The Forevers

by Chris Whitaker

  She dropped him home, ran out of petrol at the top of Ocean Drive so abandoned the Mercedes at the side of the road.

  Mae was about to head home when she heard music floating from the church.

  She walked up the path and found him at the front.

  He sang from the bench, the music accompanied him from the large speakers the Reverend used to project to the masses each Sunday.

  She listened, so heavenly she cried for the second time that day. There was no anger at Sail and his mother, her parents for leaving her, Selena for coming. Instead Mae heard what everyone else did when Theodore Sandford sang.

  ‘What does “Ave Maria” mean,’ she said.

  ‘A prayer to the Virgin Mary.’

  She sat on the bench beside him. Theodore wore his finest shirt, she saw the customary blood on his knees.

  ‘I know you lied,’ Mae said, her words echoed around the church.

  Theodore did not look at her, just breathed, like he’d been waiting.

  ‘Sullivan Reed. Sergeant Walters is sure, and it fits, you know?’

  He swallowed.

  ‘He doesn’t have an alibi for that night. When I asked you where you were, you said you were practising with Sally. Only Sally doesn’t go out at night. She watches movies with her mother. Sergeant Walters didn’t check?’

  He said nothing, and then Mae got it.

  Still the music played on loop, the piano of Sally Sweeny.

  ‘Man, it’s beautiful,’ Mae said. ‘I never got it. All these years when I came to church, I resented the waste of time, like it was my time. And then Selena, and now everyone comes. Everyone’s thinking there’s more. There has to be more, Theodore.’

  ‘There is.’

  Mae didn’t breathe for the longest time. It was coming, whatever it was, she’d been waiting a long time for it. ‘Sally lied for you.’

  ‘If we confess our sins …’

  ‘What did you do, Theodore?’

  ‘Sullivan Reed didn’t kill Abi.’

  Mae felt her shoulders drop.

  ‘He was with me.’

  She read him, at last she understood why the angel of West prayed so hard, why he bloodied his knees and begged for atonement.

  ‘How does Abi fit?’

  ‘She caught us once. Her and Sally. After practice. You know there’s an office at the back of the school chapel. I was … undressed. And then we heard Hannah Lewis. Sullivan and Sally hid, and Abi … she took off her shirt.’

  Mae thought of Abi, her brave Forever.

  ‘So Hannah came in and she saw Abi standing there in her bra. With me. And Hannah … It was halfway around the school after that.’

  ‘Abi kept your secret. And made life better for you.’

  ‘Yes,’ Theodore said. ‘And then I caught Liam talking about her, calling her a slut. So I bought her the ring, and I wore one, and no one called her that again. It was simple.’

  ‘She could’ve broken things off with you.’

  ‘The names, the rumours, it all stopped because of her. Even in a church town, you talk like I do, you sing in a choir. People aren’t tolerant.’

  ‘You’re not tolerant of yourself, Theodore.’

  ‘You don’t understand. People weren’t accepting before, Mae. And now Selena, we follow the rules so devoutly because this is it. My parents didn’t even like me seeing Abi till we wore the rings. Lust. There is no margin, it’s right and wrong.’

  ‘Love the sinner, hate the sin –’

  ‘Matilda and Betty, you know how they feel? Like they’re not welcome, because people are afraid they’ll burn by association. And Reverend Baxter, he can preach unity, but it means nothing to some of the people sitting before him. I’m not … I have no strength for this fight because it’s a no contest now. It’s over.’

  ‘Betty and Matilda, they do have a place now.’ She glanced up at the paintings, the history. ‘And Sullivan?’

  ‘He loves … We love each other.’

  ‘I saw the photos in his room.’

  ‘He loved Abi. He saw in her what you did. She stood up for us, gave us a place where we could be.’

  She thought about that. There was a purity that couldn’t exist any more.

  ‘He should tell Sergeant Walters,’ Mae said. ‘He was with you that night.’

  He cried then. Silently and painfully. ‘It would come out. Sullivan, he’s stronger than me. He doesn’t believe. He doesn’t know the fear.’ He closed his eyes, like it was all too much. ‘I’m scared.’

  She reached over and took his hand. ‘Are you a good person, Theodore?’

  ‘I thought I was. I did.’

  ‘At the end of this, that’s all that matters. It’s all you should be judged on. And any god that doesn’t see that isn’t our god.’

  ‘Our god?’

  ‘We’ve got you, Theodore. You don’t need to be afraid. Abi said it herself. We are an army of each other.’

  He didn’t turn his back on God, she didn’t want him to. ‘When you’re ready, come and find me. Take back your Forever.’

  33

  Mae found Stella sitting beside the television screen.

  ‘So it’s basically Armageddon,’ the reporter said. ‘We’ve spent billions, and the next step is something Bruce Willis taught us about twenty years ago.’

  Morales smiled but Mae could see the tired in his eyes.

  He’d said he was hopeful.

  He’d said he was sorry.

  ‘The … machine, let’s call it a drill-shaped machine. It hits Selena head on and drives a deep hole into her core. Mere seconds later the nuclear bomb arrives in the hole. And –’

  ‘Boom.’

  The audience cheered.

  The host held up a hand which Morales reluctantly high-fived.

  ‘Boom,’ Mae said, as she reached for the remote and switched the TV off.

  She took Stella’s hand and squeezed tightly. ‘Don’t watch that stuff. Nobody knows what will happen.’

  Outside she found Sail. He carried a bunch of flowers, handed them to Stella and leaned down to kiss her head.

  ‘Are you ready for the show?’ he said.

  ‘I don’t know my lines off by heart,’ Stella said.

  ‘If you forget, just make them up.’

  Stella hugged him, then took the dog and slowly walked a step ahead of them.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Mae said.

  ‘I thought okay was never enough.’

  ‘I think it’s the best you can hope for the morning after you overdose.’

  They dropped Stella at West Primary. For once she lingered and did not want to let go when Mae saw her off.

  Felix joined them on the high street, told them his father was doing better, that he’d be home before the end.

  They stopped at the bay.

  ‘You see it?’ Felix said, grinning.

  Mae looked at the town sign.

  WELCOME TO WILD WEST.

  Mae saw cars backed up a mile. ‘What’s going on?

  Sergeant Walters was directing summer people to turn around.

  ‘They’re closing the road into town,’ Felix said. ‘My mother heard about it last night. The deliveries, the food, the restaurants and coffee shops, nothing came yesterday.’

  Mae saw angry faces as drivers leaned on their horns. Two men got out and made to fight, Sergeant Walters cooled them with the threat of handcuffing them in front of their children.

  ‘Go home,’ he said. ‘It’s time to go home.’

  Mae thought it would a good time for the Chief to return, the kid looked beaten.

  She didn’t tell Felix and Sail about Theodore and Sullivan. She’d guard their secrets the way Abi had. They weren’t hers to tell.

  They left the noise behind.

  They passed Mrs Harries from the church.

  ‘Have a nice day,’ Felix said to her.

  ‘Don’t tell me what to do.’

  Felix puffed his cheeks out as she passed. ‘Is it me or is
Selena making people meaner?’

  ‘Do you ever think there’s nothing left to say,’ Sail said. ‘Out of all the words in the world, every single one of them has been spoken so many times they’ve lost their meaning, their importance.’

  ‘Some still pack a punch,’ Felix said.

  ‘Like what?’

  Mae dropped a C-bomb.

  Felix nodded to that.

  At school she passed a dozen kids she didn’t know and saw the ink peeking from out of their sleeves, behind their watches. Most of them smiled at her, one boy nodded.

  A supply teacher covered for Mr Starling.

  They sat in silence, their heads in books, their minds somewhere far.

  Halfway through, Mae walked to the front, picked up a pen and slowly got to work filling in the whiteboards, still smeared by Liam.

  She used her textbook, went over what she could.

  She looked to the right when Lexi joined her. Lexi wore a hat, didn’t smile, just picked up another pen and worked another section. And then Hunter and Candice followed.

  They worked in silence till they were done. Then they stood back and admired their work, and Mr Starling’s.

  At lunch Mae sat at a table of fifteen. Fanned out around her was their small army, but it was growing. Girls as young as thirteen didn’t even hide their wrists, wore the word like a badge, like proof of a better world.

  The stars shone brighter that night on the beach as Mae helped Candice and Lexi take back their forevers.

  ‘You want to go next?’ she said to Hunter, who held a bottle of wine and watched them.

  ‘I’d rather cut off my arm.’

  The fire burned.

  They helped circle it with heavy stones.

  ‘I think you should do it,’ Hunter said, as Lexi stood in the centre and held the clippers in her hand.

  ‘It might be my last chance,’ Lexi said, a little slurry. ‘I don’t want to die with shit hair.’

  ‘What about Callum?’ Candice said.

  ‘It’s the ultimate test of his love,’ Lexi said.

  Callum stood with Hugo and Liam, looking nervous.

  ‘V for Vendetta,’ Lexi said. ‘She’s, like, the ultimate feminist. It’s a power move.’ She pressed the button and they heard the tinny buzz of the razor.

  Lexi ran them through her hair, then held a lock aloft to wild cheers.

  Hugo stepped forward, took the clippers and stripped Lexi of every hair on her head.

  When he was done they sat and watched moonlight bounce from Lexi’s skull as she gently sobbed into Callum’s arms.

  ‘It’s so short I can read her mind,’ Sail said.

  Mae laughed into the bottle.

  He took her hand and led her from the group.

  Behind them the music started.

  Candice and Hunter danced around with locks of Lexi’s hair.

  Sail took her in his arms and they moved together. ‘You want to be in my love story?’

  ‘Pretty sure our love story is doomed, Jack Sail.’

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘About yesterday.’

  She said nothing.

  ‘I hate this life,’ he said. ‘I love it and I hate it. I hate that people still smile, that I still smile and laugh. I hate that it all just goes on. It should’ve paused, even for a second, everyone in the world should’ve stopped dead and … I don’t know, crossed themselves or fucking sworn or something. Just taken a moment to acknowledge the fact that my perfect little sister had stopped breathing.’

  She watched him speak.

  ‘And I know you know this kind of … not pain, that doesn’t sound … that’s not enough. It’s something else. It’s a living, constant, concentrated kind of agony that stamps on everything good until the end of time.’

  Mae swallowed dry.

  ‘Maybe you make my world a little less shit, Mae. It’s more than I thought I’d ever get.’

  The rain came without warning.

  It thundered down.

  At midnight they stood in a circle.

  Laura Matthews and Daniel Holland held hands in the centre, while Hunter waved around a piece of paper. It had taken her a day to get ordained online and print the certificate.

  ‘I am the Reverend Silver,’ she said, to laughter. ‘Laura, do you really want to get married with braces on your teeth? Shit, do you really want to die with a mouth full of metal?’

  Hunter clicked her fingers and Liam produced pliers, then got to work stripping the train-tracks from Laura’s mouth.

  When he was she done, she smiled widely. She wore shorts, a white bikini top and a veil, which might’ve been a piece of net curtain cut down to size.

  For his part Daniel stood there bare-chested with a black bow tie.

  They’d written their own vows.

  Laura wanted to be obeyed.

  Daniel wanted her to love him in sickness and in asteroid collision.

  When Hunter declared them man and wife there was applause. Mae smiled as the two kissed, then they all stripped down to their underwear and sprinted at the water.

  In a line they held hands.

  The water was cold.

  They swam for a while then lay on the beach.

  There was talk of final plans, a couple of kids would leave West in the days before and head to family across the country.

  The roads would be blocked, five hundred miles could take days.

  Mae felt detached, like someone had cut the strings that kept them tethered to reality.

  ‘We need music tonight. I want to dance.’

  Lexi held up her phone and turned the music up.

  ‘“If You Leave Me Now …”’ Hunter screamed, jumped on Hugo and wrapped her legs around him as she kissed him.

  When the noise died, they fell back to the sand and settled into silence.

  A dozen of them lay back in a neat line.

  Together the Forevers of West watched the night sky and thought of the impossible.

  ‘I don’t want to die.’

  Whoever said it spoke for them all.

  34

  She broke into Sergeant Walters’s house two hours before dawn.

  Jack Sail stood in the shadows and kept watch.

  In the driveway was a rusting Vauxhall and she carefully climbed on top, felt it flex a little as she clambered from there onto the roof of the carport.

  She glanced up and down the street, saw a cat watching her intently from the neighbouring drive but other than that not a soul.

  Across the roof and along to the open window, one of the perks of the sweltering summer.

  Inside she stood on green carpet, then nearly retched when the smell hit her. Sickly sweet, so bad she leaned her head back out the window and gasped for breath.

  The bedroom was empty.

  Floral print on the walls, dark wood furniture. She hooked her T-shirt over her nose and crept out of the room and along the hallway.

  And then she heard it.

  A rumble so deep it was like the floor beneath her was shaking.

  She passed black-and-white photographs in gaudy gold frames, a young Chief Walters in uniform. A photo of Beau on the beach, hand in hand with his mother. The smell got stronger, the rumble louder.

  Mae fought back her fear, breathed shallow and tried each door.

  Two other bedrooms were perfectly neat, unslept in. A vase of fake flowers on each windowsill. The house looked like a shrine to before.

  She moved down the stairs slowly, the rumble so loud she almost placed her fingers in her ears.

  A stack of letters by the front door, all addressed to Mrs Walters, his mother.

  Another rumble.

  It sounded like a monster, hungry and waiting.

  And then she found it.

  The source.

  Sergeant Walters snoring.

  He lay back in a leather recliner, eyes closed, the deep power of each rasping breath shook his whole body.

  She saw his wallet beside him, her heart sinking
when she saw his keys clipped to his belt.

  Mae held her breath as she leaned over him and gently unclipped them.

  It was as she stepped back that she stumbled and fell. She stared up, breathing hard, calmed a little as the rumble continued. And then she noticed the shoes by her head.

  Black leather, buffed to a shine.

  She followed them with her eyes.

  Legs.

  A belt.

  The horror unfolded slowly.

  And then Mae saw it. And she clamped a hand over her mouth to stop the scream.

  Sitting in the matching recliner.

  A glass of whisky on the table beside the chair.

  And the grey face of Beau’s father.

  The Chief.

  Dead.

  She walked from the house, pale enough that Sail took her hand.

  ‘What is it?’

  She didn’t tell him till they reached the station.

  ‘Shit,’ was all he could manage.

  She thought of Sergeant Walters in there, sleeping beside his dead father, eating beside him. Mae didn’t know about dead bodies, but she guessed from the smell and from the look of him it wasn’t a recent thing.

  All that wonder, all the times he had covered for the Chief. ‘If people find out, it’s over,’ she said. ‘Sergeant Walters, he’s nothing without the threat of his father coming back.’

  Mae unlocked the door to the police station.

  She flipped a switch and light flooded in. She didn’t care who saw her, she was tired of it all, tired of waiting for Sergeant Walters to find answers he wasn’t even looking for, tired of waiting for the giant rock in the sky to flatten her dead.

  ‘Look for Abi’s file,’ she said, as she opened the door at the back of the office and took the stairs down slowly. The walls were stone, painted white. She saw two doors, an old desk and a fan in the corner. There were hatches in each door, she pulled down the first and saw the empty cell inside, a single basin, a toilet and bed.

  Sullivan Reed was in the second. Mae felt a stab of sorrow as she saw him lying there, his eyes on the ceiling as moonlight filtered in through the high window.

  ‘Hey, are you okay?’

  He sat up quickly, came to the door and peered out. He looked drained, his eyes red and his skin pale. ‘Mae?’

  ‘Can he keep you down here, is it even legal?’