Forever Seventeen

by Lizzie Bowen

CHAPTER ELEVEN: When you're in my arms

  We had just arrived at our hotel for the night, but I hadn't unpacked my things into my room yet. Instead I sat in my tour room alone staring blankly at the television and thinking...mostly of Kade. I wondered what it was about him that captured my thoughts. A knock at the door shattered my thoughts and left them scattered in my brain. I walked to the door and Hunter burst in.

  “Well, hi.” I said a bit caught off guard.

  “You're mine, you know?” Hunter asked angrily.

  “You're jealous aren't you?” I questioned back. He shook his head defiantly.

  “No, I'm not. There's nothing to be jealous of besides we have bigger problems.” He stated. I raised an eyebrow wondered what dilemma occurred to make him forget the previous actions of today. He slapped a magazine in front of me. It was a picture of the two of us kissing plaster across the front page.

  “Player finds a new lady.” Was the headline. I stared angrily at the word “player” I didn't like to think that I was being played and every time that word was attached to my name it made me want to run. They don't call him trouble for nothing... Hunter's words echoed in my mind. Hunter followed my gaze to the word.

  “Sam?” Hunter whispered.

  “Yes?” I acknowledged a bit coldly.

  “You know in the movies how there's always this one girl that tames the wild guy and changes his outlook completely. From then on, every other girl he's ever been with means nothing to him...he only has eyes for her because she took the chance?” He asked. I nodded. I had seen many movies exactly like that.

  “Well, you're that girl. You need to take the chance.” He stated, looking me deep in the eyes. I didn't say anything, I just held his gaze.

  “I wanna tell the world, Sam. Look they already know and they already assume it... let's tell the world.” Hunter said.

  “How?” I asked.

  “I'll make it happen. Don't worry, just watch my interview on the tonight show while I'm gone, okay?” Hunter asked.

  “I will.” I said.

  “You promise?” He asked, extending a pinky finger.

  “I promise.” I said, wrapping my pinky around his.

  “Alright then, I gotta go. Just promise me you'll watch.” He said, starting out the door.

  “I said I promise.” I said.

  “Alright, I'm counting on it!” He said, as he kissed my head and hurried out the door. I shook my head a little. I didn't know if I was quite ready to come out with it yet. All this had happened so incredibly fast that it was just so hard to keep up with.

  “Sam?” Connie called from outside the bus.

  “Yes?” I answered. She popped her head in.

  “Do you need help unloading for the night?” She asked. I looked at my massive mound of luggage lying in the corner then back to her.

  “No.” I said, shaking my head quickly.

  “Alright, love if you need something just call.” Connie said. I nodded. I really did need the help. It was going to take forever to get this luggage up there, but I needed to be alone right now...just me and my thoughts.

  My whole situation just packed a load of insecurity on me. Like ugly clothes that you couldn't seem to pry off yourself. It I did go public with Hunter I would be under the watchful eye of the media. My every mistake would be splashed on the cover of a magazine and broadcast for everyone to see and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't mature enough to handle that kind of pressie... maybe I'd go insane. Maybe I'd be like those people who go crazy and get locked up in a treatment house. Maybe I'd-

  An ear-splitting, pleading cry snapped my back into attention. I stopped in my tracks and turned slowly. I looked down the hallway. All was quiet...all was still. I stood there motionless. The cry sounded again this time making my jump practically out of my skin. A few cries sounding after the monstrous ones, but softer and fainter. I followed the sound to a room...Kade's room. The door was slightly cracked so I barged right in. Kade was rolling on the floor screaming intoxicated.

  “WHERE IS SHE?!” He screamed when he saw me.

  “Kade, what are you talking about? Kade, no!” I screamed. He hurled his beer bottle across the room at the wall. The glass made a horrific sound as it hit the wall and the pieces came crashing onto the carpet. He began beating on the wall, screaming words of gibberish that I couldn't understand.

  “Kade!” I screamed. I ran and fell to my knees beside him. I grabbed his wrist firmly to keep him from beating the walls in. He struggled and thrashed about trying to get away from me.

  “WHERE IS SHE? WHERE'S MY BABY? BRING HER BACK!” He shrieked.

  “Kade, no... no, she's gone.” I stated firmly. He cried out loudly and thrashed about more.

  “My baby's gone! She doesn't love me! WHY DOESN'T SHE LOVE ME!” He yelled wrenching his wrist free and punching the wall again. I grabbed both sides on his face and held it firmly in my hands.

  “Kade, I need you to calm down. Please. You've got to stop this.” I said, my voice quivering. His breathing started slowly to a normal pace. His head nodded back and forth. He unclenched his fist.

  “Can you tell her I'm sorry? I'm so sorry...for what I've done.” His words slurred.

  “Yes, Kade...I'll tell her.” I lied.

  “She's gone because of me.” He slurred, tears forming in his eyes.

  “It's not your fault.” I said.

  “IT IS! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!” He screamed, ripping from my grip again. He grabbed another bottle and smashed it against the wall. I looked to the door. People were starting to come out of their rooms and watch him. I ran to the door and slammed it shut to save him any further embarrassment. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and jerked him into the bathroom. I got water from the sink and poured it over him. He screamed and started to shiver as the freezing water trickled down him. We continued this cycle of hot and cold sink showers until he had sobered up a bit.

  “Here.” I said giving him a towel. He wrapped the towel around his shivering body.

  “Come with me.” I commanded. He followed me obediently to the downstairs lobby with the towel still draped around his shoulders. I guided him across the street to a restaurant across from the hotel. I sat down at a table and he copied my actions, his head hung in shame. I ordered a huge hamburger hoping food would sober him up as well.

  “I'm not hungry.” He muttered.

  “Well, you'd better eat.” I said, hotly. He just nodded, hanging his head. Then, he burst into tears.

  “I-I'm so sorry. I never meant to be like this.” He sobbed holding his head in his hands.

  “Kade, it's fine. It was a moment of weakness for you.” I comforted. He shook his head, tears flowing down his face in a steady stream.

  “Everything alright?” The waiter asked timidly approaching us.

  “Yes, thank-you.” I said as she set the hamburger on the table. She looked at him and back to me.

  “Rough night.” I whispered.

  “Well... I hope he gets better.” She said, awkwardly.

  “Thanks, he'll be fine.” I stated, accepting her sympathy on his behalf.

  “No, I won't be! I'll never be.” He sobbed.

  “People are starring! Shut up and eat.” I hissed. I didn't mean to be so forceful, but I felt I had to be. This was getting ridiculous. I shoved the hamburger towards him. He to stifle his sobs. Slowly, his sobs grew quieter and quieter until they turned to nothing but the sound of his hungry chewing. The hollow and distant look had disappeared from his face and his eyes looked alive and vibrant again. He was back. He set the hamburger down and looked me in the eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

  “You don't have to thank me. As a matter of fact, you can pretend this never happened. But I do want to say one thing. You can drink as much as you want... you can smoke whatever you want. You can have a million girlfriends, but none of it will take
the pain away. Sure, it may numb it for a little while, but you'll always wake up the with the pain stinging even more than it did before. Liquor won't bring your girlfriend back...remember that.” I said. He looked at me then down to the floor. With that, I left him alone with his thoughts. He laid his head sleepily on the table as I walked out. I hoped to goodness he heard me, that he was sober enough to understand my words. They were important... they just might save his life.

  I woke up around 2:00 pm. the next day. Dealing with Kade almost all night had completely worn me out. I popped right out of bed when I saw the clock. I was late...really late. I groaned loudly as I sprinted to the bathroom to get ready. I booked it to the arena to find the boys already rehearsing.

  “And where have you been miss Sam?” Connie asked placing her hands on her hips.

  “Sorry, I overslept.” I said quickly. She shook her head at me.

  “Don't let it happen again.” She warned. I nodded.

  “Now go find your place on stage.” She said, pointing to my position.

  “Where's Kade?” Hunter asked. My eyes widened. I wondered if he had enough sanity to make it here today.

  “Do you know?” Logan asked looking at me. I shook my head quickly and set my eyes on the floor.

  “Well, does anyone know where Kade is?” Corey questioned looking around. As if one cue, Kade came bursting through the doors.

  “Kade, you're late!” Connie said angrily.

  “I know, I know. I'm sorry.” Kade apologized repeatedly.

  “So you're both late?” Hunter asked suspiciously.

  “You two better start being on time or there's gonna be some consequences.” Connie warned. We both nodded obediently.

  “It won't happen again.” Kade said quickly.

  “It won't?” I asked. Did this mean he was giving up drinking? Did he actually take my advice? Connie gave me a filthy look.

  “Oh, I mean it won't!” I covered quickly. Kade grinned at me from across the stage, he seemed to be holding back his laughter.

  “Well, now that we've got that out of the way, let's play!” Connie said cuing us. I started with my guitar then Kade came in perfectly on time, the rhythm was precise and on beat, never missing a note. We both knew that this had to be a near perfect rehearsal to pay for our earlier actions. It wasn't my fault I was late though... I was only trying to help him...and I think I did. Just by the light in his face I could tell that nobody had ever told him drinking wasn't the answer. Either no one knew or they said that it was “just his way of coping” and I thought both were ridiculous. I'm glad I told him what he needed to hear. When rehearsals ended Hunter ran up to me as giddy as a school boy.

  “Did you watch the interview?” He asked excitedly. Oh no. I completely forgot.

  “Uh, um...well, you see I-” I stammered.

  “You didn't watch it did you?” He cut me off angrily. The happy expression vanished from his face just as quickly as it had come. He shook his head slowly.

  “What was so important that you had to miss my interview?” Hunter questioned. Before I even knew it, my eyes had drifted to Kade.

  “Kade, of course.” Hunter muttered under his breathe. It looked like even his name pained Hunter to say. He ran his fingers through his wavy hair in frustration.

  “Hunter, I-I wish I could explain...but I can't.” I stated. I couldn't possibly tell Hunter about Kade's drinking incident. I just couldn't stoop that low...even for Hunter

  “You know what, love? It might be about time you make a decision who you wanna be with.” He hissed angrily. He spun on his heels and stormed off. Part of me wanted to run after him, but I stopped myself. I let him go. I just couldn't make myself chase after him. I did him just like I did all my friends... I just surrendered and let them slowly slip from my fingertips just as quickly as they had come. I waited a few minutes before checking to see if his car was still here. It wasn't. He was gone. I saw skid marks on the parking lot where his car had been. He must have driven off fast and angry.

  I sat on the hood of my tour bus and looked up at the sky. The clouds were so pretty like little white swirls painting into the perfect blue sky. I wish I had Hunter to share this view with. I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around. It was Kade.

  “Hey.” He said, sliding onto the hood beside me.

  “Hey.” I said quietly. He turned to me abruptly.

  “You know I'm really sorry about last night. I just, I-” He fumbled for the words.

  “It's okay... you don't have to apologize. I understand.” I said.

  “You know you didn't have to do that, right? Nobody has ever really taken the time to help me... not like that anyway.” Kade said.

  “I guess I do have a bit of a forceful nature.” I said with a laugh.

  “You were right though... about how drinking doesn't numb the pain. It only makes it worse.” Kade admitted.

  “You heard what I said?” I asked in disbelief. He nodded.

  “Kade... I want you to do me a favor.” I said.

  “Anything.” He replied.

  “You know how you said you'd go with me to find my brother at his rehab center?” I asked. Kade nodded.

  “I wanna take you up on that, but not for me...for you. I want you to see what achocol and drugs can do to you if you rely on them. They can tear you up. I don't want you to drink away the pain anymore.” I said gravely.

  “I'll go...for you and me.” He agreed.

  “You promise?” I asked. He grinned at me.

  “I promise.” He said solemnly. He looked deep into my eyes and I knew he meant that promise and that he'd keep it.

  “Thanks, it means a lot.” I said. He smiled again and looked at me. But this time it was different. The way he set his eyes on me gave me a queer feeling because it wasn't his usual dark look. His eyes seemed to be full of light when he looked at me. He seemed to be studying me...every inch of me. It made me uncomfortable. I shifted around a little awkwardly.

  “Hey, Sam...” He said quietly.

  “Yes, Kade?” I replied hesitantly.

  “About all those bullies who called you ugly...they're such idiots. You're beautiful.” Kade said a bit shyly. Every inch of me sizzled at that word, my cheeks burned like fire flaming beneath my skin. I bit my lip hard so he couldn't see the surprise in me. A feeling of surprise and shame both washed over me at the same time. I didn't feel beautiful, no one had ever liked me, I was awkward, and I didn't know how to take compliments.

  “Thanks.” I managed to croak out. He tilted my chin up, his touch ever so tender. It was the first time he'd ever really touched me. His fingertip rest lightly under my chin as he gently made my gaze meet his.

  “You don't believe me.” He whispered.

  “I believe you.” I lied. I smiled to myself.

  “I think you're pretty too.” I teased. He laughed. His laugh was like a bell chiming out, cutting the crisp air with it's majestic sound. I pulled away a little, feeling guilty. I was with Hunter now. I knew it was wrong to be feeling the way I was.

  “Hey, I gotta go.” I said quickly.

  “Oh...okay.” Kade said, surprised at me breaking the moment up so quickly. Just like that, I slid off the hood and scurried into the hotel. I couldn't fall in love with him... I couldn't let him pull me in. I couldn't let anyone pull me in for that matter. This was about me and my music... me. There was finally something in my life about ME. It felt good too.

  I flopped lazily into my bed and sighed. I just remembered something. I never watched Hunter's interview that he was so eager for me to be there for. I opened my laptop and googled “All4U on late night show” a result popped up of the boys all sitting on a long couch in their suits and ties. I giggled. They looked really cute all dressed up like that. I clicked the interview and watched it for a while. I was just started to get bored and was about to change it when something that happened that almost made my eyes pop out of my head.

  “So, Hunter are you s
ingle?” The interviewer asked. Say yes, say, yes please say yes. I didn't want the world to know about us. This was our little secret. A picture of Hunter kissing me popped onto the screen.

  “OOOOOOOO!” The crowd cooed. The rest of the boy's mouth dropped practically to the floor when they saw that.

  “Sam?” I heard Logan whisper in disbelief.

  “NO!” I screamed. I buried my face in my hands and just prayed he'd deny it. I wanted him to deny me. I was not the kind that was cut out for being in the spotlight at all.

  “Yes, I actually kind of am seeing someone now.” He admitted. Gasps escaped from the crowd, some clapped, some cheered, and most of the girls looked horrified at the fact that he was seeing someone other than them.

  “So how long has this been going on now?” The interview asked.

  “Oh, will you shut up?” I screamed at the laptop.

  “Um, we've known her a few months actually now. She's our guitar player and we hired her back in March so I guess it's just been sort of budding since then.” Hunter said a grin creeping onto his face.

  “Awwwww!” Logan cooed.

  “It's been blossoming from the start.” Corey teased.

  “But is this like a committed thing? Are your days of playing over?” The interview pressed. Man, there was just no stopping this guy. He was known for being blunt though and I guess that's what made his show successful. It was funny sometimes, but in this case I found it in no way funny.

  “I think media milked it a bit. They were wrong about a lot of things and just tried to make something out of nothing. I was never really like that in my opinion to be honest. I value woman and wouldn't want to play any games because I think they're a treasure to us.” Hunter rambled for a moment.

  “Wooooooah, Hunter!” The interviewer marveled.

  “WOOOOO!” The audience echoed. I shook my head. What a sap.

  “Well, best of luck to the two of you. I'm sure the fans will be happy for you as long as she makes you happy.” The interviewer said. Hunter nodded and seemed to mutter something under his breathe that I couldn't quite make out. To my relief, the subject was changed and the boys started talking about their tour, the album, and the fans. I understood now why Hunter wanted me to see the interview so badly. He wanted me to know that he had told the world and I repaid him by missing it to be with another guy. I sighed and slapped my laptop shut. He told the world...I could just see the headlines now and the thought made me wince. I sat on my bed when I heard the door creak open. Hunter walked in. I didn't say a word. I just starred at him. He slowly made his way over to me and sat next to me.

  “I saw the interview.” I said, finally breaking the silence. He nodded and looked at me. I could feel him studying me, I hated when he did that. I guess he was searching for some sort of reaction...good or bad.

  “What did you think?” He asked softly.

  “I think...it was brave of you.” I replied. He pursed his lips and nodded.

  “I figured it was about time to let the world know about us.” He stated.

  “Yeah... I'm sorry.” The words stung on my lips. I hated to apologize even if it was to someone that I cared about. He nodded.

  “Do you love him?” Hunter asked. I wish I knew the answer. I had finally found someone that truly understood me. Who thought like me, who acted like me, and who truly knew what I'd been through. Hunter didn't understand... he could pretend that he does all he wants, but he doesn't and quite frankly I don't think he ever will.

  “No... no, I don't love him.” I said softly. But for some reason the words kind of felt like a lie. That cheerful grin returned to Hunter's flawless face. He kissed my forehead. His lips pressed against my skin felt so nice...and familiar.

  “I want to take you somewhere special tomorrow.” Hunter said, his face still inches from mine.

  “Okay, where?” I asked.

  “It's a secret, but I have to warn you...there will probably be paparazzi... lots of them, but I don't really care because it just proves to the world your mine.” Hunter said, taking my hand in his.

  “The place is public?” I questioned.

  “Yes, it is.” He answered. So there would be paparazzi for sure then. I didn't know if I was ready, but for some reason I still nodded. Hunter jumped up real excited.

  “Okay, then I'll pick you up tomorrow early in the morning. Don't be late.” He said. I smiled as he skipped to the door as giddy as a little school boy.

  “See you tomorrow!” He said, halfway out the door.

  “See ya!” I echoed back. I looked outside at the bustling streets of New York. The place was crawling with people. All people that would be watching me tomorrow...watching us. I didn't want that. I hated to be looked at. I hated to be watched. I couldn't think about it right now though. I had to get some rest. My hotel bed looked warm and inviting. Before snuggling down into bed I looked at my door. I opened it just a crack...just in case. Just in case, Kade had another melt down, I wanted to be there. To be honest, I don't really know why I wanted to be there he isn't my responsibility or anything...but I just felt like I might be the only one to understand. The only one to not only sober him up, but to mend the wounds as well. I cuddled down into it and fell fast asleep. I had a terribly nightmare.

  Thousands of girls circled me screaming insults and taunts about how I didn't deserve Hunter. They told me how much they hated me, how ugly I was, how worthless I was, how I was only his charity case. One girl spit at me, another jerked at my dress, and the last struck me right in the fast. I sob escaped my lips, but the girls only laughed and snarled at me. I looked at my pretty dress which was now ripped from their tugging and shoving. Tears slid down my face.

  “Stop! Please stop! I'm sorry I'm not good enough, I'm sorry.” The words echoed and rang throughout my mind.

  “Sam! Sam, wake up!” I was being shaken. I opened my eyes to Hunter.

  “Babe, you were having a nightmare. I heard it all the way from my room. The door was open. I came right in.” He said. I nodded, but tears were forming in my eyes.

  “Hey, are you okay?” He asked.

  “Y-Yes.” I stammered. My head was throbbing and my heart was leaping right out of my chest. He held my close, I could hear his own steady heart beating much more slowly and calmed than my own.

  “Shh, I'm here. There's no need to be scared.” Hunter whispered.

  “You're the reason I'm scared.” I said under my breathe. He pulled back to look me in the face.

  “What?” He asked in disbelief.

  “Nothing. I just had a nightmare.” I said quickly.

  “Was it about me?” He questioned. I didn't answer, I was shaking too much to answer anyway. He held me in his arms again.

  “You're safe now. You're always safe when you're in my arms.” He whispered.