Lumen Cove

by Dianne Frost

  “Here,” she said, handing him the towel and he gave her his tight smile, throwing it over his head and rubbing his hair vigorously.

  “Is that Marie Curie?” he asked, emerging from under the terrycloth and Kelsey’s cheeks pinkened, tugging the sleeves over her hands.

  “Yes,” she said with a tense smile. “Would you like me to throw your clothes in the dryer for you?”

  Alex looked down at himself and then at her, his eyes narrowing and Kelsey blushed realizing she’d just asked him to strip. One corner of his mouth tugged up. “Yeah thanks.”

  He handed her back the towel and she tried to look anywhere but him while he undressed. She’d seen him naked a dozen times why did this feel so awkward? He left his underwear on however, having pulled his keys out of his pocket before handing her his wad of sopping clothes. She handed him back his towel and gave him a tight smile before she left the room.

  Alex looked around curiously, setting his keys on the desk before wiping himself down. The room was a weird hybrid of elderly and teen. Floral prints on the walls, flowered bedspread with a whicker headboard and heavy cherrywood furniture. There was an overflowing pile of clothes on the chairs in the small sitting area and a poster of Nicola Tesla on the bathroom door. He wandered over to the desk, nudging the books around curiously. Multiphysics Modeling. MATLAB for Engineers, Fundamentals of Neural Networks. She had a cork board on the wall with various papers tacked to it, scribbles of code, equations and a few printouts of 3D models. Up in the corner, almost obscured by post-it notes was a Pushkin poem he’d scribbled down from memory to take her back to the basics of diagraming sentences.

  “Should be dry in a bit,” Kelsey said as she walked back in and she closed the door behind her and locked it out of habit.

  She stiffened seeing Alex at her desk, his eyes on the cork board and she felt her ears redden when she realized he was looking at the poem he’d written down for her. She’d tacked it up there for safe keeping, a reminder that she had other classes besides physics, other priorities than research.

  “Lots of heavy stuff here,” Alex commented, tilting his head and reading the scrap page she’d been working on. He picked it up and squinted at it. “I mean I can read Russian but this is a foreign language to me.” He flipped it so she could see the K and A equation and he didn’t understand the twinge of sadness in her eyes.

  “Yeah I can’t solve that one either.”

  Alex looked at it again and set it back down. They stood there looking at each other for a long moment, the silence not uncomfortable but not entirely serene either. He felt exposed which wasn’t surprising considering he was nearly naked but it was more than that. He still felt keyed up from the day and his mind kept running back to Drew. When was he going to leave? What other chaos did he have in store?

  “Look, I don’t want to keep pestering you,” Kelsey said finally and Alex looked up at her. “You seem like you very much do not want to talk about anything - which is fine - but…” She trailed, biting her lip as if she were worried about his reaction. “I’m just saying talking might make you feel better,” she said gesturing towards him and he blinked at her. “It doesn’t even have to be me, like, it could be Mr. Fitzstephens or Miss Drickle.”

  Alex chuckled darkly and Kelsey fell silent, looking at the floor as if he’d chastised her. She looked so young then, refusing to look at him, digging at the carpet with her big toe. He wanted to pull her to him, apologize for shutting her out but his feet felt stuck to the floor. He’d come to this impasse with every woman he’d ever been with. It didn’t matter how much he wanted to let them in, he just couldn’t.

  “Kels,” he said, his tone shorter than he meant it and they both winced. “I’m sorry about today.”

  “It’s fine,” she muttered still not looking at him.

  “It’s not fine,” he said, his voice sharp and she cringed which made him feel even worse. “I just… I just…”

  He was cut off by the sound of her phone dinging and buzzing, in rapid succession making it dance its way across her desktop. Alex picked it up automatically as Kelsey walked forward and held it out to her.

  “It’s a bunch of text messages. Sorry I didn’t mean to look,” he mumbled and Kelsey narrowed her eyes at him.

  “Ugh it’s Reva,” Kelsey groaned, her thumbs moving at a dizzying speed over the keyboard.

  “Is she okay?” Alex asked and Kelsey nodded holding her phone in her hand and looking around the room, waiting.

  “Yes she’s fine,” Kelsey said and more dings from her phone, one right after the other and Kelsey heaved a sigh. “She’s at some party in Bellengrath.” She began tapping back a reply muttering to herself. “Yes, Reva, I’ll cover for you. Again.”

  “Why aren’t you there with her?” Alex asked, looking at her curiously as he watched her drop her phone back onto her desktop with a thud that made him wince.

  Kelsey blinked at him and then snorted as if his question was ridiculous. “Why would I go to a Bellengrath party?”

  “I dunno,” Alex said looking at her steadily. “To meet boys.”

  Kelsey’s face went slack with shock, his words like a slap in the face. “Why would I want to do that?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest angrily.

  Alex stared at her with a calm expression but it felt as if something large and sharp was expanding in his chest. The ramifications of what they were doing were becoming more and more clear. Drew was right. She was in deep. He should do the responsible thing, the kind thing, and begin extracting himself from this. He had perfected the slow fade over the years. He winced at the very idea looking at Kelsey’s confused and angry face and when she shifted from foot to foot her expression morphed to hurt. Not yet, he thought. Soon, but not yet. He heaved a sigh, bringing his hands up to scrub through his hair in frustration.

  “I dunno. To find someone to take you to Cotillion,” he said throwing a hand in the air and then sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head at himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it how you… I’m sorry.”

  Kelsey watched him with concern and took a cautious step forward. Alex let his hands fall to his sides, his chin jutted out as his head hung back loosely on his neck. She was looking at him with worry in her eyes and he hated that. He didn’t like the idea of hurting her. She placed her hands on his chest, resting her palms lightly against his skin and looked up at him, her eyes open and innocent under long lashes. He closed his eyes on her, feeling a tug beneath his sternum.

  “Alex, I don’t even want to go to Cotillion,” Kelsey said softly and his eyes opened on her.

  “But you said Elliot asked you…” She pressed her lips together, her cheeks flushing and just as he realized it was from anger she removed her hands from his chest and turned away from him. “Kels-“

  “You know… I realize that everyone in this goddamn town has a picture perfect family so they think the only obstacle to having a Debut is not having a date.” She turned to face him, her eyes full and angry. “Yes Alex, Elliot asked me, but Sully isn’t going to put on a monkey suit and walk me down a flight of stairs. So I can’t go. Even if I wanted to, I can’t.” She swallowed hard, blinking back her tears and stood straight. “So no, I don’t want to go. Mrs. Gwaultney offers a pass to students with a good reason and she gave me one.”

  Alex blinked. “Can’t you just walk down by yourself?”

  Kelsey’s entire face scrunched into an expression that didn’t require her to ask if he was a fucking idiot. He got the message loud and clear. Alex sighed, closing his eyes and he didn’t know how this day could get much worse. He opened them again and she was still just standing there, her mouth a grim line. He stepped forward, inching closer to her and she was looking at him with a guarded expression, almost as if she wanted to step back.

  “Kelsey I’m sorry,” he said putting his hands on her arms and she jerked away from him.

  “Stop saying that,” she shouted and he let his hands fall to his side. “Look, you d
on’t want to talk to me. Fine. Don’t. But you’re being an asshole and saying sorry no matter how many times or how much you mean it isn’t going to fix that.”

  Alex breathed out through his nose trying to hang on to his patience, “It has been a very bad day. I can’t even tell you-”

  “No, you won’t tell me,” she spat petulantly and he finally boiled over, his voice raising.

  “What do you want me to tell you Kelsey?!” He yelled and she jumped her eyes going wide. “Do you want me to say that I hate my brother?” He asked, his eyebrows raising as he stared her down. He threw his hands in the air. “Fine. I hate my brother.”

  He let out a harsh breath, his face sobering and Kelsey blinked back at him, not shocked or appalled, just looked at him as if waiting for him to elaborate. And much to his surprise, he did, the words falling out of his mouth before he could really think about them.

  “I always have. Ever since we were kids. He was constantly into stuff, getting us both in trouble. And we were always shoved together because we moved around so much. Mom put such an emphasis on having a ‘built-in buddy’” Alex scoffed. “She said it was natural for brothers to get on each other’s nerves.” He shook his head as if to say she didn’t get it. Then he snorted. “She said we fought even in the womb, jockeying for space. Drew would pin me under her rib cage with his feet. The ultrasound tech thought it was hilarious.”

  Alex shook his head, crossed his arms over his chest and let out a mirthless laugh. “Everyone always thought it was hilarious! ‘Oh look Drew is making Alex miserable again. How adorable.’” Alex scoffed again, grinding his teeth. “The whole pretending to be me thing? He’s done that since we were five. Dad couldn’t tell us apart because he was never around so Drew would break something or get in to something and then he would run away and Dad would grab him to give him his whipping and he would cry and claim to be me. Then I would get the belt.”

  “The belt?” Kelsey asked quietly and Alex looked down at her, almost having forgotten she was there. He swallowed hard.

  “It was the 80s; things were different,” Alex grumbled shaking his head. “He was troubled. He… he saw things in Vietnam. His brother…” Alex trailed, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “He wasn’t the same when he came back. They had talked about settling down in Michigan when his tour was over. He was going to work for GM and they’d start a family. After Uncle Eddie died he decided to make a career out of the Navy instead. Then we show up - surprise twins - a damn decade after they quit trying to have kids.”

  Alex shook his head. “Mom was thrilled, but Dad…” He sighed. ”Dad blew where ever the Navy sent him and we were just an inconvenience along for the ride. He wasn’t around much.” Alex puffed out his cheeks and breathed out slow. “But when he was… imagine spending the majority of your time just your brother and mother, everything calm and routine, and then some man who’s practically a stranger comes in and starts making all these rules, yelling and throwing things?”

  “I’m sorry,” Kelsey said with sincerity and he looked at her again, seeing a sadness in her eyes but not pity. It was understanding. Of course she knew what that was like, her father was the town drunk. He wondered if Sully had ever hit her. The thought made his blood boil. He looked down at the floor

  “Anyway, things got a little better when he retired.” He grumbled, refusing to look at her. “Drew and I hated it but Mom was elated and it was nice to see her happy for more than a few days at a time. We were finally able to stay in one place for more than two or so years which let Drew and I successfully avoid each other for the most part which was nice. Except Dad hated it. He hated that we never did anything together or really even spoke to each other. If he ever caught us being hateful to each other we both caught a beating. “

  “Did… did he hit you guys a lot?” Kelsey asked quietly and Alex looked up to see she had moved closer, hesitant.

  “Kelsey, that’s just how it was back then. Your kid did something you didn’t like, you whacked them for it,” Alex said irritated and she seemed to shrink into herself. He tried again, reaching for her arm.

  “He mellowed out a lot after he bought the Echo Delta,” Alex told her looking into her eyes and he couldn’t help the serene smile pulled at his lips. Kelsey felt her own lips curl against her will. “She was a mess when Dad rolled her into driveway but a real racing boat, a dragon, solid wood, built in Denmark in 1960. They’re rare enough but finding one with such a prestigious lineage in a price range we could afford was unheard of. She’d won a bunch of races in her heyday. Dad wanted to fix it up and Mom forced him to involve Drew and me.” He snorted again. “Which was absolutely miserable.

  He paused, running his hands up and down her arms thoughtfully.”

  “It was worth it when she was done though.” He sighed, shook his head and looked down at her. “She was a masterpiece. I think it was the only time my dad ever acknowledged that I’d done something good. He even put his arm around me.” Alex swallowed hard, a strange emotion welling up and he almost felt as if he were going to be sick. He blinked a few times and it went away.

  “He taught you how to sail, then?”

  Alex sighed giving a thoughtful nod as he watched his hands run up and down her arms. He stepped away from her and she curled her arms into her chest to watch him turn towards the bed, sitting on the end.

  He was suddenly exhausted as if he’d run sixteen miles in the rain, his chest aching. He hadn’t meant to tell her all of that and now he felt exposed and raw, dreading what she was going to say, but Kelsey didn’t say anything. She just looked at him, miserable and hunched over on the end of her bed and stepped over slowly, placing a hand on his shoulder as she climbed onto the bed next to him and curled her legs underneath her, her shoulder resting against his. She hesitated before she ducked her head and her cheek rested warmly against his shoulder blade. He reached a hand over and laid it on her bare thigh, sighing at the feel of her skin, a strange comfort washing over him.

  “I don’t like talking about my family,” he said softly, hooking his chin on his shoulder to smell her hair and look at her from the corner of his eye.

  “Me neither,” Kelsey grumbled. Her breath tickled along his shoulder blade. He smiled, turning his head towards her again.

  “I’m just tired of bailing him out,” Alex said with a sigh and he felt Kelsey, rub her cheek against him, the gesture soothing. “He always needs money or a place to stay or a fucking alibi.” Alex shook his head, humming as he felt her fingertips begin to lightly trail over his back in indistinct patterns. “I promised my mother I’d look out for him He’s a fuckup, but he was her favorite.” Alex rolled his eyes then scoffed. “Dad liked to remind us that when we were born she hadn’t wanted to hand him back when it was time to start pushing for me.” Alex bit his lip, anger and hurt as old as himself burning within him and stinging his eyes. He sniffed hard, shaking his head. “So not everyone in this town has a picture-perfect family.”

  Kelsey rubbed her cheek against him again, her fingers curling enough to let her nails skitter down his spine and he flexed his shoulders, skin turning to gooseflesh.

  “I’m so sorry Alex,” she said softly, her lips brushing his shoulder blade as she said it and wrapped her arms fully around him.

  He felt it again, a swelling in his chest that hurt so deeply it was disorienting. He placed a hand on her arm and let her hold him, enjoying the warmth of her and the comfort. He knew he didn’t deserve it after the way he had treated her but he took solace in it all the same. He felt her head shift, her cheek continuing to rub against his shoulder again as she began the slow trailing of her fingers over his back once more while her other arm stayed draped around his stomach.

  She could hear the scratchy sound of his breath pulling in and out of his lungs, her head moving ever so slightly with the rise and fall of his back. His heart thudded at a steady pace, a sound she had loved since the first time she laid her head on his chest. Her eyes followed her fing
ers as they trailed over his soft skin, the muscles in his shoulders and back marbled only slightly. She knew he worked out, would occasionally roll over to find him gone in the morning and see him outside doing pushups or some kind of crazy plyometrics. She’d never really given much thought to what kind of body she was attracted to but she found she very much liked his, slim and toned but not overly muscled. She liked the hidden strength of him.

  “It’s really coming down out there,” he said, his head turned toward the sliding door where a storm was blowing wildly outside. Kelsey looked as well seeing the rain lashing at the glass, her fingers running back and forth over a lump under his shoulder blade.

  “You’re really tense.” Kelsey applied more pressure to the knot and his shoulder twitched.

  “Yeah,” he muttered, rolling his shoulders back and tilting his head from side to side in an attempt to crack his neck but couldn’t.

  She pulled herself up onto her knees behind him and he glanced over his shoulder just as she placed her hands there and applied pressure. He groaned, his head lolling forward as her thumbs kneaded the tight muscles, his skin pebbling to gooseflesh. She worked her fingers up his neck, crawling along the sides and he couldn’t even think straight as tiny pinpricks of pleasure washed over him, feeling himself loosen at her touch.

  “Jeez you are really tense,” Kelsey muttered, sitting higher on her knees so she could grip him tighter, rolling her thumb over the knot under his shoulder blade. “Does that hurt?”

  Alex hissed and winced, rolling his shoulder back into her hand. “A little, but it’s good.”

  He groaned and Kelsey bit her lip, pressing harder and was rewarded with a hiss and a moan. She could feel her breathing becoming labored, a now familiar tug pulling in her lower belly. He hummed appreciatively as she leaned into him, using her body to give strength to her arms and hands as she worked over his muscles. His head hung loosely forward on his shoulders and stayed there even as she paused to sit up straighter.