Can you see me?

by Regina Bartley

  Hungry girl meant frustrated girl. My stomach was growling like a dying bear, and I was seconds away from whipping out a pepperoni slice for the ride back.

  Jude’s breaths were heavier and he started to snore a little. I started the car, and peered over at him. The lights from the parking lot shined perfectly on his smooth cheek. His mouth hung open wider and his head leaned a little farther. Even in his encumbered state he was still the hottest man I’d ever seen. He could’ve been drooling and it wouldn’t have mattered to me.

  As easily as I could, I leaned over and kissed the warm skin of his forehead. I might’ve lingered there a little too long, but he smelled so good.

  I probably would’ve kissed him again if my stomach hadn’t roared to life. This time it was massive. My insides were eating each other. It would’ve been embarrassing if Jude had been awake.

  I pulled out of the lot and headed back in the direction of his place. The trip back felt a lot quicker, or maybe I was just rushing because I was starving.

  When I pulled down the gravel road I parked close to the barn. I had a one-track mind and all it said was “FOOD.”

  “Jude,” I whispered lightly, and he didn’t budge. “Jude!” My voice grew a little louder. All that time I’d spent trying to be quiet wasn’t necessary. He wasn’t budging. I cleared my throat. “JUDE!”

  Nothing. Just radio silence.

  I stepped out of the car and walked around to his side. Opening the car door, I leaned over him, gave him a little shake, and called out his name once more. He moved a little, but never opened his eyes. I ran my fingertips along charmingly beautiful face, loving the feel of his skin against mine. Without even thinking, I leaned in close and let my lips graze his. I kissed him, letting my lips linger there softly against his.

  As I began to pull away his hands snaked around my back and pulled me tighter to him. He hadn’t even opened his eyes. My stomach flip-flopped inside causing me to lose whatever breath I’d had. His lips demanded my kiss, and when his tongue slid between my barely parted lips I moaned. I couldn’t help myself. Just the feeling of his lips on mine was enough to awaken my hormones. I hadn’t even known that kissing could be that good until Jude.

  His lips rose into a smile, but never parted from mine. When I opened my eyes he was staring back at me.

  “Well that woke you up,” I stated though it was clearly obvious. A girl could stay skinny around him, because when his lips touched mine I forgot all about being hungry. Actually, it was a different kind of hunger.

  He moaned. “Can you wake me up like that every morning?”

  A girl could dream.

  I leaned back and let him shift around in his seat. “When did I fall asleep?” He glanced around.

  “Oh, about three seconds after we pulled out of your driveway.”

  I stepped out of the car and let him climb out. “Did you just turn around and come back? You should have woken me up.” He stretched his arms wide over his head as if he’d been cooped up in my car for days.

  “You were sleeping so peacefully.” I admitted.

  “I ruined our date.” He pulled me by the waist so that our bodies were flush against each other. “I’m so sorry. You must be starving.”

  “I am, and we have pizza in the backseat getting cold.”

  “Really?” He smiled at me. “How did you manage to get food with me sleeping?”

  Wrapping my arms around his waist I replied, “I could’ve driven through a hail storm and you wouldn’t have woken up. Seriously! You sleep like the dead.”

  He smirked and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “I’m so sorry. I guess I was a lot more tired than I realized. I didn’t mean for our first real date to end up like this.”

  I playfully shoved his chest. “Like what? The night’s not over yet. Come on. Let’s go eat.”

  He held the pizza as we walked towards the barn. “Before we go in,” he paused. There was a hesitation in his voice. “It’s not as bad as it seems.”

  Leaning my head to the side, I gave him a questioning look. He was genuinely worried about my reaction so I knew that what I was about to see wouldn’t be good. Was he afraid that I’d judge him, because I wouldn’t? Shallow wasn’t in my nature. My mother’s maybe, but not mine.

  “Still hungry you know?” I gave him a little shove in the right direction.

  “You’re aggressive when you’re hungry,” he noted.

  “And bitchy too,” I added. “You’ll learn.”

  The two of us walked inside the large red door of the barn. I was following closely behind him because it was pitch black.

  “Just a second, and I’ll get a light.”

  He didn’t have to worry about me going anywhere. I couldn’t see mere inches in front of me. I wasn’t about to move and have some creature of the night swoop me up. Jude on the other hand, he was moving around the place like he had special night vision goggles on. I’d say he’d navigated the area a time or two.

  A bright light came on from the corner of the room where he was standing. It was more like a spotlight than a flashlight. I could see everything, once my eyes adjusted.

  “Ladies first,” he said, pointing to the ladder. It led the way to what I assumed was a loft. The ladder was vertical and I couldn’t tell what was beyond it.

  Peering at him with a cheeky grin I asked, “Is that just an excuse to check out my ass?”

  “Well yeah,” he smirked. “It’s why the term –ladies first was invented in the first place.”

  I giggled. He could be so cheeky sometimes.

  A few more steps and a little boost from behind and I made it. I turned around to take the pizza from Jude.

  “I got it,” he replied.

  All right, my Sexy Man!

  I stood aside and let him climb the rest of the way up. With just a couple of strides across the squeaky wooden floor, he was able to set the pizza down on a love seat. There was an old blanket and throw pillow balled up on the edge of the cushion. After doing a quick once-over I realized that the couch was his bed. There was an old stool, some kind of wooden cabinet, and an old bucket on the floor. I also caught sight of an old guitar propped up behind the couch. I made a mental note to have him sing to me soon. Not now, but soon. He had the most beautiful voice.

  Aside from those few things, there was nothing else up there.

  That was it.

  The look he gave me was an obvious one. He was clearly embarrassed by it, but he had no reason to be. I wasn’t expecting a five star hotel. He forgets that I’d seen his home before it burnt to the ground. I pictured myself living there before I’d even met him. It was gorgeous. They may not have been rich, but that house was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. He’d have it again someday.

  “Nice place,” I lied. There was no way he was getting any sleep on that tiny little couch. It was about four foot long, and he was well over six foot. It didn’t take a genius to know that he wouldn’t fit.

  “It’s fine,” he strode over to me. “Please don’t worry.” His finger gently rubbed the spot between my eyebrows.

  “Say that you’ll come stay with me sometime. You can’t possibly be getting much sleep on that couch.” Not that he’d get much sleep at my place either, but it was a good thought.

  He half smiled and I felt it all the way to my toes. There was something in his smile that was electrifying. It sent tingles down my body, and could make me forget every thought in an instant. In that moment he could’ve asked for anything, I mean anything, and I would’ve agreed.

  “Let’s eat,” he suggested. He didn’t answer me. If I’d learned anything at all about him, it’s that he does things the way he wants to. He was a bit stubborn that way.

  “What are you going to do about school? You know, with everything else going on.” It was just in my nature to worry. I couldn’t help it.

  He took a large bite of his pizza. “I’m not sure yet,” he shrugged and wiped his face with a napkin. “I guess if it gets to be too muc
h, I’ll defer the semester and go back in the fall, but that’s not in my plans as of right now. I’m just taking it day by day.”

  Understandable. He had a lot on his plate. No pun intended.

  “What are your plans? Have you decided what you’re going to major in?” He asked me. I rolled my eyes out of habit. I’d heard that question a billion times from my parents. “My bad.” His eyes grew wide, but he stifled a laugh.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, relaxing into the loveseat. “It’s just…” I sighed. “I hear that question so often, and I honestly don’t know the right answer anymore.”

  “There’s a right answer?” He asked skeptically.

  “With my parents there is.”

  “But it’s not about them.”

  “I wish that were true,” I told him. It was sweet of him to say at least.

  He reached across the sofa, and rested his large calloused hand over mine. “Don’t give in to all that pressure. The reality is, it’s your life. You can do or be whoever you want to be, and you have plenty of time to figure it out. Now stop frowning, you’re getting wrinkles,” he winked.

  Sometimes he really surprised me with the things he said. He was by far the sweetest guy in the world, hands down. “Thank you. I think I needed to hear that,” I told him honestly.

  “Anytime, Darlin.”

  We talked a little more as we sat together on the loveseat, but mostly we stuffed our faces with pizza until every last, cheesy bite was gone. We ate an entire large pizza. I was so full I could barely move. Not that we had much room to move on that tiny ass sofa of his.

  “Come back to the dorm with me?” I tried winking seductively. I was hoping I could lure him there with my womanly ways. Unfortunately, the only womanly way I knew was to wink and pout my lips. By the look on his face, he either had gas, or I was totally not doing it right.

  He smirked, and took my hand. “I’m okay here.” His expression turned serious.

  “I know. I just thought,” I paused raking my teeth across my bottom lip.

  “You’re adorable, you know that?”

  Dammit! That accent made my knees weak, good thing I was sitting down.

  He set the empty pizza box onto the floor, before pulling me swiftly onto his lap. It felt like the safest place in the world when I was wrapped in his arms. His fingertips raked through my hair as his eyes locked with mine.

  “It’ll take some time, but things will get better. Trust me,” he said just before he tugged me gently towards him. “I’ll come stay with you on Sunday.”

  “That’s a whole week away.”

  “It’ll give you time to miss me,” he cocked an eyebrow just before lightly kissing my lips.

  My, my, my… I could get carried away in his arms.

  “I better go then. You probably have a lot of work to do, and I have an early lab tomorrow,” which I was dreading. School before eleven was absurd.

  “I’ll walk you out.”

  “I bet you don’t say ladies first this time,” I winked.

  “What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t go down the ladder first? I need to be there in case you fall,” he said seriously, but there was a devilish grin on his face.

  “Uh, huh.” I glared at him.

  We said goodnight, and he kissed me long and hard before letting me go. I couldn’t wipe the stupid grin from my face as I drove back to the dorm. All the way there I was smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt. I replayed that kiss in my mind over and over. Each time my stomach felt lighter. Nothing or no one could ever make me feel the way that he did.

  “All those years lusting after Josh,” I shook my head. “What was I thinking?”

  Five

  Jude

  “I can’t believe how much you’ve gotten done, Man,” Garrett yelled as he stumbled through the gravel and onto the lawn. It was barely after lunch and he looked like he was just coming in from a wild night out.

  I wiped the sweat from my forehead and took a deep breath. I think it was the first break I’d had all morning. “Please tell me you’re not drinking and driving?” I asked.

  “Do I look like an idiot?”

  I glared at him, about ready to confirm it.

  “Don’t answer that,” he said. “I quit drinking around two or so this morning.”

  “Jesus dude!” I shook my head. “I can fucking smell the alcohol from here. Don’t be drinking and driving. I’m serious.”

  He groaned. “I’m fine. Quit your bitching.”

  I wasn’t in the mood to argue, so I just let out a pent up breath and squashed it. He was grown and would make his own choices; nothing I did or said would make a difference. I didn’t have time to deal with his crap.

  “What are you doing tonight?” He asked.

  I jammed the shovel hard into the ground and picked up my water. “You’re looking at it.”

  “Come out with me and some of the guys.”

  “I don’t have time. There is too much work to be done. I have to meet with a builder on Thursday, and I want this place as cleared out as possible.” I wish I had time to goof off. I had to keep my eyes on the prize. Once the house was back up and livable then I could bring my parents back home. That was all I wanted. Well that, and to spend a week long vacation away with Paislee.

  “What you need is a break.”

  “What I need is ten more hours in my day and three or four more sets of hands.” I explained. “There is an extra shovel over there. Make yourself useful.”

  He complained, but grabbed the shovel anyway. A little work would be good for him. Maybe he’d sweat out all the alcohol. I don’t know what pissed me off more, his drinking and partying or the fact that he was living the good college life while I was working from sun up until sun down. I had to grit my teeth and remember that we were two different people, family or not.

  It took about an hour of Garrett’s complaining before I finally told him to go home. He was no help at all, and I was getting tired of doing his job and mine. With him gone I was able to make some serious strides. The place was really starting to look better. Or I guess I should say, the land. There was no place there.

  The nightfall came and went. Each day was a little shorter than the next. No matter how many times I wished for longer days, they never came.

  On Wednesday I wasn’t able to pick up a single tool, not with classes standing in my way. It was all I could do to get myself off the couch. I had to leave early so I could go by Garrett’s dorm room and get a shower. The cold water from the old hose wasn’t doing the trick. I needed hot water.

  When I showed up at Garrett’s dorm there was a sock hanging from the doorknob.

  A fucking sock…

  Seriously!

  I groaned under my breath and thought about beating on the door anyway, but I didn’t. He told me it’d be fine to come take a shower, said I could make myself at home. How was I supposed to do that? It pissed me off. He was about as reliable as a stubborn old mule.

  Glancing down at my cell phone, I knew I wouldn’t have enough time to go back home and wash up. I could’ve called Obi, but he was usually at the gym before sunrise for weight training.

  As bad as I hated to, I texted Paislee and asked if I could shower at her place. I knew she wouldn’t care. It was just the thought of asking.

  She replied quickly, and said she didn’t mind a bit. I gave Garrett’s door a good kick before walking away. The door jarred and earned me a couple of stares from a few guys in the hallway, but I didn’t care. He was going to hear about this later. Mark my words.

  Straightening my hat, I made my way out of the guys dorm and over to the girls. There were a few glances in my direction when I walked through the large entry door. I just tipped my hat at them and kept walking. A few of them called out my name, but I didn’t bother stopping, not with the trail of sweaty stench I was leaving behind. Times like these, I really missed my Momma. She wouldn’t let me leave the house without a shower. It didn’t matter how late I was runnin
g. “You leave your work smell at work or at home. You don’t go out smelling like a dirty ol’ pig,” she’d say.

  I opened the door to the living area in Paislee’s dorm. There were two bedrooms off the common living room, one for her and Letty, and two other students shared the other one. I hadn’t met either of them yet. One thing for sure, their place was much nicer than the guy’s place. The guys didn’t even have common living rooms.

  Luckily no one was hanging out on the couches, and the room was empty when I walked in. Before I made it to her door, it swung open.

  It was then that I realized I had woke her up. Her hair was up on the top of her head in some kind of a bun or something. It was a mess, but the cutest mess I’d ever seen. Her eyes were barely open and she was still in her sleep clothes. Or not, I should say. Not sure if she had anything on under that long tee shirt she was wearing. I could only see legs.

  All the legs…

  “Morning,” she said in a rough gravely voice. It was the sexiest sound you could hear before nine in the morning.

  “Good morning.”

  I wanted to sweep in and kiss her senseless, but I hadn’t showered. Didn’t want to scare the poor girl.

  She opened the door and waved me inside. “I’m not awake yet, and I haven’t had caffeine. I’m a bit of beast in the morning, but I guess you were going to find out sooner or later.”

  I cocked my head to the side. Was there a hidden meaning in her words? I wouldn’t mind waking up next to her every morning.

  “Sorry I woke you up,” I apologized. “There was a sock on Garrett’s door this morning.”

  “Really?” Her eyes grew wide. “You sure you were at the right door?”

  I laughed. She didn’t seem too grumpy to me.

  Stepping in her room, I tried to be as quiet as I could.

  “She’s not here,” Paislee said. “She worked a double shift last night and had an early class this morning. I don’t know how the girl does it.”

  I locked eyes with her, wishing so bad that I could kiss her. She looked so beautiful standing there sleepy-eyed. “I have a kiss reserved just for you after I brush my teeth and shower,” I admitted.