Dreamspinner Press Year Four Greatest Hits

by Felicia Watson

  Confusion ironed a crease into Logan’s forehead. “Thought he ran things around here. What was he doin’ working the counter?”

  Nick shrugged, explaining, “He’s done just about every job in this place. Still mans the counter whenever he can.” He smiled at a distant memory and mused, “Couldn’t believe it when I was applyin’ to the graduate program at Pitt and Larry suggested I talk to his wife, who just happened to be Dr. Trudy Gerard.”

  They were briefly interrupted by the perky waitress who introduced herself as Becky and took their drink orders after explaining the specials. Logan got his usual Coke, but Nick asked for a root beer, advising Logan that it was on draft at Liberty Grill—best damn root beer in the city. Nick wondered if Logan had heard him, since he had a definite air of distraction as he studied the menu. Nick asked, “Somethin’ wrong?”

  Logan folded the menu and leaned his forearms on it, saying, “The way you said you were so surprised to find out Larry was married to Trudy—is she famous or somethin’?”

  “In the field of abuse counseling, you bet she is. Famous and infamous.”

  “Whaddya mean, infamous?”

  “Well, she’s one of the few—” The conversation was interrupted again when Becky brought their drinks and took their meal orders. Logan asked for the meatloaf special while Nick got the T-bone pork chop.

  As soon as she disappeared, Logan took up right where they’d left off. “You were sayin’, about Trudy?”

  “Oh yeah, she’s kind of a controversial figure in that she strongly supports couples counseling—like she’s trying to do with you and Linda.”

  “And why’s that such a big deal?”

  “’Cause hardly anyone else does it—or believes in it.”

  “You don’t?”

  “Hell no.” When he saw the hurt look flit across Logan’s face, Nick hastened to soften that pronouncement. He leaned forward and, in an urgent whisper, explained, “Like I told you before, most abusers… they aren’t like you, they don’t wanta change, and they aren’t… they couldn’t even if they wanted to.”

  Logan studied the parking lot briefly before turning to Nick and asking, “But Trudy believes otherwise, huh?”

  “She believes it’s worth a try some of the time. And she’s had some limited success,” Nick admitted. He gulped some root beer before admonishing, “That’s why you gotta be firm with her, Logan. You gotta convince her there’s no hope for saving your marriage, or she’ll be like a bulldog—won’t let go.”

  “Tell me ’bout it,” Logan sighed.

  “Thought any more about what you’re gonna say?”

  “Same as I said last time. I don’t wanta go back to Linda… but stick to my guns this time.” Logan let out a puff of exasperation, grousing, “She’s been asking for weeks what it is I want, and then when I finally tell her, she don’t listen!”

  “Yeah, well, this is her pet cause, reuniting families.” Nick ran a hand through his hair as he elaborated, “After all, she wrote a whole goddamn book about it.”

  “She did?”

  “Yep, a bestseller in our field. There’s an autographed copy on my bookshelf at home.” Nick didn’t find it necessary to add that the only part of the book he’d ever read had been Trudy’s inscription on the flyleaf.

  Their food arrived just then, and Nick took advantage of the break to change the subject. He pointed to the T-bird that could be seen in the parking lot. “Can’t wait ’til it looks as good as it runs. Where should we get it painted?”

  Logan chewed his meatloaf while he seemed to consider the subject. “It’s a shame—the best place I know is back home in Elco. The guy used to do a lotta work for me.”

  “Maybe we should take it there.”

  “Nah, gotta be a place closer…. Let me think about it.”

  The topic of conversation drifted to Logan’s continuing efforts to find a mechanic position in North Braddock, and on to work in general, and finally got around to Nick’s mom. At last there was some small bit of good news on that front, and Nick gladly gave it. “I saw her doctor yesterday, and he’s talking about moving her out of the hospital.”

  “She’s comin’ home?”

  “Not right off. They gotta move her to a nursing facility first, ’til she gets stronger.”

  Their plates were cleared, and Nick started teasing his companion about dessert. “You gonna have some pie?”

  The look on Logan’s face suggested that he’d never heard a crazier idea. “After that meal? No way.”

  “Come on.” Nick flicked a hot glance from under his sooty lashes. “We’ll work it off later.”

  Logan’s ready laugh spoke of the success of this celebratory meal, though he protested, “Not if I explode first.”

  “But the pie here—”

  “Is the best in the city,” Logan finished, provoking a shout of laughter from Nick.

  Nick was just about to agree that they should skip dessert and head back to his place for the next event on the evening’s schedule when he saw Dave Acken enter the restaurant. His friendly smile quickly faded when he saw that Dave was closely trailed by the imposing bulk of Larry Gerard. Bringing up the rear was none other than his wife, Trudy. Nick instinctively dropped his head and hunched forward as he calculated their chances of remaining undetected.

  Logan, whose back was to the door, noticed the change in Nick immediately. “What?”

  Before Nick could answer, Dave’s voice could be heard booming down the aisle. “There they are! I knew it.”

  Dread squeezed a steel band around his heart as Nick suddenly found their cozy booth surrounded by the last three people he had expected—or wanted—to see. He flicked a glance across the table and knew the jig was up; Logan looked as guilty as a murderer caught with a smoking gun in his hand. Somehow Nick found the courage to nod and greet the group nonchalantly. “Hey, guys. Didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”

  Dave and Larry were both smiling widely, but Trudy’s face wore a suspicious and guarded frown. Larry clasped Nick on the shoulder with a meaty, dark-skinned hand as he exulted, “Can’t keep you away from this place. I guess I’ve more ’an made back every double order of fries I ever slipped you.”

  Mustering up a wan smile, Nick said, “You’re the one who’s here on his night off.”

  The ever-genial Dave jumped in to explain, “That would be my doing. Trudy and Larry took me out for my birthday to this place nearby.” He paused and glanced at Trudy, asking, “What was it called?”

  “Dish,” Trudy supplied. “It was Nick’s suggestion.” Her voice unusually cool, she added, “It was every bit as good as you said…. Oh, and Tish says hi.”

  Nick just nodded, not daring to check how Logan was faring as Dave informed them, “So we was passing by on the way back, and I spotted the T-bird in the parking lot. Had to stop in and congratulate you two on getting it running.” He turned his attention to Logan next. “Guess you figured out that problem with the valve seat heights, huh?”

  No longer able to avoid looking at Logan, Nick watched him stutter out an inaudible reply and felt compelled to say to the Gerards, “Logan has been helping me with the Thunderbird.”

  Larry greeted Logan directly and offered his hand while Trudy said, “Is that right? Funny you never mentioned it before.” She turned to Logan, spearing him with her annoyed gaze. “Or you.”

  Nick’s guilt was submerged under a wave of irritation at being treated like a couple of naughty schoolboys, and he quipped, “Guess my last few biweekly reports have been light on details about my personal life, huh?”

  Seeming to play along, Trudy drawled, “Yes. I guess we can rectify that at our eight a.m. meeting tomorrow.”

  Since there previously had been no morning meeting scheduled, Nick got the message loud and clear. He took a deep breath before asserting calmly, “I’ll be there.”

  “Good.” Trudy nodded at the duo in the booth before saying to Larry, “Honey, we’ve already kept the sitter waiting,
and we still have to drop Dave off.”

  Larry laughed. “Just more money for her.” But the group quickly said their goodbyes and left.

  After watching them move to the door and tracking them out to the parking lot, Logan turned to Nick and barked, “She knows.”

  Nick didn’t bother refuting the assertion. “Well, she suspects, anyway.” They paid the bill in gloomy silence.

  On the short drive back to Acken’s shop, Logan asked, “What’re you gonna tell her?”

  The question echoed the one that had been playing through Nick’s mind, and he’d come to one solid conclusion. “The truth.”

  “The truth?” Logan leaned into Nick’s space, warning, “It ain’t just your truth to tell.”

  He made no answer until the T-bird was safely parked in the garage. Nick cut the engine off and turned to Logan. Quietly but firmly, he asserted, “I’m not going to lie to Trudy.”

  Logan leaped out of the car, yelling, “What the fuck! You didn’t have any problem with me lying to her!”

  Nick bounded out and raced around the T-bird to face him. “I never asked you to lie.” More calmly, he added, “What’s the point, Logan? You said it yourself, she kno—”

  “She can’t prove anything.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Logan sagged back against the frame of the car, folding his arms. His eyes on the floor, he defiantly enunciated, “It does to me.”

  “Why?” Nick leaned down to try and read his eyes. When they flicked back up, Nick was cut by blue steel.

  “If she can’t prove it, then she can’t tell anyone.”

  “What, are you nuts? You think she’s gonna let this go if I tell her we’re just friends? A friendship I’ve deliberately concealed from her for months?”

  Logan pushed off the car and started pacing the floor, muttering angrily to himself.

  “What did you say?” Nick demanded.

  Stopping right in front of him, Logan averred through gritted teeth, “I said, I knew no good would come of all of this.”

  “No good!” Nick yelled back. “No good? Is that what I’ve been to you?”

  “You don’t get it,” Logan snapped, then shook his head wearily as he explained more quietly, “You don’t have anything to lose.”

  Nick took a deep breath, biting back every vicious word fighting to get out of his mouth. When he had better control of himself, he glared at Logan, asserting, “I guess you’re right. I’m sure not losing anything important.” Nick tossed the keys to the shop at him, saying, “Lock up, will you? I’m going home. Alone.”

  As he stalked to the door, a snarl followed him out. “Good! We should’a been doing that all along. Then none of this would’ve ever happened.”

  Nick ignored the salvo and drove back to Observatory Hill in muted, stoic fury, wondering how a bright, glittering day had shattered so quickly—and irrevocably.

  Chapter 14:

  For Every Truth There Is an Ear

  For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it.

  —Ivan Panin

  SUNDAY NIGHT at eleven p.m., Nick trudged slowly home, sweat-soaked after a long run but still unsure whether or not sleep was an attainable goal. He barely remembered traversing the lamp-lit trails of Riverview Park, so occupied had his mind been with doomsday scenarios, each one more catastrophic than the last. Trudy’s gonna reprimand me for sure. Maybe even fire me… and the job market for counselors isn’t exactly jumping. I could lose the house—then Ma won’t have a place to come home to…. Good thing I wasted my savings on that stupid car. He immediately shook that reflection off, since it brought his train of thought to an unwelcome stop named Logan Crane. Suddenly the contemplation of financial ruin was more attractive than thinking of his still-silent cell phone.

  A short while later, Nick stared sleeplessly at his bedroom ceiling and attempted to calm his raging fears. Trudy won’t fire me. She can’t! It’s not like I broke any clear-cut rules. If she tries to, I’ll… I’ll sue her ass off. Abruptly, he was inspired to jump out of bed and dig out an old boyfriend’s business card—one who specialized in employment law and was known in the gay community for anti-discrimination suits. When Nick finally found the card tucked into a desk drawer, he clutched it like a talisman and laid it carefully on his dresser. He hadn’t spoken to Mark Billings in almost four years, but they had parted on very amicable terms, and Nick felt slightly better for having taken some kind of action.

  When he dressed for work the next morning, Nick was still girding his loins for battle, already mentally arguing with Trudy in his head. I can’t believe you’d do this to me, after all I’ve given to this place. Not bothering with any kind of breakfast, Nick filled his travel mug with coffee and headed for ACC at 6:20 a.m., since pacing in his small kitchen wasn’t accomplishing anything. Once at work, he decided to use the extra time to dig out his last few performance reviews. Trudy had written them and was fully aware that his ratings had all been exemplary, but Nick planned to go in armed with as much ammunition as possible.

  He was scanning e-mails without comprehending a single word when his desk phone rang at five minutes after seven; the LED screen indicated that the call was from Trudy. Nick picked up, saying, “Good morning, Trudy.”

  “Good morning. I saw your Jeep in the parking lot.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “So… you’re here, I’m here. Let’s do this thing.”

  Nick was almost tempted to ask Trudy when she had started talking like Tony Soprano but found the joke died in his parched throat. “Okay. I’ll be right there.”

  When they were seated across from each other in Trudy’s office, she cleared her throat and said calmly, “I’m not going to beat around the bush. What’s going on between you and Logan Crane?”

  Though he had been preparing for this question for the last twelve hours, Nick was momentarily at a loss for words. After a centering breath, he sat up straight, hoping to appear unruffled. “We’re good friends.” Not wanting to delay the inevitable, he added, “And lovers.”

  No surprise showed on Trudy’s face as she ground out, “I see.” Fully aware of a counselor’s usual bag of tricks, Nick expected the silence that ensued and did nothing to fill it. Trudy eventually broke it by asking, “And how long has this been going on?”

  When he paused to do the calculation, Nick was shocked at the answer. “Three weeks—almost to the day.” Only three weeks. How is that possible? If he’d answered without thinking, Nick would have said a lifetime. He felt like a different man from the one who’d walked soaking wet into Dave Acken’s shop that Sunday morning several weeks earlier.

  “If you only crossed that line three weeks ago, why didn’t you ever tell me that you two—”

  “I didn’t understand…,” Nick interrupted. “I mean, I was confused.”

  “Confused?” Trudy fumed. “Confused about what? How long it would take to seduce him?”

  Unable to restrain a snarl, Nick shot back, “It wasn’t like that. I had no intention…. Fuck, I thought he was straight.”

  “Right up until three weeks ago?” Trudy’s words dripped with skepticism.

  “No,” Nick snapped. “I thought he was straight up until five weeks ago.”

  “When you made a pass at him?”

  “Yeah, sure. Right after he grabbed me and kissed me.”

  Trudy’s face at last showed surprise—bordering on shock. “Logan kissed you? Right out of the blue?”

  “Yes,” Nick hissed.

  “And you responded by…?”

  “I… uh… I… kissed him back.” Wanting to end the interrogative nature of the questioning, Nick added, “If you want any more details, you’ll just have to wait ’til my autobiography comes out. Suffice it to say, we kissed, nothing more happened for a couple of weeks, and then….”

  “And then, you decided to take advantage of the situation?”

  “No! I didn’t decide anything. It just happened. And I am not the one—” N
ick stopped abruptly, shutting that thought down before it had a chance to fully form.

  Her interest obviously piqued, Trudy asked curiously, “You’re not the one? Meaning Logan is? He took advantage of you?”

  “He’s not—nobody took advantage of anybody, okay?” Frustrated and tired of being on the defensive, he adroitly flipped the subject around by saying, “What I was going to say was, I’m not the one who missed all the signs from my patient. That’s why you’re really pissed off, Trudy, isn’t it?” From her sharp intake of breath, Nick knew he’d scored a direct hit. He thrust the knife in a little deeper by adding, “What happened, were you out the day they covered ‘latent homosexuality’ in Psych 101?”

  Trudy bit her lip as she resettled in her seat. After a moment spent visibly composing herself, she cocked an eyebrow at him, admitting, “I guess I deserved that.”

  After a brief pause, Nick leaned back, saying evenly, “I guess you did.”

  “But I don’t think that’s what you were going to say.” Nick refused to give her the satisfaction of confirming her supposition, and he was wholly unprepared when she leaned forward and said, “Nick, do you think Logan is the only one I’m concerned about in all of this?” While he was still parsing that question, Trudy added, “What about you? With your history, have you given any thought to the implications presented by this relationship?”

  Nick closed his eyes while he slumped to the side and ran a hand through his hair, murmuring, “You’re better at this than me.”

  “Better at what?”

  “Throwing your patient off balance.”

  “You’re not my patient.”

  Nick’s head shot up, and he grabbed for his victorious moment. “Exactly.”

  Trudy did not appear discomfited in the least. “But I think you should be someone’s patient.”

  “Oh, God, not this again,” Nick groaned. “I thought we closed this subject years ago. And I availed myself of therapy in graduate school, as you full well know.”