forefront. My self-control was always shaky with her. She was the girl I needed to push me out of my comfort zone. To be open and honest.