The Forevers

by Chris Whitaker

  ‘I remember the old Sally,’ Felix said.

  ‘What was she like?’ Sail said.

  ‘Like Hunter, like Lexi. Like all the rest.’

  ‘Candice,’ Mae said.

  Felix shook his head. ‘Candice isn’t like those girls, she’s got a mind of her own.’

  ‘No, I meant Candice Harper is standing over there.’

  ‘Bullshit, why the –’ He stopped mid-sentence when he saw her, deep in conversation with Mrs Harries from the church. ‘Jesus Christ.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t believe?’

  ‘I’d convert for her. Is she my present or something?’

  ‘Go and talk to her,’ Sail said.

  Felix nodded, then began to pace. He pulled at his collar, then loosened the tie and slowly began to hyperventilate. ‘I can’t go over. She likes a bad boy. What do I say? I’m normally the master of this shit. Remember that time I asked Sasha James to the cinema, and she was two years older. Smoking, Sail. This girl was, like …’

  ‘And you took her out?’ Sail said, impressed.

  ‘He actually told her he had free tickets. She thanked him and went with Hugo Prince,’ Mae said.

  ‘I’m going over,’ Felix said.

  ‘Do it,’ Sail said.

  ‘What do I –’

  ‘Thank her for coming. Then ask if she wants a drink,’ Mae said.

  ‘Perfect,’ Sail said.

  Felix took a shot of sherry from a nearby glass. Mae raised a hand in apology to the old lady who glared at them.

  ‘Thank her for coming, ask if she wants a drink,’ Felix repeated under his breath.

  Sail and Mae followed behind.

  Felix approached, took a deep breath and smiled at Candice.

  Candice smiled back, so dazzling even Mae felt her stomach flip for him.

  ‘Hi,’ Felix said, his voice shaking. ‘Thanks for drinking. Would you like to come?’

  Candice stared at him, suitably horrified.

  ‘Jesus,’ Mae said, under her breath.

  Felix looked at Sail, tears forming in his eyes. Sail led him away, back into the group of aunts. ‘He’s drunk,’ Sail called, over his shoulder.

  Mae caught up with them. ‘That was awesome.’

  ‘This might just be the worst day of my life.’

  And then the Reverend opened the patio doors and shepherded Sally towards the old piano in the lounge.

  ‘Sally and Theodore are going to perform something for us.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Felix said. ‘Worst day of my life.’

  ‘Drink through it,’ Mae said, stealing another glass of wine.

  Theodore channelled Ben E. King.

  Sally stopped eating, Auntie Nia stopped dancing and Felix forgot about what he’d just said to the hottest girl in school.

  Mae felt someone brush against her, looked down and saw Stella entranced by the boy with the beautiful voice.

  Jeet Patel sat on the grass in front of them, looking up at Theodore with something like wonder in his eyes.

  As late afternoon drifted to early evening, Mae drank more beer, found herself alone at the end of the long garden and lit a cigarette.

  ‘Hey,’ Mae said. She offered Sally a cigarette as she approached.

  ‘No, thanks. I’m on a health kick.’ Sweat blistered from every pore, a chocolate stain sank into the front of her jeans.

  Mae glanced down at Sally’s hands, the knuckles buried. Her red hair was wild. ‘A couple of girls in my English class wrote Forever on their wrists in biro. You see it?’

  Mae shook her head.

  Sally kept her eyes down. ‘Abi talked about you. Sometimes after practice we’d sit around in the chapel. Jeet’s dad has a wine cellar so he’d take a bottle now and then and we’d share it.’

  Mae smiled.

  ‘I mean, his dad gave it. Not like he’d steal.’

  Mae looked over at Jeet, who was busy helping Mrs Baxter clear the plates and glasses away.

  ‘I’d had a shitty day. I hate PE, right,’ Sally said, looking down at her body. ‘Those shorts … with these legs. When I was in the shower Lexi stole my clothes. The crap they’ve got in lost property.’ Sally laughed but Mae could see the hurt. ‘I had to walk home in this skirt, might as well have been a belt. Lexi, she filmed it all, put it online, racked up the hits.’

  ‘They’ll die like this,’ Mae said. ‘It’s like … most people get to look back at the way they were and know they were dicks at some point. But … this is it, Sally. For them, this is it.’

  ‘You and Abi, if half that stuff was true then you’re all we’ve got now. All I’ve got. The Forevers. What if you look like I do – can you still join?’

  ‘The Forevers was a thing, but a long time ago. And I know people are talking about it, and looking to me, but I –’

  ‘But you meant it. About everyone having a place? About having someone you can call, no matter what you’ve said, what you’ve done? No judgement?’

  Mae breathed smoke deep. ‘We meant it.’

  ‘And if shit happens, you’ve got my back, Mae?’

  ‘Sure, Sally.’

  ‘I mean it. If I need you …’

  ‘And if I need you?’ Mae said.

  ‘You want me to mess up Hunter Silver? I’ll eat her for breakfast. And then I’ll go back and eat her breakfast. Probably some soya-milk bullshit but I’ll swallow it down for you.’

  Mae smiled.

  Sally dabbed the sweat from her face. ‘Abi died alone. I just … I don’t want to be like her. You’ve opened the door to all of us creeps and weirdos.’

  ‘You think about dying?’

  ‘There’s a science to it. Ten and a half cups of sugar in one sitting can end the life of an average man. Me, I’d need closer to thirteen. Nutmeg. That can do it in five teaspoons. A skinny thing like you, maybe less.’

  ‘You’re trying to eat yourself to death, Sally?’

  ‘Everyone looks at me and sees a giant question mark. My mum’s friends, I hear them, they talk about me and say, Such a shame what happened to Sally. They preferred me when I hitched my skirt up and dyed my hair and existed in my ditzy look-how-endearingly-dumb-I-am bubble.’

  ‘So you did it to break away?’

  ‘Abi Manton. I looked at her and it was like seeing the girl I used to be. Everything I’m not now.’

  Mae heard a trace of resentment in her voice. ‘Why did you fight?’

  ‘Abi came back from a meeting with Mr Silver. I guess it was about her grades slipping because she looked so sad. And then we played. “The Swan”. It’s too beautiful, you know?’

  Mae had heard them play it before.

  ‘She played it too fast. I told her she didn’t take it seriously, that she didn’t care enough. Girls like Hunter and her group, they don’t know how easy their world is. They don’t need to try. Abi just lost it, she screamed and swore and stormed out.’

  The heat rose another notch and thickened the air between them.

  Sally watched the sky. ‘I thought it would be nuclear war, or climate change, maybe some kind of pandemic. But this, no erosion, no survival of the fittest, just erasing us all … it’s so beautiful. And so goddam final. I can do it, Mae. And it won’t mean shit.’

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘I can do the most awful things I’ve dreamed about.’

  Mae looked at her. ‘I’m not sure what you mean.’

  They heard a noise, turned and saw Mrs Baxter with a relic of a video camera mounted on her shoulder as she handed Felix a small bat.

  Felix shot Mae a desperate look, and then he glanced at Candice and hung his head in sad resignation as a great-aunt tied a blindfold around his head and gave him a nudge.

  ‘This is the best party I’ve ever been to,’ Sail said.

  No one was prepared for the ferocity with which Felix attacked the piñata.

  He dropped the bat, ripped the thing from its cord and landed heavily on top of it. And then the punches rained down, till a neigh
bour girl began to cry.

  Maybe it was the frustration of turning eighteen and knowing death was already at the door, maybe it was the fact that the only piñata Mrs Baxter had been able to get was a pink unicorn.

  As Felix tried for a headbutt Sail gently pulled him from the pieces. ‘It’s over now.’

  Mae applauded furiously.

  Jeet Patel pushed past them, carrying the cake. ‘Can I get you guys a slice?’

  Sally took the whole thing from him and retreated towards the shed.

  Things got worse when a circle formed around Felix as his mother handed Mae the video camera and asked her to capture the magic of Felix opening gifts.

  ‘This one’s from Mrs Fairbanks,’ the Reverend said, handing Felix a small parcel.

  Mae recognised Mrs Fairbanks from church. Late eighties, blue rinse.

  Felix unwrapped the small leather journal, then flipped it open and sighed heavily. ‘It’s a five-year diary.’ Mae zoomed in close as he shook his head, then looked directly at Mrs Fairbanks. ‘Is this some kind of sick joke? What the hell is wrong with you?’

  Auntie Nia led Mrs Fairbanks away to console her.

  ‘Can I stop filming now? I’m losing sensation in my shoulder,’ Mae said.

  There were calls for Felix to make a speech.

  He stood at the front and said a brief thank you. And then his father stood beside him.

  ‘I wondered if you wanted to lead us in prayer?’ the Reverend said, no smile.

  His family implored, Mae could feel the energy directed at Felix. She wondered if it wouldn’t have been easier just to go with it, never would a lie have been so white.

  Felix gently shook his head, and then his father turned his back and went back over to the barbecue.

  ‘Are you ready for our gift, son?’ Mrs Baxter said.

  Felix was about to quit when they heard it.

  The sound of a car horn rang out a dozen times.

  Felix’s mouth dropped open. ‘You didn’t. You’ve bought me a Benz.’

  Mrs Baxter grinned as Felix jumped to his feet and ran around to the front of the house. Mae and Sail followed along with everyone else.

  The car.

  Small.

  Rusting.

  Orange.

  The Fiat Panda smoked as one of Felix’s cousins gunned the engine and pulled to a stop on the driveway.

  ‘What the hell have you done?’ Felix whispered, his face fraught with horror.

  ‘Check the number plate,’ Mae said, zoomed in close, then quickly back to Felix’s face.

  K1TT3N

  ‘Came with the car,’ Mrs Baxter said, a trace of pride creeping into her voice. ‘Your father drives a hard bargain.’

  Felix swallowed.

  ‘Oh, son,’ Mrs Baxter said, as the first tear escaped from Felix’s eye. ‘He’s too choked up to speak.’

  ‘Kitten,’ was all Felix could manage.

  22

  It was close to midnight by the time she made it to the bay front.

  A fire burned high.

  Driftwood twisted like horns. The float of voices and laughter, she stayed far enough from them.

  She lay back on the sand and watched the stars, tried to pick out clusters Stella had spoken of, but could not place a single one.

  ‘The last Forever.’ Hunter came over, she wore denim cut-offs and a vest. She dropped her sandals to the sand. ‘That stunt you pulled at Abi’s funeral. You know you’re wasting your –’

  ‘Take the night off, Hunter. It’s been a long day.’

  They sat in silence for a moment.

  ‘Did you even care when you heard?’

  For a moment Hunter quietened, her voice lost its edge. ‘Time is condensed, right. Each day is a year of our lives. So I gave Abi one night. And the next day …’ She snapped her fingers.

  ‘If we’re saved, there’ll be an army of girls with deep frown lines. I don’t intend to be one of them.’

  Mae frowned.

  ‘You see, Mae Cassidy, you’ll be their wrinkled queen.’

  They heard lapping waves and the crackle of fire.

  Hunter opened her bag and pulled out a bottle of wine. ‘Lafite-Rothschild. I think it was an anniversary present.’

  Hunter drank, then lay back, her head beside Mae’s. ‘What if this is the end?’

  ‘Then we should be thankful for this.’

  ‘We’re each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’

  The two girls came towards them.

  ‘You came,’ Matilda said.

  Hunter sighed heavily.

  Betty looked at Mae. ‘Hunter calls us the dykes. And she says we’ll burn.’

  ‘And she calls me a scrubber because my mum cleans her house,’ Matilda said, with a smile.

  Hunter raised the bottle to them.

  ‘At first it was just us two, and then the next night there was Adam, Casey, Mehmet and Bryony. And tonight there’s five more of us.’ Matilda stood tall, her pixie cut framed large, smoked eyes.

  Betty’s lips were painted bold red against her golden skin, she knelt in the sand. ‘Make us Forevers, Mae. We’ll follow you into hell.’

  ‘Don’t you mean heaven?’ Hunter said.

  Betty stared at her intently. ‘Not the way we’re going to spend the next weeks.’

  They clustered around Mae.

  ‘Stick and poke, right,’ Matilda said, producing a needle and pen.

  Mae stalled for a moment, then saw the way they looked at her, like she was all they needed.

  She got to work as others drifted over.

  Hugo and two of his friends, more of Hunter’s group, the girls and their silver hair.

  Their beach was too perfect, it drew the crowds, even at night kids drove in from neighbouring towns.

  Behind the pastel houses loomed.

  They clustered together, printed each other and drank cheap wine and smoked cigarettes.

  When she was done Matilda hugged her tightly. ‘Our perfect Forever. If you ever want us to kill Hunter for you …’

  Mae smiled but Matilda just stared.

  Betty nodded alongside her. ‘We’ll disappear the body. No trace. We watch CSI every night before bed.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Mae said, then puffed out her cheeks.

  They passed around warm beer. Mae smelled weed.

  ‘You can see it now. With a telescope you can see the station on the moon,’ Hugo said. ‘There’s people living up there.’

  ‘They’re not living. They’re waiting,’ someone said. ‘They’re still building, I saw it on that show. It’s like … a holding pen or something.’

  ‘I heard there’s a hotel up there, for the rich, and restaurants and bars and you can go get wasted on the moon. And here we are, stuck on a beach, close to nowhere.’

  The fire began to die, the moon and stars did enough, but still, the voices came from shadows.

  They debated, cooked up facts, verbatim regurgitation, they talked about life and history and everything they would not know.

  That night the Forevers grew to a handful. Kids that would spend their days hiding their wrists from parents and teachers, and their nights on the beach.

  At midnight Sail came and sat beside her.

  She wondered where he’d been, why he hadn’t been at school. She wondered who he was, who she was.

  ‘You reached people. What you said, it means something in a world of nothings.’

  ‘Maybe they just think it’s cool to walk round with a tattoo.’

  ‘Maybe, but sometimes the closer you look, the less you see.’

  ‘And that means?’

  ‘Take a step back. People believe in your words, that’s all.’

  They walked up to the bay front, climbed the hill and crossed into the cemetery. Mae glanced at Abi’s grave, saw a dozen teddy bears had been left, and a sprawl of flowers that shamed the graves beside.

  ‘These ones,’ Mae said, stopping beside them, side by side and still so new.
Too new.

  ‘James. Melissa,’ Sail said, reading their names.

  She noticed he touched the stone.

  ‘A cemetery for lost souls. I try and wonder where they are,’ Mae said. ‘I try to see them some place light and bright and safe.’

  Sail stared at the gold lettering, so ornate, like it had taken a million years to carve.

  ‘Why do we have to rest in peace?’ he said. ‘At our age the last thing we want to do is be resting.’

  ‘Go wild in peace?’

  ‘Better.’

  She led him deeper, the moonlight their guide as they brushed past the limbs of a willow tree and found a bench behind the crumbling stone wall and the long drop to the water below.

  ‘Jesus, this town,’ he said, like maybe his parents had really found the perfect place to die.

  ‘This spot, it’s kind of hidden,’ Mae said.

  Along the coast were other towns that cast their glows, black between making each an island.

  ‘Are we closer to the stars here?’ he said.

  ‘I need to know something about you,’ she said. ‘Because now you know I have a sister. And that’s too much. The balance …’

  ‘I was in Chicago,’ he said. ‘There’s a place there, and if you’re sick then you go there and you talk to this doctor. He takes people, people that everyone thinks are broken, and he tries to put them back together again.’

  She looked over and wondered how someone like him could ever be broken.

  ‘So I was there and I looked out the window, and I was like forty floors up and I’m watching this sea of ants. And then it starts raining but I couldn’t smell it.

  ‘I had to get outside. But the windows don’t open, so I sneak out and I take the stairs. Forty flights. And I run into the street. There’s steam on the street and yellow taxis and businessmen with black umbrellas.’

  Mae could feel it.

  ‘And I ran down the sidewalk, and I was wearing these slippers they make you wear and they’re soaked through. And the rain got heavier so I headed into this museum. Big stone steps and arches and flags. And people are looking at me like I’m crazy in my gown.

  ‘This painting. It’s like, there’s this perfect summer scene. The lake and the canoe and sailing boats, and the Victorian ladies. And I stepped closer, so close a guard started walking over. And that’s when I saw it.’