Galactic Bandits Compilation

by Duke Campbell

Calico pulled the throttle. The ship came out of its jump inside a desolate part of space. There were no other ships around, and after a few moments of quiet stillness, it was clear nobody had followed them.

  Straya switched off the broadcast. They had been listening during their jump. Rubicio had been captured. He was alive, and Regan had found the audio of his screaming voice to be hilarious. His laughter was all they heard the entire jump.

  Regan lifted his hands and put them behind his head. They did it.

  “So…!” Arkei said, breaking the silence on the bridge. “Are you gonna tell us what the hell happened in there or what?”

  Regan laughed. He smiled at her and wondered what they had all been thinking while he and Calico were inside.

  “I’ll leave it to Calico,” he said.

  Calico didn’t hesitate to unload on what transpired. She spoke of Korshani, and how he had helped them in two ways, at least that they knew about. It wasn’t out of the question he had helped them in other ways as well. She didn’t give all the details, but she didn’t hold back on telling her thoughts about Rubicio. Her words were harsh, but they were also amusing, thinking of the little thug and how he had to be carried by his own security.

  The way Calico spoke, it was like she had been liberated, set free of a burden she had put on herself long ago. She was speaking freely and smiling with the crew. Her armor was completely off. Regan thought she looked the happiest he had ever seen her.

  Then the red light started blinking near the pilot’s chair, and on Regan’s chair as well. Everyone stopped laughing and looked at Regan, who didn’t hesitate to press the button.

  On the screen before them, the face of Councilman Korshani appeared. He had a large smile on his face, the hookah hose in one hand, and a beverage in the other. Regan hoped that one day they could return to that office and partake in both pleasures with their new great ally.

  “Have you heard the news?” Korshani asked as he exhaled a cloud of smoke.

  Regan smiled.

  “We heard the great Councilman Rubicio has been arrested,” Regan replied.

  Korshani nodded and raised a glass to toast Regan and his crew.

  “You did it,” the councilman said.

  “We did it,” Regan replied. The comment made the councilman smile larger.

  “There were many council members who were implicated by this,” Korshani continued. “Some of them were able to get away, but we sent probes all over the universe hunting for them. Not to mention the number of illegal businesses and operations that transpired all over the various sectors. We will be shutting them all down. It will take some time, but the process has begun.”

  “It sounds like a good day for justice,” Regan said.

  “Indeed.” Korshani took another pull and readjusted himself in his chair. “I want you to know that I’ve gone through everyone’s record on board your ship, including yours.” Korshani laughed a bit. “I gotta say. Quite the rap sheet you all have.”

  “Who’s the most notorious?” Straya asked. There was a confident and anticipatory grin on her face.

  “Arkei, most definitely,” Korshani said without hesitation.

  Straya laughed in disbelief and gave Arkei a rude gesture. The entire crew laughed at the exchange.

  “Well,” Arkei started. “I did kidnap a whole village worth of people, so…”

  “Regardless,” Korshani continued. “None of you have records any longer. I made sure you are all legal, documented, upstanding individuals. And you will be clear of any legal restrictions from here on out.”

  The bridge broke out in cheers. Arkei and Straya gave each other hugs. They were all free.

  “What about the ship?” Regan asked.

  “The ship is legitimately in your name now, Regan,” Korshani said. “You don’t have to worry about flying a stolen vessel any longer.”

  Regan smiled and nodded.

  “However, as much as it pains me, none of you can be recognized for your heroics,” Korshani said. “There will be an investigation into that matter, but the facts about you will only stay a rumor. Word has already gotten out of a mysterious human who ruined Rubicio’s plan, but the council is going to try to seal those rumors the best we can. The reason is only for your safety. There are many in the universe who will still be sympathetic to Rubicio, or even furious that their illegal way of life is going to change. If they had your information, there would be a target on your heads that would be difficult to escape from.”

  Regan was happy about that. As much as he would love to walk down the aisle and be handed a big medal for kicking ass, he knew his life would be more peaceful without having to deal with that status of celebrity. Rumors were enough.

  “So, if you can all stay out of trouble and keep your records clean,” Korshani said with an arched brow, “you might just be able to take it easy for a while.”

  Much of the bridge laughed, especially Straya. “Fat chance this pirate is keeping it clean,” she said.

  Arkei nudged her and the two gave each other a glance. It looked like they had some sort of inside joke they were playing at. They quit their laughing and returned their gaze to the screen, like children misbehaving in class.

  “So… that bill that Rubicio was going to introduce,” Regan said. “The one to destroy Earth?”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Korshani said. “Anything that Rubicio’s grubby hands have touched will be promptly overturned and dismissed. In fact, this won’t just impact Rubicio’s work, but the entire Intergalactic Council is going to be turned inside out after this information dump. It will lead to many investigations. Things will not be the same. It will be messy for some time to come yet, but ultimately… it will be for the better.”

  “Thank you,” Regan said. Then he continued, “Oh, and one last thing.”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m not sure if you’ve heard of him, but the late Mephistopheles used to do business dealings with the mob. He had his own little moon where he was collecting undocumented aliens or aliens of note for research. He kept them in cryopods, hundreds of them, and they’re still on that moon today. I meant to release them myself, but kept having to run for my life.”

  “I see. I’m surprised such a species rights violation went on unnoticed for so long.”

  “Yeah. I’m sure he paid off many a councilman. So… I think you’re probably more qualified to figure out what to do with all of them than me. I imagine you have a great deal of resources available to you.”

  “I do. I will investigate it straight away. Send me the coordinates and I’ll make things right.”

  Regan glanced at Arkei, who was already on it. He turned back to Korshani. “Thank you.”

  “And thank you,” Korshani said. “But now I must leave. Things are a bit hectic here, as you know.”

  The entire crew thanked Korshani for his help and then bade him farewell collectively. The screen went black and disappeared.

  The crew all sat in silence for a moment. They had been given a fresh start, with clean records and no one on their trail. They could go anywhere and do anything. They had a ship with fuel, enough money to buy whatever they wanted, and clean records.

  Regan realized this was the highlight of his entire adventure. He had seen many things. He had battled villains and even killed some. He had liberated his entire crew, and even the entire universe now with their help.

  What started as a strange evening not too long ago had now become a lifetime’s worth of adventures. Regan felt like he had nothing more to prove or accomplish. He would be satisfied to just have a seat, open a bottle of whiskey, and put his feet up for a while.

  Then he lingered on that thought.

  American whiskey. A grass field. Just seeing Earth again. But even more than that, being able to see it again with this crew and show them what his planet looked like. Sure, Arkei had been there, but not the way Regan wanted her to see it.

  And now that they were all free, why not? Regan felt like
he had no restrictions for the first time in his life. And it was true. There was no threat of running into trouble he couldn’t handle, or of needing to hide from authority. Regan was free, wealthy, and accompanied by babes who would do anything for him.

  Regan looked over at Bob, his human counterpart. And in his mind, it was settled.

  “I’ve got an idea,” Regan said.

  Regan and Bob walked out of Judy’s Liquor Store at the corner of some country road. They were in the middle of nowhere on Earth, though Regan knew that there were places with much more nowhereness in the universe than whatever farming town this was.

  He carried two brown paper bags filled with whiskey, while Bob carried two filled with wine. While Judy had no idea what the gold was worth that she was trading them for, she accepted it without question and told them to take whatever they wanted.

  Regan looked at the sloping grass fields and the scattered cows all about. There was a farmhouse in the distance, but it was too far away for them to notice anything strange about the group of people sitting on a blanket in the field, having a boozy picnic.

  The ship was behind them, but it was invisible to the eye. Calico told them that it had a cloaking device, which surprised everyone as soon as she turned it on.

  “Why haven’t we been using it this whole time?” Regan asked.

  Once again, the ladies looked at him like he should have known this.

  “Regan, the cloaking device might be a cool thing on low grade planets,” Arkei said. “But most planets have the ability to detect whether a ship is there. They don’t have to see it.”

  Yeah, okay. I guess that makes sense.

  Regan sat on the grass between Reverie and Arkei. He handed them each a bottle of whiskey. He had an internal giddiness about having them all here on a field on his home planet, drinking his favorite whiskey.

  Regan felt like a little kid.

  Bob and Squit opened the wine. Posha rubbed his hands together quickly, ready for a drink. He too was given his own bottle.

  Straya stood and looked out over the fields. It was unclear if she was impressed or bored with the sight.

  “So, you lived here?” she asked.

  “Well, not here, but this is my home planet, yeah,” he replied.

  Straya turned around and simply gave a shrug. There was likely too little action in this area for her interest, and that was exactly what Regan loved so much about it. He admitted to himself that he did miss the air. The feel of the grass. He even welcomed the smell of cows in that moment.

  Regan laughed. He handed Straya a bottle of whiskey.

  “Well, here,” he said. “Taste some good ole Earth whiskey. It’s better than that pirate booze we’ve been chugging on.”

  Straya took the bottle and swallowed a large gulp. She wiped her mouth and thought about it for a moment, then she looked at Regan with some confusion.

  “It’s pretty weak, huh? Is that the point?”

  Arkei hit her with her bionic arm, knocking her off balance a bit.

  “Be nice!” she said.

  Bob handed her a bottle of red wine.

  “Try this!” he shouted with excitement.

  Straya took a sip and again, thought about it for a moment. Regan thought she was thinking of the words to use rather than the taste itself, because it was clear from her expression that she didn’t think too highly of it.

  “Um, yeah, that has a lovely flavor, but…” she thought a moment more, “…is this a drink for children?”

  Regan fell back on the grass. It was hopeless. These space babes could drink like sailors. There was no liquoring them up! At least, not on Earth booze anyway.

  Oh well, I tried. I’m still enjoying it.

  Then he heard Squit, and her squishy giggle.

  He glanced over to where she and Bob were sitting and it was clear that she was plastered off the few sips she had taken of wine. Her tentacles were moving wildly, curling in ways he’d never seen before. She and Bob then started a make-out session. There was no stopping them. She wrapped her tentacles around him as they started rolling partway down the hill.

  “You know,” Calico said rather quietly. “I did have one of father’s assistants load up a palette of not only our planet’s indigenous fruit but also some Hissock grass. We could all head back to our invisible ship and have a private ritual.”

  “Hell yeah,” Straya said as she corked the bottle and dropped it to the ground. “I’m ready.”

  “It definitely looked fun,” Arkei said.

  “Oh! I do love trying new things,” Reverie added.

  Regan took a big swig of whiskey and smiled at all of them.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a better idea.”

  Regan and his four girls stood up and made their way back to the ship.

  Some private time on Earth was absolutely what they all needed before heading back into orbit, before taking the next step in their ongoing adventure. Whatever that next step may be.

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