Forever Seventeen

by Lizzie Bowen

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: How to love

  Before I knew it, we were cruising through the busy streets of Atlanta. Horns were blaring, lights were flashing, and smells of all sorts of food drifted through the window and into my nostrils. I was excited that I was going to have a lot of time to myself...well, myself and Kade that was. The rest of the boys were going to do an interview and a small performance at some venue the whole interview. A meet-and-greet was scheduled afterward so they'd be tied up the rest of the day. That meant Hunter and I could keep our distance. He was still really angry at me and I could tell. He didn't tell me good-bye before he left for the day... he didn't even look at me. But right now I could care less about his opinion on Kade or the rest of the boy's opinion for that matter. I thought he was great and that's all that mattered. My bus stopped and I filed out. Kade slowly approached me.

  “So...where's this church we're headed to?” He asked. I thought he'd avoid eye contact with me, but he looked me right at me.

  “It's closer to the suburbs. To be honest, I didn't really think about how we were gonna get there.” I admitted.

  “Stay here, I've got an idea.” He said, before scurrying down the street. I looked after him really confused. I knew this was probably headed nowhere good. I sat on the curb as I waited for him to come back. A group of guys passed by and nodded at me, a few of them even winked. I looked down quickly, but I could still feel their stares. I rubbed the back of my neck self-consciously. I even heard one let out a whisper, which made me duck my head completely down. I knew they probably recognized me as “Hunter's girl” and that was the only reason I was getting this kind of attention...not because I'm pretty. I was just another face that they'd seen on the tabloids.

  “What was that all about?” Kade asked when he got back.

  “Nothing.” I said quickly. I then looked behind him. There was a sleek black motorcycle with two helmets propped up against a telephone pole.

  “Is that yours?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I rented it.” He stated.

  “How did you come up with the money?” I questioned further.

  “Don't worry about it. Just hop on.” Kade said, tossing me a helmet. I caught the helmet and put it on my head. It was way to big and lay lopsided toward the side of my face. Kade laughed when he looked at me. I just smiled and shook my head, causing the helmet to hit me in the jaw.

  “Maybe we should trade.” He said, taking the helmet off my head. He placed his on my head and it fit like a charm.

  “Perfect.” He murmured with a smile. He was really beautiful when he smiled. Before I slid onto the motorcycle, I stepped back and looked at him.

  “Hey, I'm sorry for what I said at the hotel today.” I apologized. He waved me off.

  “Don't worry about it. I'm over it, honest. I shouldn't have gotten mad and... I was wrong. You do know what real pain is.” He stated gravely. I nodded. But after his apology was over, the sincerity left his face and the adventurous smirk that I loved returned.

  “Now, let's ride.” He said mischievously.

  He got on the motorcycle and I hopped right on behind him. He grabbed the clutch and gassed it. My body jolted backward almost throwing me off the motorcycle. He looked back at me as if I were stupid.

  “Well, you'd better hold on.” He said. I smiled a little.

  “Oh, yeah... that might help.” I said, wrapping my arms around his middle half. He just shook his head at me then clutched the gear again. I held on tight as we zoomed down the this unfamiliar winding road. The wind was whipping the little bit of long hair hanging out of my helmet. I felt like a bird flying through the air. Right now... I just felt so free. I watched as we zipped by other cars, going so fast that they only looked like blurs as we sped by. But I did catch one thing as we sped down the freeway... a camera. There was a paparazzi man in his car with a camera. They couldn't see me on a motorcycle with Kade. The media would make it seem like I was cheating on Hunter. I could just see the title now “All4U's girlfriend got a new man?” I couldn't let that happen. I didn't really care what the media thought, but Hunter would freak out.

  “Kade!” I screamed over the sound of the wind.

  “What?” He cried back.

  “You need to go faster! There's paparazzi in the car beside us!” I hollered.

  “Sure thing, boss!” Kade said, saluting me playfully. He clutched it harder and we went flying down the freeway. I knew we were breaking the speed limit... badly. I just prayed that we didn't have any police cars camping out to give tickets. Horns blared at us, shook their fists at us, yelled and cursed at us as we cut them all off. Kade just laughed and continued to swerve in and out of the lanes and as people squawked at us. I was freaking out and clutching Kade as tightly as I possibly could.

  “Kade, maybe this was a bad idea! I think that the paparazzi are gone anyway.” I shouted over the loud wind. He just chuckled and clutched it more. Oh, how he loved to keep me on my toes. I loved this free flying sensation I got when I was with him. I loved feeling like I could take off to the stars and never come down when I was with him. It was amazing. He was amazing.

  “Is this it?” Kade, asked destroying my thoughts. I looked up at the church and recognized it right away.

  “Yeah, this is the one.” I replied with a nod. He hopped off the motorcycle and helped me off as well. We hung our helmets on either side of the handlebars of the bike.

  “That helmet is too big for me too. I hope you understand the sacrifice I made for you.” He said, rubbing his sore head.

  “Oh, my hero!” I cried, dramatically. He rolled his eyes and let me lead him into the church. It was beautiful inside... more beautiful than I remember actually. There was a huge chandelier in the lobby with crystals that radiated a diamond glow. The lighting was so bright and cheerful that it made you feel welcome. It was a cozy little church with stain class windows and rows of comfortable pews. I looked over at Kade. He seemed somewhat impressed.

  “It's nice in here.” He muttered more to himself than me. We walked into the sanctuary to see a fair amount of people all dressed up nicely. It was good to know we weren't over-dressed. They chattered softly amongst themselves as the pastor sat at the pulpit organizing his notes for the evening sermon. Kade and I took a seat toward the back. Kade slouched in the pew embarrassingly with his arms folded across his chest. I wanted to scold his inappropriate posture, but decided it was best not to push it. I had gotten him to come here and that was a big accomplishment as it was. The preached came to his podium and the congregation quieted.

  “Good evening.” The pastor greeted.

  “Good evening.” The congregation echoed. He was a friendly looking man with a bald head and thin rimmed glasses. He wore a comfortable smile and his suit seemed to be sliding off his skinny figure. Again, I looked to Kade and he still sported that “whatever” expression.

  “Today we will be talking about not looking back.” The preacher said. Kade's ears perked up at this.

  “So many times Christians get the idea that they're simply not good enough for God to love them. Or they assume that because of the horrible things that they've done that God doesn't want them. This couldn't be further from the truth. I once had a friend who spent twenty years in jail. I ran into him somewhere once he had been released and he informed me that he had turned his life around, but he also informed me he wouldn't be doing the “God thing” because no God could ever love him. I told him how much God loves us despite our flaws and he accepted Christ right then and there that night.” The preacher stated. The congregation clapped at this astonishing story. Even Kade gave a soft clap or two.

  There was a projector above us and a small screen in the front of the church. The lights dimmed a little and the screen lit up. The words “Never look back” appeared on them.

  “Maybe you're like my friend today. Maybe you think God simply couldn't love you because of those things you've done in the
past. We all have things that we want to keep simply. Those things that we have locked in our hearts and minds that we hope nobody ever finds out. But if God can love you and forgive you though that, why can't you forgive yourself?” The preacher asked. Kade sat up a little straighter.

  “Now I know that nowadays people think that they don't need God. They refer to God as a “Sky-Daddy” that you turn to instead of dealing with your own problems. What kind of cocky, stubborn, conceited, mull-headed people they are. They go through life thinking they don't need any help and they don't need someone to carry their burdens, but the burdens with get so heavy that it will break their back. They will lay broken and alone unable to get up until they hand the burden over to God. You can't carry things like that on your own. You're going to need a helper. Until you get over yourself and your conceit, you're just gonna lay their completely broken. Now, will you bow your heads in prayer with me.” Kade looked at me a little confused. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. Kade repeated this notion.

  “Dear Father, I pray for all the broken people in the world. I pray that they would learn to give their burden over to you and that they would know their forgiven for their mistakes in the past. Open their eyes and let them see what you see. Let them see that they are your beautiful creation and they are forgiven. Show them your love and mercy in everything they do... Amen.” I looked over at Kade. His head remained bowed and his shoulders were shaking up and down. Was he crying?

  “Now if anyone would like to come to the alter today it is open.” The pastor offered. The church band began playing as a few people lined up at the alter. Kade practically jumped the pew to get to the alter. He ran right down the aisle and fell to his knees before the church. He bowed his head and I could see him mouthing words. I slowly walked to the front and knelt beside him. I laid my hand softly on his back. He looked up at me. Tears glistened in his eyes and were streaming down his face. It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry. Usually, he had such a tough bad boy exterior, but right now he looked like a scared little child... a scared child who needed someone to nurture him. He bowed his head back down and continued to pray. I could make out some of the words he said. I heard his apology to God and his cries for help. A lump formed in my throat as I heard the desperation in his voice. I was getting a little emotional to myself. I sighed a little. I knew I should probably say a little prayer to God as well. I knew I had my fair share of guilty and dark moments myself. I was just as guilty as Kade was. I did a silent prayer myself as well.

  “Hey, God... I know we haven't talked in a really long time and I'm sorry for that. I have been really busy, but I know that's no excuse. You gave me everything that I've ever wanted and I really can't begin to thank you enough for that. I'm not a caged bird anymore, you've set me free and let me fly. I couldn't be happier to be honest and I'm sorry for all those things I did in the past. It was just... my way of coping even if it was a stupid way. I never really apologized for all that and I don't guess I've ever really told you thank you for all this either. Well, thank-you... thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for everything. I want to get right with you again... I want to be close again and I know it might be a long process, but I'm willing to try if You are. I love you. Thanks for listening.” I lifted my head and ended my prayer about the time Kade did. The song was coming to an end. Kade seemed to actually be in physical pain. Maybe the memories were coming flooding back. He winced a little every now and then and I wondered if it was another painful memory that was haunting him. He got up slowly and made his way back to our seat. The whole church looked moved, I was even a little teary eyed. The way the tears were pouring down his face and he was looking up and clutching his heart gave me a sickening feeling. You could tell this kid had been through a lot, as a matter of fact the whole church knew that now. He no longer had the “I don't care” expression on his face anymore, something about him was different and new. He actually looked... happy.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, once we were seated. He smiled and nodded at me.

  “Yeah, never better actually.” He stated. I was never better as well. I felt different and new as well. I can't really describe it, but I felt like during that two hour sermon I had grown up so much. I just felt like I had finally done something right. We sung another song before wrapping up and I watched Kade as he sung. You could tell that he meant every word. With every lyric that he belted you could just see the passion clearly written on his face. I had never seen him like this. I had never seen him so happy. He put his hand up to the sky, feeling the music. I lifted my hands up a little as well letting the words sink in and rhythm rock me to the core. When the song ended, Kade clapped his hands together loudly. The rest of the congregation laughed a little and joined in. He wore this big goofy grin on his face the rest of the night.

  After the service ended, people were crowded around him talking. I sat on a chair and watched from a distance as he just lit up the room. His laughter, his smile, and his happiness was just so contagious. There were times where you could tell the conversation going on was an intent one, but other times he'd say something and they would all laugh. He looked kind of like a scared little boy up in front of them though. I knew he wasn't used to being the center of attention. He was used to the complete opposite actually. He was used to being abused, made fun of, pushed around, and stomped on, but tonight...he was happy. I watched as he let his guard down and was...himself... and it was beautiful. He exchanged a few phone numbers with some people, prayed with them, and hugged them all good-bye. They continued calling out good-byes as he walked toward me. He turned and them one last hug. He grinned at me as he walked over. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for me.

  “Thanks so much for taking me here.” He said, once we had left the church.

  “You glad you came?” I asked.

  “Yes, I'm really glad. I feel...different. I was myself tonight, you know? I wasn't scared that anyone would judge me or see me differently. I actually felt... like a human being, with feelings, a heart, emotions, and everything! I can't tell you how long it's been since I've done that or felt that. I feel new... like a child again and I can't tell you what that means to me. I don't know how I'll make this up to you.” He stated, the grin still not leaving his face.

  “Seeing you happy is reward enough. Now, aren't your cheeks getting tired from all that smiling?” I teased, throwing his helmet at him. He caught it, smiled, and shook his head.

  “I don't think I'll ever get tired of smiling or at least not tonight. Tonight, I'm making up for all those emotionless, depressing years. I'm gonna laugh like there's no tomorrow!”

  He cried, picking me up and spinning me. When he set me down, he looked me in the eyes.

  “Thank-you, Sam.” When he said it, I knew he wasn't just saying thank-you for tonight. He was saying thank-you for all the times he had been hormonal and weird and I had put up with him. Or when he was drinking like a fish, thrashing around violently, and smashing things yet I was there to sober him. He was thanking me for always being there. I slid onto the motorcycle behind him.

  “Your welcome.” I said, wrapping my arms around him. Then, we took off into the black night. The cold air whipped my face and hair but nothing could ruin this night or this moment. Kade thanked me once again and we said our goodbyes. I danced up to my room and flopped on my bed. My phone had about a million notifications on it. I unlocked it and looked at my twitter page. I had gained 6,000 followers. I gasped and looked my tweets. They all had hundreds of comments on them. I was so excited! My heart began beating. Did I have... fans? But then my heart sank deep in my chest when I actually read the comments. There were links to my hate page. Yes, people had actually taken time out of their day to make a website all about reasons they hate me. There were also videos that I was tagged in on YouTube listing how I was a fake girlfriend and how much they hated me.

  “You don't deserve him and you never will. What is a model like him doing with a girl like you anyway?

  “
Loose some weight you fat pig and get that nose fixed. I don't hate you because you're dating Hunter. I would hate you even if you weren't... I mean who wouldn't?”

  “Hurt him and I'll kill you. He doesn't love you. You don't deserve him.”

  “I hate you. Go die. He's only using you anyway. You thought you actually meant something to him? Yeah right, I'm sure those 12,345,678 other girls thought that too.”

  “Hey ugly looser, what's up?”

  “I hate her more than anything! She doesn't love him, she loves his money! It's because her mom is a poor geezer than probably feeds them dirt. She just dates him for the money.”