Their Memoriam

by Jazz Michaels

  “Only if it bothers you. Valda, don’t feel any pressure about what we’ve discussed or haven’t amongst ourselves. We’re adults. We’ll figure out our frictions.”

  His assurance aside, I had to wonder… “Should you have to figure it out? We’re…I’ve always been science first. My work, it’s important.”

  “Understood—”

  I raised a hand to ask for more time, even as I poured the egg to his sizzling veggies. At least the act of cooking kept my hands busy and my nerves at bay. This was a kind of honesty I rarely allowed myself. “It’s important because it’s what I chose to focus on. I didn’t then, and I don’t want to be, disappointed. If I didn’t invest in other people, they couldn’t disappoint me.” A bit pathetic, but it was the choice I’d made. “I had a gift, a talent, and not exercising it to the fullest would be selfish. Taking a lover—lovers—is also selfish. My attention would be on them.” Right now, I had Dirk on my mind, but also Oz. Hatch and Andreas were both there. I’d spent less time in my lab and more with all of them.

  “I understand the concern, believe me. A surgeon’s hours are not always his, but that doesn’t mean I can’t want something more. To be human is to desire connection.” A good argument.

  “Then why aren’t you married?” Really? Why did I leap to that point?

  “Because I never found a woman worth carving out personal time. I thought I had, but I was wrong. She and I were not compatible.”

  Dammit. Thankfully I faced the stove, creating omelet after omelet and letting the sausage rest a moment before added it to his plate. Sourness coated my mouth at the idea he’d been married. I had no right to the jealousy, but Oz had a kind of singular focus to him and he was brilliant. What wouldn’t a woman love about him?

  “To be fair,” he continued, though I hadn’t said anything. “She didn’t appreciate that my work often left her alone for days at a time. Surgeries take long hours, if I was too exhausted to go home, I’d sleep at the hospital. When she asked me for a divorce, I was sad. Angry with myself for having failed her, and failing to live up to the vows. Relieved, too. It was over, and I didn’t have to try and fit into a role with her I was never meant to occupy.”

  When I delivered his plate, his expression lightened, and I sighed. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. I don’t do failure well, either.”

  His chuckle told me it had been the right thing to say. “That’s the crux of it. I was more disappointed at my seeming failure than in losing her. She deserved far more than I could offer, and it was the best decision for both of us.”

  “Is it selfish to say I’m glad you’re single now?”

  “Not a bit,” he answered, cutting into his omelet. “Thank you for my breakfast. I’m thrilled to be here to share it with you, even if it’s in this place.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “Wait until you take a bite. If it tastes terrible or poisons you, you might have to change your mind.”

  His snort of laughter followed me back to the stove. I had Andreas’ meal all together, and I sealed it into a container to keep it warm. “First, it’s delicious,” he assured me. “I love what you did with the onions and the peppers. Second, if it tasted terrible, you still went to all this effort to make sure I ate—and you fed me first.” There was an almost proprietorial air to the comment. “As to your last point, I’m a doctor. I’ve been known to eat vending machine burritos after they’ve been in there a month. Cast iron stomach.”

  Chortling, I secured Dirk and Hatch’s meals. Then used the last of the veggies and the eggs to scramble them all together for me. Starving, I didn’t want to wait to fold the omelet perfectly. “Thank you for the vote of confidence.”

  “You’re very welcome.” He patted the chair next to him. With everything done, I made sure all the burners were off before I joined him with my plate and coffee. The sight of his cleaned off plate startled me. I must have looked askance, because he slid his hand onto my knee and squeezed it gently. “I can tell you without reservation, I enjoyed every moment of the food—including watching you prepare it.”

  Pleased, I covered his hand. There was an easiness there. A familiarity in the position. “I’m glad. I don’t get to cook for others often.”

  “Anytime you want to—even if it’s experimental—I’m your guy.” So many different ways to interpret that sentence. “Trust me enough to ask me your question now?”

  He hadn’t forgotten what sent us down this path of mutual discovery, and that contented me more than his finding the food agreeable.

  I reserved my response as I took a few bites, and Oz waited, his hand still on my knee. Buying a little more time, I took a swallow of the coffee. Finally, I twisted to face him. He shifted, his knees now bracketing mine.

  “Feel free to answer however you choose. I promise to not be offended.” No matter how humiliating. “I might be under the impression that you like me—that all of you like me.” Two of them for absolute certain. Dirk’s words and actions left little doubt for me to wave around, and Hatch’s kiss…and behavior suggested he’d be amenable. Four men? I barely could wrap my mind around the idea of having one, but it didn’t quiet the erotic thoughts they provoked in me. “Are you attracted to me?”

  I searched his deep, brown soulful eyes, hoping I might read agreement or rejection before he spoke. The humor in his expression vanished, replaced by sober focus. He released my knee then cupped my chin. His beautifully nimble fingers—I had no doubt about his profession as a surgeon. Everything he did held an element of deliberate choice, and there was strength in his hand and…

  “Lady, you have no idea how attracted I am. You’re sharp, insightful, and willing to take risks. You’ve got a compassionate heart, no matter how well you try to shield it, and you’re undoubtedly the most fascinating puzzle I’ve ever confronted.” Closing the distance between us, he paused when his lips were a few millimeters from mine. The coffee on his breath teased me. “I’ve dreamt about you every night since I woke to find you taking care of me.”

  All the oxygen backed up in my lungs. The tautness in my abdomen seemed to extend like binding rings until I wouldn’t have been able to move even if I’d wanted to—which I definitely did not.

  Touching his smooth cheek, I explored the silkiness of his skin as I glided my fingers to his shaven head. I’d been cold until we were this close, and he was a furnace—warming me inside and out.

  “Our first date was your scans, remember?” The lightness in his tone relaxed me. “I’d like a second…and a third.”

  Narrowing the distance, I stopped his words with a brush of my lips to his. Oz pulled me into his arms, and his tongue teased along the seam of my mouth. More than willing, I opened to him and his tongue tangled with mine. My body went molten.

  He wanted another date. Did right now count?

  I’d all but plastered myself to him, and he had one hand on my ass and another in my hair when a light cough interrupted. With a groan, Oz gripped my nape and pulled away long enough to say, “Go away.”

  “Don’t stop on my account,” Andreas’ laughter bracketed me. “I just came to get breakfast.”

  Still leaning into Oz, I said, “I made you a breakfast burrito…I hope you like it.”

  “I’m sure I will,” Andreas came to a stop right next to us, then his hand rested gently on my back. “Forgive me Oz, but she’s so tousled and sexy, I just need to…” he didn’t say another word, just pressed a kiss to the skin below my ear. The heat of him at my back and Oz at my front did all kinds of wild things to my system.

  Surely not…?

  “Do you want him to stay?” Oz asked, and my sex clenched. A few days with Dirk, and I’d turned into an absolute hedonist. We were all still in the getting to know each other phase.

  “Not sure she’s ready for that,” Andreas said, his food container in hand.

  “I didn’t say no,” I finally found my voice, and both men went still. Was I really considering this? I’d kissed Oz, and I had
to admit, I was more than curious about seeing where this went—but with Andreas, too? At the same time?

  Studying Oz, I licked my lips. “Would it bother you if we all spent time together, today? I need—I need to check on Dirk and Hatch, make sure Dirk’s okay.” I trusted Oz’s skill, but I needed to see with my own eyes. “Then maybe the three of us could do something together? Maybe not sex—yet.” Though my body protested.

  “Yet.” Andreas echoed behind me, and the strangled note in his voice had me twisting. Oz pulled me against him, his chest to my back and the firmness of his erection at my ass answered a few more unspoken questions—like, was he really attracted? Oh yes, his body said. And mine…my nipples were taut, and my inner muscles clenched and released as if anticipating the first long thrust…

  Gaze flicking from me to Oz, then back, Andreas said, “Are you just exploring your options? Or are you really interested?” Harshness rode each syllable.

  “I want to know you,” I told him. “You said you wanted me to trust you.” The discord between us was hardly new. “You don’t owe me anything and no harm if you’re not interested.”

  The coolness in his glare took me aback. Had I gotten carried away by the lust and made a mistake?

  “I’m not interested in experimenting. And I interrupted, so you two get back to whatever it was you were doing. I’ll just go eat somewhere else.” He slammed out of the room.

  At my back, Oz sighed. Flattening his hand against my abdomen, he gave me a gentle hug. “Finish your breakfast then check on the guys. You need to know, and I’ll go talk to Andreas.”

  “About the fact that I just propositioned him?” The words squeaked out and Oz lifted my hair and tugged the sweater aside before nuzzling my neck. The lightest graze of his teeth revved me all over again.

  “That and a little more. Some guy talk. I’ll find you in a little while, or you can find me.” He slid his hands over my breasts, squeezing them gently through my top. It was both a caress and a promise. “Remember, anytime you want something to stop or you’re uncomfortable, say stop.”

  “Okay,” I could barely whisper the word. The fact I had already pictured myself between Oz and Andreas floored me. They were so damn beautiful, and different, and challenging—Andreas because he distrusted so much and Oz because he believed so strongly.

  Twisting, back to face him, I said, “You didn’t answer me about the invitation I gave him…” Oz was a physician, and a surgeon—a damn good one. “Does it bother you?”

  “Sharing you?” He smiled. “Not at all. I want my one on one time, but the idea of you going down on his cock while I fill you with mine?” The raw language sent a bolt of pure lust through me. What an image. “It’s hot.”

  Then he dropped an almost chaste kiss on my lips and pulled away.

  “Leave the dishes. I’ll deal with the cleanup later. Don’t take too long with Dirk or Hatch…” He hesitated and I scraped my teeth over my lower lip. I could still taste his kiss.

  “Tell me—whatever it is. You said I could tell you anything, and I feel the same about you.”

  “I’m pretty sure you’re as turned on as I am right now,” Oz told me. “Don’t let Hatch or Dirk fill that need…not this morning.” The careful way he worded it added a new layer to the desire invading my veins. “I want you to feel it with every step you take, that need. I want your nipples to be so sensitive from wanting that by the time we get there—if we do—I want it to be me that fills you.” With a slow smile, he added, “And Andreas, if he gets his head out of his ass.”

  Laughter bubbled out of me. What he said was both sweet and sexy. “I promise. I’m just going to take them food for breakfast and check on them.” Anticipation flooded me. Oz wasn’t wrong. The idea he’d been walking around with that erection thinking about me held a certain appealing quality.

  “Good. Don’t be long…”

  “You too,” I called after him, but he was already gone. I hugged myself as I returned to my meal. Thighs clenched together, I closed my eyes and let myself imagine more of the scene he’d painted.

  Dragging my attention to the present, I ate quickly. The sooner I made sure my men were okay, the sooner I could get back to Oz… My men. I wanted them to be mine.

  All of them.

  Even snap-judgment, sometimes-snarly, and sometimes-sweet Andreas.

  What would that be like, to know they were all mine?

  “I wouldn’t have as much lab time, that’s for sure.” Voicing the objection aloud, to the empty room seemed to lessen its weight. How much time had I spent in the lab over the last several years? Wasn’t I here because I couldn’t let it go?

  Maybe I’d been looking in the wrong places for answers. Maybe what I needed was more human interaction and less clinical…

  “And maybe I’m just horny.” I could afford to be critical and crass.

  But it wasn’t just about sex appeal. I ate the rest of my food without tasting it. The sex with Dirk had blown my mind. The idea of it with Oz—was wildly provocative. Adding Andreas to it—titillating. Hatch already made his intentions clear—and maybe I owed him a little pursuit in return for his sweetness.

  It wasn’t just about fabulous sex. The men intrigued me on all levels, and I wanted to know them. They pushed me, challenged me, and Oz understood my work…science was sexy. So was strength. Intelligence. Charm. Even an acerbic tongue.

  Was Dirk right? Did I need them all?

  Did I want them all?

  The answer seemed very in favor of yes on all counts.

  Chapter 13

  Strong men, men who are truly role models don't need to put down women to make themselves feel powerful. - Michelle Obama

  Torn between dueling desires, I focused on getting the food to Dirk and to Hatch. I paused at Dirk’s suite first—they were all keyed to let me in. Whether it was because I was the supposed team lead (don’t ask me why I couldn’t let that go, but the title just didn’t sit well with me) or because I’d required the clearance to be present when they each emerged, I couldn’t say.

  The interior of Dirk’s suite was quiet, pitched in shadows with only a solitary low-watt light shining in the corner. Leaving the trayed food on a counter, I made my way to his room. In his quarters, even the air reminded me of him. Dirk had a very distinctive masculine scent. They all did, but I could pick them apart with my eyes closed.

  Dismissing the errant thought, I leaned into his bedroom. It took a moment for my eyes to fully adjust, but I could just make out his sleeping form. Oz said he’d cut himself, but I couldn’t see the bandage. Waking him only to satisfy my curiosity didn’t seem fair or at least, not enough of a legitimate reason. Retreating to the living area again, I wrote a quick note and left it atop his food containers. Hopefully it would reheat well.

  Outside his suite, I carried the second tray to Hatch’s quarters. At the door, I hesitated. The ease I felt entering Dirk’s suite came from sharing his bed for so many evenings. Hatch and I…we weren’t that close yet. Finger poised against the comm panel, I debated ringing the request through to him. What if I woke him up?

  Then I could talk to him and check on Dirk via a parallel fashion.

  Was that fair? I hadn’t wanted to wake Dirk.

  Finally, I blew out an exasperated breath. When did I become a dithering idiot who couldn’t make a decision? Disliking the self-doubt invading my system, I pressed my palm to the panel. The computer released the seal with a hiss, and I carried the tray inside.

  Unlike Dirk’s suite, Hatch’s looked more like a bomb detonated in the center of it. Dozens of open boxes were scattered about, clothes sat in three separate piles, and pillows from the sofa had been tossed haphazardly about the furniture. Lights burned in the kitchenette space, as well as the lifepod chamber area…

  Odd. Though it occupied a rather prominent spot in all their suites, I hadn’t gone near mine since awaking. Curious, I studied the open door, and the dismantled panel. Had he been pulling his apart? Why?

/>   A rear panel had also been removed, exposing cooling systems, and a bright blue gleaming gel flowing through clear pipes. More disconcerting was the panel of lights flickering. Had he been trying to turn it back on?

  Still carrying the tray, I diverted from further study and picked my way across the messy living room to the bedroom. The door stood wide open—the light was on, and the bed…was empty.

  “Hatch?” I half-expected to find him in the shower, but the bathroom door stood wide. Like everywhere else in his quarters, the light was on. Oz said Hatch and Dirk had been up all night… “Computer, locate Hatch Benedict.”

  “I do not recognize that inquiry.”

  With a jerk, I stared at the ceiling as if the sensors were actual eyes. “Computer, repeat search. Identify location of Hatch Benedict.”

  “I do not recognize that inquiry.”

  How the hell could it not recognize the inquiry? I set the tray on the counter in the kitchenette. “Computer, Benedict, Hatch. Pilot. Woken 19 days ago, assigned to these quarters.”

  “I do not recognize that inquiry.”

  Was something wrong with the system? “Computer, identify me.”

  “Bashan, Valda. PhD. MD. Researcher. Team Lead for Biosphere One.”

  Gut churning, I pivoted to stare at the disaster zone of a suite. “Computer, identify team members, Biosphere One.”

  Half-dreading another I do not recognize that inquiry… I wasn’t prepared for the alarm klaxon to rupture the air. I actually had to clap my hands over my ears, and it did nothing to mute the brutal shrieking of the system. Something was wrong…something major.

  Barely stumbling to do the door, I hit the corridor at a run. The alarm came from everywhere. The door to Dirk’s suite opened, and he was suddenly there, shirtless and barefoot. His long hair spilled over his shoulders and his muscles seemed to ripple as he caught me by the elbow. His lips moved, but I couldn’t make a damn thing out with the alarm screaming everywhere.