What did people get for birthdays? I tried to think of something big, something to mark the big-ness of the occasion.
“How about a big tattoo?” I finally asked. Her face flashed amazement for a moment but changed to interest quickly.
“A tattoo, huh? Where?”
“I don’t know. My arm, probably.” I always thought that a “sleeve” style would be cool to have. But really, when it came down to it, I was too much of a chicken for that. I’d probably end up with something on my shoulder.
Lucy put her hand on my upper arm and started moving her thumb back and forth across the skin, like she was trying to imagine a tattoo there. Waves of electricity moved through my body as she touched me. The electricity thing happened often, whenever she touched my arm or my back or my leg, my body would start to have a fit. Generally I tried to deal with it by pretending it wasn’t happening and trying not to notice where her hand was.
“Really? You want a tattoo?” She asked again.
“I do; I’ve always wanted one. I’ve thought a few times of drawing one for myself.” I shrugged, still noticing that her hand was on my arm. I was starting to sweat from the effort of not noticing.
“That would be really cool!” She smiled then looked me in the eyes. “Draw me a
tattoo!“ She said eagerly.
“You want a tattoo?” Now I was shocked; I never even imagined Lucy with a tattoo, but her skin was so beautiful that a tattoo would look pretty cool. Knowing her, it would be somewhere she could hide it and I would never get to see it.
“I love looking at them, but I’m not a big pain person,” she admitted.
“Well, I’m pretty sure it hurts, Luce.” To my bitter relief she let go of my arm and looked at me thoughtfully.
“Draw me something and I’ll get it.”
“No,” I said.
“What? Why?” She looked like her feelings were actually hurt.
“How can you get a tattoo that someone else wants for you?” I asked, catching a loose hair and tucking it behind her ear. My fingers lingered around the back of her neck.
“Well it’s not just someone, it’s you, and I want you to draw something that makes you think of me.” She was serious.
“I’ll draw something, but you don’t have to get a tattoo.”
“You draw, then mind your own business on what I do with it.” She laughed and she looked down at her watch.
“You have to go don’t you?” I glowered at the clock on the wall then brought her in close to me, putting my arms around her completely.
“Soon.” She got quiet in my arms. I sighed and started to let her go but she wouldn’t let me, which was a nice change. “You know, David, I’ve been waiting for a month for you to ask me to the Prom.” She spoke into my chest.
“The Prom.” I said it like I was a foreigner who had never heard the word before. “Luce, I don’t go to that school anymore, I didn’t realize--” but she cut me off.
“Don’t you try and give me those excuses, David Anthony!” Her brows were scrunched down in irritation, looking into my face, holding my chin in her hands. I was not going to be allowed to make any kind of excuse. She continued in a no-nonsense voice.
“We are seniors and, from the beginning of time, the senior prom has been held around this time. You had to have thought about it.” She looked stern.
“Ok. Yeah. I honestly didn’t know if you wanted to go with me.”
“What!?” Lucy looked at me with raging eyes. “You didn’t think I wanted to go to my senior prom with my boyfriend?” I shrugged my shoulders. She really meant it.
“You know, the last time we went out it didn’t, you know, end well.” I looked down at my hands and felt guilt rush over me.
“Really? So let me get this straight: You think that because you screwed up I don’t want to go to my prom anymore?” She waited for an answer and when she didn’t get one she kept on, “That’s the weirdest, stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
She crawled out of my arms and off the bed; leaving me to crumple like a shirt that was just taken off. I shrugged again, that is what I did when I didn’t know what to say. It was a vicious cycle because whenever I shrugged she would squeal in frustration, leaving me even more speechless.
“Don’t shrug at me, tell me what you’re thinking!” She was standing with her arms crossed tightly around her chest.
How did that happen? One second we’re sitting there cuddling, then she was mad at me and demanding to have one of those conversations where I tell her something that I don’t want to. I learned quickly, though, after the first time I refused to tell her what I was thinking that she would come to her own conclusions. And they would be awful.
It was the first month we were officially dating. I had gotten quiet because Mike had called her when I was around to ask her something about church. I was so upset that he was calling her that I magically turned into a three year old who hated everyone who touched me and looked at me; I all but threw my body down on the ground to throw a fit. But I wouldn’t tell Lucy why I was upset, because I thought she’d think I was being silly for being jealous of Mike calling her. In my moment of private self-pity she had thought I was thinking about Rachel (for whatever reason), and so had commenced our first fight. Since then, I’d gotten better about communicating with her, but it was always an uphill climb. I didn’t like “talking things out,” so every time I did it, although it made things more peaceful for her it made me even more stressed out.
Lucy was trying very hard to do what her mother had told her, making a decision to forgive me, even though her mind often jumped to the “he’s cheating” conclusion. But she was failing horribly at it in this moment. I tried to calm myself down and explain. I knew that, even though I hated it with the fire of a thousand suns, talking it out would ultimately be the best decision.
“I was thinking that I would look stupid in a suit. I don’t want to embarrass you. I don’t like big groups!” I crossed my arms back at her, sticking my tongue out for effect. It didn’t work.
“So I’m going to miss my prom, the thing I have been looking forward to for years, because you don’t like big groups?” The look of anger now had a tinge of puppy-dog sadness, which made me feel terrible. I blew my breath out in frustration and scooted off my bed to walk over to her, standing in the corner of my room. Big crocodile tears began to pool in her beautiful blue eyes. I grabbed under her elbows and brought her to me.
“It’s really not fair when you cry like that,” I whispered into her ear and kissed her neck.
“I’m not trying to.” Her voice jerked out between squeaky sobs.
“Yeah, right.” I moved her hair out of her face; she looked at me and glared.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t force you to do something you don’t want to do.” The words were right but her tone of voice was robotic and she still looked miserable. I laughed.
“That was the worst apology ever, Luce. You think you’ll try manipulation now that crying didn’t work?” I shook her a little and chuckled again.
“Oh, you are an idiot!” She stamped her foot in anger and tried to wiggle out of my arms but I had her tight.
“Lucy Peterson, I love you.” I kissed her lips gently, but they were locked tight in two thin lines. “I do actually look fantastic in a tuxedo, and if you were there with me no one would even notice I was there." Her eyes brightened a little and it made my heart leap, even made me a little excited to be going with her. Kinda.
“Are you being serious right now?” She started to laugh and wipe her tears away.
“Oh come on, did you seriously think I was just going to turn you down? You knew before you even came over that I was going to agree to take you!” I started laughing at her. She smiled and stuck her bottom lip out again.
“I wanted to be asked though.”
“I know; I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes and put my head back to the ceiling. “I’m not used to having a girlfriend. Especially one who is so amazi
ng. I want to do right by you, but I am still getting the gist of all the traditions and rules.” She was silent, her eyes studying me thoughtfully.
I held her in my arms wanting so badly to just kiss her, already. It was becoming an obsession, painful, an unreasonable urge I had to fulfill or I might go crazy. And she just kept on looking at me.
“We should go with Johnny and Jennika.” She finally spoke, quietly. My chest flooded with relief as she continued speaking, “we could share a limo or something.”
She melted into me, hugging me because she had gotten her way.
“Johnny, Jennika. Wait, a limo?” What three things had nothing in common that my girlfriend had just put into a sentence?
“Hasn’t he told you? Johnny asked Jennika to the Prom like a week ago.”
“No, he hasn’t told me. I talked to him last night, too.” I couldn’t wait to get that jerk on the phone. Jennika and Johnny, a beautiful African-American girl and a goofy red-headed punk with obnoxious freckles. Cute. I couldn’t even really be irritated with the guy. Jennika was beautiful and pretty cool.
“I have to get a limo?” I made my face look as uncomfortable as possible.
“Nah, I think your little Rabbit will be fine! I mean, breaking down on the way to the prom is what I’ve always dreamed of!”
“Oh suddenly this is all about you? What about how I’ve always imagined my prom?” I pulled off the most ridiculous fake sniffle ever.
“You, what have you always imagined?” She asked suspiciously.
“Skipping the dance and going straight to a hotel room.”
She gasped, broke free from my arms, and punched me. Hard.
“I’m kidding!” I dodged another punch, caught her up in my arms, and spun her around so her back was against me. “I’m kidding.” I said again, quietly in her ear.
“Come to church with me in the morning?” She asked, ignoring me. I dropped her like she was a disgusting bug that had just climbed up my arms. What an apt change of conversation. Hotel room, church. Bug.
“No. No way, Lucy. It’s not going to happen.” It was not going to happen. No way, no how.
“Come on, you liked my church.” She didn’t look upset, but I could tell this was not the answer she wanted.
“I said I liked the kids.” I spoke quietly, erasing all hint of humor from my voice. I didn’t want to fight, but I was going to stick to my guns on this one.
“David--” She began, but I cut her off.
“No, I am not going. I’ll see you next week Lucy.” I turned around and started putting away clothes that I had been neglecting all weekend because Lucy was around. I hated arguing with her, but she made things so difficult.
“Wow, excuse me. You’re just kicking me out?” I turned around and saw she was actually angry this time. Again.
I sighed. I fought the urge to be angry. I spoke in a measured voice.
“Lucy, the last time I went to church with you it was a disaster.”
“No, bowling was a disaster, church was great.” She wasn’t giving up. This stupid girl was too stubborn to know when to quit.
“I don’t want to see Rachel.” I could feel myself giving in.
“Me either,” she said, her arms loosening from their stern stance. She walked over to me but I backed up. We both stood still for a moment as I tried to formulate how to say the next part.
“Lucy. What if I never become a Christian? Are you going to be okay with that?”
It was a question I’d had on my mind for a long time but was too afraid to ask for fear of the answer.
She didn’t respond, just walked over to me and hugged me. I didn’t hug her back.
I waited for her answer; it wasn’t coming. She just kept hugging. This was her way of saying she didn’t want to talk about it, but I was so ready to dish out a taste of her own medicine.
“Did you hear me, Lucy?” I asked her.
“Yes. Okay. I don’t know.” She looked at me helplessly. I exhaled angrily and patted her back. Apparently it was something she’d been thinking about, too.
“Fine, I’ll go. But I will not speak to Rachel, nor will I talk to Mike, and I won’t sit in the front row. And if you try to get me to do any of those things you’re going to be embarrassed because I’m not going to play.” I was determined that something was going to go my way.
“Deal!” said Lucy, grinning. Game, set, match.
14. THE RED SUIT
Well, I wasn’t in the front row, so at least that plea had been acknowledged.
Lucy was actually being amazing. From the moment we got out of the car, she had her hand in mine. She smiled and waved to everyone we saw but didn't hug a single guy. A few reached out for her, but she would smile and lean the side of her body into mine and they would kind of back off. If she thought I didn’t know them, she’d make a point to introduce me.
Once inside, Lucy steered me to the second to last row in the middle section. She walked all the way to the far wall, seating us at the end of the row. I wasn’t sure if she was laying it on a little thick, trying to appease me by making me feel like I had easy access to the door, but I appreciated it.
Mike sat in the row in front of us but Rachel wasn’t next to him. I actually didn’t know where she was, which was kind of weird considering how she liked to announce her presence any time she arrived anywhere. I was just glad she wasn’t nearby.
Mike turned around when he heard our voices and put his hand out for me to shake.
“David. How are you?” He asked in a friendly voice.
“Good, you?” I took his hand and shook it firmly. This is how people did this, right? Shook hands, asked how the other was doing whether they cared or not? If it was, I was doing fabulously. Mike looked over at Lucy, nodded and smiled, and faced forward again. Lucy had her arm through my arm, content and happy that I was there. I have to admit, as much as I didn’t want to be there, I was glad I could make Lucy so pleased with my mere presence.
The sanctuary (I had to get Lucy to remind me what it was called) was bigger on the inside than it looked from the outside. It had three wide aisles and three sections of chairs stretching from front to back. Each section had about twenty rows. A few minutes before the service started, the rows were almost completely filled with friendly faces, all of them greeting and hugging each other. The carpet was black with grey speckles, like the foyer. Three of the walls were painted a comforting green; the fourth wall was brown. The stage up front was the entire width of the room and extended out about 15 feet. There were a lot of instruments and microphones up there. I felt like I was waiting for the band to start at a rock concert .
I was surprised how comfortable I felt sitting in this large room with all these people I didn’t know, waiting to hear a lecture on something I didn’t care about in the least.
“Hey girl. Hey David!” A voice rang strong and clear from behind us. We both turned around and, like I expected, saw Jennika ready to scoot herself into our row to sit next to us. What I didn’t expect was to see Johnny’s uncomfortable face right behind her.
“Hi,” Lucy said happily to her best friend, moving over so she and Johnny could sit next to us. I poked my head behind the girls’ backs and caught Johnny’s eyes. I raised my eyebrows at him and he rolled his eyes back at me. He knew, I didn’t even have to say anything, all of the ways they had been making fun of me for the last few months were about to come back to him tenfold.
I was really glad he was here though. Now I wasn’t the only love-struck idiot sitting in the middle of church because of some girl. I looked over at him again; he was saying something in a low voice to Jennika. How had I not seen this coming? I knew that Johnny thought Jennika was beautiful, but I had been under the impression it was more like a common sense observation. They were an odd-looking couple, but look at Lucy and me. We were about as opposite as a couple could be. Still, their appearance took some attention off of me, at least. I knew Johnny could feel each look and see all the questioning glanc
es that people were throwing their way. Johnny was cooler than I was, though, so he could shrug it off. Apart from his eye-lined eyes, he didn’t look much different from everyone else here.
A tall slender man with dark brown hair and a full goatee walked up on the stage and invited everyone to stand up with him.
“Good morning; welcome to Valley Christian.” He spoke in a cheerful voice. “This is the day the Lord has made!” Everyone clapped and a few shouted, “Amen!”
I looked around, amused. It wasn’t bad, don’t get me wrong, but I had to try not to laugh. Everyone was really gung-ho straight out of the gate.
I looked over and saw Johnny staring down at the ground with his shoulders shaking so I knew he was having the same problem with hiding his amusement. Goatee guy read a few scriptures, said a quick “opening” prayer and then the band walked up. Shock washed through me when I saw Rachel go up to the microphone, an acoustic guitar in her hand. Lucy shuffled uncomfortably so I put my arm around her, pulling her close to my side. I was trying to imagine me in her situation, I didn’t even want her hugging other guys and here she was, having to stare at the girl I kissed behind her back. I kissed the top of Lucy’s head and I felt her body get softer.
Rachel had a sweet voice that rang with deep vocals as music began to fill the entire room. It was hard not to look at Rachel. She was the main focus in the middle of a big stage; all lights were on her. She wore a red dress that went down to the middle of her calves. The thick strap covered her left shoulder, leaving the other one completely bare.
I felt like I was standing up forever. I didn’t sing along with any of the songs. Even though the words were on the big projector, I didn’t feel like I should be singing just because everyone else was. If I was going to sing these words, I wanted them to mean something. Rachel had a beautiful voice but her skills on the guitar were limited. I was assuming she was a beginner because all the songs she played along to she played with basic chords, even when the other band members were going wild with fancy strumming. It sounded pretty, though. But I would never say so, if I were asked. Finally, we got to sit down and Goatee-man went up to the stage again.
My Stupid Girl Page 18