by Lizzie Bowen
#samwehateyou was trending on twitter as well. I couldn't help it. I promised myself that this was a new beginning and I wouldn't cry over the people who didn't accept me anymore. I thought that I was tough now and that I could take this, but I couldn't. When I saw those comments all those little insecurities in the back of my mind were affirmed. Maybe I was ugly and maybe I didn't deserve Hunter. Seeing those comments made me want to walk away from him...forever. As I scrolled through all the hurtful memes, comments, hash-tags, and videos it was too much to take. I screamed out loud and threw my phone against the wall. I locked myself in the bathroom and slid down the wall as tears poured down my face. I don't care about their opinion, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter, but it did. I cupped my hand over my mouth trying to muffle the sobs, but they come out anyway. I looked at myself in the mirror and anger surged throughout me. WHY WAS I ME?! I went into my room and flipped the coffee table. I heard frantic knocking on the door. I didn't dare answer it. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone or diffidently not to be seen by anyone. If I was that ugly I didn't want anyone to look at me, not now and not ever. The knocking continued, faster and more frantic than before.
“Sam, open up! It's Hunter, please open the door.” Hunter pleaded.
“NO!” I screamed at the door.
“Sam, please open this door!” Hunter begged. I sighed and reluctantly opened the door. He took one look at my red, puffy, swollen face then pulled me into his arms. I tried to be strong, but ended up sobbing into his shoulder.
“Sam, is this about this morning? I'm so sorry. I should have trusted you and Kade. I know you'd never try anything with him, I just got jealous.” Hunter apologized.
“It's not that.” I choked out. I could barely breathe as the sobs escaped me, but I managed short choppy breathes in between sentences. I was trying to be tough. I really didn't want Hunter thinking I was weak, but I was so angry, hurt, and upset that I just couldn't take it. I wanted to break something or burn something and just scream while doing it. Hunter looked at me and wiped my tears away with his thumb, even catching a few before they could fall.
“Nothing, I'm fine.” I said quickly. I had to calm down. I didn't want him seeing me like this.
“Babe, please.” Hunter whispered desperately. I sighed then handed him my phone. His eyes widened as he scrolled through some of the hurtful things he read.
“Oh.” He said quietly. He entered into my room without even asking. He got my Cold play CD and popped it into the stereo. The song “Fix You” came softly through the speakers. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close.
“They're jealous, Sam. They're jealous of your beauty.” Hunter stated.
“That's not tr-” I began, but finger pressed his finger against my lips.
“Shhhh, just hear me out. I love you so much, Sam. These people just want to tear us apart. They want to intimidate you and make you walk away, but if you walk away... I just don't think I'd be able to take it, Sam. I need you. I'll fix you.” He whispered. I didn't say anything, I just cuddled into him as he swayed to the music. The lyrics to the song were beautiful.
“Lights will guide you home...” He whispered in my ear. His hot breathe tickled my skin forcing a smile on my face and even a slight giggle to escape me. I felt his lips on my cheek next.
“Tears fall down your face...” He sang against my cheek. His lips formed the words on the side of my face making me shiver. My breathing started to slow to a normal rate as he held me closer. I reluctantly wrapped my arms around his neck when all I wanted to do was run.
“And I will try to fix you.” He whispered against my lips.
He held me as I gained control of myself. He held my shaking body until I had calmed down completely.
“Sam?” He whispered, stroking my hair.
“Yes?” I answered quietly.
“I love you.” He said boldly. I was taken aback a little. I didn't say anything. I just gawked at him. He waited nervously.
“Well...” He said expectantly.
“I don't know.” I said softly.
“What do you mean you don't know?” He asked.
“I mean I don't know how to love someone! How, Hunter? How?! How do you love someone? How do you love someone without getting burnt or hurt or regretting they ever came into your life. How do you love someone when your heart is so cold and numb that you didn't think you'd ever be able to use it. How do you love someone when you can't even love yourself. How...how do you love someone?” I cried. I knew I had let my anger get the best of me and I thought Hunter would be mad or at least surprised. He just looked at me right in the eyes as calm and collectively as he always did.
“I'll show you... I'll show you how to love.” He said stroking my hair back.