“Find somewhere else,” Jeff growls, and Dan smiles as he nips once more and then moves away. He’s known where he was going to end up all along, and Jeff has known too. Dan brings his mouth down to the side of Jeff’s neck, the exact spot Evan had chosen that night on the porch, and Dan goes to town. He puts his whole body into it, rubbing up against Jeff in a wave, thighs, crotch, belly, chest, and then starts over again, all the while sucking and licking and biting. Jeff has his head tilted way off to the side, and he’s making a little rumbling sound that Dan feels more than he hears, the vibrations carrying through Jeff’s throat to Dan’s sensitive tongue. Dan doesn’t stop until they’re both hard, and then he pulls away and brings Jeff’s head back to vertical.
He looks Jeff in the eyes and runs his fingers along his neck, rubbing along the purpling bruise. “I want to fuck you, but I don’t want to get up to get the stuff.” He leans down and nibbles again a little on Jeff’s neck. Then he murmurs, “I want to lick you, and work you open, and then I want to fuck you slow, while you’re on your back, so you can look at me and know who’s inside you.” Jeff groans a little and brings his mouth toward Dan’s, but Dan pulls away just enough to avoid him. He’s not sure why he’s holding out on that, but he doesn’t want to kiss Jeff. Not yet. “I want to be inside you while I jack you off. You can show me what you like, and the whole time I’ll be fucking you slow and deep.” He’s making this up as he goes, but he’s not surprised to find that he really does want to do it all. The description is getting him even more turned on than he already was. “Then when you come, I’m gonna pull out of you and lick you clean, and then I’m gonna flip you over and slam into you hard. You’re gonna be all relaxed, and I’m gonna let loose. I’m gonna fuck you as hard as I can, just pound away. Make sure you feel it for a while. Make sure you remember me.”
He leans down and sucks again on Jeff’s bruised neck, and Jeff almost whimpers as he simultaneously arches his neck and his hips into Dan. “Do you want that, Jeff? Do you want to do all that?” Jeff nods, and Dan grinds down again. “The problem is, though… I just can’t tear myself away from you for long enough to stand up and go inside the house. And the way I want to fuck you… we need lube for that. Lots of lube.” And then the phone rings. Jeff jerks as if he’s been shot, but Dan just shakes his head. “Ignore it, man. Unless it’s a lube delivery service, it’s nothing we need.”
But the ring has broken Jeff out of the spell. “No, it’s probably Evan. I need to get it… he was worried.”
Dan brings his hands into it, running one down over the terry cloth beginning to gape below the tie of Jeff’s robe, the other up to pull his hair a little. “You can call him back when we’re done. Or tomorrow.” And this time he’s the one who goes in for the kiss, not because he really wants it, but because Jeff had wanted it earlier, and Dan is feeling a little desperate to get Jeff back under his control. And this time Jeff is the one who pulls his face away.
“Dan, wait. We need to figure this stuff out.” Jeff’s got his hands on Dan’s arms again, but when Dan looks at him he can tell that it’s not like in the bedroom, he’s not going to be able to override Jeff’s objections this time. The phone has stopped ringing, but Jeff is still gently pushing Dan away. “You know I want to, Dan, but… we need to do this right. We need to sort out what’s going on, and all be in a good place.”
“All?” Dan tries to keep his voice reasonably controlled, but he’s not sure he succeeds. “There’s no ‘all’, Jeff. There’s ‘both’. Two people, not three.”
Jeff looks at Dan sadly for a moment, then shakes his head. “I can’t do that, Dan. Not… not like that.”
Jeff’s already pushed Dan most of the way off of his lap, and now Dan takes the final step, standing up and backing away. He pulls his T-shirt out of his pocket and pulls it on. He’s still hard, but it’s going down fast. The phone starts ringing again, and Dan just sneers a little as he raises an eyebrow, looking toward the door expectantly.
Jeff stands up reluctantly. “We’ll see what’s up, maybe get him to come over.” Dan keeps his face expressionless. “Seriously, I get that you’re not happy about whatever it is, but Evan’s a good guy, and we’ll figure something out.” Jeff backs toward the door, then opens it and goes inside, hurrying over to get the phone.
As soon as the screen door slams, Dan moves. He’d seen the gate on the way in, and he walks over and opens it up, heading out to the front of the house. His car keys are still in his pocket, and as he works them out, his dick gives an optimistic little twitch, as if hoping that maybe Dan hasn’t just screwed up its chances. But Dan ignores its disappointment, and focuses on getting the hell out of there. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, knows he’s running around like a bit of a maniac, but he doesn’t seem to be able to stop. He thinks of the bottle in his duffel bag, and figures that if that doesn’t stop him, it should at least slow him down. Now he just needs to find somewhere safe to lie low. He needs to spend a little time regrouping.
Chapter 36
DAN JUST drives for a while. He’s not sure where he’s going. He’s just going. He had tried so hard to have Jeff, just for a little while, but as soon as the phone rang Jeff had been back to Evan, back to their perfect couple. How can Dan ever hope to be a part of that? If Jeff will drop everything, literally push Dan away, just because the phone call might be from Evan, and Evan might have something to say—when Dan had been right there, on his goddamn lap, trying to say something of his own—yeah, Dan needs to consider Jeff’s priorities as another good thing to understand. He’s learning a lot today, and most of it isn’t exactly welcome, he admits, but he tries to tell himself that it’s better to know now than to find out later.
He thinks about calling Chris. Chris always makes things better. But somehow it seems wrong to be running to Justin’s best friend with stories of how Dan’s fucking up his life. Dan has the impression that Chris feels about him the same way he feels about the horses. They’re all Justin’s projects, tamed and gentled and made useful and healthy because of Justin’s love and understanding. Dan knows how he would feel if somebody told him that the horses were running wild, losing all of the benefits of their time with Justin. He doesn’t want to make Chris feel the same way.
He wishes Ryan were still in town. It would be beautiful to be able to spend some time with somebody normal and drama-free. Dan has a sudden flash of hope. Maybe Ryan hadn’t left. Maybe there’d been some confusion. Hell, Ryan was going to work for Kaminski, so maybe he hadn’t passed his stupid security test, either. Dan’s on the edge of town now, and he pulls the truck to the side of the road and gets his phone out, selects Ryan’s number. It rings twice, and then Ryan picks up.
“Hey, Dan?”
Dan fights to keep his voice normal. “Hey, man. Sorry to bother you. Is this an okay time?”
“Yeah, sure. We’re just waiting around, actually. Supposed to be meeting with some songwriter, but she hasn’t shown up yet. How’d the horse thing go?”
“Oh, that…. Yeah, it was good. Everybody did well, and we got home safely, so… yeah, it was good.”
There’s a bit of a pause. “You okay, man? You sound sad or something.”
“No, I’m all right. Just tired, I guess, and it’s been a really crappy day. So you’re in LA, though? The trip went okay?”
“Yeah, it’s been great so far. Listen, are you sure you’re okay? How crappy a day are we talking about?”
Dan just sighs. “Pretty fucking crappy, really. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called. I don’t want to wreck your good time. I just—” An idea suddenly comes to him. “Hey, did you get out of your lease? Or do you have another thirty days on the apartment?”
“Another twenty-seven, now. Why, do you need a place to crash?”
“I…. Yeah, maybe. I don’t really know for how long, but if it’s more than a night or two I could sublet it or something.”
“Nah, dude, don’t worry about it.” Ryan’s voice is slow and easy. “The k
ey’s on top of the door jamb; make yourself at home. But what happened to your place?”
“I… it’s a long story, and I’m kinda done with it for today. Is it cool if I explain later?”
“Sure, all right.” There’s some noise in the background, then Ryan says, “Listen, I’ve gotta go. But are you sure you’re okay?”
Dan wonders just how bad he must sound, and forces some levity into his voice. “Yeah, man, I’m fine. Just tired. Go be a rock star.”
“Yeah, okay. Look, I’ll call you tomorrow, all right?”
“I’m fine, Ryan.”
“Then I’ll just call to tell you about how cool everything is with me!”
“All right, then. I’ll talk to you later.” Dan clicks the phone shut and pulls out onto the road. He’s glad he thought to ask Ryan about the apartment. The closest hotel he knows of is another twenty minutes down the road, and he really doesn’t have the energy to deal with the drive, and then the check-in… and Ryan’s place isn’t luxurious, but it’s homier than a hotel could ever be.
He’s at the apartment a couple minutes later. The key is right where it’s supposed to be, and he wonders if everything just goes more smoothly when Ryan’s involved. Maybe the band needs a roadie. With a horse.
There are no sheets on the bed, but Dan finds some in the bedroom closet. Everything else of Ryan’s is gone, so Dan assumes that the place came furnished complete with linens. Unexpectedly simple… the apartment must still be benefiting from the Ryan Effect. He makes up the bed and falls into it, and it seems like he’s asleep immediately.
He’s not sure what time it is when he wakes up. He left his watch and his phone in the other room. It’s pretty well dark outside, so he’s slept for quite a while. He feels better for it. He’s still not exactly chipper, but at least now he can think about maybe making a plan. And the first step of the plan almost certainly involves a little Wild Turkey. He goes out to his duffel and pulls the bottle out, then finds a glass in the cupboard by the sink. He pours himself a good-size glass and takes a big sip, then goes over and sits on the couch. He’s at loose ends again, and he never does well without something to do.
He thinks again about calling Chris, trying to get some advice on the legal side of things at least, and then remembers the time difference. There’s no point in getting the man all riled up in the middle of the night. Jeff’s busy with his boyfriend, Ryan’s enjoying his new life… Robyn’s good at times like these, but she’s happy at the Kaminski’s, so Dan shouldn’t drag her into it all. That makes him wonder what they’re going to tell the people at the barn, how his absence is going to be explained.
His stomach rumbles a bit, and Dan tries to think of the last time he ate. He’d missed lunch, so that bowl of cereal in the motel was it for the day. Maybe Tatiana’s right to worry about his ability to feed himself. But Dan doesn’t want to think about Tat, about her sweet concern for him, or the way that two strangers and a boardroom full of so-called experts have the right to decide that Dan’s some sort of a threat to her.
He decides to think about food instead. He remembers that Ryan had said that Zio’s made in-town deliveries, so he finds their number and calls them up, orders enough food for dinner and for the next day’s breakfast. There are several messages showing on his phone, and he thinks about listening to them, then decides to get another drink instead. He turns off the ringer for good measure. He just sits there on the couch, thinking about his family, and how he’d let them down. He thinks about the lengths Evan goes to trying to protect Tatiana, compared to the total disregard Dan had given his own sister’s safety. It’s no wonder Jeff gave priority to Evan. Evan cares about other people, so he deserves to have people care about him.
It’s surprising how fast he can drink when he’s got absolutely nothing else to do, and Dan is definitely well into the bottle by the time he hears the knock on the door. He finds his wallet and heads over, but when he opens the door, he doesn’t see what he expected.
“You’re not a panini,” he says, and Evan stares at him.
“No, I’m not. I’m the guy who’s been trying to get hold of you all goddamn afternoon.”
Dan peers hopefully around Evan. “Did you see a panini?” He knows he’s being a little inappropriately flippant, but he’s hungry. And drunk. Also, Evan can go fuck himself.
Evan shakes his head impatiently. “No. Can I come in?”
Dan starts to step back, but then swivels around and steps forward, blocking the doorway again. “Wait a second. How did you know I was here? Did your spies tell you?”
“Take it easy, Dan. It’s a small town; I drove by and saw your truck—not exactly international intrigue.” Dan reluctantly moves aside, and Evan comes in. Dan figures he can kiss the Ryan Effect goodbye now, because Evan’s radiating enough energy to destroy all the calm in a Buddhist monastery. Evan crosses over to the coffee table, picks up the bottle of Wild Turkey and looks at the amount missing. He looks back at Dan, evaluating.
“Do you want a glass?” Dan doesn’t really want Evan to feel at home, but he also doesn’t want to be completely churlish. He’d like to keep at least a little high ground here. Evan just shakes his head.
“Could you… could you maybe just come over and sit down? Or at least… could you at least step away from the door?” Evan shakes his head. “Jeff said that you booked out on him earlier—this would all be a lot easier if you’d stop running away.”
Dan raises his eyebrows. “Really? It seems like that might be the easiest thing for everybody. You could get rid of the awkward employee, I could start over somewhere that they actually let people start over, without dragging up ancient history all the time.”
Evan shakes his head. “Yeah, you’re mad, I get it. But do you have to be such a fucking drama queen about it all? And did you have to drag Jeff into it? And getting shitfaced is really productive. I mean, you should have stayed put, let me figure it out, and I’d have taken care of it.” He looks a little disgusted. “Would it kill you to have a little fucking faith in me?”
Dan just stares at him. “Stayed put—I’d have loved to have stayed put, Evan, but they kicked me out of the house!”
“Yeah, and thanks for calling to let me know! I mean, I could have come down right away and straightened things out, but instead I’ve spent all fucking day in meetings and chasing your melodramatic ass around!” He sighs as if suddenly exhausted, and sinks down onto the couch. “I changed my mind—I do want a glass.”
Dan wants to keep fighting, but he doesn’t really have anything to say, so he goes and gets a glass instead. He hands it to Evan and then finds his own and fills them both up. He sits in the armchair and stares at the wall, nursing his drink until Evan speaks.
“Okay. First off… I’m the boss.” He sees Dan’s lips starting to curl into a sneer, and waves an impatient hand. “Shit, Dan, take it easy. I mean the boss of the whole company, including the security department. If I say you’re okay, then you’re okay. So stop—” He waves a hand frantically through the air, as if imitating Dan’s frenetic actions. He apparently can’t find the right word, though, and drops his hand back into his lap. “Just stop.”
Dan leans back into his chair and takes a drink. He’s beginning to feel a bit stupid—alcohol should help with that.
“So, when they called me and said that they had serious concerns and were recommending against keeping you, I figured I had to have a look at what they had a problem with.” He looks over at Dan. “I tried to call you to make sure it was okay for me to see whatever it was, but you were busy, I guess.” The sarcasm is crystal clear, and Dan takes another drink.
“So then I went into a meeting with the security team and looked over the evidence.” Evan looks over at Dan, and for the first time there’s a little bit of understanding in his face, a hint of compassion. “I’m sure that was a bit of a shock, man. And, honestly, I can see why they were concerned.” He takes a deep breath. “I told them that if I didn’t know you, I’d ag
ree with them, and I wouldn’t let you anywhere near Tat.” Dan recoils a little, and Evan says, “Not because that’s right, or because it’s fair, but just because… it’s Tat. I can’t be careless with her safety just to make a point about how people shouldn’t be judged by their families or deserve second chances or whatever.”
He rubs the back of his neck and looks over to be sure that Dan is still listening. “But I told them that I did know you, and that a character reference from the head of the company should be enough to override their concerns, and that we can discuss other security measures if they want to, but that you stay.” Now Evan’s looking a little pissed off again. “I don’t have a precise timeline, but I’d guess that I was telling them all this at about the same time that you were fucking my boyfriend.” Dan freezes. He figures he’s lucky that Evan only looks a little pissed.
There’s another knock on the door, and Dan almost falls over he’s so eager to have something to do other than trying to avoid Evan’s eyes. This time it is the food, and Dan pays the delivery kid and stops by the kitchen area to find a plate. He pauses for a second. He’s a little afraid to talk to Evan, but he manages to say, “Do you want a panini?”
“I’m not gonna eat your dinner, Dan.”
“No, it’s my breakfast. I ordered two.”
Evan seems to be thinking about it. “Yeah, okay. You can have breakfast at your house tomorrow.”
That doesn’t sound quite right, but Dan pulls out another plate anyway and walks over to lay everything on the coffee table. He sorts out the food, only sighing a little when he hands the sandwich over to Evan, and then sits back down in the arm chair. They both eat quietly for a while, but Dan pauses before starting his second half.
Dreamspinner Press Year Four Greatest Hits Page 65