Dan nods to himself. It goes a long way toward explaining the Ryan Effect. And it bought him a little time on the desert island question.
“Yeah, okay. Uh, desert island—sure, yeah. They’re both hot, I like them both… hey, if you were there you could join in too.”
“Thanks. So, it’s just what other people think that would slow you down? I don’t know, man… should that really matter?”
“Well… maybe? Or… I don’t know, it’s not just what other people think, it’s what I think. I mean… Evan’s my boss, which is… bad, for me. And on a desert island, we’d all be stuck there together. Nobody’s gonna leave, or nobody’s gonna see somebody else and want them instead.”
“Huh. Yeah, life isn’t simple, I guess.” Ryan sounds smugly aware that his own life actually is fairly straightforward, but Dan can’t really resent him for it.
“Yeah, thanks, that’s helpful.” Dan smiles. “Okay, I should get back to work, I guess. But do you have your landlord’s number, for the apartment? Maybe I’ll get in touch, see if I can get a couple months there before I decide what I’m doing longer term.”
“Uh… no number, actually. He’s a bit of a crazy hippy. He does pottery, and he travels around to all these craft shows… he’s hardly ever home. I just leave notes for him in the mailbox of the house, and he leaves notes in the mailbox of the garage—it works out all right. His name’s Wendell.” Ryan laughs. “He may not even know that I gave notice yet.”
“Wendell? Okay. Great, thanks. And, you know… thanks for listening to me babble.”
“Anytime, man. I gotta say, though, it’s a bit sad when the sex life of some damn horse trainer is that much kinkier than the sex life of a rock star like me.”
“Well, you’re still new at it… I’m sure the kinkiness will build once you’re on the road.”
Ryan laughs, and they hang up. Dan goes back to the horses. Having the competitors taking a rest means that Dan has more time for the younger horses, and he really enjoys the chance to work with them and see where they’re at. Before he knows it, Robyn and Michelle are calling it a day. Tat looks tired as well, but she seems determined to stay as long as Dan does.
He turns his last horse, an off-the-track Thoroughbred filly, into her pasture, and finds Tat waiting for him at the gate.
“Hey, Dan.” She seems a little shy, as if she’s building up to a difficult question, and Dan starts to get a bit of a sinking feeling. He really has no idea what Evan has told his sister about… anything, really. Dan, and Jeff, and Dan and Jeff and Evan…. And he doesn’t know what she’s supposed to know, or even if there’s anything to tell her. He looks around frantically for an escape.
“Hey, Tat!” He suspects that his greeting is a little overenthusiastic, considering that he’s just spent most of the day with her. He tries to bring the energy level down a notch. “What’s up?”
She smiles bashfully. “I just… I wanted to say that… Evan doesn’t always tell me all that much. I mean, he tries to protect me from a lot of stuff. But… I could tell something was going on yesterday, and I think I kind of know what it was… and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. You know… if it was what I think it was.”
This is so much better than what Dan thought she wanted to talk about. “Oh, no, Tat… I don’t know what you thought it was, but, really… there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”
She doesn’t look quite convinced. “But if… if they made you feel unwelcome, or as though you were… I don’t know, as if you were dangerous or something, just because they’re being all paranoid about protecting me… I should be sorry about that, shouldn’t I?” She’s looking at the ground as she talks, but then she lifts her eyes up to Dan at the end, and he almost wants to cry.
“No, Tat, you….” He doesn’t know how much detail he wants to go into. “You’re lucky—you’ve got a family who cares about you, wants to keep you safe, and helps you know how to do the right things. I wasn’t quite so lucky.” He smiles ruefully, and wonders if that was enough to make her understand, or just enough to rouse her curiosity. “So… I guess… if you want to be sorry, like, it’s too bad that everyone isn’t as lucky with their families, okay, you can be sorry like that. But don’t be sorry like it’s your fault.” He shakes his head. “It’s not your fault.”
He gets another bashful look, and then she nods. “Yeah, okay.” They both rest their arms on the fence and look out at Sunshine grazing. Dan gives himself a mental pat on the back. He handled that all right. “Hey, Dan?”
“Yeah?” He almost hopes she’s got another question, just so he can answer it as smoothly.
She turns her head to look directly at him. “Do you like my brother?” And there goes Dan’s confidence. He keeps his eyes resolutely on the field.
“Uh… yes? I mean… I think almost everybody likes your brother, don’t they?”
She leans over and gives him a little hip check. “No, you know what I mean. Do you like him?” Dan just stares out at the horses, hoping that one of them will do something, anything, to distract this girl from her question. But the horses just keep grazing, and Tat continues. “’Cause he likes you. I mean, he likes Jeff, too, but… you can like two people at once, right?”
“Uh… yes? I think you can like two people at once.”
“Yeah. I know it’s none of my business or whatever, but… I just wanted to make sure that you know… if you like him, that’s cool with me. I mean, I like Jeff, too, but… you know.”
Dan has a brief moment of wanting to shake her. No, he doesn’t know. Is everything really so clear to everyone but him? Is he just adding extra complications where they don’t need to be? Then he remembers that he’s talking to a fifteen-year-old girl. Maybe she shouldn’t be the arbiter of what’s simple or complicated.
He realizes that she’s still waiting for a response from him. “Okay, well… thanks for letting me know.”
“Are you guys going to, like… date?”
“Sweet Jesus, Tat, I don’t know!” Possibly that was an overreaction, but she looks more amused than upset.
“All right, all right….” She gets a mischievous look in her eyes. “Hey, if I promise not to ask any more questions, can I ride Monty tomorrow? Just on the flat, not for jumping!”
Dan shakes his head. She can have his truck if she stops asking questions, but it’s probably better she doesn’t figure that out. “Uh… that might work. He should just have a light work out tomorrow, if anything… We’ll check his legs in the morning, and if he’s all right, you can give him a try. Just walk and trot, probably….”
She squeals and gives him a quick hug, and then Evan’s Cherokee is pulling into the barn parking area. Tat gives Dan another sly look. “Hmm… Evan said he’d come by and drive me home, but I think I feel like a walk… maybe you should go say hi….”
Dan feels his face flame, and he tries to put a little warning in his voice when he says, “Tat…,” but she just laughs and skips away toward her brother.
He hears them exchange greetings but keeps his eyes on the field. He doesn’t really want to explain his blush to Evan. The bastard would probably think the whole thing was hilarious.
He hears Tatiana call out a goodbye to him, and he turns to wave to her. Evan is coming across the grass toward him, looking a little hesitant. Dan smiles a greeting and then turns back to look at the horses. Conversations without face to face contact are his favorite.
Evan comes up and stands beside him, leaning his own arms on the fence, just close enough so that their elbows touch. Dan is hyper-aware of the contact, and finds himself wanting to lean into it. If he’s honest with himself, he wants to turn Evan toward him and lean into him with a whole lot more than just elbows. Dan may not be a fan of face to face conversations, but that doesn’t mean he sees no value in the position. It’s reassuring, in a way. It’s nice to know that Dan isn’t going through all this for a guy he doesn’t even really want.
Evan watches the horses for
a while, then says, “So I talked to Jeff. And I was nice.” He cuts his eyes toward Dan, who lets the corners of his mouth curl up a little. “And he said dinner tomorrow is a good idea. He said he’s going stir crazy trying not to worry about the show, so he can cook. It’ll give him something to do.”
Dan hadn’t thought about that. He’d assumed they’d go to a restaurant. Evan seems to sense his reaction.
“We could just go out, but if we’re going to have a real, honest discussion about all this—some privacy might be good. And Jeff’s place is more private than mine, and way more private than a restaurant.”
Dan nods. It makes sense. It’s just that the last time he’d been at Jeff’s, he hadn’t exactly been on his best behavior. It’ll be a bit awkward to go back, especially with Evan there. But he guesses he just needs to suck it up. He can’t avoid the place forever. “Yeah, okay. Uh… what time?”
“I said I’d go there straight from the office… so maybe six or so?”
Dan nods again. “Okay, yeah.” Evan shifts a little, so his whole upper arm is against Dan’s, and when he speaks, his voice is quieter, but intense.
“I’ve been thinking about you all day, Dan. Thinking about that kiss, and all the things I want us to do. It’s been driving me nuts.”
Dan’s actually been okay, working with the horses as a way to keep his mind off things, but now that Evan is right here, Dan’s having a little trouble forming coherent thoughts. He’s not sure what his voice would sound like if he tried to speak, so he just nods.
Evan seems to understand the reason for Dan’s silence, and he leans in closer. His lips are right by Dan’s ear now, and just like the night before, Dan can feel them on his cheek when Evan speaks. He wonders if this is a favorite technique of Evan’s and wonders how he’ll be able to stand it if Evan does it much longer. “You’ve got to give us a chance, Dan. We can figure everything out. I know we can.” He turns a little more toward Dan and moves in slightly, and Dan can feel Evan’s hardness up against his hip. He lets out a little whimper and turns his head, his eyes shut tight, his mouth finding Evan’s by feel. This time it’s Dan who leads the way, pushing almost too hard against Evan’s lips, licking into his mouth, rolling his hip against Evan’s groin. Dan shifts his body so they’re facing each other, still squeezed in tight, and their hard lengths are rubbing against each other through their clothes. Evan gasps a little at the contact, and Dan trails his lips away from Evan’s mouth, kissing and sucking along his jaw line and down his neck. He’s so turned on he can barely breathe. Evan leans his head back, exposing his throat for more attention, and just then Dan hears laughing voices from the direction of the barn, and he rips his mouth and body away from Evan.
Dan turns to look back out at the horses, but Evan stays in the same position as if frozen there. After a moment he groans and lets his head fall forward.
“Dan, there you are!” calls Sara from the barn. Dan turns his head to look at her and Devin. “We’re going into town to get some dinner… do you guys want anything?”
Dan glances at Evan but he doesn’t seem to be too coherent, so he just decides for both of them. “Nah, we’re good, thanks,” he calls back, and Evan comes back to himself enough to raise an arm to wave at them before turning around and facing the field.
He waits a while, either to make sure Devin and Sara are gone or to gain a little more control of himself. “Jesus Christ, Dan—” he starts.
“Yeah,” Dan replies, and then he grins. “Wasn’t today supposed to be a cooling off period, or something?”
Evan laughs a little. “Yeah, something like that.” He shakes his head a little. “Okay, I was gonna offer to help you pack up your stuff tonight, but….”
Dan nods. “If I get you anywhere near a bed, you’re gonna end up in it. And it’d be better….”
“More fair to Jeff,” Evan agrees, “although I don’t know if that exactly makes sense. I mean, you and him got together on your own….”
“And you didn’t like it,” Dan reminds him.
Evan doesn’t answer for a minute. “I fucking hated it.” Then he grins. “Since when are you Mr. Sensible?”
Dan shakes his head. “I turned over a whole new leaf, man. This is the new me.”
“Yeah. Great fucking timing on that, you bastard.” Evan keeps looking out at the horses. “Hey, you need to teach me to ride.”
Dan can’t stop himself from smirking a little. “I thought we agreed that it would be better to wait until tomorrow.”
Evan shoots him a look. “Seriously? It’s your full-time job, and you still pick up on all the dirty expressions? Wouldn’t it sort of wear thin after a while?”
“Dude, I had my tongue down your throat two minutes ago. I’m still fucking hard. Excuse me if I’ve got sex on my mind.”
Evan groans a little. “Jesus, don’t remind me. Okay, then, I’m gonna head home, find some dinner. I’d invite you up, but… same problem applies.”
“Shit, man, I almost forgot. Your sister… I had a bit of a weird conversation with your sister.”
“Well, yeah. Weird’s pretty normal with her. What was this one about?”
“Uh… I think she gave us her blessing.” Evan looks up in surprise, and Dan shrugs. “I don’t know, dude. She… she asked if I liked you, and then she said you liked me, but that you liked Jeff, too, but that she thinks it’s okay to like two people at the same time. It freaked me out a little.”
“Jesus. Is that what she was smirking about when she said she’d walk home?”
“I guess so, yeah. She also seemed to know a bit about yesterday. You might want to talk to her about that. I think she believed me when I said it wasn’t her fault, but… I’m not really sure.”
Evan rolls his eyes dramatically. “This is what she does! She sneaks around and eavesdrops, and then I’ve got to make her feel better about whatever she overhears. It’s… it’s not a good system.”
“Maybe you should tell her upfront. You know… make sure she’s got the facts right, make sure she’s not misinterpreting anything.”
“That’s what Jeff says. Jesus, are you two gonna gang up on me about my sister?”
Dan raises his hands. “Okay, I’m obviously in no position to be giving advice about anything family related. Sorry.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” Evans waits for Dan’s shrug, then looks up in the direction of the house. “What did you tell her about us?”
“I, uh… I told her she could ride Monty tomorrow if she stopped asking me questions.”
Evan bites his lip a little, then gives up and laughs out loud. “Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Damn, I should remember that one.”
“Dude, get your own bribe!”
Evan’s eyes are warm, and Dan kind of wants to stay there forever, just basking in the affection from the other man. But he doesn’t honestly think it will stay as simple affection for long, and he really does think Jeff would be hurt if they did anything without him. Dan notices that his thinking on the next evening seems to have shifted. Originally it was a meeting to talk, for Dan to explain his serious reservations about their suggested arrangement. But somehow it seems to have morphed, and now he feels like he’s going into it expecting to have some sort of sex with at least one of the guys. He’s not sure when or why things shifted, and right now he’s not too concerned about it. He feels like the tension has ratcheted up to the point where something needs to happen, especially between him and Evan, or they’ll both explode. So he can still express his serious reservations about an actual relationship, but that shouldn’t mean that he can’t get a little action. Or a lot of action, maybe. He’s open to suggestions.
But until then, Dan needs to get the hell away from Evan. “Okay, so… oh, you want to learn to ride. You don’t mean right now, do you?” His eyes shift down to Evan’s crotch, where he still looks at least partly hard. “’Cause take it from me, that’s pretty uncomfortable….”
“No, not right now,” Evan is quick
to say. “Just… someday. Sean was saying that these are good times to buy horses, ’cause of the economy being so bad, so maybe we could be on the lookout for some good eventing prospects, but also for some horses just for riding around on, you know? Like Smokey or maybe a bit bigger, for me.”
“Yeah, that’d be great. We could build a run-in shed in the big paddock, and keep the extra horses in there. Smokey’d be happier out all the time, if he had some company. Most horses would, really, but the stalls are convenient when we’re riding them every day.” Dan’s getting enthusiastic about this idea, and he notices that his body is calming right down. Apparently horses are his anti-aphrodisiac—which is just as well, considering his job.
“Excellent, yeah. I’ve got another… there’s another idea I’ve been working on, but it’s not quite put together yet. Hopefully I’ll have it figured out for tomorrow.” Dan gives him a curious look, but Evan just shrugs and grins. “Okay, then. I’m gonna go…. I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Six o’clock at Jeff’s.”
Dan nods. He kind of wants a kiss goodbye, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. There’s no telling where that might end up. Apparently Evan has the same thought, because he’s looking a bit regretful as he walks back toward the car.
Dan waits until he hears the Cherokee start up and drive away before he turns and heads up to his own truck. He doesn’t really have much stuff to pack up, but he figures he may as well get to it. Maybe he’ll even start on the cleaning tonight. Lord knows he could use the distraction from his thoughts. He feels like his head could start spinning again, and he really doesn’t think there’s any productive decisions to be made right now. He needs to hear what Evan and Jeff have to say and how they respond to his concerns. He’s not optimistic, and he’s going in with some pretty serious reservations, but he finds that he’s really, really starting to hope that they’re able to convince him. He doesn’t honestly know what he’ll do if they can’t.
Chapter 39
Dreamspinner Press Year Four Greatest Hits Page 68