Regret (Shattered Secrets Book 1)

by Bella J.

  She could feel his warm breath against her neck, but she also felt the tension radiate from his body. This was hard for him, opening up. But if he wanted her to let down her defenses, he needed to do the same.

  “Tell me, please.”

  His lips touched her neck. “Because sex is the only thing I can control. I can’t control life…and I sure as hell can’t control death. Sex, your body, your pleasure are the only things I know how to control. That’s why I need it.”

  Everything inside of her screamed for her to let him do this, to let him take control. Yet a part of her fought it, and it was a part of her she wished she never had. She wanted to be normal, like any other woman who wanted to be with a man uninhibited. To let a man touch her, take her, worship her…love her without having all her demons screaming inside her head. But would she be able to do it? Would she be able to surrender?

  There was only one way to find out.

  “Okay,” she whispered, her voice lacking the confidence she always had. Her heart was pounding, her insides coiled tight. She was nervous, maybe even scared. But she had to do this. She owed it to herself to at least try.

  Hunter removed his hand from between her legs. “Lay down on the bed.” It wasn’t a request. She could see it in his eyes, the way they darkened, how he stared at her with so much hunger and intensity. He craved it. He needed it. And she had to give it to him.

  With small, slow steps back she moved toward the bed, never taking her eyes off his. Her mind was still screaming at her, telling her to stop, but she chose to listen to her heart, telling her to give in…just this once.

  As she lay down on the bed, she watched Hunter walk around it. Like a starved predator his gaze swept over her naked body. There was so much heat, so much untamed carnal need swirling around him, she felt it all the way inside her core, causing her to writhe on the sheets.

  He stopped next to her. “Grab onto the rail of the headboard behind you.”

  “What are you—”

  “No questions, kitten. You’re giving me control, remember?”

  She bit her lip, desperately trying to push back her natural instinct to be stubborn and demanding.

  He opened the bedside drawer and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. When she saw the metal glint under the faint light, her heart almost leaped out of her chest.

  “No. I can’t.” She shook her head, the screaming voices inside her head yelling at her to stop. But Hunter leaned over her, gripped her cheeks while puckering up her mouth, and kissed her hard. So hard for a moment it took her breath away. His tongue swept through her mouth, claiming every corner, tasting her, leaving her no choice but to lose herself in his kiss. So lost in his taste, his scent, his undeniable dominion over her body that it was only when she heard the click of the cuff that she realized he had slipped the metal around her wrist.

  She sucked in a breath, panic threatening to choke the air out of her lungs. “Hunter, I can’t.”

  “Shhh.” He placed a finger over her lips. “I will not do anything you don’t want me to do. You don’t have to fear me or my intentions when it comes to you, Scarlet. Whatever I’m about to do is for your pleasure, but I need you to surrender that fight of yours. Just for a while. Let me show you how it’s supposed to feel when you give your all to one person without fighting it.”

  His eyes begged her, his words pleading with her to give in to him, to just…trust him. So all she could do was nod.

  Again his lips found hers and she felt him cuff her other hand as well. She took a deep breath, letting his words, his promise that she didn’t have to fear him, replay over and over inside her mind. Holding on to his words, choosing to trust them was the only way she would be able to do this.

  “Focus on me, Scar, on us. Right here, right now.” He continued to lean over her. “There is no place for anything else inside your mind right now, okay? Just me and how I make you feel.”

  He got up and she watched as he pulled three ties out of the closet. “I’m going to ask you this one more time, Scarlet. Do you trust me?”

  Her mind was reeling, her heart racing, her body shuddering, but by God she trusted him. She needed to trust him. For so long she avoided trusting anyone, yet here she was unable to stop herself from letting this man break down all her defenses.

  She gave him another nod, and he placed the tie over her eyes, casting her in complete darkness. Instantly the panic flared up, cold spreading from her chest down her spine. She writhed and tugged lightly at the cuffs around her wrists, unable to control her fear.

  “Hunter—”

  “Concentrate on me and what I do, Scarlet. Don’t allow your mind to take you anywhere else. Stay here…with me.”

  She gasped when she felt his warm mouth cover one of her nipples, and he sucked gently while his hand softly stroked over her stomach. The sensation of his touch, his lips on her skin slowly thawed the ice that had spread through her body. She could hear him breathing, smell the scent of wild spice, whiskey, and soap on his skin.

  It all surrounded her, and she chose to grab on to it, to concentrate on the sound of his breathing and the smell of him being so close since she couldn’t see him. Without seeing his face, she knew her mind would fuck with her by forcing images inside her head to fill the gap. But if she focused on his touch, his scent, she would somehow manage to hold on to the here and now.

  His mouth let go of her nipple with a soft pop. “This body of yours is mine.” His tongue gently swirled around her other nipple, teasing the hard little bud. “And once you feel how fucking good it is to surrender your body to me, to clear your mind and let me be the only man to possess you, you wouldn’t want it any other way.”

  His fingers slipped down between her legs and stroked gently through her folds. “You see, kitten, you’re already wet, needy, just by the idea of giving it all to me.”

  “Hunter—”

  “Shhh. I got you, baby.”

  He shifted and kissed her against her inner thigh before gliding his tongue leisurely, gently, through her slit. Scarlet arched her back, her body quivering as the sensation spread through her like wildfire. More slow strokes, from her entrance and around her outer lips, his tongue flicking against that one spot guaranteed to drive her crazy. Her moans grew louder, and the gentle caress of his lips and tongue between her legs turned harder, wilder, more desperate, kissing and sucking her like he needed her taste more than he needed air. The sensation was so strong, the pleasure so intense her body started shaking. He placed the palm of his hand flat on her stomach like he was trying to calm the tremors that wracked through her. His tongue didn’t stop, and he continued his onslaught, letting her body climb and climb, higher and higher.

  “Oh God,” she moaned, moving her hips, searching for more, wanting him to fuck her harder with his tongue. But then he was gone, and the warmth of his lips was replaced with the cold air crashing against the wetness pooled between her legs.

  “Hunter, please. What are you doing?”

  His hand wrapped around her ankle, gently rubbing her skin before replacing it with what she assumed was another tie. “Are you going to tie my legs as well?”

  “You’re fighting it.”

  “What?” She jerked her head up. “Did you not feel me trying to fuck your mouth by moving my hips just now?”

  “Exactly. You’re still trying to control it. So you’re fighting it.”

  He tugged on the tie around her one ankle, making sure it was secure, before working on her other ankle. “You’ll come when I let you. In other words, I control your pleasure. I give it to you. You don’t take,” he jerked the tie tight, “and you don’t control it.”

  With both her legs tied, thighs spread open, the panic surfaced again. He had her completely bound, helpless, vulnerable, unable to do anything to defend herself. Now it was a complete battle of the mind. Two parts inside of her head pushing and pulling her in different directions. The first part had her mind flashing back to the times when she was bound and
gagged, forced to live through hell. Unable to fight or do anything to defend herself, Scarlet had to silently endure the pain and the humiliation.

  The other part of her mind tried desperately to keep her in that moment. To focus on Hunter and the way he was making her feel, the way he was making her body feel. Everything about his touch was warm and it set her skin aflame. It was nothing like the cold touch of the man she hated the most. Hunter was different, he knew where to touch her, how to touch her. Here with him was where she desperately wanted to stay. But that god-awful feeling of being weak and alone, defenseless and exposed was there while she felt the cuffs around her arms and the ties around her ankles.

  She was about to beg him to untie her when she felt his fingers softly trace all the way from her ankle, up the inside of her leg, her knee, until he stopped on her inner thigh. “You still with me, kitten?”

  With a deep breath she nodded, biting her lip, determined to see this through, to prove to him that she was capable of doing this, of surrendering without freaking out.

  The bed shifted and his mouth was once again between her legs. Every stroke, every flick of his tongue was gentle, tender, and slow. He took his time tasting her again, allowing her to feel every sensation.

  When she tried to buck her hips, he grabbed them tight and pushed them down, forcing her to keep still.

  “Hunter, I need more. Faster.”

  “You’ll take what I give you, and how I give it to you.” He removed a hand from her hip and she felt a finger circle her entrance, yet never entering her. She wanted to scream just like her body was, demanding that he give her more, faster, harder. Then his finger was gone and he cupped her breast, tugging hard at her nipple, the pain rippling through her body and crashing between her legs where his tongue continued to move.

  Another shudder swept through her, and she knew she was so damn close. So close. The edge was getting nearer and nearer, and her body demanded to get pushed over.

  But then another image, another memory, grabbed hold of her mind.

  Brent was continuing his usual onslaught on her body while tears slipped silently down her cheeks. There was nothing she could do. It was no use screaming. No one could hear or help her. After the first few times he had done this to her, she tried to keep her mind strong, to keep her body from giving in. But it was the time her body completely betrayed her, a time when he forced a release out of her, that she knew he had truly broken her. She cried while the most painful release swept through her, ripping her soul to shreds, and she knew that nothing would ever be able to make her whole again. That was the day he had ruined her and left nothing but broken pieces behind.

  Scarlet felt the tears sting her eyes, her veins turning to ice. A loud crack filled the silent space around them as Hunter slapped her thigh. “Come back to me, Scarlet. Don’t you dare let him take you from me. Not now. Not ever.”

  “Hunter, I can’t—”

  “Do not give him this power. Fight it, fight him. You need to fight him.”

  “I can’t do it. I can’t fight—”

  But before she could finish her sentence, Hunter shifted and pushed his cock inside her, giving her exactly what he knew she needed. The second he filled her the memory shattered, and her mind filled with nothing but him…Hunter, and how good it felt to be claimed by him.

  He pulled the blindfold off as he gave a hard thrust, going as deep as he could. “Look at me, Scar. You’re here, with me. No one else. Me. I’m the one moving inside you.” He flexed, giving it all to her again, over and over, and she managed to open her eyes, to look at him.

  “Let me take it away. Let me take him away, and erase every bad thing he has ever done to you.”

  Tears escaped her, and rolled off the side of her face.

  He cupped her cheek. “This is you and me. He no longer exists. Give me everything. Let me help you heal the wounds he left behind.”

  By God she wanted that. She needed that, to let him take away every bad memory, to finally take away the pain that had been torturing her for so long.

  “Don’t fight it, Scar. Let go.”

  He kissed her again, his palm still on her cheek. The slow rocking of his body on top and against hers felt exquisite, gradually coaxing her to relax, to feel him inside her body…inside her mind…inside her heart. It was all so surreal, something Scarlet had never experienced before. For the first time it wasn’t just her body searching for release, but her soul searching for a connection with another—a bond.

  Her head fell back, her eyes rolling closed as she started to embrace the freedom of just being with someone without fighting.

  Hunter wiped a strand of hair from her face. “Look at me.”

  She opened her eyes.

  He moved, slipping in and out of her, still going at a leisurely pace, not rushing their bodies to a release. “I want you to keep your eyes on me so that you know it’s me you’re surrendering to. No one else.”

  She nodded, and he kissed her some more, his tongue sweeping through her mouth, dancing with hers. God, she wanted him to move faster, to thrust deeper and harder, but she was completely at his mercy. She had to accept it the way he was giving it to her, she had no choice.

  Lifting his mouth off hers, he looked down, his green irises fixed on hers. He flexed—hard—pushing deeper, and the slow burn that simmered in her belly turned in to a raging fire, threatening to burn her to ash.

  “Hunter, please.”

  “I got you, baby. I won’t ever let you fall. Let go.”

  And then she did. She let go. She let go of all her pain, her fear, her panic, and most of all, she let go of her need to control.

  With eyes locked on one another, pleasure possessed every part of her. Scarlet came, her body shuddering, her mind spinning, and her heart racing inside her chest as she cried out. It felt like the pleasure just kept on swirling around and around inside her until it exploded, ripping through her body and crashing against every corner of her soul.

  All the while he kept his pace, never stopping, speeding up, or slowing down. Hunter made sure he milked every last drop of pleasure out of her until her body went lax against the mattress, her arms and legs no longer strained against the cuffs and ties.

  “Beautiful,” he whispered. “So. Fucking. Beautiful.” And then she felt him come inside her, releasing his pleasure into her body. It was the best feeling in the world, neither of them rushing toward their climax, but rather accepting the pleasure in whichever way it was given.

  Hunter buried his face in her neck, every muscle strained while the last tremors of his orgasm moved through him. Scarlet could hardly catch her breath. She had never experienced such an intense moment, such a powerful connection with anyone.

  Hunter finally managed to lift his head, immediately reaching for the cuffs around her wrists. Once unlocked, he eased her arms down, gently rubbing his hands from her wrists to her shoulders. Their gazes locked, and he looked at her with so much intensity reflecting in his eyes that it almost took her breath away. “I’m starting to feel too much for you, Scarlet.”

  Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck, loving the heat of his body against hers. “Me too, Ace. Me too.”

  Chapter 28

  The next morning, Hunter was sitting at the kitchen counter, working on one of the six laptops Adam had stashed away at his beach house. Who the fuck had six laptops at a damn beach house?

  He stared at the screen in front of him. Of all the things he needed to look into, like where to find Brent Wolfe and kill the motherfucker, he decided to research the symbol tattooed on the inside of Scarlet’s thigh.

  He stared at the symbol on the screen. Survivor. The symbol on her inner thigh meant survivor. It was fucking perfect. Scarlet was a survivor—a strong, brave, beautiful survivor.

  Last night, Scarlet had finally started to open up about her past, to let him in, and it was just as he had suspected. The son of bitch had stolen from Scarlet the one thing no man ever had the right to
take from a woman. Her soul.

  While she was talking, all Hunter could see was this filthy piece of shit’s hands all over her, touching her while she screamed, cried, wailed. Just to think about how helpless she had to have felt, how scared she had to have been was enough to make him want to hunt the fucker down and slice off his dick piece by fucking piece and then shove it down his throat. And to think that Hunter had actually put his PI skills to use in finding her with the intention of taking her back to him—her supposed family. Fuck, it made him sick.

  And then, in typical Scarlet fashion, she had somehow managed to shift the conversation to him and his problems. That didn’t sit well with him at all. Hunter had never told anyone about Blue. Not even his best friends. Back then, he was so in love with her, so infatuated by her, that he didn’t want to share her with anyone. He was too selfish and needed her all to himself. A part of him was thankful he had been such a selfish bastard back then. Now that she was gone, all he had of her was the memories. Memories that both consoled and tortured him at the same time. They were going to run away, start a new life together. There was no need for anyone to know—especially after she was ripped from his life so abruptly, so painfully. Needless to say that after her death, there was no reason at all for him to share that part of his life with anyone. It was his burden to bear, and he wanted to bear it alone.

  So when Scarlet started to ask questions, he had to fight the urge to close down. The need to build up that damn wall she had managed to bring down little by little was overwhelming. Like a survival instinct that kicked in. Blue was not something he wanted to talk about—ever. Fuck. If he had a choice, he would have chosen to never even think about her again, to erase the memory of her altogether. There was an age old saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” That was a very good example of how full of shit all the age old sayings were. That was a bunch of horse crap, and if Hunter had to ever meet the stupid fuck who came up with that bullshit, he would kick him in the balls.