Two Little Lies

by Rhonda Helms

  Kyle stood and grimaced as he removed the condom and tucked it in a tissue. “Well, that was fun,” he said with a chuckle.

  The tension leaked out of me, and I laughed. Then suddenly yawned. My limbs were heavy and didn’t want to move. Another wave of alcohol was kicking in, making everything spin. I sensed my eyelids drifting closed and couldn’t muster the energy to keep them open.

  Kyle lifted me into his arms. I curled mine around his strong shoulders and slid into a dizzy, quick sleep.

  Chapter Nine

  My head pulsed.

  I slipped a shaky hand to press against my forehead. My eyes felt glued shut and my mouth was an oasis. My kingdom for a glass of water.

  Sensory detail came to me in little pieces. The strips of weak sunshine through the blinds on the window. The rich cotton of the pillow and sheets that touched my skin. The firm mattress.

  The warm hand resting on my naked hip.

  I froze, cracked one eye open. This wasn’t my bedroom. I wasn’t in my apartment. Where the hell was I? I ordered my brain to think faster, but it was like trying to navigate a boat through a thick fog.

  Snippets of memories from last night finally seeped through the swiss cheese holes in my brain. Tino’s bar. Kyle showing up with friends. His mouth on mine in the bathroom stall. Coming back to his place to talk. And then…

  Oh, God. My face erupted in a burst of flames that spread down my throat, across my chest. Had I really had sex with him? I was lying naked in not-my-bed, with not-my-hand touching me. My pelvis and thighs had a slight tenderness that wasn’t unpleasant. All signs pointed to yes.

  Conflicting emotions battered at me. Part of me wanted to run away, pretend like this had never occurred. After all, what was gonna happen between him and me now? Would he wake up, look at me and be horrified about last night? Regretful? Rude and dismissive?

  The other part of me couldn’t stop focusing on the gentle pressure of his fingers cupped around my hip. How his hand flexed in his sleep so he gave me little unconscious squeezes. The soft cadence of his breath stirring the back of my hair.

  My chest tightened, and I sucked in a breath. I’d had sex with Kyle. And now that the pieces were filling in, I remembered that it had been amazing. The best I’d ever had, hands down. Unbelievably hot and intimate too. There had been moments of genuine connection between us last night. Not just physical lust. And maybe that was the thing that was tripping me up the most right now. Because I’d felt something for him.

  I bit my lower lip. How could I have experienced an emotional link with someone who wasn’t my type? A guy who tended to aggravate me more often than not? And to add to the issue, I was freshly single. Twenty-four hours after dumping West, I’d been all too willing to hop into the sack with Kyle.

  Or the couch, to be technical.

  What kind of a girl did that? This kind, apparently. Bianca would approve of my sexual revolution. Hell, she’d probably give me a box of condoms and tell me to keep up the good work.

  I lay there for another moment, coming up with scenarios that wouldn’t end this event in total awkward disaster. Finally, I rolled onto my back. His hand slid possessively across my belly and cuddled me closer.

  I swallowed as my heart squeezed. It was so dumb, the momentary flare of wanting this to be real. Never gonna happen.

  Kyle’s hand slid up to my breast and his fingers cupped the mound. I bit back a groan as my nipple hardened in his palm, and I felt my pelvis throb. Apparently, my traitorous body wasn’t confused at all. It wanted him again.

  When he nudged closer to me, still deep in sleep, my breath began to come out in small pants. I could feel his morning erection pressing against my thigh. Stop thinking about it, I told myself. It happened to every guy. It wasn’t about me.

  His hand twitched again, squeezing my breast, and I sucked in an unsteady, audible lungful of air.

  The fingers stilled, and I felt his body tense against mine, right as he dragged in his own choppy breath. Shit, he was awake, and I was turned on, and this was going to be so uncomfortable. Get out of bed! I screamed at myself.

  “Oh God,” he muttered and moved away from me.

  Shit, shit, shit. I clung to the sheet and dragged it around my body. Turned away from him so I was facing the wall. My hands shook and I fumbled for something to say, anything that would remove the tension of this moment.

  I heard him jump out of bed and the sound of clothing being thrown on. So he was just as freaked out as I was. Instead of it making me feel better, I felt worse. I tugged the sheet fully off the bed and plodded into the bathroom to take care of business and clean up. Splashed water on my face and tried to smooth my hair in a semblance of cleanliness. Then I ran downstairs and threw on my dress and boots. My panties were in the middle of the room, so I crammed them into my clutch.

  Ah, the walk of shame. I tried to make light of the situation by laughing at myself. I’d teased Bianca about this kind of thing more than once, and she’d always shrugged and said that it was the price to pay for a good night of sex. I finally understood her now.

  “Are you hungry?” Kyle’s gruff voice sent my body into hyperaware mode. I could sense him just a couple of feet behind me.

  I shook my head. “No. I’m fine.” I wasn’t sure I could choke down anything but water right now with my stomach this twisted up. Anxiety clawed at my brain. “Can you please take me to my car?”

  He was quiet for a long moment. I willed myself to not turn around. I didn’t want to see the expression on his face. If he looked like he just wanted me out of his house, I wasn’t sure what I’d do. I felt like my guts and emotions were hanging out for all the world to see. It was strange how someone who I knew but didn’t know could pull all of this out of me. Strange and scary as hell.

  As best as I could, I tucked everything back in to my heart. Lifted my chin and reminded myself that it would all be fine. I could get a clear perspective once I was home.

  A hand cupped my elbow, and my skin lit from the unexpected contact. My coat was draped over my back, and I slipped my arms into it. Then Kyle headed to the door without making sure I was following.

  The ride to my car was so long. Quiet, stilted, filled with only the soft rasps of our breaths. Finally he pulled up behind my car and put his in park. His hands gripped the steering wheel.

  “Natalie. We should talk about…this.” I dared a glance at his face and saw that his jaw was tight. His eyes were locked dead ahead. What was he feeling or thinking? I remembered that he’d told me last night that I could ask him anything. But right now, there was a whole wall, a whole world between the two of us. That intimacy was long gone.

  I sighed. “Yeah, sure.” Maybe that was just a line he told all his hook-ups. Maybe he brought them into his office the next morning, gave them a gentle brush-off then handed them a business card in case they ever needed investigatory work done. My cheeks flamed, and I instantly chided myself for the thought. He’d offered to make me breakfast, after all. That was a nice gesture, not a cheapening one.

  We needed to talk, yes. But not today. I opened the car door.

  Right before I got out, I heard him say, “Thank you for last night.”

  Those simple words set my stomach fluttering. I licked my dry lips, turned to look at him and said, “You’re welcome. Uh, and thank you.”

  The corner of his mouth twitched.

  I closed the door and practically ran for the safety of my car. The whole ride back to my apartment, all I could think about was the way Kyle’s eyes had resonated with sincerity when he’d thanked me.

  “I can’t quit their pizza,” Bianca said as she sank her teeth into a massive slice of pepperoni. She chewed, her face soft in sheer bliss.

  I laughed and downed my second slice. “It is pretty amazing.” When we wanted to treat ourselves to delicious, bad-for-you food, we hit my uncle’s pizza joint. Greasy and amazing, perfect for a New Year’s Day meal.

  After going home this morning, showering
and popping some aspirin to get rid of my hangover headache, I’d sent the girls a text asking if we could meet for dinner. I’d wanted to find out how their evenings had gone. Not to mention my brain had been wrestling about how much I should tell them about my last two days.

  Over soda, while we waited for our pizza, Bianca had filled me in on her dud of a date, a person she’d been set up with by a friend of a friend. Apparently the guy had spent the whole time eye-banging other girls. She’d ditched him before the ball dropped and spent the first hour of the new year making out with some stranger.

  Anna’s date had gone better. She and Gavin had holed up in his house with a roaring fire. I could fill in the blanks on the rest of their evening.

  “Yeah, you’d think I’d be tired of this pizza,” Anna said with a happy sigh. She chomped down on her slice and chewed. “But no, I’m not. It’s always amazing.” She delivered pizza once or twice a week for my uncle, a job that was easier now that she had a car of her own. Riding a bike in the winter wasn’t going to cut it.

  “So what did you do with West?” Bianca asked me politely. She cleaned off her fingers with her napkin. “You mentioned that he planned a night out for you, right?”

  My pulse tripped, and I reached for my soda, took a large drag. I made myself look at them both. “We broke up.”

  Anna gasped and reached for my arm. “Oh, man. Are you okay?” Empathy poured from her face.

  Bianca’s eyes narrowed as she looked at me. “What happened?”

  I gave them the abbreviated version, how Kyle had told me West had been cheating, and I’d dumped him a couple of days ago. Good thing the two of them were too busy eating and listening to my story to notice the way I almost stuttered Kyle’s name.

  A couple of minutes into talking about the breakup, I decided I wasn’t going to tell them about Kyle. I barely knew what to think of it myself. And something about it felt too intimate and raw to share right now.

  Anna sighed and looked down at her plate as she shook her head. “I’m so sorry he did that to you. But I’m glad you found out. Better that you were able to be in control and call it quits than find out after you guys have been together a long time, when it’d hurt even more.”

  “Absolutely,” I said with a nod.

  Bianca opened her mouth to speak then stopped. Eyed me. She leaned back, crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. “Wait a minute. You had sex last night.”

  My jaw dropped, and for some goofy reason, my hand flew up to smooth my hair. Like it had given away my secret or something. “What? I… Why would you…”

  With a fist pump in the air, she cackled. “Hah! I didn’t think you had it in you. You sexy dog, you. Tell me everything. Who was the lucky guy? Where did you do it, and how many times?”

  Anna covered her mouth with her napkin, but I saw her eyes twinkle with surprised amusement.

  I let the truth get dragged out of me about my evening with Kyle, though I kept most of the actual nitty-gritty details to myself. When I admitted we’d made out in the women’s bathroom, Bianca sighed and declared that it was the hottest thing she’d ever heard.

  “So I woke up this morning and…kinda freaked out,” I finished. “And so did he. I could tell he hadn’t expected that to happen and didn’t know what to do. We ended it on an awkward note. Though he did thank me.”

  Bianca paused and sipped her soda. “Interesting. A real gentleman. I figured as much.”

  “So what do I do now?” I asked as I shredded the corner of my napkin perched in my lap.

  “Have more sex, duh,” Bianca retorted.

  I rolled my eyes. I’d known that would be her response. “Seriously.”

  “I am serious. I don’t think you see the difference in yourself right now, but I could tell from the moment you stepped in here that something had changed in you. Like a deep, lingering sadness was gone. More like how you used to be before…well, before West.” Bianca ripped off the crust of another slice of pizza, dipped it into garlic butter and chewed thoughtfully. “You might be feeling awkward right now, but a few hot marathon sessions with Kyle will put an end to that.”

  Was she right? Was I different now than I had been before? I paused for a moment to see if I felt any different on the inside. It was too hard to tell with all these crazy emotions swirling around in me.

  I opened my mouth to reply to her when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I glanced at the number, which looked familiar. Oh, crap. West had figured out I’d blocked his cell and was calling me from his home number. I felt a frown mar my face as I hit ignore and shoved my phone back in my pocket.

  “He’ll stop calling,” Anna said in a soft voice. She gave me a knowing smile. “He’ll get the hint and leave you alone.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.” I gave her a weak smile. “So, tell me how work is going for you.”

  “Oh, I have an interview with a clothing boutique on Main Street!” Anna brightened and clapped her hands. “I’m so excited. They’re looking for part-time help right now.” She paused and chewed on her lip, her eyes flashing. “Which works out great since I’ve decided to go back to school, starting with a class or two this summer.”

  “Awesome!” Bianca said as she bumped Anna’s side.

  We fell into easy talk about school, Anna asking me questions about my alma mater. It was good to put aside my own angst and focus on my friends for a while. When the pizza was done, we settled the bill, hugged and promised to meet again this weekend for some kind of shenanigans.

  I got in my car feeling more lighthearted than I had when I’d arrived. I could always count on those two. Nothing about Kyle was settled, of course, but now I had some time to think, not to mention the benefit of their perspectives.

  When I got to my apartment complex, I pulled into the parking lot, tugged my coat closer around my ears and made my way through the cold to my building. Walked up the flight of stairs and stopped when I reached my landing.

  Standing in front of my door was West.

  Chapter Ten

  My lungs squeezed to the size of pennies as I approached the door. West didn’t say a word, just stood there, arms crossed, forearm muscles flexing. For some reason, his silence and his constant muscle-moving irritated me.

  “Where were you last night?” he asked right as I put my key in the door.

  I stopped. Turned to face him. My gaze raked over his familiar face, noting the dark bags under his eyes and the tension on his brow. It didn’t move my heart the way it would have before. “I was out,” I told him curtly. “And now I’m going inside. Goodbye.”

  I went to open the door but he moved in front of me, blocking it. “I just want to talk,” he said. “Five minutes. That’s all.”

  “We already talked. I don’t have anything else to say to you.” I was proud of the way I kept my tone even, without strong inflection or emotion. West didn’t deserve the right to know how I felt anymore. Where I was. What I was doing.

  He reached over and cupped my wrist. Not forceful, but gentle. “Please. Please, Natalie. This isn’t like you, to shut me out without even giving me the chance to give my side of things.” He stepped closer, and I was enveloped in his familiar scent. “I’m not leaving here until you listen to me, and that’s that.”

  I clenched my jaw as I warred with indecision. I knew he was telling the truth. The stubbornness in his eyes told me he’d be camped out in front of my door. But no way was I going to let him into my apartment. Not where he could try to sweet-talk me. His words might have worked in the past, but that time was over.

  My heart had hardened toward him—something I’d never expected to happen. What a strange change to come over me.

  I moved my hand from the doorknob. Stepped away from him to put distance between us. “Fine. You have five minutes. But I mean it when I tell you this is it. I don’t care if you bring a sleeping bag after this and move into my hallway. I can’t and won’t keep doing this.”

  “Okay.” He nodded and scrubbe
d the back of his neck. Turned pleading eyes to me. “I ended it with her, by the way. Not that it was a real thing to end, I guess.” He closed his eyes and grimaced. “Anyway, last night I came by to talk to you, and you weren’t here. I’d made those reservations for us for dinner, dancing, the whole works. So we could have a special night out for New Year’s Eve, the one you deserved. I know we’d broken up, but I figured we could have dinner together at least.”

  I made myself look at West—really look at him. He kept talking about all the things he felt bad about and wanted to tell me, his hands moving to punctuate words; as he went on and on, I realized I didn’t feel much of anything. It was like looking at a stranger. Most of my anger had left me, and there was a cold spot in my chest where there used to be love for him.

  But had it really been love? If it had, would I have been able to let him go like this? I might have worked with him, might have been willing to forgive and move forward. We could have used this incident as an opportunity to figure out why our relationship hadn’t worked up to this point and see if we really wanted to make another go at it.

  I didn’t. I knew that now. There was no passion between us, no intensity. No love. Just a guy with an ego who didn’t want to let go of the girl who made him feel strong and sexy and confident. Behind West’s façade was a weak, insecure man. I bolstered him, but he didn’t bolster me. He didn’t care about what made me happy, just that I made him happy.

  It was a hard thing to accept, but if this incident had taught me anything, it was that I needed to face the truth. I wanted more out of a relationship, period.

  “Just one more try.” West took my hands in his and squeezed. It felt wrong, and I gently removed mine. His eyes flared with hurt. “Everyone makes mistakes, you know.” He jutted his jaw out, and I could see the moment defensiveness came roaring into him, from the stiff body language to the louder tone. “I’ve already told you a hundred times I’m sorry and that it won’t happen again.”

  “Probably not,” I agreed. “But I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”