by Elaine May
“G..Girl...Girlfriends. I’m not like them. I’m different Charlton and you know it.” I place my hands in front of my stomach, standing tall.
“I go there all the time.”
“Exactly.”
“You want to be treated differently, Noelle?”
“Yes I do. I think I deserve it.” He starts running his fingers through his hair and he looks so yummy. I would probably end up going anywhere he wanted to go but that’s not the point at the moment.
The point is to make him pay for everything that’s going on inside my head and I hate to say it but what might be going on inside my heart too.
I hate him.
I hate him so much right now.
“Noelle?” He questions, and I’m pushed back into the now as Charlton takes a hold of my hand and squeezes it to get my attention.
I blink a few times and then look up at him, he’s holding my hand and it feels somewhat nice. How can that be when all I can think about is how much I hate his guts and this situation?
“Let’s go to another restaurant then.” I can see his smile lurking behind his frown as he starts to pull me through the streets and to another destination. I know he likes to remain in control and right now he doesn’t like me fighting him. He should get used to it, I’ll fight him to the death any way I can. Within ten minutes he sits across the table, his tie matches the colour of his eyes and he looks so handsome it could almost hurt if I were to let it. I should feel quite lucky being able to sit here with him, if this were another situation then I’m sure I would. He’s one of the most famous bachelors in the country, his family have been around for centuries and I’m here sitting with him. I have to remind myself that it’s not out of choice, this is no date. I hope he doesn’t forget that he is lucky to be sitting here with me as well. Oh no, he won’t be able to forget that, I won’t let him.
The waiter comes over and takes our order and I let Charlton choose a red wine and we both go for the steak. The waiter leaves and comes back a few moments later with the bottle of wine. He pours a little out for Charlton to taste and I can’t stop looking at his face and neck as he tests the wine and the whole time I can see him staring back down at me.
“What?” I ask, not sure why he’s looking at me the way he is.
“I’m surprised by what you ordered. Most of the girls I go out with have something light.”
I release a small laugh.
“I’m not like other girls Charlton. You should know that by now.” He takes my hand in his and raises it to his mouth and kisses me. I take a peek through my lashes at his eyes and he’s just looking at me.
What’s that look in his eyes?
I quickly pull away from him and miss his touch straight away. I want to be back within his hold for some strange reason.
I shake my head, trying to get rid of my thoughts and he just continues to stare at me. I let out a breath and as I do it I raise my shoulders.
“I like my meat Charlton.”All of a sudden there’s a noise coming from his lap and I watch as he pulls his mobile from his pocket and looks at it and then puts it at the other side of him, away from me. Why would he want to do that?
“Who was it?” I have to ask because the thought that it could be another woman doesn’t settle well with me.
“Just my mum.”
I’m about to say something about his ‘just mum’ comment but I’minterrupted by the waiter who starts to bring out our food. It smells delicious and this time I want to be able to eat and as soon as the waiter goes I place the food on my tongue, so many different tastes erupt in my mouth and I moan a little, making Charlton look intensely at me, oops I didn’t mean to do that. We get distracted as his mobile beeps again. He says sorry as he looks down at it and then puts it back down again. I try to give him a questioning look, but he ignores me. We eat in silence for a few minutes and then his mobile goes off again and again a few minutes later.
Again?
I can feel my anger grow with each beep that comes from his side of the table, apologetic eyes don’t seem as sorry with each look he gives me. This can’t be his mother, if it were he would have said something. I start to tap my long nails against the table as I feel more and more like I’m just here to appease our parents. The looks he has been giving me mean nothing, just like they did before.
I don’t think so, handsome. You may be able to get away with anything you like with everyone else in your world, but you won’t with me.
Beep, beep.
Not again. I can’t hide the grunt and eye roll as Charlton’s hand delves to his phone again. This person is being very persistent, who the hell does she think she is?
“Who is she?” I ask, and he finally looks up at me and he has the cheek to look annoyed at me. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for his answer, just wanting to know how he will play this latest scene he and everyone else isforcing me on.
“It’s not a her, it’s my mum.” Yeah, right, you haven’t even made any attempt to text your mum back if it’s really her. It has to be another woman, but he sounds so defensive and it instantly raises more questions in my head.
“Who is it Charlton?” He releases a breath and I know I was right, It’s not his mother
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.” There’s the boy I knew. I raise both my eyebrows at him
“Excuse me?” I question, feeling quite disgusted by his words.
“You’re on a so-called date with me.” I stop for a moment.“Maybe you don’t deserve to be.”
I can’t help letting all my emotions expel with my words. How dare he think he can treat me, talk to me like that?That’s it, I’ve had enough now of these games. I lean forward and with a steady hand because I know exactly what I’m about to do I snatch the mobile out of his. He looks surprised as I hold the phone over my full glass of wine.
“What are you doing? Give me back my phone please.”
“No.” I say while I shake my head draping the cell over the top of my glass.
“Give it back.”
“Do I have your attention now?”
“What?”
“Do. I. Have. Your. Attention. Now?”
“You’re fucking crazy.”
“No. No, I’m not crazy, I’m just annoyed with this whole thing.”
“And why are you annoyed, little princess?” Little princess, did he just call me little princess? I’ll show him what a little princess can do.
“When I choose to go out with someone I expect to have their undivided attention. When I thought I was going to marry someone I assumed I would be the only woman for him. Yes, that might make me a spoilt princess but that’s what I want.”
“I don’t share with anyone Noelle. That means you’d be the only woman in my life.”
“How am I supposed to believe that? You could be lying, like last time.” He looks shocked for a moment and has the audacity to look hurt.
“What do you mean, Noelle?” He tries to take my hand in his, but I move it away.
“You know what you are? A complete bastard.” He looks shocked and then hurt before it changes into a smirk.
“What do you want Noelle?” He says on a sigh.
“I want lots of things handsome, and if you can’t give that to me then don’t bother calling me again until you can.”
I throw the cell at his chest and turn around and storm away from him. Oh God, I really hope that has done it because I can’t keep playing this game with him. I want my life back, away from him. I smile at the thought and then something tells me not to be so harsh. That I’m lying to myself. I shake my head in disgust as people move away from me.
“Where are you going this time?”I hear him say from behind me.
“Home, away from you.”
“Fine!” I hear him shout as I make my way through the restaurant. I’m swept up in a thick storm of emotions. How can he evoke so many feelings from me?
He has always been able to make me feel things that I’ve never allowe
d anyone else to.
But why now when he means nothing to me?
Bastard.
CHAPTER TEN
I’m surrounded by the warm depth of a hazel sea, twirling colours of green and blue swirling together, trying to hypnotise me. I’m out in the open, in a world I’mfamiliar with but don’t want to repeat. It engulfs me, it suffocates me as its power swallows me whole and I never want to leave even though apart of my soul screams for me to. I hear a voice in the background, it almost has a seductive hum to it that draws me in its direction with an invisible leash that I can’t fight. I look around, fighting the current that begins to get stronger, trying to take me under, but there is nothing around for me to see, to focus on.
They all want us to marry.
It’s written on a contract in black and white.
You know we’ll just end up together in the end.
Who cares what happened in the past.
You know how much you want me, Noelle.
You can’t hide your true feelings from me.
Be a good girl and just agree.
I awake with a start. My heart is thumping away against my rib cage and it starts hurting to breathe.
It was him.
I dreamed about him again.
Why does he keep doing this to me?
I feel so angry at him, he has no right to keep doing this to me. None of them do. If my father knew what this was doing to me he wouldn’t let it continue, I’m sure of it. I reach out my hand in the hope of reaching the comfort of Sammy, I really need someone who doesn’t have any ulterior motives at the moment. I feel his fur beneath my fingers and at my touch I feel him move.
“Oh Sammy, what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with everyone? It’s madness, all of it.” I ask expecting an answer from my bestfriend, but I get a snort and a head on my lap as I stroke him, instantly making me feel a little better.
Why did I dream of him again? I don’t care what Daddy says, I’m not marrying that man. He may be used to getting what he wants but he will not be getting me. I don’t care what Daddy says.
Visions of the dream come back to me as I lie in bed not knowing if I want to go back to sleep or not. I’m too scared to, I don’t want any more dreams of him. I notice my body starts to tingle with the thought of him again, my body threatening to drown in the sea of his eyes. My body starts to betray me as my nipples start to pebble just thinking of what his touch would feel like again.
He would be firm yet soft.
His kisses would feel amazing just as they had years before.I can’t believe I’m allowing myself to go back down this road again. I was here before, when I was just a girl, and he left me heartbroken. I can’t let him do that to me again. The bastard is so sure of himself. He doesn’t understand how lucky he is that I even gave him the time of day last night after everything that has happened. No normal girl would, it would be a simple case of letting bygones be bygones. But not me, I’m such an idiot. I must have managed to go into a dreamless sleep because all of a sudden, I’m startled awake by my mobile ringing as the sun shines through my window with bright beams of light. I look at the screen and notice Daddy’s name. At least it isn’t Charlton again.
“Hello Daddy.” I say, noticing my cheerful tone even though I feel terrible. The visions from my dreams fight to be seen but I manage to keep them under control as I wait for Daddy to speak.
“I had an interesting call from Mr Williams last night.” I roll my eyes at the thought that that bastard tattle-tailed on me.
How old is he? Five again?
“He says you walked out on him.” I can tell he stops for a moment and then I hear his breathing becoming heavier.
“Twice?”
I roll my eyesagain, half expecting to get told off for my actions, but it obviously never comes, thank God. I can’t believe the guy has told on me, have we gone back to playground anticsall of a sudden?
Gone back to the children we once were?
I wish so because then I would only have been friends with his sister and kept well away from him.
“Did he tell you what he was doing at our so-called date?”
“There was nothing so-called about it. It was a date.”
“Did he tell you what he was doing though, Daddy?” Hope tries to blossom in my chest that if Daddy only knew what he is really like there is no way he will try to force him on me.
“No. No, he didn’t.”
“He tried to take me somewhere where he has taken any other date and then he kept messing with his mobile.”
“He can’t help business calls.”
Business calls?
Does he think I’m stupid?
“Daddy, I’m not marrying him.”
“Sweetheart, you have no choice. The wedding is happening.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so, that’s why. I only have your best interests at heart.”
“Why Daddy? Please just answer me that.” I can hear his heavy breathing through the line. He lets out a big breath and remains silent for too long before he starts to talk again.
“When you were a baby and your grandfather died and I took over the everyday running of the business I noticed the company was in difficulty. It could have meant losing it from the family. My grandfather had worked so hard, Noelle, he didn’t have a good life and his business and family meant so much to him. I couldn’t let anything happen to it.”
I want to cry at the seriousness of his tone, I can tell how much this means to him.
“I couldn’t do that to him, to my dad. I couldn’t do that to you, to any of us. Our staff could have lost their jobs and I couldn’t have lived with myself.”
He doesn’t say anything for a little while, his breathing is still harsh and heavy against the line, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s going to say next, but nothing comes.
“What happened, Daddy?” He takes in a rattled breath.
“The Williams.....They offered to help.”
Oh God, I think I know what he’s going to say.
“Old Man Williams had died the year before and they knew there was nothing for Charlton. T...T..They said they would help if I gave your hand in marriage and you could both run the business together. You could both help his sister with the estate, it would be the three of you.”
I close my eyes and just listen to his words, I can see why he would do it, so much was at stake, but I also want to hate him. I do hate him, but I love him too because he’s my Daddy. He was just trying to do the right thing.
“You were so close growing up that we were sure it was all going to work out for the best.”
I can’t help but interrupt him.
“Things change Daddy, and they did.”
“I know, sweetheart, but this isn’t only about you. There is so much more at stake.”
Well there you go, he’s just put the knife in my heart. I have no choice, I’m doomed whatever I do. My heart starts to sink to the bottom of my stomach and I feel weak as everything that he said starts to really sink in.
I have no choice.
“Are you ok sweetheart?” I hear Daddy ask and I nod my head, forgetting we’re on our phones.
“It’s a good match, you know. Good family, he’ll be a Lord one day. He’s a good man, a wise head on those shoulders.” I fight the tears at knowing I have no choice in my own future. Everything has been planned out for me and I have no back-out clause to fall back on.
“Why don’t you go out with him again tonight? Get to know each other again.”
“Ok, Daddy.” I try to fight the tears so he can’t hear them in my voice. I tell him that I love him and then end the call.
My heart feels broken. Spilt into a million pieces and I have no idea how to piece it back together again.There you go, that’s my fate, my destiny. At least I know it all now and like Daddy implied it could be worse. But Charlton bloody Williams, why would the Gods be so cruel?I know what this is really all about now and just because I do doesn�
��t mean I have to go into this willingly. Maybe I can have some fun.
Maybe I can make him suffer. I have already been playing with him a little, I had had some fun, but perhaps I should up my game.
Maybe I can make him pay for however long we are forced together.
Maybe I can be so nasty that he ends it for me.
Now that could maybe make it all a little more worthwhile.
I wouldn’t be the bad guy, he would.I’m suddenly already dying to see how this could end. If I wanted to I could make it last foreveror force it to go down in flames with him in the middle.
l could take this way too farand have him breathlessor leave him with the nasty scar of my hatred for him. When it is all over he could tell me If it was all worth the pain I could inflict on him.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
No matter what my heart always melts when he looks over at me, when I get to be close to him. I like being his friend and we can be friends always. I can only hope that is what will happen. I don’t like the idea of us never being friends.
I smile as my new ideas swim in my head. I am going to force his cockiness, his smug looks to go up in flames and I will love every moment of it. I am young and I can be reckless, together that could make this go way too far. Charlton doesn’t want my love, all he is interested in is the torture of my soul. He wants my business, he wants a reason, well if that’s what he wants I can give it to him tenfold, it just won’t be the way he’s pictured it. He is so sure of himself, so sure I will fall for his charms like I did when we were younger. I’m not that girl anymore and maybe it is about time that Charlton Williams really sees what he has done to me.
It isn’t too long after I get off the phone with Daddy that I decide to get the ball rolling, I am only using his choice of words. I have to try and calm myself before I even contemplate talking to the devil himself, but my new ideas give me reason to laugh.
Oh I can’t wait to see his face when everything turns around on him.
He is so sure of himself that it is sickening.