Choices, Loyalty, & Love

by Kyle Autumn

  He’s my older brother, but I’ve been taller than him since I was a sophomore in high school. I hit a growth spurt he never had, so I’ve had four inches on him for years. It’s come in handy in times like this, though I never thought I’d have to use it on him as adults. Yet here we are.

  “If I want her to stay with me,” he starts, holding his hands up in the air, “then I need to give her some space right now.” It’s not an answer at all.

  So I take a step forward. “Space from what? Why?”

  “Space from me. She needs a little time to see about us. We’ve been together for a long time.” He takes his suit coat off and hangs it on the chair in front of the desk. “That’s just what happens in long-term rel—”

  “Bullshit.” I don’t yell it. I don’t scream it. My tone is even and deadly. I don’t believe a word he just said.

  He huffs out a breath. “Okay. It’s bullshit.”

  “I know,” I inform him before I take a seat on the bed. “You know how I know?”

  Though I’m waiting for him to say something, he doesn’t answer. Instead, he raises both eyebrows at me in a gesture to tell him.

  “I know because Nic is not the kind of woman you sit around and wait for. She’s the woman you go the hell after because someone else will snatch her up underneath your nose if you don’t.”

  Those eyebrows draw so far down his face that I’m almost worried they’ll fall off. “Is that some kind of threat?” he asks, rolling his shirtsleeves up.

  “Nope.” I kick one ankle over the other and lean back, bracing myself with my hands. “Not a threat at all. Just my recollection of the events that happened before I left town.”

  He visibly relaxes a little.

  Until I say, “But you can take them as a threat if it’ll mean you’ll get your shit together with her.”

  “Look, I don’t know what she told you,” he starts, approaching me, “but you can’t come in here and threaten me like that. If you wanted her, you should have gone after her.”

  “I did!” I roar at him, rising to my full height. “I did, you asshole. But she turned me down, and I believed it was because she thought you were the better man.”

  “Maybe I was,” he smugly throws in my face.

  At that, I grin just as smugly back. “That’s right. You were. But now? Now, you’ve done something to fuck it up with her. So you might want to think twice about whether you’re the better man now.” Then I brush past him, bumping his shoulder with mine.

  Just before I reach the door, he pleads with me. “Okay! You’re right! Is that what you want to hear? That she chose the wrong one of us?”

  “No!” I spin to face him, my hands balled into fists. “I want her to be happy, and that’s the difference between me and you.”

  “You think I don’t want Veronica to be happy?” he spits at me. “What do you think I’ve been bending over backwards for for the last few months?”

  The last few months, he says? Like since she sent me that text that started with I want you to know I’m leaving… That’s all the preview showed me, and I couldn’t bring myself to open the rest up. It was enough to drive me to drink myself stupid for days and call in sick to work. Reading the rest would have killed me. Or I would have done something dumb like fly back home to get her. But she doesn’t need me to rescue her. She needs to figure her shit out on her own, because I won’t settle for being the second choice.

  Obviously, he did something a few months ago that made her consider leaving him, but she clearly didn’t. So…what the fuck?

  “If you wanted her to be happy,” I tell him, keeping my tone as even as I possibly can, “you wouldn’t have done something that had her thinking about leaving you, would you?”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “Did she tell you that last night?”

  “No, you idiot. She texted me a while ago, but I never answered her.” Part of the fight drains from me when I realize how clueless my brother has been. “I didn’t even read the whole message, actually.”

  “She reached out to you?” he says, his voice getting smaller with every word. “When?”

  “March,” I answer, unable to forget that Sunday night.

  My brother looks like he can’t forget it, either. He wipes a hand down his face, seeming to hope that would erase the memory. But his expression when his hand falls to his side tells me it did nothing of the sort.

  “If I could take it back, I would, Aidan.” He sinks onto the bed, the mattress depressing with his weight. “But it’s like it’s all she can think about. She flinches when I try to touch her. She won’t say she loves me back…” His head falls forward as his shoulders slump in the same direction. “I know what I’ve lost, but that’s because I was always going to lose it.”

  I don’t want to feel sympathy for him, but he’s family. My blood. I’ll always love my brother, even if he’s been an asshole.

  “What do you mean?” I ask him, my fingers flexing out at my sides.

  He takes a deep breath in and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve always known how she felt about you. So I made a move first. I figured, if I got there before you did, I might have a shot. Plus, with the way she talked about her dad’s expectations, I had even more confidence. When she said yes to dating me, I thought I’d gotten one up on you. I’ve always felt like I needed to do more, be more, so Dad would love me the way he loved you. Getting the girl too would be the cherry on top.”

  His mention of our father makes my fists curl again, but I flex my jaw and try to keep listening to him.

  “But then he died, and the relief I felt from not having to impress him for his love anymore made me feel like an asshole. So I poured myself into our relationship and tried to be the man I figured you would have been for her. You left and she needed someone to fill that role anyway, so I did it.” Mason exhales, his whole body caving in with the weight of the words. “Until I found out I could never accomplish that task. It took me six years to realize I could never be what she needed,” he says, his body shaking with a sob he holds back. “Yet again, I wasn’t you.”

  The heaviness of that almost brings me to my knees, but I manage to keep myself upright. I can’t tell whether I’m upset for my brother or with my brother. If I’m ecstatic that he thinks Nic’s always wanted me or furious that she did and never did anything about it. That we’ve wasted six years not being together because of…what? Pride? Fear?

  “So what’d you do?” I finally ask. Nic mentioned that he hurt her, and if he didn’t hit her… Something I didn’t consider clicks into place just before he says the words.

  “I cheated, Aidan.” That sob tears loose, and my older brother breaks down into tears. “I slept with someone else and she found out about it, so I’m trying to make up for it. But”—he has to stop talking to take a breath—“it won’t ever matter. I won’t ever be able to make it up to her because I’m not you.”

  Right now, Mason needs me as a brother. Not as someone to beat him up for the shitty-as-fuck thing he did to the best woman he’s ever met. He’s done enough of that to himself already. So I go to him, put a hand on his shoulder, and just let him cry. Nothing I can say will make him feel worse than he already does.

  Or worse than she’ll make him feel if she finally decides to leave.

  ***

  Nic

  It’s the little things that make me happy. Like finally being able to get a good morning stretch in on this trip. Though I was distracted for most of my yoga practice, I was at least able to do it. And that’s something to be thankful for. So I make a mental note to do something nice for Amelia to show my appreciation for everything she’s done for me.

  I’m packing my bag in Amelia’s living room when Jeremy opens the front door. I freeze, my hand stuck in midair, a T-shirt clenched in my fingers. But, when I notice the boxes he’s carrying, I abandon my task, let the shirt fall, and head his way. I take the top box off the stack to clear his view.

  He stops moving before realizin
g why one of his boxes is gone. “Oh, hey. I didn’t know you were still here.” Then he sets the boxes down a few feet from the door

  “Sorry,” I tell him, setting the box I took on top of the others. “Amelia let me stay while Mason was busy with meetings. I didn’t feel like sitting in a hotel room alone.”

  “Meli’s great like that, isn’t she?” he says, admiration for his girlfriend clear in his tone.

  I nod, my ponytail swishing around my neck. “She really is.” And I mean that so much. It’s wonderful to see that Aidan has such incredible people in his life. People I could have in my own life if things were different.

  “Thanks for helping,” he says. “A second move isn’t what I planned to do so soon, but the sooner Cadence can sell the house, the better. So moving boxes between jobs is a necessity, I guess.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be worth it,” I reply.

  After a small nod, he spins back toward the door. He goes to reach for the door handle, presumably to get more boxes, but he stops himself from turning the knob. Over his shoulder, he points his gaze at my bag and then up at my eyes. “Do you need a ride somewhere? I can drop you off on my way to the bakery.”

  Seeing as he’s pretty much ignored me since I got here, I’m surprised by this offer. I’ve tried not to assume he hates me, but whatever Aidan’s said to him about me must not have been pretty. Or it could just be that Aidan had feelings for me and I let him fall on his face. I wouldn’t like me either if I were him. In fact, there was a while there when I didn’t. It took me years to get where I was before Mason did what he did and knocked me back down.

  Maybe down to where I belong. Who knows.

  Jeremy is Aidan’s friend though, and I’d like to get to know him if he’ll let me. Even if it’s for ten minutes in the car.

  “That’d be perfect, actually. Thank you.” I finish throwing everything in my bag. I can fold everything later. I don’t want him to be late for work on my account.

  Once I throw my bag and my purse over my shoulder, he opens the door and gestures for me to go first. When the sunshine hits my skin, I try to be grateful for another day, but really, I’m just stressed. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a day where I could just enjoy time. Instead, I’m waiting on phone calls and dodging them just as often to keep things private. I’m trying to keep Mason at arm’s length while I figure out whatever the hell I’m going to do next. Take Mason back? Settle back into my old life? Or forge ahead and build a new one from the ground up?

  At this point, is Aidan even an option? Amelia was right. This version of him is intense, and I’m not sure how much of that I can take right now.

  I’m not sure who I’m kidding with that thought, but I see the point of it anyway.

  As if I’ve willed my phone to ring by thought, it chirps once I’m near Jeremy’s car. I dig through my purse for it, and this time, I can’t ignore the call any longer, not while Mason and Aidan are out of earshot. My stomach ties itself into knots, and my skin prickles with nerves. But I answer it anyway. I have to know one way or another.

  “Hello?” I say into the receiver, my hand on Jeremy’s door handle.

  He gets in the car, maybe to give me some privacy. So I turn my back to the vehicle and take the call that could change my entire future.

  When I hang up less than two minutes later, I clutch my phone in my hand and gaze up at the sky. The results are in, but I had to make an appointment for when I get home to talk to my doctor about them. So much for getting any kind of clarity from this trip. I take a deep breath, open the car door, shove my bag in the back seat, and get in.

  Jeremy backs out of the driveaway and graciously ignores the fact that I made him wait for me. “Where do you want me to take you?” he asks.

  I don’t give it much thought before I say, “You can go straight to the bakery. I’ll get food and figure it out from there.” As I buckle my seat belt, I remember manners. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

  “No problem.”

  We both stay quiet for a long time. I stare out the window and watch the scenery of a town I could see myself calling home fly by, while he fiddles with the radio and the air conditioning. Until he finally breaks the silence with a question.

  “Should you tell Aidan about that?”

  When I look over at him, he gestures with his eyes to my hands, which are still holding my phone in a tight grip. Part of me wants to believe I don’t understand why he’d think I should tell Aidan, but a larger part knows where he’s going with that. And I don’t want to go there. Not yet.

  “You know,” he starts just before we pull up to the bakery, “it’s not my place or anything, but you and Aidan—”

  “You don’t have to say anything,” I say over him, waving a hand in the air. “You guys are friends. I’m a stranger to you. It’s okay.”

  “No.” He shakes his head and faces me again. “No, it’s not okay. Aidan isn’t okay. And it doesn’t sound like you’re okay.”

  A crease forms on my forehead as I draw my eyebrows in and fold my arms over my chest. “Is that what he told you?”

  “Something like that.” In our parking spot, he turns the engine off. “He talks about you very rarely, but that’s not because he’s not always thinking about you. The man’s never more of an emotional mess than he is when your name comes up. And that’s saying something for the private guy who doesn’t get emotional about much.”

  I can’t do much else but swallow over the lump of emotion rising in my throat.

  “He’s never told me how he feels about you,” he continues, “but he’s never had to. And the way he’s been the last couple of days? The way he was in the car when we pulled up to his house and you were on his front porch?” His head sways from side to side. “He’s never had to say a single word about his feelings for you. We already know.

  “So please don’t bounce between the two of them like they’re a game. I don’t know Mason, but I do know Aidan, and he deserves better than being the guy someone runs to so they’re not alone. And, if you choose him, you should tell him about whatever that was.” He points to my phone, his eye contact unnerving.

  He’s serious. Not threatening, just absolutely solid in his stance. And I don’t blame him, but it hurts to know he felt he had to say that to me. I’ve botched this whole thing up so completely, and I stand a chance at losing it all if I don’t figure my shit out soon.

  If only it were that simple.

  “He’s never been second,” I tell Jeremy, tears clouding my vision. “I’ll make this right.”

  Somehow. If it’s the last thing I do.

  “Good.” He shrugs again before twisting toward the driver’s-side door. “Then maybe I’ll see you around.”

  I take a deep breath and consider his words. “Maybe,” I reply. “That’s probably up to Aidan.”

  Over his shoulder, he smirks. “Then I’ll see you around.” With that, he opens the door and gets out of the car.

  I wish I hadn’t needed Jeremy’s confidence to do what I have to do next, but it helps. Knowing that information from Aidan’s close friend certainly doesn’t hurt. I take it with me as I head toward the bakery’s front door.

  It’s time to put my money where my mouth is and finally make things right.

  But not for Aidan. And not for Mason.

  For me.

  Chapter 9

  Nic

  “Holy freaking moly,” a beautiful woman with long, blond hair and even longer legs says, distress written all over her face, as soon as she walks into the bakery.

  I’m wiping a table down after the morning rush as she strolls up to the counter. Mason texted me to say he was busy in the office all day again, so I opted to stay here and help out. Free labor—or mostly free, because I gladly took food as payment—helps Amelia out, and if it’ll get Aidan to see I’m not a monster, then that’s the icing on the cake. But I feel at home here, with genuine people who seem like family and friends. And it helps that I feel useful. Li
ke part of a team.

  The woman braces herself on the counter with both hands and hangs her head. “Is there any chance you can spare Dani today?” she asks Amelia. “I’m kind of having an emergency and have to finally admit that I can’t do this all by myself.”

  Amelia gives her a sly, knowing grin and gestures for her to follow her to the back. “I told you you didn’t have to,” she giggles.

  After a relieved breath, the woman concedes. “I know, but you know how…”

  Then the door swings closed and it’s only muffled words coming here and there through the separation.

  I can’t help but clean a table closer to the door to hear better. Not to eavesdrop, exactly, but to see if I can be of service. The woman clearly needs help, and she knows Amelia and Dani, so she might know Aidan. I’m not above a fact-finding mission, though I also know my strengths. And a strength of mine when I know no one else in town is to get to know them and help when I can.

  The part I overhear about a wedding is what finally pushes me to walk through the door to the back and see what I can do.

  “…floral arrangements are all you’ll be able to see at the table, and I don’t know why they didn’t have any other options. Hasn’t anyone else complained about this? I can’t be the first one,” the woman rushes out. Her hand flies to her forehead, and a tear falls down the side of her face I can see.

  “Hey,” Amelia says, touching the woman’s arm. “It’s gonna be okay, Cade. Don’t worry. We’re here to help.”

  When I fully step into the kitchen and let the door close behind me, all three women dart their eyes to me.

  “Hey, Veronica,” Amelia says. “Is everything okay up front?”

  “Oh, yeah,” I assure her. “Everything’s fine.”

  “Good.” She releases a relieved breath and then narrows her eyes a little. “Then is there something you need? Are you okay?”