I gripped at his back as his lips followed the column of my neck. His fingers pinched my hard nipples through the thin cotton spaghetti strap I had put on for my nap. He was moving slow, cherishing and worshiping each part of my body he touched. When his hand slipped down inside my panties I whimpered against his mouth.
"Mason, please."
"I will baby, just let me in."
He tugged at my panties dragging them down my legs and tossing them over his shoulder. I tried not to cry out when his mouth kissed my pussy. The long swipes of his tongue had my entire body heating up quickly. My fingers dug into his hair and tugged on the dark locks as my climax got closer. I grabbed at the sheet and bit down on my lip to keep from screaming his name. Mason pulled back and smirked at me.
"I don't want you to come without me inside you, baby."
I stared at him for a moment. "If you haven't been with anyone since I left we don't need a condom. The odds of me getting pregnant are pretty much nonexistent."
A shadow crossed his face. "It's only ever been you, Em."
He positioned himself at my entrance and slowly pushed inside. We both groaned at the exquisite feeling. His lips crashed down on mine, muffling our moans. I watched him slowly slide in and out for a few moments until it became too much. Our gazes locked and every emotion I had been trying to fight back came bubbling to the surface. We stared into each other’s eyes as he thrust harder, making my head fall back and a low moan to escape. He reached between us finding my clit, applying the perfect amount of pressure. Mason knew my body so well. My body shattered around him, and I gasped his name. His head dropped down onto my chest as he groaned with his own release. I gripped his shoulders tighter, my nails digging into his back, and arched against him. He pressed his forehead to mine once the waves subsided. My eyes closed tight and I fought the sting of tears. This was all too intense. Too emotional.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Mason asked, brushing his hand down the side of my face. I pushed on his chest and he rolled to the side.
"I can't do this anymore. We always try to solve our problems with sex and it never fixes anything."
"Emmy," he started.
"No, Mason. I love you, but I can't go through this again. We're divorced and I have a life in New York. This is only going to confuse me and make me think we have a chance of working things out when we don’t."
"Emerald, please don't push me away. I love you. We can work this out. We always do."
"That's part of the problem. We shouldn't have to work it out. Things should be easy at least for a little while, but they aren't. They never are."
I stared at him for a moment before he backed off the bed. He looked just as lost and hurt as I felt. My heart ached, but I needed to make a clean break once and for all. We had been circling around one another, stuck in each other's orbit for far too long. Sleeping with Mason just made it clear to me that I was still making horrible choices where he was concerned. No matter how much I wanted to be with him, I wasn't sure he would ever be the right choice.
I watched as he pulled on his shorts and grab his shirt. He walked to the door slowly, his hand lingering for a moment before he opened it. I closed my eyes and turned to my side so I didn't have to watch him leave. The door slammed behind him and I felt the first of many, many tears that I would cry fall down my cheeks.
"I love you," I whispered into the dark room. "So much."
***
Stephen was sitting up in bed reading when I walked into his hospital room the next day. He looked up at me and smiled when I knocked lightly at the door.
"Hey stranger," I said, leaning against the doorframe.
"You flew all the way across the country just for little ole' me?"
"Well, you know when you try to die on us, it kinda becomes a thing."
He opened his arms for a hug and I walked over to the bed to hug him. I was careful as I leaned down. Tears pricked at my eyes and I noticed him smiling softly.
"It'll take more than a semi to take me away from you guys."
"You scared the hell out of us. Don’t do that again."
He brushed my hair back from my forehead. "I know it was close. I'm not going anywhere though."
I finally let go and tried to compose myself. The chair in his room was already next to his bed. "How did you get Taylor to go home? She's been up here every second we would let her. I can only imagine what you had to threaten to get her to go home."
He smiled. "Trust me; she'll be back as soon as she gets a few hours sleep."
"You two figure it all out?"
"We did before the accident, but now I'm never letting her go again. Life is too short to waste on regrets." He pinned me with a look. "You would do well to remember that, Emerald."
I dropped my gaze down to my hands. "I still love him."
"I know you do."
“We don’t trust each other.”
Stephen rested back into his pillows. "He trusts you. I'm going to tell you something that I probably shouldn't, but nearly dying will give me a free pass with Mase. John begged Mason to protect his family.”
“John? What does Aubrey’s husband have to do with Mason staying in Savannah?”
“When John left to go overseas on his last assignment, he knew it was going to be bad. The places they were sending him were becoming more unstable by the day. I think he knew he wasn’t coming home. You and Mason got married right before he deployed. By the time you got back from Vegas, John’s unit had already gone black. There was a letter,” he trailed off. “Mason got the letter the day before you asked him to move to New York.”
"Why didn't he just tell me? I would have stayed. We could have been together and none of this would have happened. Aubrey’s husband was one of my best friends. She’s my sister for God’s sake."
Stephen frowned. "He wanted to protect you. You would have given up your dreams and that wasn't what Mason wanted for you. He's so proud of everything you've achieved. If he told you, you would have sacrificed everything.”
“Aubrey didn’t find out that John had died until six months after he’d deployed. Why did Mason get the letter before that?”
“It was the kind of letter that said he wasn’t coming back because it was basically a suicide mission.”
“Oh Mason,” I whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Stephen was quiet for a moment. “Do you love your job?"
"Yeah, I guess, but not more than I love him." A tear dropped onto my hand. "I wanted my life with him more than any job. I knew he supported me, so that’s why I was so confused by him refusing to come to New York."
"Mason knew that if he told you, you would have sacrificed this amazing opportunity. He always talks about how much you've done and how he knows he made the right decision. The reason he didn't file the divorce is because he didn't actually want it. He hoped you would hate your job, come home, and you two would figure it out, but that wasn’t what happened. He knew he screwed up, Em."
"Why hasn't he told me any of this?"
"Because he's stubborn and proud. If you really love him, work it out. Otherwise just let him go, because both of you deserve to be happy, even if it isn’t together. Life is too short for all the other nonsense."
I looked at the cords and machines decorating his hospital room. Life really was too fragile for all this nonsense. Stephen knew it better than any of us.
***
Taylor asked everyone to go to lunch before Lexi and I headed back to New York later that afternoon and her friend Amanda left to finish up the film she was working on. It had officially been one week since Stephen woke up. He was finally at home and she was on cloud 9. We were all sitting outside at a patio table at a restaurant on the beach. It was making me incredibly jealous that we didn’t have this kind of weather in the city this time of year. When I got home it would still be freezing cold outside and probably would be for the next month at least.
Lexi was sitting next to me, finally looking like she could b
reathe again. She’d been so wrapped up in making sure her brother’s doctors were taking the best possible care of him, that we hadn’t had much time to catch up. Now that Stephen was recovering at home, she decided to stay at Taylor and Stephen’s house to help out. I wasn’t sure how that was working out, but things seemed a little better between my two friends. Lexi had blamed Taylor for the breakup for the past six months, causing a huge rift between the two, but they seemed to be calmer. Stephen must have had one of his heart to heart conversations with Lexi because she wasn’t biting off Taylor’s head anymore. I jumped when she put her hand on my arm.
“Are you okay, honey? You’ve been really quiet the past few days.”
I nodded and swallowed around the permanent lump that had formed in my throat. “I’m fine, just tired. I stayed up late catching up on some work last night.”
Lexi’s knowing eyes bore into me. “Are you sure this has nothing to do with Mason leaving two days ago?”
I shook my head and looked down at my caprese salad. “Nothing at all.”
“Did he say goodbye?”
I pushed my fork around on my plate. “No, he didn’t, but I’m sure he had to get back to the office.”
“Thank you guys for being there for me during all this. It’s been a hard couple of months," Taylor said, getting everyone’s attention.
Violet smiled at her. “I’m just glad you figured your shit out, little sister.”
“Me too,” she replied.
“I’ll be happy when I get to call you sister too,” Lexi chimed in, surprising us all.
Taylor turned to her. “I’ll like that too, Lexi.”
Sophia, Violet’s sister-in-law wiped at her eyes; her emotions were all over the place lately since she was pregnant, but I noticed Violet was discretely doing the same.
“I’m sorry. I’m just happy that you two are making up."
I rubbed Sophia's back gently and winked at Vi. Taylor was looking at each of us suspiciously, like she knew we were keeping a secret from her. It wasn't mine to tell though, and I was positive Violet would be sharing her news soon.
Taylor took in another deep breath. "Guys, I need to tell you something. I have a degree in psychology from NYU. I took online courses while I was traveling."
"So you aren't the carefree spirit we all believed you were, huh?" Violet said, trying not to laugh. "I saw your diploma when we helped you move into the beach house. I bitched to everyone about it."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Taylor sounded miserable. You’d think she’d feel better that we all knew already.
"It's fine. I was upset when I found it, but I'm over it now. You've always been one to keep secrets, Taylor."
I grabbed Taylor's hand from across the table and squeezed. Lunch was fun and exactly what we needed after all the stress from the past few weeks. Lexi and Vi kept shooting looks in my direction, but I deftly ignored them. As far as I was concerned, there wasn't anything to talk about when it came to Mason. We’d made a mistake when we slept together and instead of talking to me about it, he decided to leave without saying another word to me. I pushed him away and now I had to figure out how to live without him.
Again.
The flight into New York was quiet. Lexi wanted to talk, but that was the last thing I wanted to do. She needed to just let me wallow in my misery. When I first moved to the city, she didn’t let me do that, and it didn’t take me long to realize she wouldn’t let me do it this time either. Stephen had meant well when he’d told me about Mason’s reasoning behind the divorce, but I still had to process everything.
“Honey, are you sure you’re okay?”
I looked up from my laptop. “I’m okay, Lexi. I’m catching up on work.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. What happened between you and Mason? When you guys got to California everything seemed to be going okay, but he left without even saying goodbye.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Lexi shifted in her seat towards me. “I understand that you don’t, but if I leave it alone you’re going to hide between that bubbly personality of yours and bury yourself in work.”
I closed the lid to my laptop a little harder than intended. “What’s so bad about that? I’m sorry that I don’t want to deal with the same shit over and over. He’s my ex-husband or soon-to-be-ex-husband. I shouldn’t have to keep putting myself through this.”
She held up her hands to stop me. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Lexi, I know exactly what you’re saying, but I don’t care. Mason and I are over. Leave it alone this time. I don’t want your help getting over him, or for you to drag me out of my apartment to meet new guys. All I want is to work and go home by myself at night, nothing more, nothing less.”
She pursed her lips. “I’m sorry for trying to help. I’ll stop.”
“Listen, you’ve been an amazing friend, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I need to do this on my own. It’s different this time. I can’t keep falling down the same rabbit hole. My relationship with Mase is like a drug to me and right now, I can’t even hear his name.”
“Okay. I won’t bug you or bring up anything to do with him or Adam.” I winced at Adam’s name. “You’re on your own for this one.”
“Thank you. As soon as I’m ready to talk, you’ll be the first one I find.” I reached out and took her hand in mine. “Maybe we can find you a man instead. Or we can just have your booty call come over more often.”
She blushed furiously, the color clashing with her dyed red hair. “That was a one-time thing. He was sweet, and a really great lay, but he’s not someone I’ll be keeping around. Pretty, but incredibly stupid.”
“Who says you need to talk?” I teased.
Lexi laughed. “Honey, I couldn’t even do pillow talk with him. The boy is missing a few too many brain cells.”
“What did you do, kick him out of the apartment when you were done?”
She laughed. “Basically.”
I chuckled. “This is why I love you so much.”
She put her head on my shoulder. “Glad I could help cheer you up.”
***
For the next week, I avoided everyone. I dodged calls, appointments with Luke, and requests for shopping or lunch dates with Lexi. Adam hadn’t even tried to call or email. He had to have known I was home because Lexi was back on her normal shift at the hospital. It stung a little that he hadn’t even tried, but honestly it was probably better this way. I needed some time to sort myself out.
I stood in front of the huge floor to ceiling windows in my downtown office, staring down at Central Park. I couldn’t even visit my favorite park bench to eat my lunch. If I ate at all, it was normally while I was on conference calls, trying to make up for all the work I’d missed while Stephen was in the hospital. A sigh slipped out that I hadn’t intended.
“You shouldn’t be making that sound. Everything should be wonderful in your world.”
I didn’t turn around at Adam’s voice. “And yet it’s not.”
His arms slipped around me from behind and I rested my head against his.
“I’m sorry.” His breath tickled my neck.
“For what? And what are you doing here? You normally see patients on Tuesday afternoons.”
“I took some time off to come talk to you.” He hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry for basically giving you an ultimatum after telling you I would wait. I was jealous, am jealous, but I never should have acted that way.”
“You had every right to be jealous.” I hated myself for what I was about to say next. I pulled away from Adam and turned to face him. “I slept with Mason while I was in California.”
Adam took a step back. “That’s not exactly what I expected you to say,” he said slowly.
“I’m sorry, I just…I wanted to be honest with you.”
“Yeah.” He swallowed. “Thanks, I guess.”
“I haven’t spoken with him since. I t
old him that it couldn’t ever happen again and that we wouldn’t be working it out this time because there was too much history. I regret it.” I took a deep breath. “And I get it if you don’t want to date me, or even be friends, but I didn’t want to lie to you. You deserve better than that.”
His jaw tightened. “Is that why you didn’t call after you got back?”
“No. Maybe. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know where we stood, and after our last conversation, I wasn’t sure you even wanted to talk to me again. Everything seemed so final, not that it’s an excuse for what I did with Mase. Adam, I’ve been so lost for the past year that I don’t know up from down.” He stared at me while I took a few deep breaths. “I’m a mess and I think I just need to take some time for myself, try to figure out who I am and what I want. If you even want to be friends, we can be friends, but I can’t do a relationship or anything like one right now.”
He never looked away while I was talking, but he didn’t answer. I took a step closer. “I never meant to hurt you.”
He took another step back and held up his hand to stop me. “I’m going to need some time, Emmy.”
I nodded. There was so much more I wanted to say, but it died on my tongue because I knew he didn’t want to hear it.
“I understand.”
He walked towards the door, but stopped before he walked outside. “Have you scheduled an appointment yet?”
I bit my lip.
“No.”
“Emmy, you know that you need to start facing your problems head on. If you want kids then you need to be proactive.”
“I know, but at this point I’m not sure I do.”
His hand rested on the doorknob. He stared at me for a few seconds before nodding his head.
“Okay.” He nodded again and opened the door. “Bye, Emerald.”
“Goodbye, Adam.”
***
My side hurt from laughing so hard and I felt tears running down my face.
Flawless: A Relentless Series Novel (The Relentless Series Book 4) Page 9