Relay for Life

by Downs Jana

  “With SCAB?” Andrew asked.

  “Yes.”

  Andrew squeezed his neck, and Matthew turned around to look at

  him. He was in his jogging clothes and sweaty but still just as beautiful as when they’d first met. His hair continued to grow and hadn’t been touched by shears at both Marcel’s and his insistence. “I don’t want you to, but I’ll support you either way. I told you before, it’s not necessary for you to have a job right this second. It’s not necessary at all, but I know you don’t want to be a kept man.” He winked like he was joking, but Matthew didn’t find it very funny. The idea was frankly horrifying.

  “I have to have a job, Andrew,” he said. They’d grown so close in the weeks since they’d been back from the mission from hell it was hard to imagine going months without seeing either one of them again. They did everything as one, even seeing the Deadzone company therapist together once a week until the mandatory six sessions were up. It seemed more economical to do them together, and Matthew had actually enjoyed getting to know them through the therapy sessions.

  “I know you feel that way,” Andrew soothed. “And I’m sure something will come up.” It was getting to the point that Andrew and Marcel anticipated him better than even he did. They knew how to soothe him.

  “I hope so. My recruiter called again.”

  Andrew frowned. “I wish he’d give you your space.”

  Matthew shrugged. “We’ve known one another a long time. I

  think he’s more worried than anything. He’s from the mindset that I should just get back up on the horse to get over what happened.” Andrew leaned his hip on the desk beside him. “So what happened? You’ve been pretty tight-lipped about it.”

  Matthew sighed. It was time. “My last mission was bad. Really bad. We were called onto this estate that had been turned into a private boarding school in a safe sector. It was reasonably isolated, and we’d been told that we had to eliminate the infected and get out the kids.” He swallowed hard, the memories creeping up to haunt him. He’d had a few nightmares since he’d been staying here, but sandwiched between the two of them, most of the fear had disappeared with a few soothing murmurs and a well-placed kiss or two. It was the fastest he’d been able to go back to sleep since it happened. “The only reason we were called in to begin with was because of the kids’ parents. They were rich and wanted the best SCAB could provide. I wasn’t prepared for what we walked into.”

  Andrew wrapped his arms around his shoulders in comfort. It gave him the strength to keep talking.

  “There were fifteen hundred students there from primary, secondary, and every grade in between. By the time we got into the heart of the school, we realized how bad it was. Out of all of them, there were only five who weren’t infected. Worse, we had to take out all of the others as per our orders.” He swallowed hard, starting to tremble as the images came in flash frame through his cerebrum. “They were just kids, so many kids. The little ones shattered something inside me. The bigger packs don’t have a lot of kids for some reason. Having to do that just broke something.”

  “It’s okay to cry about it,” Andrew whispered. “You have to mourn them.” The understanding in his voice seemed to break the dam he’d been holding back since he’d gotten back. He buried his face in Andrew’s sweaty neck and sobbed, letting go of all the emotions he’d held in careful check.

  The whole time he cried, Andrew petted his back and murmured soothing phrases over and over. He cried until he had nothing left to give and no more left to feel. He was just exhausted.

  “Better?” he asked.

  Matthew nodded, feeling raw. “Yeah,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Thank you.” He oddly felt better for it. “I needed that.”

  “I figured. You’ve been holding in a lot these past few weeks.” Andrew kept petting him. “Thank you for trusting me.”

  He did trust him, explicitly. “Love you,” he whispered, meaning it. There was no one else he’d rather be with. Andrew and Marcel had dropped into his life, and it had been filled with them ever since.

  Andrew smiled, his whole countenance going soft. “I love you, too.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to his neck. “So does that mean you admit that we’re doing this for the long haul? That no one is going to change their mind?”

  He tilted his head back to give his lover easier access. “I suppose I will have to be. Any worries on your end?”

  “That you’ll get scared?” Andrew chuckled. “At first I think I was scared like you were, that everything would fall apart when we got back here, but it didn’t.”

  Matthew was surprised. “You didn’t act like that at all. You seemed to be the most sure out of the three of us.”

  “Well, duh. I was dealing with two nervous studs. I had to play it cool.”

  Matthew laughed.

  The front door shut from outside his room. “Marcel must be home,” Andrew said, sliding off his lap. Matthew gave his butt a squeeze.

  “Matthew? Andy? Where you guys at?” Marcel called.

  “My room!” Matthew shouted. Their rooms were adjacent, but they were both on the lower floor. In the new plans that Andrew was having drawn up, all three rooms would be on the top. At least that was what was in the designs Terrence had brought over. His sister and architect, Adrianna, had really done a good job at including all the elements that Andrew insisted on including. The man was stubborn and fastidious, unwilling to compromise anything about the design of his living space. Matthew and Marcel were laid back about the whole thing. Matthew knew he would live in a cardboard box so long as they were together.

  Marcel pushed open the door. “Hey,” he greeted. He looked a little pale. Matthew frowned, going on instant alert.

  “What is it?”

  “I had a run-in with some UMF at the shooting range. They were asking a lot of questions. They looked like internal regulations division.”

  Everything in Matthew stilled. Internal regulations division was an independent UMF section that did internal investigations. “What did they ask? What did you say?” he demanded. His heart thundered in his chest. He had to find his dad. If IRD was looking at him, he needed to get the hell out of their way. I don’t even know where he is. I can’t rescue him. That helplessness didn’t make it any easier.

  Marcel crossed his arms over his chest. “They were asking a lot of questions about the last mission and about your dad. What we saw, et cetera. I told them that we didn’t see anything. That it was a difficult mission but we got a helicopter pickup. I didn’t even tell them we connected with your dad prior to our leaving.”

  “Well, thank God for that,” Matthew murmured. “I don’t want us to leave the apartment for a while unless it’s absolutely necessary.” “Are we being watched?” Andrew asked, frowning.

  “Most likely. They’re probably doing an investigation into the incident. In fact, let’s not talk about it at all. I don’t know if they have external listening devices set up.” Adrenaline flooded his body. What if they’d heard something already? They hadn’t really talked about it, heeding Jack’s warning to the letter.

  “It’s okay, Matthew,” Marcel said, reaching for him at the same time Andrew did. “He’ll be okay.”

  He let them hold him for a long time, trying to calm his breathing down. “He’s all I have.” He repeated the words he’d said a million times. He remembered clearly the first time his father had said the same thing to him. He had been three years old, and Jack had just walked through the door at Jim and Jason’s home in Carriage Hills, four days late from a mission, and wrapped his arms around him. He hadn’t been old enough to understand then what he understood years later. He’d been scared he wouldn’t ever see Matthew again.

  “I love you, Mattie,” he’d said. “You’re all I have, and you’re the best part of me.”

  Marcel kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry, Matthew. He’s not all you have anymore. You have us. We’re family.”

  The words took away his anxiety, his worr
y. “God, I love you both,” he said.

  Marcel squeezed him tighter. “I love you, too.”

  * * * * Marcel was pretty sure Matthew was nearing the point of a breakdown. As the days and weeks turned into a month and then one month into two, the lines of worry became a constant presence in Matthew’s face. He’d held them together so well when they’d been in the field. It seemed that now it was their turn to take care of him. He and Andrew did the best they could, offering him physical and mental comfort as Matthew’s self-esteem and hope dwindled with each jobless day without his father. But he was becoming increasingly agitated, and it was a lot to deal with so early in their love.

  “I’m worried about him, too,” Andrew said, coming to sit beside him on the couch while he stared out the glass at their lover in the garden. It was the place he spent most of his time lately. None of them left the condo if they could help it, per his orders, but he seemed to leave even less than was necessary. He was either on his vid putting in résumés or sitting in the garden, staring at the koi fish, his cell within reach, just in case his father called. It was heartbreaking, really.

  “I just feel so helpless. I can’t do anything to make it better.” Marcel sighed. “There is no bad guy to fight, no zombie to kill, no trauma to overcome. It’s like we’re all sitting in limbo, waiting for it to be real or a close call. He’s going to rejoin SCAB. It’s only a matter of days. I’ve seen that twitchy look before on other field agents. It’s the inactivity. He will have to do something or go insane.”

  Andrew leaned his head to rest against his shoulder, his eyes never leaving Matthew. “He doesn’t really want to go, though. He just feels like our relationship is unbalanced.”

  Given that he hadn’t considered a three-way relationship before, it was suddenly impossible for him to think of any relationship but his beautiful triad. The idea of Matthew leaving made him bereft. It was impossible to imagine a relationship that didn’t include him. Andrew, Matthew, and Marcel were a set. It was all or nothing. He feared that they would fall apart if they were broken up.

  “He’s so stubborn.” Why couldn’t he just accept that the three of them were in love and they didn’t need to be constantly equal in order to be healthy? He didn’t have to be a pillar of strength all the damn time.

  “It’s a trait most field agents share,” Andrew said, poking him in the ribs. “You’re pretty stubborn yourself.”

  “Yeah, but he’s depressed. He’s supposed to let me help.”

  Andrew chuckled. “Uh-huh. I just wish someone would tell him one way or another. It’s killing him.”

  “Wishing and hoping aren’t getting any results. Maybe I could get in contact with some people at Deadzone and try to find something out,” Marcel offered as Matthew put his hands over his face, his shoulders hunching over. He ached to go out to him, but it would just make Matthew surly. The longer time had stretched on, the less he let them comfort him.

  Andrew snorted. “People at Deadzone have Special Ops connections?”

  Marcel shrugged. “It is worth a try.” Andrew sat up suddenly, his whole body tensing. “What is it?”

  “Deadzone,” Andrew said, excitement in his voice. “Do you think you could call Jason and see if Matthew could get on the run team? It’s still field work, sort of, and it would make him feel like he was actually doing something.”

  Marcel grinned. “You’re so right. Why didn’t we think about this before?” Matthew was Jim and Jason’s nephew. There was no way he wouldn’t get the position.

  “Because he’s been so determined to have a purely civilian job.” Andrew matched his grin. “Let’s go tell him.” Maybe it would take some of the stress off him if he knew he was getting a job.

  “Let me call Jason first,” Marcel said, trying to calm his own excitement. He fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed.

  Jason picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Marcel. How’s it going?”

  “Pretty good, sir. How are you?”

  “Doing fine. We’re working on scheduling a new race on a closed track at Churchill Downs with another few companies. How’s Andrew’s training going?”

  Marcel tapped his fingers on his thigh. “Good. His running didn’t suffer at all while he was out in the wilds. He can still run circles around me and Matthew. Speaking of Matthew, can I ask you a favor?”

  “Sure thing, man. Shoot.”

  “Do you think you could possibly hire Matthew on the run team? He’s invaluable to us, and he’s a hell of a field agent.”

  There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, long enough that he worried that he’d overstepped. “Invaluable to you, huh? You guys making a go of a relationship?”

  Marcel cleared his throat, uncomfortable. It was almost like admitting he was going steady to his own father. “Yeah. We are. We just work.”

  “You think the relationship will stick? It isn’t just sex?”

  Man he interrogates like a drill sergeant from hell. Marcel was starting to sweat. “No. It’s more than that. We’re more than that. The three of us just fit.”

  Jason chuckled on the other end of the phone. “Lucky bastards. Took me and Jim years to find our third. Our Mattie is a lucky guy. You two are a beautiful catch. Of course I’ll give him the job on the run team. I’m glad he decided not to re-up with SCAB. Work like that doesn’t lend itself to a family life. His father is the perfect example of that. Give me a couple hours, and I’ll e-mail you his paperwork. Just have him fill it out and send it back.”

  “Thanks, Jason. I really appreciate it.”

  “No problem, Marcel. Anything for my nephew. You take care of him and tell him that Jack has been out of touch for longer before and has been fine.”

  Marcel blinked. “How did you know he was worried?”

  “I know him. Jack is everything to him. We haven’t been super close in the past, but we changed that in the past year. Matthew doesn’t like to be alone. Keep him away from the recruiters until his dad gets back. Okay?”

  “We’re trying. A new job will help ease it, I think. Thanks again, sir.”

  “No problem,” Jason repeated. “Take care and say hi to Andrew for me.”

  “Will do. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Until then.”

  They hung up.

  “Well?” Andrew asked, impatience thick in his voice.

  He grinned. “He was more than happy to do it. Now let’s go tell Matthew.”

  They stood and made their way out the glass door that led out to the garden. Marcel gave Andrew’s hand a squeeze of encouragement as Matthew’s misery-filled gaze rose to meet them.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  Marcel sat on the ground beside him, tugging Andrew along after him. “We have some good news.”

  Matthew’s eyes widened. “Someone found my dad?” Marcel shifted. Shit. He looked so damn hopeful.

  “No,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. That’s not it. I just wanted to tell you that Jason offered you a position on Andrew’s run team as a field agent.”

  Matthew’s reaction wasn’t what he was expecting. Rage flickered over his face. “You asked Uncle Jason to get me a job?”

  “Um, well, not really, kind of,” Marcel stumbled. What was his problem? “I mean, we thought it would be a good fit.”

  “We?” Matthew asked. His eyes went to Andrew. “You were in on this?”

  Andrew paled visibly. “Uh, I thought it was a good idea. You are just so bummed about not being able to find—”

  “Don’t fucking talk to me like I’m a four-year-old!” Matthew snapped. “I know why I’m ‘bummed out.’ I’m not stupid. Did it even occur to the two of you to ask me before you called my uncle and told him how much of a loser I am?”

  Marcel’s eyes widened. “What? What the fuck are you talking about? You’re not a loser!”

  “I’m a fucking field-trained medical operative that can’t even get a janitorial job at the hospital. I’m apparently diseased because I wa
s SCAB, and my possible infection score is too high to work at a regular sector-run hospital.” A muscle in Matthew’s jaw ticked. “Do you know how humiliating it is to be told over and over again that perhaps I’d be better off applying as a field surgeon? I am apparently only qualified to kill things and stitch up wounds. That’s it. I’m fucking useless in real life.”

  Andrew shook his head, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. “No! Don’t say that! You’re not useless. We might have overstepped, but we were just trying to help.”

  Matthew laughed, the sound bitter and mocking. “All I want to do is live in the private sector and heal people. I don’t want to do field training, wear fatigues, or even face the possibility of shooting someone again. Why can’t you get that?”

  Marcel finally felt an answering spark of anger as the shock wore off. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you keep talking about signing back up as a SCAB? You seem to be fine with all that when you’re feeling particularly sorry for yourself.”

  “Sorry for myself?” Matthew sputtered.

  “Yeah,” Marcel cut in before he could continue. “You are feeling sorry for yourself. Look, this economy sucks. It always has and always will until infection is eliminated. Everyone has trouble finding work in the private sector, and you know it. Even highly trained doctors have issues getting on to hospitals or private firms. Like it or not, health facilities discriminate against field-trained medical professionals. Stop acting like you’re the only one in the world who has to deal with it. Andrew and I were just trying to help you. You didn’t even consider Deadzone, and I thought it might be an easier transition to go from Deadzone and then eventually another job than to jump straight from SCAB to civilian life.”

  “Fuck you!” Matthew said, surging to his feet. “I don’t have to listen to this shit!”

  Oh, hell no. Marcel got to his feet, too. “You do not get to stomp away on your high horse, Matthew. We’re a triad, remember? We work together to figure shit out!” We’re fighting. We’ve never fought before. The realization was an unnerving one. People in a relationship fought. It was normal. But this seemed to have a lot of pressure on top of it. He couldn’t help but wonder if they’d buckle under the weight of the argument.