“That’s a cop out and you know it,” Lily argued. “You want to know why I think you’re so commitment shy?”
“Oh please, great guru, tell me!”
“I think you’re afraid of being hurt. I think you’re afraid of loving somebody and having to risk losing them to some freak accident like what happened to Mom and Dad.”
“Give me a break,” Julie sighed. “Look, Lily, I know you mean well, but the only reason I’m still alone is that I haven’t found the right person yet. It’s a cliché but it’s true.”
A tiny voice in the back of her mind whispered that maybe she had found the right person in Matt, but she ignored it.
She heard Lily sigh into the phone. “Go ahead and keep denying it,” she said. “But one of these days you’re going to wake up and realize I’m right. And it’s gonna suck.”
Their discussion about Julie’s love life at an end, they moved on to Lily’s, which was much more complicated, given that she was a healthy, attractive college student.
Later, getting ready for bed, Julie thought back to Lily’s accusations. Was she afraid of getting hurt? Was that the reason she’d been so quick to accept Matt’s condition that their relationship last only for the two weeks he’d be in town?
She looked down at her bed, which felt empty now that she was alone in it. Maybe it would be best to just cool it with Matt before one of them got hurt. Before she became too used to relying on him. Before she started to grow dependent on feeling his arms around her whenever she wanted them.
Her stomach quailed at the idea of shutting him out. But it would be for the best. For both of them. They both deserved to be happy. And the sooner they ended whatever this thing was between them, the sooner they could find someone who could hold a permanent place in their lives. Not just a temporary fling.
As she turned out the light and tried to go to sleep, Julie knew she was making the right call.
But it was going to hurt like hell when she told Matt what she’d decided.
Chapter Seven
Things were so busy on Monday that Julie didn’t even see Matt until late that afternoon, when he got back from a deposition with one of the doctors in the Murphy case.
She was fighting with the copy machine over a stack of subpoenas that had to be mailed out that afternoon. And losing.
“Can I get you something?” Matt asked from behind her. “A sledgehammer? A gun?”
Pushing a lock of hair that had worked its way free of her ponytail, Julie turned to find him watching her. Remembering her vow last night to scale back their intimacy of the weekend, she tried for a friendly but cool response.
“Either would work.” She turned back to removing the tiny bit of torn paper that was hanging up the sorting mechanism. “I’ll be done here in a minute if you’ve got something you need to copy. I think I’m going to take these subpoenas to the other machine in the back.”
“Actually I was looking for you.”
She looked over her shoulder to catch him eyeing her ass. Damn it. She stood up and turned around.
“What can I help you with?”
Instead of being cowed by her cool tone, he just smiled.
“I thought I’d pick up a pizza on the way home from work and bring it over.”
Startled at his boldness, she scanned the room for eager ears. Fortunately, they were alone.
“Look, Matt,” she began. She’d never really broken up with anyone before. She wasn’t sure that this was the right venue for that kind of conversation, anyway. Surprising herself, she changed her mind mid-sentence. “Sure, pizza sounds good.”
“Good,” he grinned and leaned forward for a quick kiss on the mouth. “I’ll see you later.”
Watching him stroll down the hall, she shook her head. This thing was getting more complicated by the minute.
As if to punctuate her thought, the copier jammed again. Its beeping beating in counterpoint to her throbbing headache.
***
Two hours later, Matt pulled up in the parking lot behind Julie’s apartment.
He’d expected some sort of retrenchment on her part after the intimacy of their weekend together. But when she’d tried to freeze him out this afternoon in the copy room he’d been hurt nonetheless. Which he had no right to feel, he knew. He was the one planning to leave in two weeks.
Well, one week now.
The last thing he’d expected to emerge from that first night in the office was a full fledged relationship. But the more time he spent with Julie, the more time he wanted to spend with her. She was just so damned tenacious. He didn’t know of one other person who would have gone through the hell she’d endured and come out on the other side with her soul intact. She’d raised a great and successful kid when she was little more than a kid herself. And she’d taken her legal skills and made herself an indispensible part of the firm. Add to that the fact that she was sexy personified and she was the total fucking package. He just had to figure out how to make her see that.
Stepping onto the terrace outside her tiny apartment, he saw her through the kitchen window, loading the dishwasher. He couldn’t fail to note that she’d changed from her work clothes into a pair of skin hugging yoga pants and another of those tiny tees that made his fingers itch to get them off of her. Her back, however, looked tense, and when she stood up to find him at the window, her first expression was one of wariness, which she quickly replaced with one of relaxed welcome. He was right. Something was bothering her, and he intended to find out what.
She met him at the door, and when he leaned in to kiss her, gave him her cheek instead.
Something was definitely wrong.
Pretending like he hadn’t noticed her cool attitude, Matt carried the pizza into the den, and set it down on the coffee table. Then turned around to find her watching him again.
“I’ll get some plates,” he said heading for the kitchen.
“Matt,” she said, following him. “Stop. We need to talk.”
He paused, bringing the two Fiestaware plates to the countertop. “Can it wait until we’re finished eating?” he asked. “I’m starved.”
“Matt, we have to stop this. We’ve had fun, but we both know you’re leaving soon and…”
“And I thought we’d agreed that that didn’t matter.”
“Look, you and I both know that the whole thing about us being able to turn our feelings off once you’re back in D.C. is a lie. I’m getting…” she looked away, as if she couldn’t say the next word and meet his gaze too, “attached.”
A little flame of hope caught light in his chest.
He reached out, stroked a finger down her cheek. “I’m getting attached, too, Julie,” he admitted. “We’re human. It’s what happens when two people who are not sociopaths sleep together and share as much as we have.”
She laughed at the sociopath line. As he’d intended.
“Look,” he said, gathering her up in his arms, needing to comfort her after the admission she’d just made. “I know we said this thing would be temporary, but we’re both adults. When feelings change we can adjust. I’m not saying we should get married or engaged or move in together. I just don’t want you to shut this thing between us down before we’ve had a chance to see where it goes.”
“It just…” He felt her sigh against him. “This scares me,” she said. “It scares the hell out of me. I haven’t had a relationship this…serious, since before my parents died.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better,” he said, stroking a hand over her hair, “I haven’t had a relationship this serious in a long time either.” Try ever, his gut warned him.
He pushed back from her, making sure he looked into her eyes when he spoke. “Let’s just have some pizza and relax, now. And if you want me to go home after that, I will. I don’t want to crowd you. But I do warn you that I’m not going to give up on this—whatever it is between us—without a fight.”
Julie nodded.
“Plus,” he said, grabbing
her hand and pulling her into the living room, “I believe there was something else on that list of yours that I promised to help you with.”
He saw her eyes flare with heat.
“Yeah?” she asked, all but purring with interest. “What’s that?”
“I believe there was something about trying something new?”
“I think I recall that,” she said, her stomach tightening with excitement.
“Well,” he whispered against her ear, “I brought toys.”
Holy god.
“Toys?” Did her voice always sound that squeaky?
“Mmm hmm.” He trailed kisses from her ear to her mouth. “I think you’ll like them,” he said, his voice husky as he lightly bit her lower lip
The only toys that had been in Julie’s apartment since Lily had outgrown them were the legos Cissy’s little boy brought to play with when she occasionally babysat for him. The kind of toys Matt was talking about gave Julie a flutter of panic mixed with anticipation in her belly.
Deciding retreat might be the best method of defusing the situation, she took her wine and walked back into the den to stare out the wide bank of windows overlooking Rushton Park.
On a crisp Friday evening, the patch of green was crowded with people walking their dogs, playing touch football, enjoying the last gasp of warmth before fall set in for good.
“Whatcha thinking about?”
His deep voiced question, was followed by the feel of strong arms slipping around her from behind.
“Nothing.”
“Liar.”
Julie sighed. This was why she hated relationships. Sometimes she just wanted to keep her thoughts to herself. And since she was a terrible liar—one of the reasons she’d decided she would make a terrible lawyer—men were always able to tell when she was hiding something from them. Even when it was something that was, as David had told Clay the other day, none of their damn business.
“If you want me to go, I’ll go,” he said quietly. Though he made no move to release her from their embrace.
Did she want him to go? A gut check told her that she didn’t. Whatever havoc this man was able to wreak on her carefully constructed life, the past week had been the most exhilarating thing she’d experienced in a long time. And she didn’t want him to go. Not yet anyway.
Turning, she tucked her head into the crook of his neck and inhaled the intoxicating scent of him. Soap and man and some other tone that was just him.
“I don’t want you to go,” she said, her cheek resting against his shoulder.
She felt something relax in his stance. Maybe she wasn’t the only one taking risks here, she realized. And somehow the knowledge calmed her.
“Good,” Matt said, resting his chin on her head. “Because I think some of the toys I brought are illegal in Alabama. And they’re definitely not returnable.”
She stifled a laugh. “I’ve never done it with a law breaker before.”
“Baby, I haven’t even shown you my criminal side yet.”
***
Given that her mind was never far from anticipation where he was concerned, Julie and Matt managed to have a fairly relaxed dinner. When she began to pick up the mess on the table, though, he stopped her.
“Let me get this,” he said, standing up to stack their plates. “You go take a shower and relax. I’ll take care of the dishes.”
Remembering what he’d said about toys, Julie’s inner muscles clenched. But rather than argue, she simply kissed him on the cheek and hurried out of the tiny dining room and into her bedroom.
Grateful for the chance to shave her legs and trim her bikini line, Julie hopped into the shower. She was unsure of what to wear when she got out, so wrapped herself in a towel and padded into the bedroom, where she found Matt stretched out on her bed his arms bent behind his head.
Still wearing his jeans and tee shirt, he’d taken off his shoes and socks, and for some reason the sight of his bare feet made him seem strangely vulnerable.
Pausing in the doorway between the bathroom and her bedroom, Julie blinked, surprised at the jolt of longing she felt at seeing him in her bed. Especially when she saw her fluffy orange cat curled up against his side.
“I hope you don’t mind,” he said with a grin. “Kitty here hopped up next to me and I didn’t have the heart to tell her no. What can I say? I’m a chick magnet.”
“You may be, but I don’t think Max is there because he succumbed to your charms,” she said wryly. “When it starts getting cool any warm body will do. Though he doesn’t usually like men.”
But, like his mistress, the purring cat had been charmed by the man now stretched across her bed.
“Take off your towel,” Matt said, the blue of his eyes almost navy in the lamplight. He sat up, annoying Max, who leapt to the floor and went in search of another warm spot to nap. “Let me see you.”
Well, that takes care of deciding what to wear, Julie thought. No longer shy about being naked with him after their outdoor interlude, she decided to be bold, untucking the towel and letting it drop to the floor.
“Perfect,” he said. “Now come here.”
Feeling her own power, she strode toward him until she reached the bedside.
Never taking his eyes from her, Matt moved quickly, dropping his feet to the floor, and leaning in to kiss her thoroughly. Then he turned, pulled back the comforter and the sheet and gestured for her to lie down.
When she began to lay on her back, he shook his head. “On your stomach.”
Her apprehension must have shown on her face, because he reached out a soothing hand to her shoulder. “Trust me. I wouldn’t hurt you. You know that.”
And she did. With a nod, she moved further onto the bed and turned over onto her stomach.
She heard him move, but when she turned to see what he was doing, he said. “No peeking.”
Excitement ran through her as she turned her head to face the other direction, wondering what he was planning.
She heard the zipper of his jeans, and the rustling of his clothes as he took them off. And when the bed dipped as he climbed up behind her, she closed her eyes, anticipation making her shiver.
“Okay, you can look,” he said, from his position laid out beside her.
Eager to see what he had in store for her, Julie turned her head, and saw him holding a small object about the size of a hotel shampoo.
Puzzled, she looked up at him. “What is it?”
“This little thing is a very small, but effective, vibrator.”
Julie felt her heart speed up. “But it’s so…tiny,” she said. She’d seen vibrators before, of course, but never one like this.
“It’s big enough to get the job done,” Matt said with an intense look. “It will where I plan on using it.”
Julie couldn’t suppress a shiver. Not knowing what Matt planned to do with the toy was almost as delicious as knowing he was going to do something with it.
“Where are you planning on using it?” she asked, swallowing against nervousness in her throat.
“Well, your list said you wanted to try something different,” he said, his cheeks pinkening slightly. “I thought maybe you’d want to try an electronically enhanced experience.”
He looked away. Julie felt her heart constrict at his embarrassment. He was usually so self-possessed. To see him lose his cool like this was a brand of intimacy she hadn’t expected from him.
“Yes,” she said, leaning over to kiss him. “Let’s do it.”
***
What the hell was wrong with him, Matt wondered. He was acting like a fourteen year old begging for his first kiss. Something about Julie made him feel vulnerable in a way he hadn’t experienced in years. Maybe ever.
He’d make this good for her, or die trying. Though he’d be more likely to die from pleasure. He’d used a vibrator during intercourse before, and if used properly the toy could make the moment intense for both partners. For now, though, all he wanted was for Julie to enjoy it.
“Good,” he said, his voice deep with desire. “Come here for a minute.”
Wordlessly she moved toward him, turned on her side and touched her mouth to his in a seductive kiss that quickly turned from sweet to scorching. Her soft hands ran over his shoulders, his back, his chest.
While their tongues tangled together, Matt stroked a hand down her front, across her breasts, then down to that hot, slick place between her legs. In minutes she was moving against his hand, gasping against him as her sheath tightened around his fingers. Then, while she was writhing beneath him, he quickly turned her back onto her stomach, and pulled her up to a kneeling position.
Positioning himself behind her, he turned on the vibrator and used it to stroke lightly over the folds of her. At the first touch Julie almost bolted into the air. “Oh my god,” she gasped. “That is woooonderful.”
“Tell me about it,” Matt said, his cock twitching to get inside of her.
He continued to stroke the tiny wand delicately over her, and soon Julie was rocking her pelvis back against his hand and the vibrator.
“More,” she demanded, pressing backward. “I want you inside me.”
“You’ll have me,” he said, moving to cover her butt and back with his own body. Bracing himself on one arm, he used the other to press the vibrator into her.
As soon as it breached her, Julie tipped over the edge.
***
When Matt had suggested adding the vibrator into their repertoire, Julie had underestimated just how mind blowing the reality of it would be. Again and again she rocked back against Matt’s solid body behind her as the little cylinder buzzed inside her. When the first wave passed, she was startled to realize that Matt was pressing his erection against her opening. Surely he wasn’t going to…
“Don’t worry, sugar,” he said into her ear as he pressed into her. “This is gonna be great for both of us.”
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