My Stupid Girl

by Smith, Aurora

  Why?

  It was simple. I had lived with my father controlling me for so long that, even when he wasn’t around, I still avoided human affection from fear of some random, violent change of mood. Or maybe from anger. Or maybe both.

  I had a choice to make in this moment. I could let my dad win, or not.

  I forced my muscles to relax and do what I longed for them to do. I raised my hand and put it on her right cheek; she melted into it. I put my forehead against hers, still forcing myself to not be afraid of this girl, whose breath I could suddenly feel on my face. She put her free arm around me, we were impossibly close. She moved her head slightly to the right. Her lips were against mine for less than a second before she jerked back in surprise.

  "What are you kids doing up here?!" an old man with a flashlight came up behind us, banging on the iron railings and screaming like someone was trying to steal the whole stinking lighthouse from under his nose.

  "Really, dude? REALLY?!" I yelled at him and clenched my hands together at my side as I scrambled to my feet. I had pure frustration seeping from every inch of my body. Lucy looked at me and smiled.

  "I'm sorry sir, I thought we could come up..." she was trying to explain but he cut her short.

  "You need to leave my property this moment, or I am calling the police." He shined his light straight into my eyes, completely blinding me. That dang light was so bright that it’d probably be burning into my retinas in another minute, magnified by my glasses, which were suddenly the worst thing ever. I started toward the broken door, just to get the blinding laser of light off me, dragging Lucy behind me. The irate old man followed, mumbling.

  "Dang kids, always climbing up here! You know you could get killed up here!"

  Lucy was shaking from laughter as we raced down the steps to my car.

  I, on the other hand, found nothing funny about the situation.

  Stupid old man.

  Stupid old lighthouse.

  Stupid girl!

  5. IN OVER MY HEAD

  Driving Lucy home was torture, pure and unadulterated torture. Worst car ride of my life. Oh, and let’s not forget that time where a bunch of Christians had stripped me and left me in a car to freeze to death. Even that one did not compare to the ridiculousness of the one where I drove Lucy home.

  She sat next to me, in the passenger’s seat, with her feet up on my dashboard. Her head rested back against the seat, gazing out at the dark scenery that sped by us. She looked as calm as could be. Her hands drummed against her knees. I could feel her glance shift in my direction every once in a while. If she caught me looking at her she’d smile.

  "Could you put your feet down?" I said coldly. Her hands stopped mid-drum and she slowly turned her head in my direction.

  "Excuse me?" She straightened her legs so they were completely straight, exaggerated even, her foot touched my windshield.

  "Lucy, if we get into an accident, you’re going to be sucking on your knee caps. Although, I’m not sure you'll notice because you’ll be dead!" She didn’t respond. I pressed on, “Maybe they can use your kneecaps to identify your charred corpse, because your teeth will be all messed up from swallowing your lower legs.”

  She guffawed. "David, I hate to break it to you, but we’re in a Volkswagen. If we graze a dog we‘ll be in trouble, so does it really matter where my feet go?”

  She still had her feet up. I glared at those feet and shook my head. I didn’t try again, just stared at the edge of my headlights. Stone silence in the dog-killing Volkswagen. After a few seconds, though, she put her legs down. I looked over at her and she stuck her tongue out at me. I may have cracked a smile. A little one. A very tiny, morose smile.

  "So, what are your plans after high school?"

  "Not sure, you?" I answered back.

  "No clue either.”

  "Well aren’t we just a pair of budding entrepreneurs?” I said, with building irritation. The small talk was making me crazy. Had she not been up in the lighthouse just now? I felt like my body was going to combust into a bazillion pieces and there she sat staring into space like she didn’t even care.

  This was the first time I’d ever had any girl show me any kind of attention and I was apparently having a much harder time shaking the whole experience off than the bombshell next to me was. But what was I thinking? She was probably used to it. Everyone was passionate about Lucy. This kind of evening was probably nothing new to her. Which made me feel like an idiot.

  She must have noticed the smoke coming out of my ears.

  "You ok?" She asked, reaching up and moving a tiny piece of hair behind my shoulder. I pulled away half an inch, but still let her touch me.

  "Fine." I answered her quickly. Curt is a word old people use that seemed pretty appropriate.

  "Yeah? ‘Cuz you look like a pouty little baby right now." She put it bluntly. A sly smile inched its way across her amazing face.

  "What would I be pouting about?"

  Her face lit up. "I’m hoping it’s because you have to take me home? Maybe it’s because we were about to kiss and a crazy old man interrupted us. Maybe because I look wayyyy better than you ever did in these pants.” She chuckled a little. When I didn’t chuckle back she gave me a big, cheesy pout complete with scrunched eyebrows. I instantly felt stupid but still couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself.

  It felt good to hear her say "almost kissed" when referring to me, though. She noticed me smiling and punched my arm with her fist, before grabbing it and shaking it a little.

  "Cheeeeeeer uuuuuuup, Daaaaaa-viiiiiid!" She sang. I didn’t respond, but let my smile grow, visible through my curtain of hair. I felt considerably better.

  Almost kissed. Booyah.

  It had started to rain again, forcing me to go slower. Slower was fine with me. I liked being in a warm car alone with Lucy. It was kind of a long drive and I kept catching myself relaxing. I would realize, from time to time, that I’d just gone a few minutes feeling totally comfortable. Once I realized it though, I would instantly go back to feeing awkward.

  I had serious issues. We all know this by now.

  At Lucy’s direction, I pulled into a neighborhood called the West Mountains. Giant houses planted on football field-sized lots made me think of a Richie-Rich version of tract homes. Though they were huge, every three houses looked the same. I cringed a little, remembering that me and my friends made fun of the people who lived here on a pretty regular basis.

  "Turn left up here." Lucy pointed to a street glittering with street lights and falling rain.

  "There, number 1480." She sat up excitedly, happy to be home. Although I recognized it, being happy about being home was a foreign feeling for me. I found myself longing for it. The sparkling face of 1480 didn’t hurt. It would sure be nice to park in that driveway every night. I pulled to a stop in front of her house and realized instantly that I was at a loss at what to do. I’d been too busy being mesmerized by the house to realize we were at her house. I turned the ignition off and looked up at her. The rain got a lot louder as soon as the engine died.

  "Want to walk me to my door?" Hope burst out of her voice, even though she spoke softly. Her tone encouraged me a little, until I actually thought about what should happen at the door. I desperately fought the urge to push her out the door with my combat boot and speed away. Just one kick would take care of this situation.

  "Sure." It came out in a whisper, totally destroying my attempt to not sound scared to death. What was she thinking should happen? Did she already have a picture in her head of how this was going to go? I was in way over my head here. In a rush of adrenaline, before I actually did kick the gorgeous girl out of the car and leave her in a spray of rainwater, I jumped out of my door and ran around the other side to get hers.

  I tried to pull myself together, trying to get rid of the image of shoving her forcefully onto the giant lawn and running back to the safety of my car.

  Her hand was out like she wanted me to take it but, like the awesome
guy I am, I pushed my own hands deeper into my pockets.

  When we reached the front stoop, paved with some kind of textured tile I’d never seen before, she turned around to face me. She still looked completely at ease while I was having a mini-meltdown.

  "Thanks for the ride," she said. Her face looked even kinder than usual.

  "Thanks for bringing me my car," I said, rubbing my shoe over the tile. The rain had soaked it to a deep red. It was probably from Italy or something.

  "Oh yeah, what would you do without me?" she answered sarcastically. I just smiled.

  She patted her hands against her legs and looked down at her feet. Kill me now, please.

  "Well…" she was starting to sound defeated, "If you ever want to hang out, you can call me. I think you have my number." She now had a hint of rejection in her voice and she was blushing furiously.

  "I’ll call you, Lucy," I said quietly.

  She beamed at me, flung her arms around my neck, and hugged me tightly. I had just managed to pull my hands out of the depths of my pockets and was starting to return the hug when she pulled away a little. My hands, behind her and moving in for the hug, stopped her abruptly in front of my face. She stared at me for a split second before moving. Her face turned the tiniest bit and her lips kissed my lips very quickly. I had hardly felt it but I knew it had happened. My entire body going numb was my first clue.

  She managed to break out of my zombie-iceman hold, smiling that killer smile.

  "I’ll talk to you soon, David." She turned around and put her hand on her door knob, but it opened before she turned it. Her Dad’s face appeared at the crack of the door. I’m sure I looked like a turtle. I felt like a turtle. Unable to move off the priceless Renaissance tile, I was concentrating all of my willpower on my shoulders, trying to convince them to fold inward so my head had somewhere to hide. They did not cooperate. Traitors.

  "Lucy, David! Hi." He opened the door the entire way and held his hand out for me to shake. My hand shot up all by itself. As he shook it he didn’t seem to notice my apprehension. With a daughter that beautiful maybe he was used to teenage-boy-statues on his front stoop.

  “Come on in, come on in!” He managed to pull me in far enough to shut the door. They didn’t mind me dripping onto the priceless indoor tile, I guess. "How are you, son?"

  Lucy disappeared into the house leaving a trail of water, and me with her father.

  "Good." I answered quickly.

  "How’s your grandma’s?" He dropped my hand, finally, and I instantly shoved it back where it belonged. In my pockets.

  "It’s fine." I realized that everyone must know by now what had happened and why I was living with my grandmother. Stupid small town. The dad just looked at me with concern in his eyes. Awesome second impression. First impression, fear for his daughter’s life. Second impression, extreme pity.

  "David, if you need anything please ask us, okay? Even if you just want to hang out, we would be happy to have you over.” His offer seemed genuine and I appreciated it. Her father seemed like he was a good man. Even if he had just handed me an open invitation to be around his daughter every day if I could manage it. Which I could.

  "Okay," was all I managed to say, despite the warmth I felt coming from him.

  "Drive safe." He shook my hand again and reopened the front door. I nodded at him and felt my limbs re-animating. I walked to my car feeling oddly content. I shook my head, not believing where this evening had taken me. One minute I was drifting into one of the most miserable sleeps of my life and the next minute I was in an abandoned lighthouse, almost kissing an insanely pretty girl. And to my surprise the pretty girl was actually really cool. In just a few hours I’d seen some realism and a hint of sarcasm in her personality, which had surprised and delighted me. Plus, I was in complete awe of her confidence. I could not figure how any person could be that sure of themselves all the time.

  Helps if Mom and Dad adore you, I guess.

  As I was about to get on the freeway by Spyglass, a local hangout, I noticed Johnny’s car in the parking lot. We used to shoot pool and eat the famous fish and chips at Spyglass almost every Friday night. I decided to stop in. Johnny needed a good punch in the face anyways, for betraying me to a tiny girl.

  I walked into the smoke-filled pool hall and was greeted with deafening applause. I stepped back a few inches, trying to get my eyes to adjust so I could figure out what everyone was clapping at. Then I saw it was my whole gang sitting near the door like they had been there all night, just waiting for me to enter. The Spyglass regulars were clapping, too. I sat down with my group, willing the rest of the place to quit staring at me and go back to their pool games.

  "Dude," Isaiah raised his soda to me in a solemn toast, "last time we saw you, you were running like a little princess, diving headfirst into ice to rescue a damsel in distress." Everyone else also raised their glasses and held them there for a moment of silence. "I didn’t know you had it in you, man."

  Everyone drank to that. Jerks.

  "I didn’t realize you had a thing for those pretty Christian girls at school." Johnny was sitting right next to me, which put him in easy arm’s reach. An arm’s reach that I immediately took advantage of by shoving him while he sipped his soda. I was rewarded with a bit of Sprite through the nose.

  "You’re a funny man, Johnny. Lucy told me you all but peed your pants when she got a hold of you at school. Which is hilarious." Everyone started laughing at my retort. Johnny’s smile went down a fraction of an inch.

  "You should have seen him," Michelle spoke loudly, "he stammered like an idiot, made a few hissing noises and basically threw your keys at her then ran away like he’d just had three cups of coffee and a fresh bran muffin." The whole table continued to laugh. They all looked generally delighted at the situation, except Michelle. I noticed that she wasn’t enjoying all of it quite as much as everyone else was. Even Johnny seemed like he was having more fun than our token female.

  "Dude, she put her hands on my shoulders." He imitated a board, stiffening his body. A feeling I was all too familiar with. His grin widened, "It was awesome, but that’s all I could think to do."

  I found my laughter switching off suddenly, replaced by a feeling of jealously that Lucy had touched him. Couldn’t the girl do anything without touching someone? Especially boys. I buried my face in someones soda, trying to hide my discomfort.

  "I see she made it to your house?" Johnny wanted some details.

  "Yeah," once again my non-turtle shoulders were failing to hide me. I really didn’t want to talk it all out for the whole group. I wasn’t looking forward to the mockery that was sure to accompany the part of the story where I drove into the Richie Rich neighborhood. And this group sure wouldn’t appreciate how imported terra cotta tiles fit into all this.

  "So, you a ‘born again’ Christian now, or what?" Michelle’s mean voice accompanied the air quotes she used around born again, a term we heard a lot from Lucy’s group. Let the ridicule begin.

  "Yeah, has she let you ‘see the light’?" Isaiah interrupted, his deep voice sounded amused, and he also busted out some air quotes. Everyone laughed again.

  "Man, you guys are giddier than a twelve year old shopping for her first training bra, aren’t you?" They laughed again, but let it drop.

  "We’re just glad you’re okay, man." Johnny spoke directly, not bothering to be loud enough for everyone else to hear. Say what you will about these misfits, but they were decent. Sure, we smelled funny and wore makeup and most of us needed a haircut about three years ago, but when it came down to it, they were decent.

  Conversation moved on to catching me up on everyone’s lives in the last few weeks. I was glad they had forgotten about the question they were teasing me about. I thought about what Lucy had said about me being like God. I really didn’t know what she had meant and I was sure none of my crowd would either (they’d probably tease the crap out of me if I mentioned it) but it touched me deeply. Who says stuff like that? This gir
l unashamedly believed in God, and she had compared the two of us. I knew little about God and I definitely saw no correlation. I’d tried to help her and luckily it turned out okay.

  If Lucy was in trouble now though, it would be a different story. I would step in front of a truck for her now. I would do the same for each one of my friends. I wondered vaguely if my grandma had a bible at her house.

  Johnny nudged me out of my thoughts.

  "Have you eaten?" Johnny asked me just so the two of us could hear. I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was almost three in the morning. I was shocked that Lucy’s father hadn’t skinned me alive. Then I wondered vaguely if my grandma would be worried, or if she would even notice. She might just be assuming I was in bed. We hadn’t really worked through the whole curfew thing.

  "Yeah, but since I’m here I’ll get something." I got up to order some French fries at the counter and Johnny followed me. I stood in line with Johnny, neither of us really talking, when a girl behind us started giggling. We turned around and saw two girls. They were both from school but I had no clue what their names were. Their fingers fluttered at me in a girly wave, and the giggling continued. My face was turning purple from embarrassment. I flattened my hair against my face. Johnny nudged me in the ribs. I could tell he was trying not to lose it and laugh and embarrass me more.

  "Why are they waving at us?" I whispered urgently to Johnny, so quiet I wasn’t sure if he had heard.

  "They aren’t waving at me!" He was choking on his laughter.

  "I hate you," was my only response.

  "I hate you too, buddy!" He clapped my back and pointed me toward the counter, where a sullen guy stood waiting behind a register. I ordered my food, peeled my debit card out, and handed it to the cashier.

  "Hey!" The guy all but yelled at me, "you’re David Johnson?!" He stood up straighter like he was in the presence of greatness.