Apparently, that was the cue for everyone to sit down.
“That’s Pastor Bray,” Lucy said in my ear. I nodded, she put her warm hands in mine and I nestled in, getting comfortable in my chair next to her.
“Before we start this morning we have a short play to enjoy, courtesy of our arts department.” As he said this I imagined some kind of crucifix scene from the bible to scare the “hell out of us.” I chucked at my own joke, but when Lucy looked over at me questioningly I straightened up and kept looking forward like I didn’t notice she was eyeing me.
The lights went completely out. One spotlight in the middle of the stage came on, slowly getting brighter and brighter, shining on a man who was dressed in gangster clothing and kneeling in front of another man. The man who was standing wore a white suit. He was tall, and looked down on the man kneeling.
Out of nowhere this deep booming came from the surround system and an amazing beat started playing. Two more spotlights illuminated two different people, one on the right side who was dressed in red and another on the left who was dressed in black. Once the lights were at their brightest, the kneeling man started to rap. By the time I got over my shock at rapping in church, he was halfway through his story.
He rapped about how he had woken up that morning, kissed his mother good-bye and told his younger brother he would be back. He was on his way to his gang to tell them that he wanted out. They told him he couldn’t leave, that he would have to fight. He refused and, when he was walking away, they shot him in the back. Now he was kneeling before God.
When that story was done the man in the black came over with an angry glower and started a different rap. This rap was filled with all of the things that the man had done in his life, he accused him of murdering, selling drugs, stealing and using women. I was amazed at how easily the words flew out of his mouth; he was really good. The words went together and they were powerful.
The guy in black (the devil?) was telling “God” all of the things the man kneeling had done in this life and saying that he belonged in hell. When the guy in black was done the guy in red rapped about how the kneeler had repented and accepted Jesus as his savior so he deserved to be in Heaven. The guy in red was, by far, the best rapper. At the end, of course, the guy got to go to Heaven.
It was a good play, I particularly enjoyed the music. At one point, I’d looked over at Johnny but he was sucked in, nodding his head to the beat. When it ended, the room erupted in deafening applause. The four of them got together in the front of the stage and waved to all of us, and hugged each other, their faces instantly turning into the faces of young, happy guys. I looked over at Lucy, who was clapping happily along with everyone else.
“That was cool; I didn’t know Christians were allowed to rap!” I wasn’t really trying to be funny, but she laughed.
“Oh, what do you think, we sit around softly humming old hymns?”
“Yes, actually.” The rap had been a nice change from my expectations. Being pleasantly surprised was becoming the norm, lately.
Pastor Bray came back on stage with his bible in his hand and walked over to the pulpit. Everyone got quiet and he started talking.
I ignored him, letting my mind slip back to the play I had just seen. I don’t know what all the regular church people got out of it, but I’d appreciated it because it was like something got explained to me that I’d never really understood before. It kind of clarified why someone as cool as Lucy would buy in to all this. All the raps had suggested that the whole religion thing wasn’t necessarily about being perfect, or having a perfect life and living like Mother Teresa, but about recognizing when you screwed up, and about trying to do right. I liked it way better than the “look good for God” version of religion.
Honestly, the combo of rapping, which had been totally unexpected, and a new take on church stuff, which was also kind of random, I was suddenly feeling much less defensive about the whole “God thing.”
Before I knew it, we were all being asked to stand up again and everyone was clapping for the pastor. I clapped along politely, hoping I didn’t get a quiz on what he had said because I had no clue. When church was over we all headed out the big doors in the back to our cars.
Johnny caught up with me and murmured an apology in my ear.
“Dude, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Tell me what exactly?” I smirked at him. “Are you two dating?”
“No. I mean, not yet, officially, we haven’t talked about it, but I really like her.” He stumbled over his words, sounding ashamed but not looking it.
“It’s cool, man. She is amazing.” His shoulders instantly relaxed and he looked less guilty as I spoke.
“You’re going to pay, of course,” I cautioned him, “for not telling me. But it’s cool that you’re together.” He laughed, not even caring about the world of suffering he was sure to get when Isaiah found out about all this.
“I’m taking her to the prom.” His voice was almost joyous.
“Yeah, I heard last night when Lucy was talking me into taking her.” I was amused but I was trying very hard to sound cross.
“So you’re going! I’m assuming you gave in cuz’ you’re a wimp like that.”
“Oh, now it’s official, two can play at that game. What color is your dress, pretty boy?” I said, loving this banter. Us two little punks, with our happy girlfriends, trying to tease each other but entirely too happy to even care what the other said.
After a long lunch with Johnny and Jennika, I looked at Lucy and told her that I really should be getting home to do the school-work I had been avoiding all weekend.
“Yeah, me too.” She looked at her watch and frowned; she always did that when our weekends were up. “Let me go home and change, then I’ll take you home.” Lucy had spent the night on my couch again the night before so we could go to church together. I was always amazed that her parents didn’t care, especially with a boy like me. I guess saving her from the frozen lake helped, but I was still a teenage boy.
In their defense, Lucy was frozen-lipped and rigid whenever I got too close. I guess they had good reason to trust the girl.
It was weird for me, this whole “officially” dating Lucy thing. Before it was known, she was coming to my house and practically all over me. I mean, the girl climbed into my hospital bed the first night I had met her, now she was like a brick wall. She was constantly freaking out about how far we went with hand-holding or whatever, never mind anything serious. We weren’t “going” anywhere, believe me.
When she made me uncomfortable with her closeness she was non-stop, in my face. Now that I wanted her to be closer she was carefully placing her steps and mentally playing each move before she made them. I had noticed, too, that she had lost some weight, which was pretty sad, actually. I’d really liked her curves and filled-out body. She was still gorgeous, obviously, but I had a guilty feeling about the increasing weight-loss. I think she felt like I thought Rachel was prettier because she was extremely skinny.
The problem was that I didn’t know much about girls. Skinny seemed like a silly girl thing, but I was hesitant to bring it up for risk of offending Lucy. Maybe she was just stressed out. Me commenting (negatively) on her changed appearance wouldn’t help. I dunno. Like many things with Lucy, I was kind of flying by the seat of my pants.
The church was close to her house. She drove slowly. She always drove slow as our weekends came to a close; she said that she wanted to hang out with me longer.
“So, what did you think of church?” She looked over at me with big, hopeful eyes.
“It was cool. I liked that play.” Please don’t ask me about the sermon, please don’t ask me about the sermon.
“Yeah, they are amazing. They do something once a month, and they keep getting better and better.”
“That’s cool.” I smiled at her. I know she wanted to hear that I was converted and my life was now instantly changed, but I couldn’t lie. I just stayed quiet, smiling. Thankfully
, her house was right up the road. She moved like she was going to talk as we pulled into the driveway, but thought better of it.
“Wait here.” She spoke in a dejected voice as she climbed out of the car and headed for her house. “I’ll be a few seconds.”
“My bladder is going to burst, Luce. I’m going to run into the bathroom.” I got out of the car and walked to the front door with her.
“Oh, ok.” She almost sounded apprehensive.
“I’m not going to follow you into your room!” I poked her in the ribs.
“I know that.” She laughed and slapped at my finger, opening the front door to the big cozy house I had become so used to. I jetted to the bathroom next to the kitchen and she headed up to her room.
The Petersons’ downstairs guest bathroom was the size of a bedroom, a bedroom in anyone else’s normal-sized house, at least. I could only imagine what the bathrooms looked like in the other rooms if the all-purpose kitchen one was this size. It had a big Jacuzzi tub, a huge shower with two showerheads and a built-in bench, and a walk-in linen closet. The walls were a deep red with turquoise accents.
I loved the way Lucy’s mom decorated; every room in the house was so bright and unusual. Mrs. Peterson managed to take colors that I would never consider putting together and made them look amazing. As I contemplated the complex color palettes, I washed my hands and headed for the front door, to wait in the car for Lucy. But I heard her rustling around in the kitchen. She wouldn’t allow me upstairs, but I knew I could go into the kitchen, so I spun around to go see what she was doing. I walked into the giant kitchen and saw Lucy’s head go back in a jerk as she took a long drink of water. She opened a cabinet next to her head and put a little brown bottle of medicine away. Her back was to me, so I was able to observe all this without notice.
"What was that?" I asked in what I thought was a normal, even, voice but Lucy jumped in the air and squealed in surprise.
"David! What's wrong with you?" She was holding the hollow of her neck, her eyes wide.
"What did you just take?" I asked, suspiciously.
"Nothing. It’s nothing.” She stammered looking guilty, like she’d been caught doing bad.
"Lucy." I walked toward her. "You’re acting weird." Her face held a mixture of embarrassment and irritation.
“I am not acting weird. Let’s go.” She tried to move around me with a business-like step, but I stopped her with my arm and spun her around to face me.
“Lucy.”
"Gah!" She exhaled and spun around. She threw open the cabinet door, reached in, and chucked the little bottle over her shoulder at me. I caught it and turned it so I could read the label. I started to laugh. It wasn't the right reaction, but it just came out.
"You take Ritalin?" She scrunched her nose at my question and started straightening up papers on the counter that were already straight. "Lucy, you take Ritalin?" I asked again, waiting for her to answer me.
"Obviously!" She answered savagely. “What are you doing in here, you were supposed to go back to the car.” She looked up at me and glared.
“So what, are you hyperactive or something, problems controlling your super active mind?” I asked, still giggling. Her face was priceless. She was so angry. I put the bottle down on the counter and reached out to hug her, but she wasn’t coming near me. A big puzzle piece was suddenly coming together in my mind.
“So, let's say,” I ignored her huffing and puffing, “You forget to take this Ritalin. Would you, perhaps, see nothing odd in driving a broken-down car with a stick shift, in the rain, an hour away to deliver it to someone you hardly knew?” She looked thunderous.
“Would you knock on said person’s window, late at night, during a huge storm, and expect them to help you climb up a wall to get in the room, all the while refusing to move because a little dog was blocking your way to the front door?”
I waited for her answer, but it didn’t come. “Then might you go through that boy’s closet, appropriating his clothing and then drag him to a lighthouse were you would come dangerously close to kissing him?”
She let me put my arms around her this time and pull her close to me. She was stiff as a board in my arms. I looked down at her face and could see myself in her wide, teary, striking blue eyes. Then she did something I had never seen her do before. She looked down at the ground, letting her hair fall in front of her eyes. Ashamed.
“Whoa, Lucy. What’s wrong?” I put my hand under her chin and lifted her head up, something that she had done so many times to me, and made her look in my eyes. She sighed and gave me a weak smile.
“Look, David, I don’t want to talk about it?” It was like she was begging me to pretend I’d never been here. That wasn’t going to happen, but she looked so embarrassed that I felt bad for making fun of her.
“Have you always taken it?” I asked without a trace of humor, hoping my seriousness would re-assure her. I didn’t care at all, but she really seemed bothered by the whole situation.
“No. I mean… kind of.” She looked up at me again and killed me with her amazing face, her lightly speckled nose, and big red lips. Her hair was getting so long, it brushed my hands that were wrapped around her waist.
“How do you kind of always take Ritalin?” I asked, still trying to avoid any humor.
“I have always had it, and took it when I remembered but...” She trailed off. I shook her a little to get her to keep talking.
“Since I started dating you, I make a point to take it like I’m supposed to.” She bit her bottom lip and looked up apologetically. I felt a rush of cold go over me, like someone had poured a bucket of water on my insides. I loosened my hands from her waist and put them down at my sides.
“Why?”
“Because I like you, David.”
“You take Ritalin because you like me?” I spat the words out in a disgusted tone that made her eyebrows furrow together.
“Yes.” She allowed me to let her go, but I think she felt just as sad about it as I did. “Listen, I saw how it made you feel when you thought I was flirting with those other guys. If I am regular with my meds, it’s much easier for me to avoid being super flirty with people.”
“So drugs are why you have been so calm and appropriate around everyone lately?” My voice was a monotone. I was bummed. I’d honestly believed that her feelings for me were the reason she was so much better around boys now.
“I guess that’s the reason. It just helps me think through thoughts and decision.” She looked apologetic again, like she was admitting a great fault of hers.
“Is that the reason you haven’t kissed me yet?” I asked quietly.
“No.” She answered, just as quietly. I felt so depressed all of a sudden, like a huge weight had just parked on my chest. Was my jealousy the reason she felt like she had to take this drug? To calm her down so much that she wasn’t her peppy self? The peppy Lucy I had fallen in love with?
Did I push her into this?
“What are you thinking?” She reached out for me but I moved back quickly. I drummed my fingers on the tabletop, phrasing my words in my mind before I said them out loud.
“Did you take them when you dated Mike?” I didn’t look up. I didn’t want to see her face.
I already knew the answer before she told me.
“Not like I should have.”
Mike had said once that I had to get used to her flirting if I was going to date Lucy. I had thought that by some miracle I had dodged that bullet and that she just didn’t flirt because she liked me that much. Now I knew better.
It hurt.
“Why?” I was still drumming my fingers on the countertop, not looking at her. She walked to me and pulled me over so I was facing her.
“Because I feel differently about you than I have with anyone else. I forgot all the time when I was dating him.” She smiled at me hopefully, as if that explained everything. Stupid girl.
“So, okay. You forgot to take your prescribed medication because you didn’t lik
e Mike as much as you do me?”
“Oh, don’t make me say it, David!” She stamped her foot on the ground and looked embarrassed again.
“Say what?” I was really confused. I don’t think it was because I was missing anything. She was being random, and I really didn’t understand what was going on.
“That I like you more, that I like you differently. I make a point to remember to take these stinking pills so I don’t do something that I know I shouldn’t.”
My head snapped up. I was shocked again, but instead of cold water, this time I felt lava pouring through me. Did I dare ask her to clarify?
“You sound like you’re saying that you take those pills because you want to, er, be, well, you want to, ummm, be intimate with me and you think you shouldn’t.”
Yeah, I jumped out on a limb, but I had to make it clear. I was going to be thinking about until I knew. She punched my arm in response.
“Please don’t make a big deal out of this.” She pleaded with me. I started to laugh again.
“So, is that why you haven’t kissed me?” I reached out and pulled her back into my arms. She nodded her head and nuzzled her nose into my neck.
“You don’t trust me?”
“I don’t trust myself, David.” She didn’t lift her head to look into my eyes when she said that. I couldn’t tell if she was being honest or not. This girl was driving me crazy, in every way possible.
“So, do you not want me to try to kiss you, then?” I really needed to know before my brain started bleeding.
“No. I mean, yes.” She flung her head up to stare into my eyes. Her lips were twitching, like they were begging me to try. This was driving me crazy. I wasn’t going to try asking again, but I was dying to kiss her.
Literally, I could feel the oxygen leaving my body.
Once I started was she just going to make me stop? I decided that even if she did, I had to try. As I contemplated, she held my gaze. Her face turned pink and glowed. It was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe she was in my arms in this moment, asking me to take this moment and run with it. Maybe.
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