Luke

by Jan Irving

  “Leif and Mal seem to love each other,” Morgan countered. “But I’ve never….”

  “But you have that casual thing with Steven.”

  “It’s good for both of us. I have needs, Luke.”

  “I don’t like him,” Luke said.

  Morgan’s eyes widened. “No, really?”

  “Guess it was obvious.”

  “It was neon.” Morgan shook his head. “Luke, you have so much going on in your life right now. I’m not sure it’s a good time for you to think about… a relationship.”

  Luke felt like a boulder rolled onto his back at the “R” word. Whenever a girl brought it up, he moved on to another town. “Is that what I have to have with you?”

  Morgan sighed. “No, that’s what you might want with me. I don’t want you to have to do anything.”

  “Will you sleep in my bed tonight?” Luke wanted those arms around him again. It was stupid, but he felt grounded with Morgan there. He liked his smell and the rasp of his night beard against his hair.

  “I think we should take some time,” Morgan said.

  “That means ‘no,’ right?” No Morgan in his bed. Not that Luke could blame him. He’d made a mess of his life. The only good thing in it was Jess. Luke would have to prove himself if he wanted Morgan.

  “That means ‘not just yet’,” Morgan said gently, holding Luke’s gaze. “We have time. Time to sort things out.”

  “It’s funny, but ever since I came to this town, people have said that,” Luke noted. “And Jess is sleeping through the night now, mostly.”

  Morgan pulled Luke closer, and Luke soaked up the feeling.

  “Are there things you want to do with your life?” Morgan asked after a moment. They were both ignoring the movie now, but Jessie seemed to like the flashes of explosions coming from the screen.

  “I was a foreman in an outfit that took tenderfoot tourists into the foothills for trail riding when I met Zelda,”

  Luke mused. “I loved that, giving people a real taste of the West.”

  “The foothills aren’t so far from here,” Morgan noted.

  “And the barn is large enough to house quite a few riding horses. Once the outbuildings are restored, this could be a good place to run something like that.”

  Luke chewed his lip, thoughtful.

  Morgan cleared his throat. “That is… if you decide to stay here.” What he didn’t say, but what Luke heard, was, with me.

  AT CHARLIE LAFOUNTAINE’S ranch, Morgan watched as Luke shook hands with Charlie, a tall man with a single black braid down his back, wearing the typical dusty boots, jean jacket and jeans. Charlie was a fixture in Sylvan, running both cattle into the foothills of his spread and some of the best riding horses in the area. Today Morgan and Luke had come here to purchase a couple for Morgan’s use.

  Charlie had them wait outside the ring by the barn and brought out the first of the horses, a Tennessee Walker named Meg. After watching her move around the ring, Luke climbed over and joined Charlie, and Morgan was immediately taken by how affectionately Meg responded to Luke.

  “Come and try her out,” Luke called.

  “I haven’t ridden in….” Morgan shrugged. He barely had time, but sometimes made it over to Charlie’s for an afternoon.

  “She’s smooth as silk,” Luke reassured him.

  With Luke’s recommendation, Morgan climbed into the saddle, settling for a moment as Luke handed him the reins and stepped back to join Charlie sitting on the corral. The two men watched as Morgan tentatively did some circuits. By the second one, Morgan smiled, feeling more at ease. He would not be saddle sore from riding Meg, who didn’t seem to care he was still a beginner.

  The sun was hot and warm against the skin when Luke joined him on Ed, a small Blazer with a calm disposition.

  They set out on a trail that ran behind Charlie’s ranch house, the horses’ hooves crunching on fall leaves from arching birch trees.

  They dismounted by a stream, and Morgan watched as Luke hunted for late wild strawberries, gathering them in the palm of his hand before bringing them back to share.

  When he ate the first one, sweet from the combination of frost and sunshine, Luke watched him, eyes on his lips, before brushing his mouth against Morgan’s. Morgan stiffened a little, aching to surrender.

  “What?” Luke asked, licking the last of the strawberry from his pink-stained palm.

  “Someone might see us. I’m not sure….” Morgan shrugged.

  “I just wanted to kiss you.”

  “I couldn’t sleep last night,” Morgan found himself admitting. He’d laid in his bed, staring at the log door, imagining opening it and going upstairs to Luke. Jessie would be sleeping in her cradle, and he could be in Luke’s arms, though he knew Luke’s hot temperament enough to know that they wouldn’t sleep, not right away.

  Luke would want him, would press him into the mattress….

  “Me, neither,” Luke said, grimacing. “Sleeping alone sucks, Doc.”

  “But just the fact you haven’t thought of what it would be like to be out with me says you need some time,” Morgan cautioned. “You’re so impulsive.”

  Luke put his palms flat above the willow tree Morgan was leaning against. He glanced his lips against Morgan’s, the caress singing through Morgan’s skin, through his beading nipples and hardening cock. “And I’m so easy,” Luke whispered. “I’ll wait for you, Doc.”

  Chapter Nine

  A FEW weeks later, Morgan jolted from sleep at the sound of a fist hammering on his bedroom door. He shoved his hair back, sitting up and grimacing at his erection. He’d had another hot dream about Luke again….

  “Doc?”

  Luke’s voice, muffled by the wood.

  Morgan opened his door, then gripped Luke’s bare shoulder. “What’s wrong?” he immediately demanded.

  “Jess—I think she has another fever—for real this time! She was fucking choking and her legs were all rigid…!”

  “I’m right behind you,” Morgan reassured him, snatching for his robe as Luke’s bare feet pounded up the stairs to the loft ahead of him.

  Jessie. Shit. He took a deep breath, but he couldn’t be detached. This was Luke’s baby, and somehow Luke had become his.

  “WHAT happened?” Jessie was half-undressed, as if Luke had tried peeling free the layers in an attempt to help her.

  She was lying in her crib with her eyes open, drooling, looking innocent-baby-blank.

  “She made some soft sounds and I woke up,” Luke fired out rapidly, shoving his bed hair out of his eyes. He was wearing jeans and nothing else, and his pants weren’t zipped, so they were about ready to fall off his butt. “Scared the fuck out of me! When I looked at her, her legs and arms were jerking like a zombie’s….”

  Morgan touched the baby’s forehead carefully with the back of his hand. “She’s damp and warm. How long did she behave like that?”

  “Not long,” Luke rasped, wide-eyed as Morgan gently removed Jessie from her crib, heading down the stairs at a rapid pace for his clinic. “It looked like some kind of… seizure. I was about to shout for you, Christ…! But then she just stopped, as if everything was back to fucking normal!”

  Luke laughed, but Morgan heard the panicked tears he was suppressing.

  “It may have been a febrile seizure,” Morgan agreed absently. Seeing the panic in Luke’s face, he reassured.

  “That’s the first sign of a fever sometimes, and it’s good it didn’t last long. I’m going to check her over now for the cause. Can you switch on all the lights, please?”

  Swallowing thickly, Luke nodded. He rubbed his eyes.

  “Is she going to be okay, Doc?”

  Compassion lodged in Morgan’s throat after one quick glance at Luke. His face was so pale that his freckles stood out from his tan. Morgan wanted to take more time to reassure him, even pull him into his arms, but there was no time for that now. He had to take care of Jessie for Luke.

  LUKE was slumped against the
wall of Morgan’s examination room.

  Water tinkled. Morgan was using a facecloth and lukewarm water to rub Jessie down, carefully avoiding her ears and eyes. The baby waved her arms weakly, giving an irritated cry, as if she really wanted to howl but felt too shitty.

  Luke took a deep breath as his eyes stung. Shit. Shit.

  Kids got sick all the time, right? And he was so fucking lucky, living with a doctor.

  Had he done something? Was Jess sick because he’d—

  Luke swallowed around the dry boulder lodged in his throat. His phone vibrated, so he checked it.

  Hey, I got your message! Let me know how Jessica is doing. I’m sure she’ll be okay. I met someone!!! Talk later, Zelda.

  “Fuck,” Luke muttered, scrubbing his unshaven jaw.

  Looked like he was all Jessie had, and he was no prize. He hadn’t even wanted her for the first… maybe twenty-seven hours of sheer panic. Then she’d fallen asleep in his arms, and he’d held her and ached, worrying about what kind of formula to buy, and whether she should sleep on a bed or if a drawer was better since he didn’t have any baby shit….

  His phone vibrated again. Zelda again, responding to his first text message.

  Okay, I’m coming over. I’ve had a little bit to drink so the bartender is giving me a ride to your place. Be there soon, okay?

  “Luke,” Morgan called softly.

  “Yes sir? God!” Luke nearly dropped his phone, heart thudding. The sounds from the examination table had not been ominous, and neither was Morgan’s expression, but shit, who knew…?

  Morgan looked tired, with wrinkles creased into the dark rings around his eyes and his face unshaven, but he didn’t look alarmed. He reached out and squeezed Luke’s shoulder gently. “Jess has an ear infection. It spiked a fever, which I’m treating along with her ear.”

  “So….” Luke swallowed, his saliva sparking off a feeling of nausea. He felt kind of spacey. “She’s going to be okay?”

  “Yes,” Morgan said, looking both calm and tired.

  And Luke whispered, “…It wasn’t anything I did?”

  Morgan took a deep breath. “Oh, shit. No. Come here, Daddy.”

  Luke went into Morgan’s arms. He was trembling.

  Tomorrow he’d be embarrassed, he knew. “She’s really… small, you know?”

  “She is,” Morgan agreed.

  “You’re a doctor.” Luke pulled back to look into Morgan’s eyes. “This shit happens all the time, right?”

  “She’s… yours,” Morgan said. “And she lives under my roof. This was scary for me too.” He huffed out a sigh. “We’re both car wrecks now, but she’ll probably sleep this off.”

  “I don’t think I can sleep. Zelda’s coming over.”

  Morgan nodded. “Good. She should be here.”

  “Can I take her into the great room?” There was a rocking chair there. Jess normally loved lying in Luke’s arms, sleeping while he slowly swayed back and forth.

  “I’ll light a fire,” Morgan offered.

  “We’d like that, Jess and me,” Luke said.

  MORGAN leaned against the base of the rocking chair, his hand on the armrest, occasionally rocking it as he and Luke held their vigil.

  Luke cleared his throat. “You haven’t had Steven over for dinner for a while,” he noted. Morgan had invited the other man a couple of times after telling Luke they needed to slow down. Luke hadn’t handled it well, preferring to go riding when Steven was here.

  “Luke, I told you that other than a single polite kiss, we didn’t….”

  Luke’s head fell back. “That single kiss makes me a little crazy.”

  Morgan’s gaze touched on the sleeping baby before he knelt higher, his face upturned. Holding his gaze, Luke bent down and their lips connected. “Oh, man….” Luke whispered.

  Morgan swallowed. “Yeah.” He scratched his stubble, rueful. A hard-on wouldn’t kill him. “Want some granola and yogurt? It’s just about breakfast time. In Tibet.”

  Luke cracked up a little. “Granola? Doc, what am I going to do with you?”

  Lights arched through the great room from a vehicle, and both men heard a car door slam.

  Luke said, “Zelda.”

  Morgan nodded. “I’ll put on some coffee.”

  ZELDA slept on the couch by the far window. Jessie was still lodged in his arms, since Luke couldn’t bring himself to let her go, as if there was a web of skin stretching from him to his kid. Instead, he paced the great room.

  Morgan had been right. Jess had scared the shit out of them both and then slept it off like someone recovering from a bender.

  “I always thought you’d do this, Jess,” Luke told her.

  “But that’s okay.”

  Morgan came in from seeing a patient, looking pale and wasted, and went to Luke, putting his arms around him from behind. It felt good just to breathe then, not saying anything for a moment. Almost as good as it was to wake up next to Morgan. Luke was sick of sleeping alone.

  “Jessie’s lucky to have you,” Morgan said. It was his campaign to make Luke feel better as a dad, Luke knew.

  Sometimes his words penetrated like rain hitting the forest floor through thick trees.

  Zelda’s eyes opened. “Oh, wow,” she said, staring at them together.

  Morgan stiffened, but Luke said, “Yeah.”

  “Kind of makes me feel better,” she rasped.

  “Do you want some more coffee?” Morgan asked politely.

  He was always nice to Zelda, though Luke felt a kind of buried lightning in him when she was around. On a gut level, he got that; it was what he experienced with Steven.

  “No, thanks. Matt, the bartender from last night, wanted to have brunch with me at the diner,” Zelda said, looking pleased. “He was impressed I cut loose a good-looking cowboy to come see if my kid was okay. He was raised by a single mom.”

  “Thanks for coming,” Luke said.

  “You know, if you weren’t the way you are, I’d have to take care of her all the time.” Zelda chewed her lip. “And I love her, but I don’t want that.”

  “It’s okay.” Luke looked away, flushing. “I, uh, didn’t want it at first, either.”

  “But now you’re a family,” Zelda said, looking at Luke and Jess… and Morgan.

  Chapter Ten

  ZELDA passed Luke another gourd, along with some wired pinecones and acorns. He attached it to the swag over the doorway.

  “So are you planning on dancing naked tonight?”

  “I can’t dance, as you might remember,” Luke said absently, taking a frost ripe apple from Gena, who was decorating the outside of the single window of the little cottage Leif and his team had just finished restoring in time for winter. “And I’m a gay cowboy, not a pagan. This whole festival idea… it was Gena’s.” Luke still stumbled over thinking of himself that way, but there was no denying it when Morgan made his palms damp and his heart pick up.

  “Hey, I’m not named Gena Gardenia for nothing. Now I need more ivy,” Gena said. “And hand me some of the corn.”

  She took a handful from Zelda.

  “Morgan’s going to flip,” Zelda said, looking inside where a fire was already lit as the sun glimmered golden through the trees, lighting tufts of yellowed grass and damp leaves.

  Luke climbed down the ladder and then carried it down the stairs, replacing it by the cabin wall. “I hope he’ll like it,” he said. He looked at his two friends. “Okay, I think it’s ready.”

  “LUKE, I don’t know….”

  The first thing to go wrong was Morgan got a call just before their scheduled horseback ride. He’d been gone for hours, and now it was dark and cold, not the scenic sunset ride Luke had been picturing.

  The second thing had been Luke had twisted his ankle over a slippery pothole walking back to the house. It was throbbing now, telling him to give it up tonight and send up a white flag.

  “Gena and Zelda are having a manicure party while they watch Jess. If we stay, there�
�s a chance we’ll wind up with a pedicure,” Luke warned. Shit, maybe he should call this off.

  If it wasn’t Jess with an ear infection, or one of the horses with a strained leg, it was Morgan out late. It seemed like they’d never get things straightened out between them.

  Luke’s jaw tightened. No, fuck that. He was sick of their current arrangement. What if Morgan called Steven again and they exchanged another “friendly” kiss? He’d go out of his mind. And damn it, he’d come out, at least to his ex-one-night-stand-mother-of-his-child.

  “But….” Morgan looked like he’d argue some more, despite Luke luring him into the stable. Okay, the carrot had worked, now it was time for the stick….

  “That’s it, Doc,” Luke swore. From his seat in Sable’s saddle, Luke leaned down and fucking hefted Morgan up.

  Sable snorted, and for a moment, it seemed as if they’d both take a tumble, but then Morgan settled behind him, hands clenched around Luke’s waist.

  He gaped at Luke.

  “You said you liked cowboys,” Luke muttered, face burning.

  THE clear string of bulbs from the cabin glittered like fairy lights through the brush as Sable walked them to their destination. Leaves rotated slowly from the trees and Sable huffed out a breath, white dragon’s mist in the autumn night. Morgan’s hands relaxed around Luke’s hips, and Luke began to hope again.

  When they arrived, Luke dismounted first and then held a hand out for Morgan, who was staring at the cottage.

  Luke rubbed his palms against his jeans. “It’s, uh, Mabon, or Autumn Equinox,” he said, watching as Morgan walked up the three steps to where the door waited, open. “I couldn’t think of any special occasions this time of year. Gena suggested it.”

  Morgan flashed him a look of surprise.

  “I wanted something….” He couldn’t say romantic. He could not say that. But would Morgan get it? “Gena said it was like a theme.”

  “A theme?” Morgan looked into the little cabin, where a table waited, festooned with pomegranates, dried milkweed, thistles, and reeds from Sylvan Lake, exploding with white tufts. And wine, both red and white, since Luke hadn’t known what Morgan might prefer. He was willing to drink the white if that impressed Morgan. “Luke, it’s late, and this seems so impulsive—”