Your Heart Is Mine (Our Hearts Are Lost Book 1)

by Nicole Thorn

  He stood almost awkwardly by the wall, too afraid to sit on my bed. That might have been a good idea, since I already felt so close to shoving him down on it. “You look pretty,” he told me with a weak smile.

  I stared down at myself and sighed. “I don’t know about this one. It’s a little boring.” The black dress had sleeves that went down to my wrists. I hated it, really. I didn’t even know why I owned it. I went back to my closet and started pulling things out. I threw them on the bed, sighing with each one. I hated this kind of thing.

  Isaiah looked down at the pile of clothes on the bed. He reached out and picked up something white. “This looks okay.” He tossed it to me.

  Without a word, I turned around and went back to my bathroom to change. This dress showed more than the others, with a high skirt and low neck. I got it for some dinner my parents had last year. Someone important had come. I ended up eating pizza in my room alone. Nice night.

  I didn’t hate how it looked when I saw myself in the mirror. The lacy sleeves just barely covered my shoulders. On the front, the fabric dipped down, showing two good inches of cleavage. The necklace I loved so much stood out against my skin.

  When I walked back out, I had my hands at my sides. I felt profoundly nervous over what Isaiah had to say. It took him a minute to speak. “You look beautiful, Lynnie.”

  So a step up. Good, I feel less worried. “Thank you.”

  He took a step forward, adjusting my necklace so that it hung straight. Then he sat down on my bed. “I have to go with you, by the way.”

  “What? Why?”

  He stammered to elaborate. “Just follow behind in my car. The sheriff wants me to keep a better eye on you. Don’t worry, I can follow you without your friends noticing. I know you don’t want them to know about all this.”

  He made it sound like I would be ashamed of him or something. “I don’t want you stuck outside all alone. You can go home for the night.”

  His posture changed, hardened maybe. He spoke adamantly. “I’m going. Don’t worry about me.”

  I smiled and sat beside him. “Impossible. I worry about you constantly.”

  His brow furrowed and he leaned forward slightly. “Why do you worry about me?”

  I felt my expression darken as I ran my fingers through his hair. “You’re all alone, all the time. I don’t like it.”

  “I’ve been alone a long time.”

  I shook my head. “That doesn’t make it any better. It just makes me wanna hide in your car and come home with you every night. You’ll wake up and find me either eating your food or sleeping on you.”

  He seemed to enjoy that, but he didn’t respond.

  ****

  They stuck me in the back of the car for the drive. Everyone spoke loudly and obnoxious, excited about something I didn’t understand. I missed Isaiah already. He sat so patiently while I curled my hair and finished getting ready. He always looked adorable when he seemed lost like that.

  I went practically unnoticed until we got to the restaurant. Seth dragged me out of the car when I hesitated. He caught me by the waist and held me up.

  In the distance, I could see Isaiah’s car. I knew he could see me and something told me he wouldn’t like this, so I had Seth set me on my feet.

  While I fixed my dress, I stared hard at Seth. “Thanks…”

  “No problem.”

  We walked in together, and I felt uncomfortable immediately. It had to be a four-star restaurant, and I hated everything about it. I liked eating mac and cheese in my bathtub. Still, I followed my friends. They all moved past the host and headed to the back booths. I found the whole thing strange, but I didn’t say anything. I followed like a good girl.

  “Hey, Clark,” I heard Bird say as she hugged someone. I looked over Rosita’s shoulder and got a peek at him. He looked about six feet and at least four years older than us. His light blond hair fell artfully over his forehead while his equally light eyes sparkled. He looked like one of those guys that you’d see in a movie. Good looking, but in a totally false way with nothing special about it. “How’ve you been?”

  “Great,” he said in a voice deeper than I expected. Gravelly. “Just about paid off the car.”

  “Good for you,” Bird said while patting his chest. “I have a lovely girl waiting for you, Clarky. Better bring you’re A-game.”

  Oh, fuck me.

  “Lynn,” Bird said with a turn. She reached out and took my hand, yanking me over to her. I almost stumbled and fell onto the guy she stood with. “This is Clark, and he is your date tonight.”

  I watched all of my dignity fly away like a duck headed south for the winter. I’d been set up. As if I wanted to date and couldn’t manage to trick anyone into going out with me. Even if I didn’t have strong and deranged feelings for Isaiah, I wouldn’t want this.

  “Nice to meet you,” I lied.

  “You too.” He nodded. Maybe he didn’t have any interest in it either, because he seemed to not wanna focus on anything but my chest.

  Bird gripped my shoulders with her hands. “You guys will make beautiful babies. I will see you later.”

  She and the rest of the betrayers started leaving, but I grabbed Rosita by the hand. “Um, where are you all going?”

  She smiled. “This is a date. We have to leave you now.” She yanked her hand away from me.

  “Have safe sex!” Seth yelled, making everyone around us stare while my friends waved. “Make good choices!”

  I wanted nothing more than to run outside, crawl into Isaiah’s car, and have him take me home. That way I could hide under my covers and forget this whole thing. My dreams would comfort me and my sleep version of Isaiah would make me feel a whole lot better.

  But this guy came all the way out to see me. Or someone. It would be rude to bail on him. How bad could this possibly be?

  The next couple of minutes contained pure awkwardness while we sat down and went over the menu. He got a glass of red wine while I only got water. He offered to get me a drink, but I refused to even consider it.

  “So, tell me about yourself,” he said, not so smoothly.

  I drew a blank, but I had to come up with something if I wanted this to not be the worst night of my life. “I just turned eighteen,” I said in hopes that it would turn him off. If his lowered gaze meant anything, I failed. “Moved about a month ago. I spend most of my time in school.”

  He nodded, raising his eyes to mine. “I just finished college. Headed off to do some more. Law school, here I come.”

  “Oh, interesting.” Convincing.

  “Yeah, all the men in my family are lawyers. The ladies tend to stick with the baby making.”

  So he is one of those. There’d be no chance for the two of us. Not that I thought there had been much of one to start with, but one never knew. I just wanted something better than getting stuck with someone who only wanted a housewife.

  The waiter bought me three minutes when he came for our order. I got some pasta dish and Clark went for the lobster. Yeah, buddy, I know you have money. So do I. You don’t need to show off.

  Silence fell again when the waiter left and I took to tapping my nails on the table. “Um, how do you know Bird?”

  “We went out for a little while a few years ago. Three or something. I can’t remember.”

  Um…

  “You dated?” I asked, keeping the concern out of my voice.

  “Yeah.” He waved it off. “Nothing serious. Just having fun. We got bored after a while and moved on.”

  “But you stayed friends?”

  “Pretty much. She called me a few days ago and said she had a friend that I would like. She left it at that. Not much for sharing.”

  “I guess not. I didn’t even know that this was going to be a date.”

  Clark laughed. “She did tell me that this would be a surprise for you. I hope it was a good one.”

  How I wished I could leave right then. Instead of doing that, I went to a happy place. I thought about
Isaiah. I thought about us on his couch, watching TV. He didn’t pay attention, but he seemed happy to sit there. That much I knew. He let me lay on him, wear his clothes, and eat his food. I still had the clothes. A jacket, sweater, and boxers. They could be returned to him at any time, since I’d had them cleaned, yet I couldn’t make myself do it.

  I’d give a million dollars to be on his couch. To be watching him walk over to me and sit down. I wanted to be near him. He made me feel better by being beside me. Nothing else. He made me feel connected to something.

  Clark and I filled the meal with artificial conversation. He pretended to care about my likes and interests, while I pretended a naked Isaiah didn’t occupy my thoughts. All in all, this didn’t feel worth the time we both wasted.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:

  The Monsters

  Isaiah

  I could have killed each and every one of them. The rage that burned in my heart said that they deserved it. She was mine, and they tried to give her to someone else. Lynnie looked so uncomfortable. They did that to her. They should suffer.

  The practical part of my brain told me that they didn’t do anything wrong. They saw a friend who spent most of her time alone, and they wanted her to be happy. Even if that meant setting her up with a pig that couldn’t keep his eyes off of her breasts for longer than fifteen seconds at a time. I shouldn’t hurt the kids, even for this terrible mistake they made.

  In the end, Lynnie did not belong to me. She would find the person who could keep and touch her one day. I would get left behind, and she would be happy in her life. She would go off to the school she wanted, doing what she loved. There would be a man, and he would be hers. He would touch her in all the ways I wanted to touch her, and he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about it. I could hear Lynnie in my head, telling the man that she loved him. The day hadn’t even arrived yet, but it burned me all the same.

  I couldn’t stop myself from sneaking into the restaurant. I sat where Lynnie couldn’t see me so that I could keep an eye on her. She didn’t belong to me, but she was mine, and that meant I had to take care of her. Until the day she met someone new and he took my job from me.

  Looking into the very depths of me, I honestly couldn’t say if I would be able to do the right thing. How would I know him to be a good man? Worthy of her? If I did, would that keep him safe? I didn’t know for sure. Knowing how good he would be for her, I didn’t know if I would be able to stop myself from wrapping my hands around his neck and ending him. Making him fade away and leaving my Lynnie to remain just that. Mine. I would keep her, even if it meant she would suffer. Wouldn’t I?

  It left me with a question I didn’t know how to answer. What kind of monster am I? I took lives to make mine bearable. I didn’t know where the urge came from or when it started. I just knew there had never been a time when I didn’t want to do it. When it didn’t call to me. I ended lives, but did I ruin them? Would I ruin the life of this girl that I cared so much about?

  Is her happiness more important than mine? Yes.

  Lynnie and her date rose from their seats and started walking out. I had ordered a sandwich so that I could stay in a seat. I didn’t even touch it during the whole creepy spy session. I left twenty-five bucks on the table and went out the back way.

  I followed behind them the whole way to her house.

  Lynnie had looked uncomfortable, but maybe I misinterpreted things. She could have had a nice time. Her parents had come home yet. She could very well invite him inside. Invite him to her bed. Invite him into her life to stay. He could have a place there in a way I couldn’t see for myself. Even if we didn’t have the more mundane obstacles between us, she had so much that she didn’t know about

  I would be left to walk away from her life like I knew I needed to, too aware of how she would move on after. I’d always understood that she would replace me. I would have had to matter to have a chance at being something more than that. My family had thrown me away. God had thrown me away. Why should Lynnie have been any different?

  I parked out of sight at her house, getting there only moments after Lynnie and her date did. I watched, feeling my chest tighten when they got to the door. She seemed so eager to open it. Is that to get away, or to get him inside?

  I’d never felt terror before, especially not this visceral kind that chewed at my insides. I caused people to feel this pure, inescapable dread. I watched like a ghost in my own body, able to see what would happen, but unable to stop it. I had to live with this, no matter the outcome. I had to watch her walk into that house and take him with her.

  The door opened and Lynnie took a backwards step inside, smiling at the boy. After she punched in the alarm code, the kid leaned in, and I stared with revulsion as I prepared myself to have to watch him kiss her.

  My girl moved quicker than that.

  At the last second, Lynnie turned and moved back. The boy didn’t even make contact with her. It must have been humiliating for him. Oh, and the unashamed joy that gave me. Maybe there is a God.

  Quickly, the boy decided that he needed to save face. He even attempted to make it look like he tripped, catching himself on the door. I would think of this during low moments to lift me up. The boy got in his car before Lynnie had gotten the chance to close the front door.

  I moved my car back to the front of her house. I’d barely shut the engine off before Lynnie came charging out.

  She threw my door open and grabbed my hand. “I need to vent, and we’re going in the house to do it,” she growled. I let her drag me away, because her intensity terrified me a little bit.

  When we got inside, she stabbed at the pin pad with her fingers, entering in her code. Then she dragged me into her bedroom and all but shoved me onto her bed. She grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom.

  “I cannot believe they did that to me!” she yelled through a cracked open door. I could see a blurry version of her moving around. The sound of clothes hitting the floor alerted me to the fact that she undressed. I’d never heard someone undress with rage, but she certainly had a talent for it. Another article of clothing hit the floor and I almost flinched. “They are the worst friends ever. I never said I wanted to date anyone.” She poked her head out of the door and I caught a glimpse of her bare shoulder. Something so small shouldn’t have rattled me like it did. “They set me up on a date…” she said with profound offense, “…with some guy who cared more about my chest than anything I had to say.”

  She vanished behind the door again. “I could kill them. I really could.” She stormed out of her bathroom, tying her hair up. She wore shorts and a t-shirt, looking much more comfortable than she had in her date outfit. I wondered if they had survived her anger.

  Her shirt lifted up with her arms, revealing her belly button. I didn’t know why, but I found it adorable. Lynnie made a face as her arms dropped. “That guy was awful. He told me that I had good child bearing hips,” she ranted with never dwindling anger, and while that upset me, too, I wanted to make her feel better.

  I made a bold choice. I took Lynnie by her hips and dragged her over to me. She froze and watched me. I liked this angle, her looking down at me. How appropriate. She seemed so tiny compared to me. This made me feel small.

  “Lynnie,” I said softly. “You’re home now. You’ll probably never see that guy ever again. You can crawl into your bed, curl up under the covers, and go to sleep.”

  She took a deep breath and put her hands on my shoulders. “I’m still upset.”

  “As you should be.”

  Lynnie’s face lost some of the anger. She reached up with her right hand and dragged her nails through the hair on the side of my head. “I’m sorry you were stuck in your car tonight.”

  I smiled. “No problem. You were safe. That’s all that matters.”

  “Did you eat anything?”

  I shook my head.

  She took my hand again, leading me through the house. She sat me down at the kitchen table, and I watched her gather
up some ingredients. “It’s not going to be healthy,” she said with a smile while she turned her fryer on, “but I’m not your wife. It’s not my job to keep you healthy.”

  I smirked at her. “But it’s your job to feed me, spend time with me, and make my dog love you?”

  “But of course,” she said in a French accent.

  She set out a few potatoes, bread, butter, and cheese. She started out by cutting the potatoes into fries. Those went in the deep fryer while she assembled a grilled cheese sandwich for me.

  The bread went into the pan, and she sprinkled shredded cheese on the top. “Do you want something to drink? We have every kind of alcohol.”

  “I don’t drink.” I stood up and moved to the fridge. “I feel like it would be a bad idea to get drunk.” Lynnie’s favorite soda sat right up front, so I grabbed two and put one beside her. She thanked me and cracked it open.

  I watched her from the sidelines as she flipped the sandwich and added more cheese. She pulled the fries out and re-set the basket, adding salt and just a hint of pepper.

  Lynnie had a habit of dancing around while she cooked. I didn’t think she knew about it, but while she danced, I couldn’t look at anything else. Her little body had so much light, like she always existed on the edge of bursting with joy and life. A little hum came from her lips as she gathered the plate and napkins.

  She served me, like the proverbial fifties housewife she claimed she would never be. But she did it in proper Lynnie style. Everything went on a tray, and she brought me back to her bedroom. She forced me onto her bed again and handed me the tray.

  “I sincerely hope you don’t have a heart attack.” She smiled and nodded before she walked around to the other side of the bed.

  She went under her covers, pulling them up to her chest. The TV went on and Lynnie found something to watch. The Simpsons.

  I had to keep myself from grinning like an idiot when she absentmindedly reached for my fries. She had made way too many for just me, but I wouldn’t have minded either way.