Heart's Desire

by Lanigan, Catherine

  Sitting on top of one of the tables was a two-foot-tall cylinder that held purple orchids and purple roses clustered in a tight nosegay at the top. “Those are from him as well,” Maddie said. “He’s in London on business, so he can’t call or text like he usually does. I think he sends the flowers so I won’t forget him.”

  “I like this guy,” Chloe said.

  “So do I,” Maddie replied with a pensive smile.

  Chloe went around to the sink and filled a pitcher with water to start the coffee machines. “Let’s see. Last week he sent you three bouquets when he was in Santa Barbara.”

  “Those flowers I gave to Mrs. Beabots and to Sarah.”

  “Hmm.” Chloe rolled her eyes, but Maddie could see her braiding motives, actions and intentions like colorful ribbons in her mind as she assessed Alex more critically. She shot Maddie a suspicious look. “I thought you had to go to Chicago soon for some kind of final deal or something. You’d be seeing him then. He’s moving in for the kill, if you ask me.”

  Maddie tilted her chin up as she polished the copper-and-brass espresso machine. “Alex wants a date. But not in Chicago. He wants to come here.”

  “And the problem is?”

  Maddie walked behind the counter and busied herself filling a pastry bag with a new batch of Italian crème icing. Her fingers fumbled with the tip and the bag. The icing fell off the spatula into a big plop on the counter. Maddie’s mind was a battlefield of confusion, indecision and fear. For most of her adult life, she’d avoided relationships, buried herself in her work and kept her fear of rejection caged and padlocked.

  Now she felt as if all her demons had been released. Alex was pushing her toward...something, but she didn’t know what. Nate claimed he wanted her, but hadn’t committed to anything. Both men were intelligent, handsome, ambitious and just as career oriented and goal-driven as she was. Maddie could count on one hand the nights she’d actually slept peacefully in the past two months. She noticed that her catering orders were not as organized as they had been last month. She wasn’t just preoccupied, she was distraught and confused to the point of paralysis.

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  Chloe walked over, picked up Maddie’s left hand and looked at it. “Nope. No rock there. No gold band, no commitments. So, why would there be a problem?”

  Maddie looked down at her hand. She felt like crying. She’d seen Nate just yesterday, and last night he’d called to say good-night. He told her that his mother liked the flowers they’d picked out for her at the Indian Lake Nursery, but he said their dinner had been a quiet affair. He said he would call her this morning after his first surgery. Maddie had the nagging feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling her, adding a new worry to her insurmountable pile of anxiety.

  She had to admit that the more she talked to Nate, and spent time with him, the closer she felt to him. But Chloe was right. There was no commitment between them. She had told him she needed time to sort out her feelings. She was getting precisely what she wanted. But if that was true, why were her animal instincts on high alert?

  “I don’t know, Chloe. I just don’t know.”

  Just then, Sophie Mattuchi walked in the door. “Hi, Maddie! How are you? Am I too early for a double espresso?”

  “Not at all. Chloe can do the honors.” Maddie took in the startling change in Sophie’s appearance. Gone were her long dark tresses. “You cut your hair.”

  Sophie grinned with delight. “And highlighted it. I’ve got four different colors of browns and golds. I thought it was time to go lighter. Summer and all. It’s really a change, isn’t it?”

  “Just like one of those television makeovers,” Maddie said with a forced smile. “I’ve always liked short hair myself.”

  “I know,” Sophie said, touching her bare nape. “It’s going to take some getting used to. But what the heck. It’s easier, that’s for sure.” Sophie giggled.

  “Would you like a cupcake or pastry with your coffee?” Maddie asked.

  “No, thanks. I’ve been watching my calories and I’ve lost a dress size already. So, I’m going to keep at it. I will take one of those apples though.”

  “I’ve got some homemade granola I’m testing. You want to try some? It’s low-fat and has no sugar, but there’s honey in it. All natural. No charge.”

  “I’ll try a sample. Sure. Thanks, Maddie.” Sophie dug in her purse for her wallet. When she looked up, Maddie saw her eyes fall on the roses and orchids in the ruby vase. “Oh, my gosh! Those are incredible. Where did you get them?”

  “Secret admirer,” Chloe piped in as she put a cardboard sleeve on the steaming cup of espresso.

  “Wow. He’s got great taste,” Sophie remarked as she paid Chloe.

  “They are something to behold,” Maddie agreed, admiring the arrangement.

  “I gotta run. Early surgery this morning. Can’t keep the doctor waiting,” Sophie said. “Good luck with your secret admirer.”

  They watched Sophie walk out the door and get into her car.

  “You know her pretty well?” Chloe asked.

  “Since high school. She’s two years older than I am. She used to row with Sarah, Isabelle and the rest of us. She’s kind of part of our crowd, but because of her nursing schedule, she’s always bailing on us when we row or throw parties and dinners.”

  “You work a lot, and you don’t bail.”

  “She also dates around a lot.”

  Chloe chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. “Yeah? How so?”

  “She usually only dates a guy once or twice. She says they always bore her. I think she’s scared of commitment.”

  “She doesn’t look scared to me now.”

  “No?” Maddie asked, and finally turned to Chloe. “What does she look like?”

  “Like she’s trying too hard. Like she works for Nate Barzonni and she just got her hair chopped off so she looks more like you. She goes from brunette to almost blond overnight and you don’t think something’s up?”

  Maddie froze. “But she’s one of my girlfriends. She wouldn’t go after Nate when she knows—”

  Chloe shrugged. “What does she know?”

  Chloe was only twenty-one, and yet she was already more astute than Maddie, who had always liked to believe she was wise. Clearly, Maddie had been living in a bubble for too long. “Don’t tell me you can see this and I can’t.”

  “You have five hundred bucks’ of flower arrangements in here. And those are just the new installments. Look around. Do you see Dr. Nate parkin’ his toothbrush anywhere? Uh-uh.”

  Maddie grabbed her apron and tied it around her waist. “I have to think about this.”

  “That would be good. And make it snappy. Sophie is in a big rush, even if you aren’t.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  ALEX PERKINS DROVE through the i-Zoom lane on the Chicago Skyway in his two-year-old Lexus convertible listening to Rachmaninoff’s Prelude Opus 32, No. 2 in B-flat Minor. His mind was not on the music. His mind was on Maddie Strong.

  Alex had closed his casino-and-theme-park deal with the investors from Dubai and put together another merger involving a London bank and a new film division of a major studio in Los Angeles. He was feeling mighty fine. According to his calculations, he should be offered a partnership in his firm before the end of the year. The accumulation of overtime hours, his family connections and networking with university roommates and friends from his postgrad at NYU were finally paying off. Over the past three years, he’d brought more money into the firm than the two owners put together. His bosses had patted his back so much lately that his shoulders were sore. He felt invincible.

  Alex, however, was smarter than those of the previous generation. He squirreled away his assets and kept his spending, except for business purposes, on the lean side. His co
ndo and car had been paid for in cash. His only extravagance had been the flowers he sent to Maddie.

  “Maddie...” He sang her name along with his favorite strain of the music.

  If things went exceptionally well, he might actually be able to take a four-day vacation in the middle of the blasted winter. It would be his first vacation in six years.

  His goal was to have Maddie at his side on that trip. He was thinking Cap Juluca in Anguilla. St. Bart’s would be nice, but not as remote. The blindingly white sands and turquoise water in Anguilla were definitely the best for long sunset walks. Unless, of course, he considered Marbella. That was an option.

  As always, Alex felt the best decision was to keep his options open.

  Zooming down I-94, Alex took the turnoff to the Indiana toll road, which took him straight to Indian Lake.

  Driving past the lake, Alex called Maddie’s cell.

  “Hey. I’m almost here,” he said. “So give me directions.”

  * * *

  IT WAS NEARLY four o’clock, and the café was closed for business. Maddie wore a white linen sheath dress, espadrilles, aquamarine earrings and a matching bracelet that she’d borrowed from Mrs. Beabots.

  Maddie walked out of the office and glanced apprehensively at Chloe, who had just finished cleaning the sinks and was folding her apron and towel.

  “You look good, okay?” Chloe said. “He’ll drop. Promise.” She giggled and raced out the door.

  Chloe had just disappeared around the corner when Alex drove up. He got out of the car, straightened, buttoned his pearl-gray suit coat and waved as Maddie unlocked the door.

  Spreading his arms wide, he appraised the building from the curb. “So, this is it? This is the inspiration?”

  She nodded proudly. “This is it. I’m just starting my renovations to evolve it into the Italian café I’ve always envisioned, but this is the seed of the dream I planted.”

  He breezed up to her and kissed her cheek. “It’s marvelous. Smaller than I’d imagined. But that’s a good thing.”

  “Good?”

  “For the PR campaign,” he said. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure. Sorry,” she said, stepping aside.

  Alex placed his hands on his hips and assessed the interior. “When does the painting start?”

  “Tomorrow. Chairs arrive next week. And I just put the awnings up outside.”

  “I saw.” He continued to scrutinize the space, then turned to her with a grin. “So, you got the new flowers.”

  “Alex.” She shook her head slowly. “I asked you to stop sending them. And I told you I give them to my friends. Their houses are filled with flowers.”

  “So donate them to the local nursing home,” he said, moving closer and putting his hands on her waist. “I don’t care.” He kissed her cheek again. “Boy, you smell great. Chanel, right?”

  “Yes. I love it.”

  “Me, too. On you, of course.”

  “Would you like a cappuccino? A sandwich?” she asked.

  “I was thinking of champagne and escargots,” he replied. “Where can we rustle some up?”

  She laughed. “In Indian Lake? Not hardly.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Then I’ll drive us back to Chicago. I know this place off Rush Street—”

  “Alex,” she interrupted, feeling a tingle of nervousness. “Why exactly are you here?”

  “It thought it was obvious. I wanted to see you. Since you’re always too busy to come see me... Well, ta da.” He extended his arms again, like an opera singer ready to release the last high note of an aria.

  “Hey,” she cut him off, jabbing an accusatory finger at him. “You’re the one who goes to Dubai and London and Hollywood. You haven’t been in the office for three straight days since we met with James.”

  “Guilty as charged,” he said. “But I thought about you all the time I was gone.”

  “Did you?” she asked, keenly aware of the twinkle in his eyes and the soft smile on his lips. “All good, I hope.”

  “I thought that what I have to say to you should be said in person. Because, Maddie, you’re right. I have been away a great deal. We’ve talked on the phone. We’ve emailed and texted. We even used FaceTime when I was in London. Remember that?”

  “You looked so funny.”

  “I was trying to be funny. It was a funny day.” He chuckled. “Anyway, I believe we’ve come to know each other fairly well over the past months, wouldn’t you say?”

  “I would say that,” she replied, wondering how well they actually could get to know each other over the phone and via email. Was the true self revealed more in writing than in speaking, as some psychologists believed? She knew that oftentimes, what people said wasn’t what they meant. There was no end to the miscommunication that could arise once two people opened their mouths. It amazed her that anyone ever bonded with another person at all.

  “And we get along pretty well,” Alex continued. “Not to mention that I think I have a solid understanding of what you want out of your career. I believe I’ve managed to pair you with the best investor for your needs.”

  “You’ve done a wonderful job, Alex.”

  He took her hands in his. Although Alex impressed her as a man who was always in control, she noticed that his hands trembled slightly as he reached for her. He was nervous, and that surprised her.

  “Maddie, I have a confession to make.”

  “My investor wants out, doesn’t he?” Maddie said, her imagination running wild. Her mouth went dry and she felt suddenly weak, as if her body had been sapped of energy. She was a puppet to her own goals and she realized, quite sadly, that she’d put too much value on achieving them. Her business wasn’t who she was. It was an outlet for her creativity, but it wasn’t her essence. She hadn’t known, until right now, that she was more than her café. If James backed out, she still had her café, some of the best friends anyone could wish for, and a very full life in Indian Lake. She was healthy and young. She wasn’t a quitter. She had proven to herself that she was persistent, determined and smart. It took courage to stand up to rejection. She wondered if Alex knew these things about her.

  “No, nothing like that,” Alex assured her. “James is on board. All the way. I was just going to say that when I told you that my partners were behind your idea and concept, that wasn’t exactly true.”

  “It wasn’t?”

  “Actually, they thought I was nuts. They said it couldn’t be done and that there wasn’t anything extraordinary or special about some cupcakes. I fed them the same Becky Fields line I gave you. I believed in you, Maddie. And after we started working together, I was determined to make your dream a reality. I wanted to be your knight in shining armor. I wanted to give you what no other man had given you.”

  Maddie felt her throat tighten. Another close call. She had come close to losing it all and she hadn’t even known it. Alex was her hero even more than she’d known.

  She owed him a great deal.

  “Alex, I don’t know what to say—just that I’m so grateful.”

  He lifted her chin with his fingertips. “Maddie, I don’t just want gratitude. I want you.” He kissed her sweetly and lightly. “Maddie, I want to know if you would consider moving to Chicago.”

  “You know I’ve dreamed about living there someday, Alex. I told you that.”

  “I meant with me, Maddie. With me.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  MADDIE SAT ON a Victorian chair in Mrs. Beabot’s front parlor. She kicked off her espadrilles and accepted a small glass of sherry from her friend.

  “So, you’re still trying to figure out who the new Maddie is? And who the old one used to be?”

  “I am, and it’s so hard.” />
  “I’ve always found that if I give things enough time, they generally work themselves out.”

  Maddie let out a sigh of frustration. “I was afraid you’d say that. The thing is, I feel like I’ve given it time. Eleven years. This is when things are supposed to work out.”

  “Many people believe that young love doesn’t count. That it’s some kind of throwaway phase that we learn from, or that shapes our opinions of ourselves. But I’ve never seen it that way. I think it’s the time when the heart is free and unfettered. I met Raymond when I was very young. Even younger than you and Nate were. I knew he was the one for me. It took several years for us to work out the details—I had college and he wanted to be an entrepreneur.”

  “Really?” Mrs. Beabots rarely spoke about her husband or their past together.

  “That story is for another day,” Mrs. Beabots said. “The point is, there’s nothing wrong with exploring yourself and your feelings for Alex.”

  “Yes.”

  “But I will say, that from what I saw between you and Nate the other day at Sarah’s, I think you have your answer.”

  Maddie wiped her face with her hands and clamped them on her knees. “That’s the thing. Nate came back to town to boost his career. Then he realized he might still have feelings for me. I told him I wanted to find out who I am, now that I have some success. When he left, I felt so alone and guilty because I’d hurt my friend. I felt like my heart was breaking when he walked away, even though I also knew I needed time to understand myself better. Nate was my best friend when we were young, and in some ways it still feels like that when I’m with him. But he hasn’t told me that he loves me. Maybe he’s not sure how he feels. To make the situation even worse, tonight, Alex asked me to move to Chicago to be with him. That was exhilarating, like I’d won the top prize. If I chose Alex, I would realize nearly every aspect of the dream I’ve had since Nate left town. I feel respected and special when I’m with Alex, but I’m not sure if he loves me, either. On top of all that, I found out that Sophie Mattuchi is after Nate.”