Father for Her Newborn Baby (Cowboys, Doctors...Daddies)

by Lynne Marshall

  From the very first day, Lizzie had managed to pull out of him the strongest reactions, no matter what the circumstances, be it annoyance, anger, joy, surprise…lust. Oh, yes—lust. And now, realizing there was no place for this relationship to go since she’d be leaving, sadness. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead; she sighed contentedly, completely relaxed in his arms. All natural beauty, not polished and practiced, just her, the way he liked her. Loved her? The fire that had burned in his belly for her minutes before got replaced with a dull ache of loss.

  He inhaled the flowery scent of Lizzie’s hair, which had fallen over her shoulders when they’d made love—if he could call it that. What they’d just done had nothing to do with love. It had been totally raw. Focused. Feral. Amazing.

  His throat went dry as he prepared to say the toughest thing on his mind, because he knew it was the best thing for her. He pushed aside his selfish desires, for her future. “This can’t happen again.”

  Her head shot up. She stared at him. “Why not? I’m in Wyoming for a few more weeks.”

  “It’s unethical. You’re my colleague, not a playmate.”

  Her brows crinkled in a quizzical way. “And if I like being your playmate?”

  “That’s beside the point. I’m always on the road. We’ll be living in different states. The most we could ask for was the occasional hookup. Is that what you really want?”

  “Isn’t that how you usually do it? Keep a safe distance from people. Stay too busy to commit to anything or anyone outside of work?”

  His hand clutched her shoulder tighter. How had she nailed him so easily? He kept that distance because he’d disappointed everyone who’d ever cared for him, including his mother. He’d never been able to be what those close to him wanted, to be there when they needed him most, and there was no way he could survive loving with every fiber and losing, as his father had. Women walked away from him as soon as they realized his profession was his first love. Eventually, Lizzie would too, and that wasn’t what was best for her or Flora. He forced himself to lighten his grasp. “I have a demanding job. I’ve managed to make a name for myself, and traveling is the key to keeping my status.”

  “So you let status rule your days?”

  “Like I said, I didn’t set out with that in mind.” She’d cut to the dirty truth: he’d settled for status over feelings. Over really living. “Things just fell into place.” Or had he made sure to hold on to his wonder-boy status at all costs, because that was the only way he knew how to be?

  “And now those things keep you away from your family, your father, and heaven help any woman who wanders into your life.”

  On defense, he fought to sound casual. “You bug the hell out of me, you know that?” He shared an annoyed though nonthreatening smile. “And you’re far too accurate in your assumptions. Look, this is me. It’s the way I live.”

  “Who says I want anything from you? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a new mother and I’m searching for a job and my plate is pretty full. Truth is, I don’t have room for you.”

  She’d taken his hint and run with it, immediately relieving him of any guilt or responsibility. How did she have such a knack for reading people? Maybe getting tossed from one foster home to another growing up taught a young girl to read people and to never get her hopes up for anything permanent. Back came the guilt in a rush. Didn’t Lizzie deserve more out of life?

  No. He really needed to stay out of her life so she’d have a shot at a real relationship with someone who cherished her and Flora. That person wouldn’t be him. Life didn’t work that way for him.

  “I’m not good enough for you, am I?”

  He couldn’t hide his shock since that thought had never entered his mind, and yet it was the first conclusion she’d jumped to. “Good enough? It has nothing to do with that.”

  She laughed. “Am I about to hear the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech?”

  He could see right through her tough and cynical mask, but wasn’t it better to let her down now than later when it would really hurt? As he thought of Flora’s future and how she deserved a father who loved her his heart sank. That baby had already managed to steal his heart, but that wasn’t the point; they both deserved a better future than he could give them. He might be able to offer wealth and protection, but they deserved to be loved, a feeling he’d lost the day he broke his neck. When he’d risked it all for love, he’d nearly killed himself. “Thought I’d already given it.”

  Her wry laugh offered relief from the tense moment and begged for him to join in.

  “So,” he said. “After tonight—” he said, hurting in a place he’d long forgotten.

  But he’d only gotten half of his thoughts out before she rolled on top and straddled him. “Who says tonight is over?”

  She ducked her head and nailed him with an open-mouthed kiss, and there was no argument from him. She’d made a great point about their night together. He’d been honest with her and she still wanted to make love. He wasn’t about to talk her out of right now. His hand cupped the back of her head and he kissed her as if there were no tomorrow.

  This kind of escape he could handle, as long as feelings didn’t enter in.

  But wasn’t it already too late?

  *

  They’d barely woken in time to shower and make their flight home, Sunday. An uneasy tension wove between them on the airplane, nearly erasing the amazing night they’d spent in each other’s arms.

  Lizzie watched out the window as they flew over Wyoming, her heart swelling at the beauty. Such wide-open spaces. A little piece of heaven she wanted for her and her daughter. As they landed she thought about her odds at getting placed in one of the programs from the administrators she’d met the night before.

  Cole had set her up for more possibilities than she could ever dream up herself, yet she couldn’t quite get Monty’s comments from their last horseback ride out of her mind. What kind of future did she want for Flora? Her little fantasy about Cole would never play out. It had been foolish of her to even dream it up, because it already hurt like hell and there was nothing she could do to move Cole out of his lifelong rut. Now all she wanted was to get home to hold her baby again.

  She glanced at Cole, diligently reading a cardiac-medicine journal, wishing things could be different between them but knowing better. She was a big girl, after all. Besides, his noticeable indifference this morning proved he hadn’t been lying last night. There wasn’t room for her, and especially for Flora, in his life. The man was honest on all levels, even the tough-as-nails topics. At least she could always count on him for that.

  Maybe she could still make an impact on one aspect of his life, though. Because she cared, she opened a topic he’d pushed aside years ago. “So you’ll only be in Cattleman Bluff a couple more weeks. Are you planning to set things straight with your father?”

  Cole lifted his head slowly, removing his stare from the journal and placing it on her. “Has he talked to you?”

  “I didn’t need it spelled out. All I had to do was observe.”

  “Hmm.” He started to go back to reading and she wasn’t about to let him get off with a single-syllable response.

  “And Monty and I talk all the time—” his head lifted, though he didn’t look at her “—but not about the trouble between you two. Nope. Like I said, I figured that out myself.” She waited a moment to make sure Cole was still listening. “He isn’t getting any younger, you know.”

  Cole inhaled, immediately seeming uncomfortable about the conversation. “And he’ll settle for nothing less than having both of his sons completely change their lives in order to accommodate his dream. His dream. Do you understand how unreasonable that is?”

  She glanced down at the hands in her lap, not wanting to step on anything Cole needed to say, but thinking at least he had a family. Didn’t he understand how precious that was?

  “Trevor never got out of town. He could have had a far more lucrative and respected caree
r but he stayed in Wyoming after medical school and took his residency in family practice. He got strapped with the clinic in Cattleman Bluff, and has never left since.”

  “But he was with your mother the last days of her life, and he wouldn’t have met Julie again if things had worked out your way.”

  He went immediately thoughtful on the first part of her response, quickly passed over it to her second thought. “True, but who knows what opportunities he’s missed because of sticking around?”

  “Is life only about opportunities or missed opportunities to you?” He went silent, so she prodded more. “What’s wrong with family medicine?”

  “Nothing, if that’s what a person wants. But I always got the feeling Trevor wanted more. And having my brother around still hasn’t made Dad happy.”

  “I think it’s because neither of you have taken an interest in the ranching business. Your father really has made a name for himself. I think he’s worried all will be lost when he dies.”

  “Jack is perfectly fine at handling the everyday issues, but Dad really does need to find a partner to handle the business end of it. Raising prime beef doesn’t mean squat unless you have places to sell it.”

  “Circle M steer may not keep their reputation if an outsider steps in.”

  “What are you getting at?”

  “Don’t you have any interest in your family business? It’s given you all the opportunities you’ve had in your life, to use your favorite word. Isn’t it time to give a little back? Like you said, your brother has stuck around and is keeping a promise to the community with the clinic. You seem very business savvy in the medical field because of TAVR. You’ve marketed it all across the nation. Like you said, you’re always on the road.”

  “And that makes me a meat magnate, how?”

  “Same skills. Connections. Just different product.”

  He tossed his gaze upward with an unbelieving expression. Maybe she’d knocked him sideways and he was ready to pull the oxygen down and take a breath or two, or maybe it was just good old impatience. She understood she had a way of drawing that out of people.

  The plane finally taxied to a stop and they jumped up to grab their carry-on bags, putting an abrupt end to the uncomfortable conversation. All she could hope was to plant a seed in Cole’s thoughts about his future. To somehow make a difference in his life, even if she wouldn’t be in it. Because wasn’t that what you did when you cared about someone?

  *

  Cole hoped neither Gretchen nor Dad would pick up on the change in his and Lizzie’s dynamics when they arrived home and came through the kitchen. Though it would take nothing short of award-winning acting to avoid it. After greeting Monty and Gretchen, Lizzie rushed to gather Flora from Gretchen’s arms and, after kissing the baby hello, took off for privacy to nurse her. He was surprised by his own surge of happiness at seeing that bright and sweet baby face, wished he’d had a chance to kiss her, too. Instead, he got down a glass and filled it with water, then drank. Tiberius hung back in the kitchen along with Gretchen, waiting for a report, no doubt.

  “She did great,” he said after he’d emptied the glass. “Those hospital administrators were eating from her hand. It’ll only be a matter of time before the offers come in.”

  For some odd reason, both his father and Gretchen looked disappointed. Didn’t they want the best for her as he did? He gave them a couple of seconds to say something, anything, but neither did.

  “Well, I’m exhausted, so I’ll see you at dinner.” Cole had a long to-do list. He needed to make arrangements for several upcoming trips, one in particular including an in-service for doctors at the University of California at San Francisco. He’d be demonstrating TAVR, then assisting with the head of cardiac care; next he’d talk him through another procedure and finally be an observer, but ready to step in with any glitches. Once he certified that doctor, if the hospital brought this life-and cost-saving procedure into their facility, it would be a huge West Coast win for his premier cardiac procedure. The medical-device company he worked for part-time would send a substantial bonus check. Maybe he’d skip family dinner tonight.

  Though as he headed for his room he couldn’t keep Lizzie’s intruding conversation on the plane out of his mind. As with hers, his time on the ranch was coming to an end, and he really should hash things out with his father once and for all. There was so much more to discuss than who was taking over the ranch so the man could retire, but he really didn’t have the energy to tackle that today, thanks in no small part to her. God, he ached for her already.

  He halfheartedly cursed Lizzie for bringing up the tough topic, while loving that she’d cared enough, knowing he couldn’t very well sidestep that conversation much longer.

  CHAPTER TEN

  IT ONLY TOOK until Wednesday for the first residency offer to come through for Lizzie. She whooped and hung up the clinic office phone, then raced to Cole’s door.

  “Linda Poles just called to say she has an opening for me!” There was no way she could keep the excitement out of her voice.

  “Great!” Cole’s response didn’t sound convincing. “And since she’s a woman, you can’t claim I pimped you out.” His sardonic smile made no attempt to involve his eyes.

  “This is true.” She wasn’t going to let him drag down her moment of victory. Besides, this was a typical good news/bad news deal. “There’s only one drawback.”

  Now she had his full attention. He rose from his chair, circled around the desk and stood a couple of feet before her, waiting for her to fill him in.

  “I need to start next week.”

  The perplexed and downright sad look on his face, a complete contrast to moments before, nearly made her stomach zip-line to her toes, until he quickly covered it up. Saying it out loud drove the point home, though. She’d be leaving. Very soon.

  “I…uh…um…” she stammered, trying to work out how to best phrase her words. “I tried to talk her into letting me finish my time here, but she reminded me the program began July the first and that I’ve already missed weeks. She said I need to get back to Boston and jump right in. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

  “And, of course, you’re thrilled to get back on old turf and start the program.” He’d schooled his expression, and gave nothing away from his reaction. His true thoughts and feelings would never see the light of day around Lizzie. Showing enthusiasm as only Cole could, he flashed that charming smile.

  She needed to let him know how she felt, though, which was near panic. “I’m scared witless. I’ve got to find a place to live, make child-care arrangements. Let my patients here know.”

  “Lotte can take care of that part.” Picking up on how frantic she was, Cole dropped the facade and stepped closer, drew her near, took her into his arms and closed the office door. “You know I’ll help any way I can.”

  “Thank you.” She stood there in his arms, savoring the feel of him, touched all the way to her marrow by how she’d missed him since Saturday night. How could she just walk away from everything she’d only just found here? As he’d opened the door for her dreams, even if they were last month’s dreams, he’d soundly closed it to anything between them. She had to remember that.

  Since coming to Cattleman Bluff and meeting Cole, her goals had subtly shifted, but she couldn’t very well say thanks but no thanks to Boston. I’d like to stick around in Wyoming now, if you don’t mind. She couldn’t refuse, after all of his work on her behalf. This was her one big chance to prove herself in a resident program. To eventually find a solid job in a good hospital. To make the best home she could for Flora.

  “The MGH program probably has suggestions for housing,” he said, “and I’ll pay you for the full six weeks you were hired for.”

  “I can’t let you do that.”

  His grip grew tighter. “You don’t have a choice in the matter. I’m in charge of who I pay.”

  And that, unfortunately, summed up the position she was in with Cole, once again. She’d m
oved to Wyoming without a choice and now she’d leave the same way.

  “Your next patient is in the room.” Lotte tapped on the door, figuring out where Lizzie was.

  “I’ll be right there,” she said, wanting to kiss Cole, but sensing he couldn’t handle that any more than she could. “Thanks again,” she said, stepping out of his arms, willing herself to be ready for the rest of the afternoon appointments. Because she had to be.

  *

  Cole bit back every natural reaction he’d had to the news of Lizzie leaving, and rendered an award-winning performance, if he did say so himself. And wasn’t he getting damn good at that? As the afternoon went on, with spot conversations here and there while passing in the hallway, or entering or exiting patient rooms, he’d informed her he could pull some strings to find an affordable apartment in a decent part of town. Later, he’d told a bold lie and said he could even find the best child-care facility available for little Flora. He’d set up something with Dr. Poles and the residency program. Lizzie didn’t need to know.

  Keep telling yourself it’s what’s best for Lizzie. And Flora. The thought of not seeing those two bright and shiny faces every day pinched in his gut. Even now he longed to take Lizzie in his arms and show her how much he felt for her. He’d let himself grow too accustomed to both of them. And exhibiting the biggest failure of wisdom in his life, he’d spent the most amazing night making love to Lizzie. How right they’d been for each other. He could definitely grow accustomed to that.

  She’d forced him to feel again; he owed her more than he could ever repay. And since he’d already been monumentally unethical, he’d pay for Flora’s child care and lie that it was free to the residents. He’d call Linda as soon as he finished his next appointment to set things up.

  Oh, and there was one more call he’d make before he left work today. Larry Rivers. He had some questions to ask.