by Meris Lee
Ana emptied her bottle of beer and said to McKenzie, “Well, here’s your chance to buy me another drink. But I want a cocktail with vodka in it.”
McKenzie returned with a tall glass of golden beverage and set it down in front of Ana, who immediately took a sip of it via a straw.
“Long Island Iced Tea, extra-long,” said McKenzie.
Ana paused for a moment, and debated whether she should stop right there. She could handle a shot of vodka alone, she supposed, but this drink contained a few shots of other liquors. She was drinking close to a bottle of vodka a day before, so she calculated that this cocktail couldn’t harm her. She would stop as soon as she felt a buzz. She took another sip.
“You are going to do her in, McKenzie,” said Vo, drinking his beer, still smiling.
When the band started playing again, McKenzie asked Ana to dance. Ana glanced at Vo, who shrugged his shoulders. Ana finished her cocktail, and then she went off to the dance floor with McKenzie. The band was playing a song of a famous American artist. Several people lined up to do the well-known steps of the dance, emulating monsters. McKenzie was trying to copy them, and Ana, instead of dancing, giggled through most of the song, attempting to imitate the gestures only during the last minute.
“I haven’t had so much fun in ages,” said Ana when she sat back down next to Vo. McKenzie sat down as well, trying to catch his breath. Ana looked at Vo; he was putting on a long face.
“The dancing was so-so, but you sure know how to make a girl laugh,” said Ana.
McKenzie excused himself to go to the bar. Ana asked Vo if he wanted to dance.
“We should probably get going,” said Vo.
“Wait till the break? I want to wish my daughter a happy birthday,” said Ana. She was leaning against Vo and looking into his eyes, begging.
“Okay,” said McKenzie as he sat down with three glasses of the crystal clear alcohol. “Here’s straight vodka, as you like it in Russia. No juice, no ice, just vodka.”
“I can’t,” said Vo. “One beer is my limit. I have to ride the motorcycle home.”
“Ana?” said McKenzie as he raised his glass to her.
“Why not?” said Ana. She grabbed a glass and saluted McKenzie. “Cheers.”
“Za zdarovje,” said McKenzie.
Ana was surprised and said, “That sounded really good. Wait, I don’t remember teaching you that.”
“I learned some stuff on my own,” said McKenzie.
Ana finished her glass of vodka, and reached for another. She said, “I’ll take this for Vo.” She drank the second glass of vodka in one gulp.
“Another dance?” McKenzie held out his hand, and Ana took it.
They danced until the band took a break. Ana returned, feeling hot in the face and euphoric. She had locked arms with McKenzie on the way back. They didn’t separate until Vo gave a disapproving grunt.
Ana’s face became a little serious when Zoe came and stood in front of her. Zoe gave her a severe stare, and then she turned toward McKenzie.
“You need to stay away from her,” said Zoe. She was looking at McKenzie while pointing at Ana.
“Zoe, he’s my friend,” said Ana. “Be nice. It’s McKenzie, remember?”
Zoe turned toward Vo, “And who’s this?”
“That’s your mother’s boyfriend, Vo” said McKenzie. He took a sip of his vodka.
“Did you let her drink?” said Zoe, staring at Vo.
“She wanted to celebrate your birthday, Zoe,” said Vo. “It is your birthday today, isn’t it?”
Zoe didn’t respond.
“Happy birthday, Zoe,” said Ana. She stood up, trying to give Zoe a hug. Zoe backed away. Ana lost her balance and nearly fell. Vo caught Ana in time, and held her in his arms.
“You should leave, and stop drinking,” said Zoe.
Vo handed Zoe the gift bag and said, “Your mother picked this out for you. Happy birthday. I’ll take her home now.”
“Wait,” said Zoe, “you are not, staying overnight, are you?”
“No, I’ll just drop her off,” said Vo. “She would love for you to come home, though, if you are worried about her.”
“My brother is there. He’ll look after her,” said Zoe. She turned around and left.
“That Zoe is one tough cookie,” said McKenzie.
Vo led Ana out of the nightclub despite McKenzie’s protest, and took her back to her apartment on his motorcycle. He waited while Ana tried to open the door to her apartment building with her key; she scratched at the keyhole several times before she inserted the key properly and unlocked the door.
“Should I help you go up the stairs?” said Vo.
“No,” said Ana, “I can go up myself. I’m too exhausted to explain to my son who you are tonight. I think I will just go up and lie down. Thanks so much for being patient. Zoe never liked anyone I dated. But I think she will like you. You are different.”
“Different in a good way, I hope,” said Vo. He held Ana’s face, and kissed her.
When Ana got into her apartment, Ivan was already asleep. Ana was glad because she knew that if Ivan had seen her with alcohol on board, he would be upset. Ana gave herself a pat on the back as she jumped into the shower. She had managed not to get drunk. She started and stopped drinking at will. She even had a little bit of fun. She could do this. She didn’t have to completely give up alcohol after all. She could just replicate what she did tonight, having a few drinks and then stopping before she got tipsy. She would sleep like a baby now, and then, first thing in the morning, she would go and buy some vodka. Maybe she would get a small refrigerator for her bedroom, and keep the vodka there so that Ivan wouldn’t see it and get worried. He wouldn’t understand, Ana thought, as she closed her eyes and drifted into her dreams.
Chapter 31
Ana opened the door and let Vo into her apartment. It was just after noon, and Vo had brought her some sandwiches and sodas. Ana quickly picked up the papers and books scattered on the floor and stacked them on a bookshelf, and then she gathered the dirty glasses and plates from the coffee table and the television stand and took those to the kitchen.
Ana returned to the living room with two cups of hot tea, and noticed that Vo was inspecting the floor around his seat. She set the cups down on the coffee table and said, “I spilled something there the other day. I haven’t got the chance to wipe it down properly.”
“You don’t have to clean on my behalf,” said Vo. He was smiling. “My apartment is a pig sty compared to yours.”
Ana sat down on Vo’s lap and they embraced each other and kissed.
“You sure did make me jealous last night, drinking and dancing with McKenzie,” said Vo.
“Did I?” said Ana. “I vaguely remembered dancing with somebody. I thought it was you. Did we dance?” She left Vo’s lap but squeezed in next to him in his chair. She took a sip of her tea.
“I am not very good at dancing,” said Vo, “so I usually sit and watch. You had a great time dancing with McKenzie though. I thought that perhaps you forgot who your boyfriend was after that Long Island Iced Tea McKenzie bought you.”
“Next time,” said Ana, “remind me to say no to McKenzie and his drinks. He was probably plotting to get me drunk so that I would act like a fool and you would dump me.” She pursed her lips, pretending to pout.
“He wouldn’t do such a thing. He was just trying to get you to relax and have some fun,” said Vo. He pressed his thumb onto Ana’s lips, and then he leaned forward and kissed them.
After a few minutes, Ana said, “My daughter seemed to think that McKenzie was up to no good. She kept giving him the cold shoulder and telling him to get lost. You don’t know him that well, either. You barely worked together at the dive center for a couple of months.”
“You and I barely met just a few months ago, too, and didn’t really talk to each other until the last couple of months, either. Should I be worried about you?” said Vo. He raised an eyebrow at first, and then he grinned.
They hurried out of the apartment and flew to the local police station on Vo’s motorcycle. Ana felt sick with concern for Ivan, a rare thing since Ivan was born. She had anxiety about her own troubles and Zoe’s problems all the time, but she never had the slightest stress when it came to Ivan. He was the smart, independent, and self-sufficient child.
When Vo and Ana got to the police station, the police officer on duty gave them a curious look, and then took them to the cubicle of another police officer, the one who arrested Ivan. The latter police officer verified her and Ivan’s passports, and then informed Ana that her son had been arrested on account of obstructing traffic by running onto the busy Tran Phu Boulevard while skateboarding, after he accidently collided with a child who suffered a bloody scalp laceration. The child’s wound had been closed with staples, but he had to be admitted to the hospital for observation. The police officer explained to Ana that he and his colleague had warned her son as well as the other skateboarder on multiple occasions. Today’s incident was the last straw.
“How can I get him out of here?” said Ana. She was afraid that Ivan might get charged with some kind of felony, tried in a court, and be sentenced to prison.
“You can pay a fine,” said the police officer. “The child’s parents agreed to settle for one thousand American dollars in cash. You will have to pay an additional one thousand to the city for violating the traffic codes. Your son can go home after you pay the fine, and that would be the end of the story.” He assured that Ivan would not have a criminal record from this event as long as Ana could pay the fine promptly.
Ana was relieved to hear that she could resolve the crisis with money, but she frowned at the amount of the fine because she did not have that much money on hand. She asked if she could pay the fine in installments, and the police officer told her that her son would be released only when the fine was paid in full. Ana fought back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Her face was getting warm and her heart was pounding fast. She knew that the police officer had probably just made up a reason to put her son in jail and fabricated the amount of the fine out of thin air, but she couldn’t afford to hire a lawyer to get Ivan out of this jam, and she couldn’t let her son stay incarcerated for days or even weeks while she sorted it out through legal channels.
Vo held Ana in his arms and said, “Ana, listen. Stay here and wait for me. I will be right back with the cash.” He left before Ana could protest.
The police officer let Ana talk to Ivan in a small room behind a locked door. Ivan looked frightened, and had obviously been crying.
“Are you hurt?” said Ana, looking at the bruises on Ivan’s wrists, probably from being handcuffed earlier. She was sitting across from Ivan at a small table. She reached out to hold Ivan’s hand, but he pulled it back.
“I didn’t know you care,” said Ivan. He was shaking.
“If I somehow made you feel that I don’t care about you, I’m sorry. I know that I’ve been neglectful, but you’ve always been a really good kid. I get so used to leaving you alone to do your own thing.”
“So now you are blaming me? I should’ve been more like Zoe in order to get your attention? I should’ve dropped out of school and run away?”
“That’s not what I meant,” said Ana.
The police officer came in and announced that Ivan was free to go. The fine had been paid in full. Ivan stood up first and kicked his chair before he went out of the room. Ana let out a sigh, and followed the police officer out.
When Ana came out of the police station, she saw Vo and Ivan stood silently facing each other. She said, “Vo, this is my son, Ivan. Thank you so much for saving him. I don’t know what to say. I will do everything I can to pay you back.”
Vo raised his eyebrows and blinked a few times.
“You saved me?” Ivan said, looking bewildered.
“Ana is your mother?” said Vo.
“What’s going on? You two know each other?” Ana looked back and forth between Vo and Ivan.
“Wait, it can’t be,” said Vo. “Ana can’t be your mother. You said she was—”
“Horrible. Right here, my horrible mother is this woman right here,” said Ivan. He gestured toward Ana with both of his hands.
“You knew I worked at the Institute of Oceanography, but you didn’t mention that your son was in the summer camp there?” said Vo. He was looking at Ana, the question sounding more like an accusation.
“I-I wasn’t thinking,” said Ana.
“You registered him for the camp, paid for the fees, signed the waivers for him to go off-shore and let him swim around a remote island, but it never occurred to you to ask me if I knew your son, since I worked at the same place?”
Ana didn’t say anything at first out of embarrassment, and then she turned to Ivan and said, “What fees did I pay? What waivers?”
Ivan’s face was red, and he was in tears again. “I took money out of your purse and I signed your name on all the forms I needed. I did it because you never listened when I asked you to do something. Your mind was always somewhere else. You were either dreaming about the dead baby or worrying about Zoe,”
“Or drunk,” said Vo. The muscles on his face were knotted and the veins on his neck were engorged and pulsating.
Vo’s words were like lead weighing down on Ana’s heart. She wanted to say something in self-defense, but she couldn’t utter a sound.
The stand-off lasted for what seemed like an eon before Vo waved down a taxi to take Ana and Ivan home. Ana looked at Vo with pleading eyes as he shut the door. He stood on the curb, watching Ana leave until the taxi disappeared from his sight, and wondered if he might, or should, never see her again.
Chapter 32
Ana left another message in Vo’s voicemail box. It had been a few days since they last spoke to each other. It felt like a surreal walk in the clouds as she looked back on the very brief period of time that she and Vo had been together as a couple. Now it felt like she had just been extracted from above the world and swallowed by a dark, monstrous emptiness underground. She didn’t get a solid confirmation that Vo had called it quits, as he hadn’t communicated at all since they rescued Ivan from the police station. Vo probably intended to end their relationship, she thought. He wouldn’t have been so cold otherwise.
Ana decided to focus on Ivan. The little boy that Ivan ran into while skateboarding would have the staples removed soon. Ana and Ivan visited the family of the little boy and made sure that everything was taken care of. The little boy was already once again the rambunctious five-year-old that he normally was. The family thanked Ana for the five hundred U.S. dollars in compensation. Five hundred? The police had told her that they asked for one thousand. The family was shocked and told Ana that they didn’t ask to be paid anything at all to begin with. Accidents happened all the time and the child was not so badly injured. Ana and the family decided not to bother the police with the matter, as nothing positive was likely to result from it.
Ana tried hard to make up with Ivan. She would ask Ivan how he was doing and whether he needed anything several times a day if Ivan didn’t make an excuse to get out of her sight. Ana bought Ivan new clothes, shoes, and supplies for school, and she even started cooking. She asked about Ivan’s friends, and offered to host a dinner for them, but Ivan turned her down. At last she asked if Ivan needed a new skateboard; Ivan declined, but did let her buy him a new set of wheels. Ana was so happy that she practically sang the entire time they were at the skate shop.
Still, the days dragged on for Ana. Each day Ana woke up with the feeling that perhaps the whole thing with Vo was just a dream. She went over again and again the moments they were together, from when they first met, to the outing on the Pearl Island, to when they first kissed. None of it seemed real now. Then Ivan would sit down f
or lunch and start talking about Vo. He was the best teacher, counselor, and friend that Ivan got to know in his whole life, Ivan would say. One day he told Ana that he was sorry for breaking up her relationship with Vo; Vo could’ve been his new papa if he hadn’t told Vo those awful things about Ana.
Ana didn’t blame Ivan for any of it. Her choices alone got her where she was today. She indeed didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone, not Vo, not her children. She couldn’t even respect herself, or give herself any love, either. How could she? She was still drinking, more than ever.
Her cheeks had become hollow and her clothes were hanging rather loose when she looked herself in the mirror. Her eyes were always bloodshot with puffy lids. At work she withdrew from the others, even Mai. She had written down orders wrong, and taken plates for table A to table B. She was late almost every day now.
“This is your pay for the last week. You can go home now. You don’t need to come back anymore,” said Mr. Tran when Ana showed up for work half an hour late one day. He handed Ana an envelope with cash inside, and escorted her out of the restaurant. Mai came out from the kitchen to protest, but Mr. Tran shook his head.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Tran. I’m sorry,” said Ana as she swallowed her tears. She didn’t even have the strength or the audacity to beg Mr. Tran to let her stay. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to find employment elsewhere in her present shape. She quickly considered the small amount of money in her savings; money was going to be tight now.
She picked up her mail when she got home. She hadn’t checked her mailbox for a while even though it was conveniently located at the entrance to her apartment building. She noticed a familiar handwriting on one of the envelopes. She flew upstairs to her apartment to open it and read it. Her heart was about to jump out of her chest. Her hands were shaking as she read each word. Vo had finally written. She had waited so long for a word from him. She couldn’t believe that she was actually holding a piece of paper that Vo had touched the day before.