Impossible

by Jason Letts

  “Now hug,” Nathan added.

  “Umm, no,” Cammie objected, crossing her arms. I was still trying not to laugh at how annoyed she was, but it was hard to stifle.

  Leaving it alone, Nathan pulled out and started for home. On the way, Nathan gabbed at length about how important it is to be a good driver. He boasted that he’d never been in an accident that was his fault, and that he’d never gotten a ticket either.

  He complimented us on our driving skills. He said Cammie was a natural, and that I was improving too.

  “Maybe one day you’ll be as good in the driver’s seat as you are in the back seat,” he said to me, and I spent a moment wondering what that meant.

  We’d merged back onto the busier roads that would take us home. I was staring out the window at the stores we were passing, and my eyes casually drifted over to Nathan’s hands on the steering wheel. My mind started thinking about what I could do to be a better driver, but then I noticed Nathan’s hand start to twitch.

  His arm jerked, pulling the wheel to the left. The car crossed the double yellow line with a car coming right at us.

  “Oh my God!” Cammie screamed.

  The other car blared its horn as it veered away. Nathan’s hand was still twitching, but he managed to turn the wheel back just a little bit. I had a split second to wonder if we were all going to die before a loud crack hit our ears as the other car sailed right beside us.

  It all happened so fast, but I swear I could see into the mouth of the man who was driving the other car as he screamed for his life. There was a whole family in there, all of them terrified. It was something I swear I’d never forget for the rest of my life. They passed behind us and we immediately got back onto the right side of the road.

  Nathan slowed down and went to check the side mirror when he noticed it had been ripped off the vehicle. That’s how close we’d come to crashing. He was nearly at a stop when he looked in the rearview mirror and saw that the other car had driven off, perhaps trying to get away from us as quickly as possible.

  There were cars everywhere too, and the people behind us were probably freaking out, so Nathan just kept going.

  In the back seat, Cammie and I were deathly pale. I wanted to ask what just happened, but I’d seen the answer for myself as plain as day. Cammie’s mouth hung open, and Nathan didn’t say anything. I couldn’t see his reaction because he was sitting in front of us, but I could imagine that he was fighting off the shock.

  Cammie’s lips twitched, and it appeared as though she were going to say something, but instead she closed her lips and cast her eyes toward me. Her dark brown irises were haunting and innocent. The compelling look on her face called out to me for sympathy over what we’d just been through.

  I knew she understood the reason for our accident, why it was so scary. This wasn’t a momentary mental lapse on Nathan’s part or a little bit of bad luck; this was Huntington’s drawing a black streak over our lives in a way that could only end in death. When Cammie stared at me, she was trying to silently communicate something, and I had a good idea what it was.

  Something must be done.

  *

  “I’m really sorry about that guys,” Nathan said when we pulled into our driveway. He slouched in his seat, his hands still on the steering wheel. He stared at them as though he expected them to move, but they remained still.

  “It’s fine!” both Cammie and I gushed, eager to paper over the incident. Even if the car had taken a beating, we’d made it through in one piece.

  “Let’s just forget about it,” Cammie went on as we exited the back seat. Nathan, however, didn’t budge.

  “Aren’t you coming?” I asked, and he released a deep sigh.

  “I think I’m going to sit here for a few minutes,” he answered.

  “Well, alright,” I consented. “But let us know if you need anything.”

  Cammie and I entered the house side by side. As usual, our little disagreements vanished because of our mutual wishes for Nathan’s well-being, and right now he didn’t seem to have much of it at all. Rushing over to the kitchen table, Cammie grabbed one of her books and started riffling through it.

  “That wasn’t supposed to happen,” she panicked.

  “What?” I questioned, not sure of her meaning.

  “You saw it! There’s no doubt he’s showing symptoms now, and he’s not even twenty. This could be very, very bad,” Cammie reasoned.

  I admit I didn’t know as much about the disease as I should, but I could probably read for a lifetime and not understand it to the degree Cammie did.

  “How is this different from before?”

  Cammie had her hand over her mouth, contemplating. Her eyes frantically darted around the room.

  “It means he probably has a fast-acting version of the disease called akinetic-rigid syndrome. We probably don’t have decades to sit around and watch him slowly deteriorate. Things could go downhill very quickly. And there’s nothing we can do about it.”

  She was getting upset, and she slammed the book closed and pushed it away. It wasn’t going to help her. None of the other stuff she had around the house now would help her either. Nathan was slipping away faster than we’d ever imagined.

  I stared down at her until she brought her tearing eyes to me.

  “You know what we have to do,” I said, and she covered her face in her hands, elbows on the table.

  “But it’ll still never work! Just because he’s doing worse doesn’t mean your plan is any better,” she objected. I slid into the seat next to her.

  “Cammie, listen to me. This is our only option. I can go, check out what’s going on over there, and if there’s nothing that can help I can come back.”

  “You talk about it like you’re going across the street!” she moaned. “There’s no guarantee you’ll get anywhere, let alone return here when you’re done.”

  I pulled on Cammie’s hand and squeezed it to get her attention.

  “Some things in the universe have a way of working themselves out. I believe in the bottom of my heart that Nathan and I are meant to be together, and because of that I know I’ll be able to find a way to get the cure.”

  Cammie’s lip quivered, and I felt the urge to cry as well, but right now I felt too determined to let anything get to me.

  “You could take a diagram of my experiment with you,” she suggested timidly, and I nodded. “Then as long as I’m not an idiot I could build it to get you back.”

  “That sounds like a great idea,” I agreed. “So are we in agreement then? Let’s do this!”

  Cammie’s chest deflated as she exhaled, but I still wasn’t sure what she would say. The things she was dealing with would be enough to bring even the strongest to their knees. She looked at me in a pained way that a young girl like her should never have to.

  “You remember some things about the future. Can you tell me one thing? Do I have Huntington’s disease? Is this all going to happen to me?”

  I flinched at her unexpected question.

  “I’m not going to tell you,” I whispered. She hung her head and nodded, slowly accepting what we had to do. A few deep breaths brought some life into her, and she became bolder, driven as she usually was when she was on a mission. Now she looked into my eyes, pressing her own convictions.

  “You have to find me, and when you do you have to make me help you. Do whatever it takes to make this work, because my brother’s life is at stake.”

  “I promise,” I agreed, the resolve evident in our eyes.

  Cammie rose from her seat and went over to the cupboard. She set a glass on the counter, opened the fridge, and started rummaging around.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Having a glass of orange juice,” she answered, removing a jug of it and starting to pour. “You don’t think we’re going to be able to do this all right now, do you?”

  “Well…”

  “I can’t just shove you in a box like I did my bear. You’ll need a
much bigger space,” she went on, roaming the living room. “Like that closet. I’ll have to seal it so we can create a vacuum for the quarks. The good news is you’ll be right in our house and I should be right around, regardless of which Earth you end up on.”

  I was beginning to see how this wouldn’t be as easy as I thought. Still, I knew Cammie would have it all figured out before long. She opened the closet door, revealing some junk in there that would have to be cleaned out.

  “You’ll stay in here while I remove the air and pump in the hydrogen gas. That’ll take a bit of time, and you’ll have to hold your breath for I’d say sixty seconds. Can you do that?”

  “I hope so,” I answered, starting to feel uneasy.

  “I don’t think there’s anybody who can say what it feels like, but after that you should just be there. I guess you’ll know if it worked when you try to take a breath and get oxygen or suffocate.”

  “Great…so are there any other ways this could kill me?” I wondered.

  “You’re the one who’s so confident you’ll magically be guided to the right place. I still think you’re going to find yourself in a universe where giant armadillos rule the Earth and people are born without noses.”

  Now that we were actually going through with this, all of her warnings started to really hit home. The only reason I could be so sure that I’d end up in the right place was because when I was controlling everything I loved to help people who took on impossible odds and insurmountable risks. If someone else was doing my job now, would she feel the same way?

  Nathan came in through the kitchen door looking haggard and uneasy. Cammie, completely unfazed, kept right on removing the contents of the closet though.

  “What’s going on in here?” he asked.

  “Just a little winter cleaning,” Cammie covered.

  *

  We’d have to wait until Wednesday night to go through with our operation because that’s when Nathan had night class after work. Once Cammie came home from school, we’d have the rest of the day to switch me into a parallel universe.

  Even though this was far from some kind of teary parting at an airport, it really did feel like I was leaving him. I hadn’t been away from Nathan for more than a day since I’d arrived, and he was an enormous part of my life. Now I’d have to say goodbye to him.

  My only hope was that I’d be back after a very short time, and I preoccupied myself by thinking about the Nathan I’d be meeting in another world. I wondered how they’d be different. It probably just came down to one choice that set them on different courses.

  On Tuesday night, my thoughts kept me from sleep. I stared into the darkness and worried over what I was doing. Sometimes I felt like I could still do anything, but in others I was just some small fragile creature who was just waiting to get crushed. My love for Nathan was the only thing I had, and now I was about to give that up.

  Throwing off the blankets and sliding off the couch, I started across the wooden living room floor for the stairs. The bottoms of my pajama pants shuffled as I went, and I took a deep breath as I went up to Nathan’s room. I knew he’d be fast asleep, but I pushed open the door anyway. I needed to tell him how I felt even if my words couldn’t make it inside his dreaming mind.

  He made a handsome sleeper, his strong arms wrapped around a pillow I wished was me. The only reason we didn’t share a bed was because his grandmother Gladys was old-fashioned and completely refused it. That was a sacrifice we decided to make for her. Now I wished we’d found some other way because I would’ve given anything to curl up next to him and feel his heart beating.

  Instead I kneeled beside the bed, my eyes washing over his face in the moonlight. His cute cheeks and masculine jaw, all of him looked so lovable, and I couldn’t help but lean over to softly kiss his temple.

  “I’m sorry I have to do this, Nathan, but it’s the only way,” I began. “The hardest thing I could ever face is the moment I lose you, so don’t blame me if I do everything I can to stop that from happening.”

  My eyes were getting watery, and I felt like I could barely speak, let alone think, but I just had to get this off my chest.

  “If there’s one thing you need to remember while I’m gone, it’s that I love you. That’s the only feeling I’ve ever felt was real, the only one I believed truly belonged to me. It’s beautiful, and it’s made everything worthwhile beyond what I could’ve ever imagined. So hold that in your heart and never let it go.

  “When I’m gone, I’m not even sure you’ll remember me, but I promise I’ll find my way back to you and everything will be better again. Your heart won’t forget the kind of generosity and affection we shared.”

  I wanted to go on and just let the words run until I’d expressed every facet of my undying devotion, but a sudden pang of regret shut me up, and a shiver of discomfort passed through me. I should’ve given myself to him when I had the chance, but even now this body felt so foreign to me I didn’t think I could do it.

  “I’m sorry,” I wept, rising and reaching for the door. I stole one last glance at Nathan’s attractive features before slipping out and descending the stairs. There was nothing else for me to do but carry the times I disappointed him in my heart as well so they could push me to do better in the future.

  *

  I spent most of the next afternoon watching Cammie do irreparable damage to the walls around the living room closet. She’d spent the previous few days getting together the supplies she would need, tubing, caulk, and drills, as well as digging out the materials from her old experiment. She didn’t say a word to me as she set it all up, and I just held my breath as I silently fought off the fear of what I willingly volunteered to experience.

  Against the wall beside the closet, Cammie had affixed the Hofmann Voltameter, a structure of three tubes like a trident that would separate water into oxygen and hydrogen gas. A car battery and jumper cables were right below, ready to supply the necessary energy for the reaction. Cammie fed the tubes into the sealed closet, which looked like a marshmallow was bursting inside because the doorway had been coated in caulk.

  “You remember the five magic words, right?” she asked me, deathly serious.

  “Energy. Space. Time. Mass. Probability,” I answered.

  They weren’t literally magic words, just parts of a formula that manipulates the relationship of one world to all the others. By combining the mass of my body with the energy of the quark-composed hydrogen gas in one moment at one place, I would have an equal chance of being in any world as long as I wasn’t being directly observed. Then it was up to fate to guide me to my destination, and I had to believe I would reach the right one.

  “Are you ready?” Cammie asked, catching me off guard.

  “Umm,” I considered, checking myself out. I had on sneakers, jeans, and a gray jacket that had a thick collar keeping my blonde hair off my neck. My wallet was in my pocket, and my watch was on my wrist, and that was it. I grabbed my hat because I’d already gotten used to carrying it everywhere with me for the winter. “I guess so.”

  I didn’t think I’d need very much. I’d just be meeting Nathan and Cammie on the other side and we’d get everything sorted out.

  Cammie went over to the table and grabbed a piece of paper folded into quarters. She scanned it intensely for one more moment before folding it again and slapping it in my hand.

  “Put this in your pocket. It’s your ticket home,” she declared, a bit of sarcasm in her voice. It was the diagram of her experiment, plenty of scribbled explanations visible through the thin sheet. I put it in my pocket and nodded.

  “Sixty seconds. Do you need to practice to see if you can hold your breath that long?” Cammie asked.

  “No, it’ll just make it harder if I practice it. I’ll be able to do it,” I said, and she eyed me warily.

  What was I getting myself into? This whole thing was crazy, and I was developing a bad case of cold feet. One look at Cammie told me she would probably bite my head off if I tried t
o back out.

  Nodding, Cammie went to the Hofmann Voltameter and attached the jumper cables to its metal bridge. Sparks flew and the water in the chamber started to bubble. Balloons on both ends started to expand, a simple valve harnessing the hydrogen gas for when it would be pumped into the closet.

  Cammie went over to the door and held it open for me. She had the robotic, emotionless look on her face she usually got when she was conducting experiments, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t still cute. Goggles covered her face, and she stared at me blankly as I struggled to muster the energy to move.

  “Go ahead. Get in,” she ordered.

  Seemingly without my mind’s consent, my feet took me toward the closet. I had no idea what was going to happen, and the nerves in my stomach were sure to burst out. Impulsively, I wrapped Cammie in a hug, knowing she was right when she said I might not ever make it back again.

  “You can save him for me,” she whispered as I squeezed her tighter. This was the second time she had to trust me with her brother’s life, and maybe because of it she appeared embarrassed when we pulled away.

  “It was nice knowing you,” she added, and I assumed it had more to do with the mental block making her forget than my fears I wouldn’t make it back. Her knowledge of me would be replaced with whatever switched into the closet in my place, which was likely to be nothing.

  “Whether she’s smarter than you or not, this other Cammie will have a hard time filling your shoes,” I said as I stepped into the closet. Cammie brushed it off.

  “Sixty seconds,” she said, slowly pushing the door closed. I took a deep breath before she sealed me in darkness.

  Cammie raced to turn the vacuum on and started playing with her other instruments. After a few moments she adjusted the valve on the Hofmann Voltameter, allowing the hydrogen gas to spread into my space.

  Her hands out as if she had completed a masterpiece, Cammie stepped back to watch it all. The bubbles filtered through the tubes, the vacuum hummed, and the clock ticked. Nodding, she grabbed a pen and pad from the table, furiously jotting down what she would need to know before it vanished from her mind.