“Let me have another chance, Ellie,” he said, his eyes full of sincerity and love. “Just give me another chance and I promise I’ll make it up to you. I want to love you and make you happy for the rest of your life.”
I stared at him, hesitant.
“I want—I want to go slow. Just dating. No sex,” I said, and he faked a frown. I smiled at the look on his face. “I want to be friends for a little while.”
“We can be friends,” he said, a grin on his face. “I’m fine with friends.”
“Good,” I said, taking his hand and beginning to walk down the path again. It wasn’t something that people who were just friends did, but I found in that moment it was casual enough to be safe contact between the two of us.
“As a friend,” he said, “am I allowed to tell you how beautiful you look?”
“No,” I said, but I shot him a playful look. “We’re not really supposed to be holding hands either.”
He squeezed my hand. “We can break the rules a little bit.”
“We can,” I agreed.
We looped our way around the path, making our way back to the car. I felt happy and light being with him, cautious but optimistic. I was glad he’d agreed to take things light and easy. I didn’t want to feel pressured into anything, although the longer we walked together, the thicker the tension got between us. In the car, it was palpable and thick, and he turned to me in the seat before he started the car. His eyes met mine, then glanced down at my lips.
“Am I allowed to kiss you, Ellie?” he asked. “Just once?”
“No,” I breathed, and this time I wasn’t joking. Kissing him would be a terrible idea and would only lead to more. I wasn’t ready for that yet and wasn’t sure that I would ever be ready again. It depended on how much he could get me to trust him. “No, I don’t want you to.”
He nodded. “Okay,” he said, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “I understand, baby.”
By the time we got back to my car at the studio, we were holding hands in the car, my fingers caressing his. It was a simple gesture, comforting and sexy, and I had trouble pulling away from him as he pulled up next to my car.
“So I’ll send you the information about Luna’s play,” he said. “She’ll be excited to see you.”
“Don’t tell her I’m coming, okay?” I asked him. “I want it to be a surprise.”
He grinned, tilting his face in to kiss me before he remembered he couldn’t. He looked regretful, as regretful as I felt as I smiled at him before getting out of the car and getting into my own.
22
Lucas
I was so excited to see Ellie the night of Luna’s play that my heart wouldn’t stop racing. I’d tried my best to look good for the occasion, but not like I was trying too hard to impress her. I felt almost like a teenager all over again, nervous about seeing a pretty girl, desperate to make her like me the way she used to. I could see some feelings lingering in her eyes and was going to do everything in my power to fan the flames. It was going to be hard to take it slow, but I was willing to do so if that’s what Ellie needed in order to feel more comfortable with me.
The night of the play, I led Luna backstage, where there were little girls running around dressed like daisies, laughing and playing and generally making a mess of the backstage area. Before Luna went into the dressing room, I knelt in front of her and took her hands in mine.
“Are you nervous, baby?” I asked her.
She shook her head adamantly. “I was born to be a star, Daddy,” she said proudly.
I laughed, kissing her forehead. “Yes, you were,” I said to her. “Go get dressed. I’ll see you on stage. Do you remember what to do if you get scared?”
“Imagine everybody in their underwear,” she said, giggling.
“That’s right,” I said to her, then kissed her one more time. “Good luck, baby.”
I watched her as she skipped into the dressing room, then headed to the lobby to wait for Ellie to arrive. I stood there nervously, tapping the program against my thigh, searching the crowd. When I did find her, she looked gorgeous. Perfectly made up, her hair down and soft around her face. She was wearing a plum-colored dress that was perfect for spring and her eyes sparkled as she approached me, smiling brightly. Her smile almost took my breath away, and I was tempted to pull her into my arms as soon as I saw her. I refrained, instead leading her into the auditorium with my hand on her waist. She met my eye but didn’t pull away, and we sat down next to each other in the crowded chairs, our shoulders touching.
“Is Luna excited?” she asked, putting the flowers she’d brought in her lap.
“She is,” I said. “She told me she was born to be a star.”
Ellie laughed. “She really was,” she said. “She’s going to do big things, that girl.”
“That’s my baby,” I said proudly.
“I’m so excited to see her,” Ellie said, and the tone of her voice warmed my heart. She really did love Luna, and I let myself wonder what our future might be like as a family. Luna deserved a mother like Ellie, somebody who was soft and who loved her. I only hoped I could convince Ellie to become a part of the equation.
The lights dimmed and brightened onstage, and the auditorium went silent as the little girls dressed like daisies filed out from backstage. I saw Luna, the smallest of the girls, beaming at the crowd as she searched for our faces. Her eyes found us and when she saw Ellie she jumped up and down despite the fact she was on stage, waving her arm back and forth.
“Ellie!” she said, and the audience laughed. Ellie waved back at her, and when I looked at her face I saw her eyes were full of tears, a sweet smile on her lips. She wiped her eyes, looking over at me.
“I missed her,” she whispered, and I took her hand in mine as the play began, watching as the little girls started to sing and dance. I laughed as I watched Luna, who was goofy as ever in her dance, her body moving dramatically as she got into the music. I loved seeing how much she was enjoying herself, how naturally she fit in onstage. I knew myself the rush of being in front of an audience, and Luna was a natural: bright, charismatic and funny.
At the end of the play, we all stood, clapping and whistling for our girls. While most of them went backstage, Luna flew through the aisle, flinging herself at Ellie, who wrapped the little girl in a tight hug.
“You came to see my play!” Luna said happily, looking up at Ellie adoringly.
“Of course,” Ellie said, picking Luna up and holding her on her hip. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Did I do good?” Luna asked us.
“You did perfect, baby,” I said to her, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “You did such a good job.”
“I want to be an actor like you, Daddy,” she said.
“You were born to be a star,” I said, grinning at her. She wrapped her arms around Ellie’s neck, hugging her tight.
“Can Ellie come over for pizza tonight?” Luna asked.
I looked at Ellie with a question on my face and she didn’t hesitate before nodding. I felt relieved and happy as we left the theatre, going out to our cars as we agreed to meet back at the house. I couldn’t wait for all three of us to be together again, a happy little family like we were supposed to be.
We got back to the house and I led the way inside, turning on the lights.
“I drew you some pictures,” Luna said, taking Ellie by the hand and leading her into her bedroom.
I ordered the pizza, then went into the room to find Luna and Ellie sitting on the floor with the drawings spread out all around them. Ellie went through and detailed each one as if it were a piece of fine art, making Luna giggle delightedly as she showed them off. I leaned in the doorway and watched them, and when Ellie met my eye her look was one of radiant happiness.
We had dinner together picnic-style in the living room, surrounding the coffee table while we sat on the floor. Luna was still dressed like a daisy, covered in glitter and refusing to change no matter how many times I asked her. I gave up
after a while, letting her run around like a daisy before it was time to give her a bath.
“Can Ellie give me a bath?” Luna asked. “I want to play with her.”
I looked at Ellie and she smiled.
“Sure,” she said, and Luna took her hand and led her into the bathroom. I listened to them through the crack in the door as Luna chatted happily to Ellie about her next play. It warmed my heart to hear them together, and by the time the bath was done Luna was yawning. Ellie put her to bed and read her a story before she fell asleep, then came out of the bedroom and shut the door quietly behind her. Her eyes met mine and she gave me a shy look.
“Do you want to hang out?” I asked her. “We can go out on the balcony.”
“Sure,” she said, standing there and waiting while I poured us each a glass of wine. I handed one to her and we went outside. I pulled her chair closer to mine.
She looked over at me, searching over my face, her lips slightly parted as if she needed to be kissed. I was desperate to do so, especially seeing how they were stained red with the wine.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“I’m thinking about how good it feels to kiss you,” I said. “How sweet you taste.”
She closed her eyes as she pictured it, too, biting her lip. I put my hand on her knee, just resting it there, and though she looked down at where I was touching her she didn’t move away.
“Do you ever think about that, Ellie?”
“All the time,” she said. “Every day.”
“Me too,” I told her. We were leaning close to each other, drawing closer together as we spoke. I looked at her lips, asking her for permission to move forward.
“You are so gorgeous,” I said to her. She was glowing and had been ever since I’d seen her again back at the studio. Something had changed in her but I couldn’t tell what it was, I only hoped that it meant something positive for our relationship and our future.
“Thank you,” she said. “But honestly, you’re prettier.”
“Nonsense,” I said. “I—I think I could just look at you forever. Even if I don’t get to be with you for a long time. I’m willing to wait.”
“What if I’m never ready for it?” she asked, looking at me earnestly.
“Then we’ll just be friends,” I said, though the thought was almost painful. Just being her friend, never getting to kiss her again—that would be almost like torture. It would be worth it, though, just to get to see her occasionally, to keep her in Luna’s life.
She went quiet, looking at me, putting her hand over mine on her knee. I was surprised when she moved it a little higher, lifting her dress slightly so that my hand was on the soft skin of her bare thigh. I held her eye and stroked it with my thumb, noticed her squirming in her seat. I smiled at her, moving my hand just an inch higher, pulling her leg toward me so her thighs were slightly spread.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice breathless as I lifted her dress.
“Exactly what you want me to do,” I said. “Or am I wrong?”
“You’re not wrong,” she said, chewing on her lip.
I leaned in to kiss her neck, wanting to go for her mouth but deciding to avoid it. I didn’t want to ruin the moment by scaring her off, especially when she allowed me to move my hand higher, only a few inches from her pussy. I touched between her legs just gently, brushing my finger over her soaking wet panties. Before I could dip my hand inside, though, she stopped me.
“Just—can you just stay outside my clothes?” she asked. She looked so sweet and innocent that it made my cock instantly rock hard, rising in my pants to press against my zipper.
“Will that make you feel better? You want me to make you come through your panties?”
“I don’t think I should come,” she said. “I feel like—like that’s too much.”
“You don’t want to come,” I repeated slowly, stroking her slit up and down with my finger. For some reason, the idea of that drove me almost wild.
“No,” she said, her hips starting to grind against my hand as I stroked her clit even harder through her panties, circling it with the tip of my finger. Her panties were so wet it almost felt like I was touching her bare skin, though it wasn’t quite enough to satisfy my need to actually do so.
“How about your nipples, baby? Can I look at them?”
She hesitated, then nodded and started to unbutton the front of her dress, revealing her breasts for me. They were swollen, her nipples flushed a deep pink and hardened into peaks. I leaned in to suck one, capturing it between my lips and flicking it with my tongue as I rubbed her pussy through her panties.
“That’s too much,” she breathed, but she was squirming against my hand. I tightened my lips on her breast, sucking her firmly before switching to the other one. I knew how much she liked having her nipples sucked, how sensitive they were, and knew she could come from that alone. It was driving me crazy to know that this wouldn’t end with her coming, but it made me want to make her even more desperate, knowing how on edge she would be when this was all over.
She moaned as I nipped at her breast, straddling her clit between two fingers and rubbing along either side of it. Her hips bucked against my hand and she whimpered, spreading her legs instinctively.
“I want you—I want you to touch me,” she said. “Please.”
“No, baby,” I said. “Outside your panties. That’s it.”
“But—”
“No buts,” I said. I was enjoying teasing her too much to stop and give in. There was a power in it that was addictive, knowing she was already giving into what she wanted, that she couldn’t even hold out for a few minutes.
“That feels so good,” she moaned. “I’m going to come.”
I shook my head, leaning in to kiss her neck, nipping at it as I rubbed her harder. She was digging her nails into my shoulder, whimpering steadily, and right before she came I pulled my hand away. She sighed in frustration, pulling it back between her legs.
“I won’t come, I promise,” she said, using my fingers to rub her pussy. “I just want you to keep going. I just want to feel it some more.”
“God,” I groaned. I had no idea it was possible, but each time I was with Ellie it was sexier than the last. I stroked her gently, trying to let her pussy calm down so she could take me touching her for longer. I avoided her clit for a long moment until I thought she could take it again, then continued to rub it while she moaned. I had to pull my hand away every so often to keep her from coming until it got to the point where I could only rub her for a second or two before she got too close to continue.
She moaned when I pulled my hand away for good, giving me a pleading look.
“You can’t take anymore, baby,” I said.
“Yes, I can,” she pouted.
I shook my head. “When you’re really ready, I’ll make you come as many times as you want,” I promised her.
She chewed on her lip, then drank down the rest of the wine. “I guess I should probably go,” she said softly. “Before we get into trouble.”
“You could stay the night,” I suggested. “We don’t have to have sex. We could just sleep together.”
She gave me a dry smile. “Like that would work out.”
I laughed. “I had to try.”
She got up then, looking down at me before she went into the apartment.
“Am I going to see you again soon?” I asked her.
“Do you want to?”
“Yes,” I said. “Any time. Just call me.”
“I will,” she said. I took her hand and kissed it before she left, leaving me alone on the balcony. My mind was racing with thoughts of her, how perfect she was, how good it had been just to be able to touch her, even if it had been on the outside of her panties.
I went to bed thinking about Ellie, hoping she’d call me tomorrow, or at least as soon as possible. I didn’t think I could go days without seeing her again, and I really hoped she wouldn’t regret getting close to me to
night and avoid me altogether.
23
Ellie
I texted Lucas first thing in the morning, though the rational part of me, the one that knew to stay distant, was telling me I should wait. I couldn’t help it, I really wanted to talk to him, to set up a plan as soon as possible. Though part of my brain told me I was moving too fast, I couldn’t help but feel like diving right in to where we had been before Luna had disappeared and things had been turned upside down.
Hi.
It was all I sent him, not knowing what else to say.
Hi, baby. Am I going to see you tonight?
I smiled like an idiot at my phone. I loved it when he called me that, though it was a little intimate for our just-friends arrangement.
Can Alice babysit?
You want to be alone?
I’d like that.
I didn’t know if it was a good idea or not to be alone with him, but I wanted some private time together to talk and get closer.
Sounds good to me. I’ll come pick you up at eight.
I sent him a text confirming the time and smiled, pressing the phone to my lips. I had writing to get done that day but I had a feeling I’d be too filled with excitement to actually do anything productive.
I got ready for the date early, getting dressed in a pale-yellow dress I knew Lucas loved. I couldn’t stop smiling as I got ready, thinking about the look on his face when he saw me, when he remembered the last time I wore this dress and how quickly he’d wanted to take it off me. I didn’t plan to have sex with him, but I took a certain pleasure in making him want me, especially after the way he had obviously delighted in teasing me the night before.
My heart was fluttering when eight o’clock came, and I was perched at the edge of the couch waiting for him. Moments passed, and he still hadn’t shown up by eight thirty. I looked at my phone but saw nothing—no call or text. I felt a familiar knot form in my chest but I tried not to worry—I knew as well as anyone that sometimes people with kids ran late. Something could have happened with Luna, she could have forgotten something, and they had probably gone back for it and he would be here any minute.
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