The Scars That Define Us

by M. N. Forgy

  “Dani, wait,” she commands slowly. Her eyebrow is bleeding where I hit her, and she has a huge gash at the top of her forehead from the rock I slammed into her head.

  “I hate you,” I state calmly, my tone threatening.

  She steps back, her eyes looking right into mine.

  “You have fucked my life up enough. Go back to New York and never come back here again,” I demand, still pointing the gun at her.

  “Dani, you are not one of them.” She reaches for my arm holding the gun, but my finger pulls the trigger back without a second thought and a bullet lodges into the ground next to her feet. She looks down at where the bullet hit and then back at me.

  “The next one goes in your head,” I warn her, but I’m not sure if my aim will justify my threat. “This,” I wave the gun between both of us, “is over.”

  She bites her bottom lip and smirks. Then my mother slowly walks back to her car and slams the door as she climbs in before pulling out of the parking lot. She’ll be back, I know it.

  I let out a breath when her car is completely out of sight. Bobby’s words sling themselves in my thoughts.

  ‘Never aim at someone unless you have every intent of killing them.’ I bite my cheek, trying to hold the sob, which desperately wants to escape at the thought that I wanted to kill my own flesh and blood makes me feel ill. I blow out a steady breath, trying to get a hold of my emotions, I put the safety back on the gun. I grab my bag off the ground and stuff the gun back into it.

  “You better hop on; cops will be here soon.”

  I whip my head around and see Shadow on his bike next to the building.

  “How long have you been there?” I ask, not thinking to look there when I walked outside.

  “Long enough to know someone surely called that gunshot in,” he replies, holding a helmet out for me to grab. “Get on.”

  I grab the helmet and swing my leg around the back of his bike. My arms cling to his waist like old times and my body molds to his perfectly, warming at the touch of his against mine, and I can’t help but find comfort in the smell of his leather cut. I hate how perfect this feels, because I know we are anything but perfect together. My body begins to tremble from the letdown of adrenaline, making it hard to hold on as we drive down the highway.

  ***

  Arriving back at the apartment, Shadow pulls up to his designated parking garage after cutting the motor to his motorcycle. I climb off the back and as soon as my feet hit the ground, my weight sets, making them tremble with pain. I hand Shadow my helmet and start to hobble to the door.

  “What’s wrong?” Shadow asks, eyeing my unstable walking.

  “Nothing,” I lie.

  Without another word, Shadow scoops me up like a bride.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I slap at his shoulder, trying to pry myself from his grip.

  “Carrying you, what’s it look like?” he states, walking into the elevator.

  “I can walk by myself,” I tell him, clenching my jaw.

  “Not very well,” he chuckles.

  I sigh in defeat and let him carry me into the apartment.

  As soon as we walk in, he plants me gently on my feet.

  “You going to tell me why you can’t walk?” he asks, nodding toward my feet. “You twist your ankle cat-fighting with your mother?”

  I look down at my feet. “They are just sore is all. I haven’t danced in a while and they’re not adjusting well.”

  “How is the job going?” he questions. I can’t help the look of surprise on my face. The fact that Shadow wants to do the chitchat thing has my mind in a complete whirlwind.

  “It’s…” I stumble on my words, “it’s great. I love it,” I eventually reply, being genuinely honest.

  “I figured you would,” he says, looking down with a smirk as his hand slides through his hair in that sexy way he does it.

  “You got me the job.” I’m stating a fact rather than questioning it.

  Shadow gives a noncommittal lift of his shoulders and strides across the living room toward the kitchen. He opens the fridge and dips down, pulling out a beer. Then he shrugs out of his cut and slings it on the back of the couch, revealing his black shirt snug on his torso. The look of him makes my body heat to dangerous levels.

  He looks at me with eyes that hold the look of lust and danger with the way he furrows his eyebrows and parts his plumped lips.

  The weight of his stare has me feeling vulnerable, so I walk toward the couch, breaking eye contact.

  I pull my shoes off slowly and notice my sock is soaked in blood.

  “Shit,” I whisper as I slowly peel the sock off my foot.

  “Damn, Dani,” Shadow remarks, walking toward me.

  “Yeah, it feels as bad as it looks,” I admit, eyeing the cracked toenail.

  Shadow sets his beer on the coffee table and walks into the kitchen. I hear cabinet doors slamming and the faucet turn on briefly before he stalks back to where I’m sitting. He sits on the coffee table directly in front of me and starts to gently dab at my bloody toe.

  “I can do it,” I tell him, reaching for the towel.

  He pulls it out of reach. “I got it,” he says, dabbing at my foot again.

  Why is he being so sweet?

  “It looks like shit. Maybe you should take a week off and let it heal,” he suggests, his tone laced with sincerity. His hand rubs the heel of my foot and the tension releases instantly, making me involuntarily moan. Shadow’s head snaps up at the unintentional lustful sound leaving my mouth. I snap my lips shut and gaze at the hungry blue eyes looking back at me. His hand travels up my calf, rubbing along the way, and man if it doesn’t feel fantastic. I can feel my body coming alive under his magic touch, my legs wanting to open wider and invite him in. I clench my thighs shut to help smother the growing desire between them. I want Shadow. I have never not wanted him. The idea I could move on without him makes me laugh on the inside. Shadow has ruined me for anyone to follow.

  Shadows eyes slowly study my face, and he licks his lips slowly before dropping my leg gently. The loss of his touch makes my skin burn. He stands and turns his back on me. I can see his body rise with the steady breath he takes. I close my eyes and take a deep breath myself.

  “I’m just going to go to bed,” I state flatly as I start hobbling toward the bedroom. This overwhelming attraction toward Shadow is breaking my heart more than I can handle. Not to mention the menstrual cramps digging deep into my abdomen.

  “Dani,” Shadow calls, desperation in his voice. I open the bedroom door and step in. When I turn around and look back. Shadow’s standing there holding the bloody rag with desperation written on his face.

  “Night, Shadow,” I say sweetly before shutting the door.

  SHADOW

  I drop the wet rag and stagger down the hall, sliding against the wall until my ass hits the floor. I look at the closed door, the same door I stared at last night for hours. I saw Dani dancing with those little girls tonight; she looked so angelic, so innocent. The smile she had, the energy she wore—she was truly lost in her own world.

  I watched her mother pull up and wait for her, and then I saw the whole altercation. I didn’t stop it or step in because I knew my question of whether Dani was a threat or not would be answered as soon as she stepped out of that dance studio. I didn’t expect Dani to try and kill her mother, though. I had to pull away from her when she returned to the club, not knowing if I could go against my club one hundred percent. I wouldn’t be the one holding a smoking gun that took the life out of the one I loved—the only girl I have ever loved, at that.

  Knowing she was not involved, knowing it was all her mother now, I don’t know what’s stopping me from storming in that bedroom and claiming Dani’s body as mine once again. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t know if she wants to be with me anymore. I run my hands over my face. Who blames her for not wanting to be with me? What kind of man claims he loves a woman but doesn’t take her side, doesn’t trust he
r? I should have grabbed Dani and ran far away with her, protected her.

  I reach in my pocket and pull out her iPod, putting the plugs in my ears as Justin Timberlake’s “Not A Bad Thing” starts playing. I look down at the iPod dumbfounded. I know for a fact I wasn’t anywhere near this song. I stare at the door holding my Firefly, hope rising within me that maybe she put the song on just for me to listen to. Either way, I will make this up to Dani somehow. I should have trusted her. I should have listened to her, but I didn’t. I took the path of mistrust and damaged us both. Now I’ll have to earn her trust once again.

  ***

  I’m sitting at the table, in the chapel where we have all our meetings. I’ve been here all morning, waiting for everyone to drag their lazy asses in so I can tell them what went down between Dani and her mother last night. I haven’t even been to sleep. On top of that, all I can think about is Dani.

  “Shadow, you’re in early,” Bull comments, sitting in his chair with a cup of coffee, the other guys following close behind.

  “I have some important information,” I say, sitting up in my chair.

  “I would hope so. You called me for a meeting at three in the morning, son,” Bull remarks, sipping on his coffee.

  “You look like shit!” Hawk quips, his old wrinkly eyes staring right at me.

  “Ya, I didn’t sleep much,” I say, frustrated. Who gives a fuck what I look like? I just said I have important news.

  “All right, spill it,” Bull implores, lighting a cigarette.

  “Last night, I went to pick Dani up, and her mother stopped by for a visit.” Everyone starts to talk amongst themselves.

  “I fucking told you,” Locks says, pointing at me with a cigarette in his hand.

  “Go on,” Bull urges, sitting up straighter in his chair.

  “She wanted Dani to turn on us, come to her senses,” I explain.

  “What’d she say?” Bobby interrupts. I look away from Bull to glare at Bobby. Fucker is still on my shit list.

  “Dani told her no and when her mom wouldn’t let up, Dani tried to shoot her. Told her to go back to New York and if she came back, she would kill her.” I release the breath I was holding from the moment all the shit went down last night.

  “Well, I’ll be,” Bull exclaims, rubbing the scruff on his cheeks.

  “That don’t prove shit,” Locks says, slamming his fist on the table.

  Bull rolls his eyes but before he can lay into Locks, a petite knock came at the doors.

  “What!” Bull roars.

  Babs steps in with an ear-to-ear grin.

  “Hey, boys. I just wanted to remind you that the Fourth of July party is next weekend, so don’t forget.” She smiles one last smile and closes the door.

  “Are you kidding me?” Locks says, gesturing toward the door. Women are not allowed to interrupt a meeting unless it’s important, but it’s no surprise Babs gets away with it. I wouldn’t be shocked if she was messing with Bull the way he sees her above all other females, but what do I know. I can’t assess my own relationship right now, let alone someone else’s.

  Bull starts to laughs. “Damn women.” He turns back to the table. “Make sure Dani is at that party. She is cleared of any potential threats to the club, so let’s get her back in here and start making her feel like family,” he commands, putting his cigarette out.

  “What the hell, Prez?” Locks questions, looking at Bull like he’s stupid. “You ain’t thinking clearly. That boy is in love with her. He’ll say anything!” Locks yells to everyone at the table, his hand pointing at me. His tone is pissing me off, and I grit my teeth.

  “She didn’t do a goddamn thing wrong, Locks. We did, by not trusting her. You better get that foot outta your ass and start showing her some damn respect right fucking now!” Bull hollers, his voice rumbling through the room.

  Locks gets up, slamming his chair against the wall. “Screw this shit,” he roars before leaving the room.

  “I’ll go check on him,” Old Guy says, following him.

  “I swear you got a bunch of pussies in this club. A bunch of women throwing temper tantrums,” Hawk gruffs, gaining a sigh from Bull.

  Dani

  I wake up grateful I have the day off; my feet hurt beyond belief. I slowly open the door to see if Shadow is asleep across the hall again but see an empty spot. In the inside I’m pouting, but in my mind I’m grateful. The less of Shadow the better until I can make my mind up about him. I make my way into the kitchen and come to a complete halt. Atop the counter sets a wooden wicker basket full of foot creams, ice packs, pain reliever and right in the midst, my iPod. I can’t help the smile, which creeps across my face at the gesture. I pick up the iPod and see a certain song paused, so I place the ear buds in my ears and hear “The Reason” by Hoobastank. I smile as I think of Shadow and me. God, how I miss him, and from this basket and this song, I think he misses me, too.

  I spend most of my day sitting on the couch watching TV, using the care package Shadow left me to recuperate my feet. Not to mention, I’ve listened to the song Shadow left me on repeat nearly twenty times. Not eating much for breakfast or lunch, I decide to give the TV a rest and go make an actual meal.

  I make my way to the kitchen as the door to the apartment opens and Shadow walks in. He’s carrying a pizza box in one arm and a two-liter of Pepsi tucked under the other.

  “I brought dinner. Sit down,” he demands, placing the pizza box on the counter next to the Pepsi.

  “That’s okay. I’ll make my own dinner,” I respond, bringing a pan down from the cabinet. It’s sweet he brought me dinner, but the last thing I need is for him to feel I depend on him.

  “No, you won’t,” he replies, grabbing the pan and putting it back in its original place.

  I huff at his controlling behavior. Jerk the pan back down and place it on the stovetop.

  “Yes. I think I will,” I say, raising my voice.

  Shadow lowers his head and growls. His eyes hood with anger as he grabs me by the hips, throwing me over his shoulder.

  “Shadow, put me down!” I yell, my hands slapping at his back.

  He plops me down on the couch and points at me. “Don’t get up or I’ll just carry your ass back in here. I brought you dinner so you could stay off your feet,” he states, opening the pizza box.

  I groan in frustration and sit back on the couch.

  He grabs a slice right out of the box and hands it to me. “Eat,” he demands.

  “No plate?” I question.

  Shadow looks at me as if I have lost my mind. “Plate? It’s finger food.”

  I shrug and take a bite of the pizza. I never knew pizza was a finger food. My mother always made me get a plate for whatever we were eating, even if it was chips, which we had to put in a bowl.

  “How are the feet?” he asks, chomping on his own slice of pizza.

  I look down at them and notice they look better than they did.

  “Better. Thank you,” I reply gratefully, avoiding eye contact. This is so awkward; there is so much which needs to be said but hasn’t.

  “Why are you doing all this?” I wonder, finishing my slice of pizza.

  “All of what?” Shadow asks, rubbing his greasy hands on his jeans.

  “You want to play that game?” I stand up, peeved he won’t talk to me. I groan with frustration and walk toward the kitchen to get a cup but don’t make it past Shadow.

  “Dani,” Shadow says, grabbing my forearm and stopping me. I look at him, waiting for him to explain why we have been broken and uncivilized toward one another. His face stares down at my legs before he slowly raises his gaze upwards.

  He lets go of my arm and sighs, “I don’t even know where to start to make things right between us.”

  My heart thuds against my chest, and my breathing quickens. I don’t know what to say to that. He just admitted he wanted things to become right between us. If I’m being honest, I don’t want to move on from the club or Shadow. As asinine as it sounds, I’
m in love with the Devil and I can’t escape the hold he has on me, even if it crushes me.

  “Try,” I urge, sitting back down on the couch.

  Shadow sits on the coffee table, resting his elbows on his knees and sighing deeply, his back lifting as he inhales.

  “The club has been my life before I ever knew you. They took me in and became my family when I had none,” he says, taking a long breath. “If the club didn’t believe you,” he pauses, “who knows what the order would have been. I couldn’t handle the thought of the club hurting you, and I couldn’t accept the thought that I might have chosen to go against my club to save you. Worst of all, who knows if I would have been handed the orders.”

  His words suck the breath from my lungs. I knew the club might have found me guilty for being involved with the FBI, and I knew actions against me could occur. I just never knew how close to reality that possibility was until now. I stand and start walking, pacing as I take in what he just said.

  “At first, I thought you were in on it with your mother, but then you came back. Even getting past my trust issues, the thought of harming you was suffocating.” He says it with such sorrow, his eyes squinted causing wrinkles to form at the corners. I can’t help the rage building inside me.

  “My dad would never let anything happen to me,” I whisper, emotion heavy in my voice. I blink away the tears pooling in my eyes, making it hard to see.

  “Dani,” Shadow pauses, “he would have been the one to give the order.”