Mr. Peabody's House

by Eve Langlais

  “You can unhand the female,” he declared, waving his hand most pompously. “She’s harmless now.”

  “Show off,” muttered a very pretty redhead, who pushed past him.

  “It’s not showing off, it’s merely a standard skill for a true magical practitioner,” he replied as the woman made her way slowly to the librarian’s side.

  “A sleep dart would have worked just as well and drawn less attention,” the redhead sniped. “Or have you forgotten there is still an audience around?”

  “Not for long.” The man in the suit did some strange thing with his fingers and said a few low words before sweeping his hands out and shouting, “Be gone!”

  The people who remained gawking suddenly got moving, rushing for the doors. I almost followed. My feet even took a step, but I shook it off.

  The action was here, which meant I would remain.

  The auburn-haired woman had reached the fallen librarian, and yet she didn’t touch her, choosing instead to circle around before saying, “Are you sure the spell you cast worked, Morfeus?”

  “Are you questioning me, hearth witch?” The disdain in his tone couldn’t have been clearer.

  “There’s something wrong with her aura.” The woman crouched a few feet away and frowned at the now sleeping Spinerella.

  “Obviously, her aura is tainted,” Morfeus said snottily. “She is possessed like the other fellow in the sanatorium. Or had you not noticed she showed some of the same traits?”

  “You mean the floating and wanting to eat people thing.” I spoke, and yet Morfeus acted as if I hadn’t, striding past me to crouch by Spinerella.

  He waved his hand over her face, the edges of it glowing yellow.

  I wasn’t the only one to visibly start when her eyes opened wide, the red glow in them back and more pronounced. Her lips stretched, wide, then wider still, displaying some awfully large and jagged teeth.

  The librarian cackled, and not in a nice old lady kind of way. “Silly little wizard. Thinks he can put me to sleep.”

  “Foul creature inhabiting this body, remove yourself at once.”

  Spoken with the right degree of imperialism, but the thing possessing the woman remained unimpressed.

  “You don’t have the power to remove me. I’ve tasted Wiccan blood. I’m stronger now. Too strong for the likes of you to cast out.”

  “We shall see about that.” He held out his hand, and it began to glow white.

  I was probably the only one who said “oooh” in a delighted way when an impossibly long tongue emerged from her mouth to lick his palm.

  “Smells so yummy. Yummier than a witch. I think I shall have wizard for supper.”

  Before Morfeus could recoil, Spinerella grabbed him and went for his neck.

  The wizard dude bellowed, and I might have shrieked—in excitement because, holy shit, I had a live-action horror movie happening in front of me.

  The redhead looked appalled.

  “Do something!” Dale barked, growled, or whatever it was he did in wolfman form. I could understand him, but he had a definite Lycan accent.

  “I don’t know what to do,” she said. “My teachings didn’t cover this.”

  My movies, on the other hand, did. I grabbed hold of the letter opener on the desk and ran with a scream at the librarian.

  I was caught before I made it two steps. “Let me at her!” I yelled, waving around my eight-inch sword.

  Mike held me as Sebastian and Dale went to rescue the wizard dude, who didn’t look so snooty anymore with someone snacking on his neck. They tackled her, ripping her off the guy.

  I had to give him props. Despite the pain, and the blood, the wizard stood up and snarled, “Move aside or share her fate!”

  Apparently, this was one dude you didn’t want to ignore. Dale and Sebastian dove away, leaving Spinerella standing alone, her lips covered in blood, her eyes glowing with madness.

  As she smiled, her teeth dripping red, she screeched, “Time for dessert.”

  The wizard thrust out his hands and muttered something guttural—and three-quarters gibberish I was sure—and an orange ball of fire formed in front of him.

  Pretty.

  That momentary elation lasted only until the ball Morfeus flung hit an opaque shield the demon held up at the last moment. The fireball got flung back!

  “Duck!” someone shouted.

  The shit disturber in kindergarten, I always yelled “goose” just to cause chaos. I didn’t get a chance this time because Mike smooshed me to the floor.

  The fireball singed overhead and hit the stone columns alongside the doors. It caused a tremble in the building.

  It also made a certain Spinerella cackle. “Miss me, miss me, now you have to feed me.”

  “Hearth witch, make yourself useful,” barked the wizard.

  I heard more guttural chanting, joined by a more tentative female voice. It reached a crescendo, and something in the air prickled my skin. Even with my face pressed down, I could see a red glow at the edges of my vision. A big fireball that Mike wouldn’t roll over to let me see.

  Whoosh. I could practically hear it burn the air as it was launched, and the librarian screeched. “You might win today, but we are—”

  Splat. She never got to finish her speech as meat chunks rained down on us.

  Gross.

  Standing, Mike held out a hand to help me up, his wolfman gone again, his bare upper body splattered in red but not as covered in guts as Sebastian and Dale. Their fur stood in goopy spikes with the amount they had absorbed.

  I wrinkled my nose. “You both need a bath.” Actually, we all did. I clapped my hands and rounded on Morfeus. “Dude, that was epic. I mean, I was a little worried when that first fireball got tossed back, but you pulled through with the help of Red over there. Good job.” I finished with more clapping and a whistle of appreciation.

  “Who is this annoying female?” the wizard snapped.

  “Who are you?” I fired back. I knew his name, and the whole wizard bit, but what was he? I didn’t get the impression he was entirely human.

  Striking electric blue eyes focused on me. “None of your business, human.”

  And with a snap of his fingers, I passed out.

  Sebastian Interlude

  Sebastian caught Brenda before she hit the floor. He shot a glare at the man responsible.

  “What the fuck is your problem, asshole?” He wasn’t the only one pissed.

  Mike and Dale stood shoulder-to-shoulder, their fur having receded, and yet even in their flesh, they provided a shield between the newcomer and Brenda.

  Morfeus’s lips curled. “Isn’t this cute, litter pups standing together. Why don’t you go fetch a bone and let the grownups take care of this situation?”

  “Why you—” Dale held Sebastian back.

  But Dale wasn’t about to let the wizard pull his shit. “Do you call this taking care of the situation?” He gestured to the gore sprayed all around them.

  “Would you have preferred I let the creature get loose?”

  “How about containing it so we could study it?” Mike countered.

  “Because your studies have helped so much,” the wizard mocked. “I know about your case at the sanatorium. The one now locked in a padded room.”

  Mike’s lips pressed tight. “At least he’s still alive.”

  “And useless since he can’t answer any questions.”

  “She can’t answer any either, but now we’re going to have to deal with the human authorities because you just had to make her go splat. We can’t hide this.” Dale had on his big boss face, giving orders, sounding all firm. It made Sebastian want to say something totally inappropriate.

  But this might not be the right time.

  “We couldn’t exactly let that thing”—Morfeus sneered—“loose. Imagine the havoc it would have caused.”

  “We could have tried containment first.”

  Sebastian kind of agreed with Morfeus when he said, “You can’
t imprison every problem. Some are too dangerous.”

  Willow rolled her eyes. “Would you guys knock it off? We should be working together.”

  “Working together to clean up his mess?” Dale snorted. “Why should I?”

  Sebastian knew the answer to this one, but Willow answered first. “You are currently implicated, given you’re presently doused in guts, and people saw you wolfing out.”

  “I’m going to have you all brought up on indecent werewolf exposure charges,” Morfeus declared.

  “Good luck with that. There won’t be any witnesses if I eat you.” Body poised for battle, Dale snarled the threat.

  “This bickering isn’t helping,” snapped Willow. “Stop it.”

  Morfeus smirked. “You should listen to the hearth witch.”

  “Would you stop it with that hearth witch shit.” With her eyes flashing, Willow rounded on Morfeus. “I have had enough of your shit. My name is Willow. And I am just about as happy as you are to be working with you.”

  “This is an insult,” sneered the wizard. “Pairing me with the likes of you.”

  “The likes of me isn’t intimidated by you.” She leaned forward, hands on her hips.

  “You should be.” Morfeus pressed his lips tightly together in disapproval.

  “Who is the douchebag?” Dale asked with a glower at the man, who ignored them in favor of flicking chunks of flesh off his suit.

  Waving her hand, Willow managed a very sarcastic, “This pompous ass is apparently the grand Whizziar they put in charge of the demon investigation.”

  “No apparently about it, hearth witch. I am in charge. And a good thing, too, given the mess you’re all making.”

  “You’re one to talk about messes,” grumbled Dale.

  Sebastian chose to keep quiet. Some things weren’t worth getting his head shrunk for.

  “I thought the college of wizards had no interest in coming out to the world quite yet,” Mike noted.

  “We don’t.”

  “Yet you’re flinging magic around,” Mike reiterated. “Killing civilians.”

  “I removed a problem.”

  “And made a bigger one. You can’t hide what happened here. People were taking pictures and videos.”

  “This might be difficult for your dog-sized brains to comprehend, but the first thing I did before entering was erect a containment field, which, as soon as the humans crossed, erased not only their memories of the last hour but also wiped their phones of everything. No video, no proof, no scandal.”

  “Some live feeds will have made it out before you arrived,” Sebastian noted.

  “We are not new when it comes to containment. My team is already working on it.”

  “Even if you erase everything, they’ll still talk.”

  “Talk isn’t proof. And this conversation bores me.” The wizard turned away, but Sebastian still had a question.

  “What did you do to Brenda?” She remained limp in his arms.

  “Merely put the girl to sleep. I can’t abide noisy women.”

  “On account they’re probably—usually—telling you what an ass you are?” Willow remarked.

  “Be silent, hearth witch.”

  “Stuff it, asswipe. I don’t take orders from you. I agreed to cooperate with the wizard collective only because the coven doesn’t know how to defend against this ongoing threat. But accepting your help doesn’t mean you get to be a douche nozzle to me, or anyone else you think is beneath you.”

  “I don’t think you are beneath me. I know you are.” Said in a tone that said he really wanted to get punched out.

  “For a guy with the snooty airs of an elf, you don’t look like an elf,” Sebastian remarked.

  “Probably had his ears docked. Betcha his parents are proud. Not,” said Dale with a smirk.

  “He’s obviously got small-penis syndrome,” Mike diagnosed. “Care to wager he drives an overpriced sports car?”

  The grand Whizziar might have flushed red. His eyes certainly narrowed. “I will have you all brought up on charges.”

  “Of what?” Dale said, still smirking. “Deflating your sizeable ego?”

  “Interfering in a collective investigation.”

  Dale looked between Sebastian and Mike. “We had no idea the library was such a hot spot for demon possessions.”

  “Then you haven’t been paying attention. We are actually dealing with a minor epidemic. But it shouldn’t take us long to get it under control.”

  “You mean there’s more of this shit”—he gestured to the meaty entrails dripping down the walls— “happening around town?”

  Willow answered. “We’ve been getting calls since last night. A few employees in the firehouse began to display odd characteristics. And a policeman, too.”

  “Any idea why service personnel are being affected?”

  She shrugged. “Not a clue. It doesn’t seem to be contagious at this point. And if caught early on, we can actually expel whatever it is causing them to change.”

  “I’m sure it will be something they ate.” The grand Whizziar waved a hand and sniffed. “They’re human. They probably forgot to wash their hands first.”

  Ignoring the wizard, Dale spoke to Willow. “Need some help? The pack is involved at this point and willing to offer our services.”

  The witch shook her head. “You’re already helping enough.”

  “While you’re all yapping, you do realize we’re standing in the middle of a carnage scene?” Mike remarked. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t think it would be healthy for any of us to be found covered in this woman’s guts.”

  The distant wail of sirens punctuated his remarks.

  “If you would all depart, I will ensure there’s nothing for the human authorities to find,” remarked the grand Whizziar.

  “We can’t exactly walk around like this,” Dale observed, skimming a hand up and down to showcase his blood-covered body.

  “That is simple enough to fix.” Willow hummed something sweet and soft then made an odd gesture in each of their directions, each twist and wave of her hands somehow dryly sluicing off the grime from their skin and clothes.

  She finished with a slashing movement that cleared a path on the floor to walk on. “Try not to touch anything on your way out.”

  “And hurry it up. We don’t have much time to cleanse,” sniped Morfeus.

  “How do you plan to clean this up in the next two minutes?” Which was about how long they had before those sirens arrived.

  “There is only one thing that will cleanse this place.” A ball of orange fire formed in the wizard’s palm. “Unless you want to be cleansed, as well, take your human cargo and move along.” Morfeus waved a hand.

  “You’re just going to cremate the librarian?” Dale said, his tone a touch incredulous. “What about her family? Friends?”

  “She’s no longer your concern.”

  When Dale might have argued, Willow shook her head. Usually a spitfire, if she advocated silence, then they should listen.

  Still carrying Brenda, Sebastian waited until they were outside to say, “That dude is in serious need of an attitude adjustment.”

  “I agree, but if even Willow’s holding her tongue, then chances are he’s some hotshot we shouldn’t fuck with.”

  “He’s a sociopath. He’d kill us in the blink of an eye,” Mike stated.

  “And this is the guy they’ve got running an investigation?” Dale snorted. “Maybe they’re not so keen on cover-up after all.”

  “Dude is a total asshat, but Willow’s pretty nice.” Sebastian might be enamored with Brenda, but he wasn’t blind.

  “Willow’s the exception. Most witches don’t like Lycans.” Dale led the way to a giant truck that Sebastian instantly coveted.

  The psychiatrist of their group felt a need to add his learned two cents. “It’s not that they don’t like Lycans. It’s more the fact that their cats go ballistic around us.”

  “So that talk about them havin
g cats is true?” Sebastian asked. He’d only recently learned about the witches around them. They tended to be secretive.

  “Very true. Witches require a familiar to help ground them when they cast spells. While any animal can technically fill that spot, felines are the most receptive for magic and the least likely to interrupt a casting.”

  Dale snared Brenda’s satchel, which Sebastian had thought to grab along with her. He rummaged inside for keys. Keys to the blessed blue truck.

  “Is this beautiful beast hers?” Sebastian asked, gaping in delight.

  “Yup. And she drives like a maniac when she gets behind the wheel.”

  “My kind of girl,” Sebastian remarked.

  “All of our kind of girl. You’re lucky we don’t punch you out for making a move on her.”

  “Competition is healthy.”

  “Not if it breaks your jaw,” Dale retorted. “I sent you to the library to watch over her, not smother your face in her crotch.”

  He shrugged. “I’m a dog. What did you expect?”

  Sebastian deposited Brenda on the passenger side, noting the lack of a proper back seat.

  “I’ll drive.” He held out his hand for the keys, but Dale gave him a side-eye.

  “No, I’ll drive. You’ll ride with Mike and—”

  Boom. Looking back, they noted the flames shooting out of the library, their brightness momentarily illuminating the ground where Whizziar and the witch were standing out front.

  A billow of smoke obscured them, and when a gust of wind cleared it away, they were gone.

  And they should leave, too. Shirtless men, with an unconscious woman in their custody, were bound to draw the wrong kind of attention.

  Sebastian headed for the passenger side of the car. “Let’s roll.”

  “We’ll meet you at her place,” Mike added in Dale’s direction.

  “We don’t all need to be there.”

  But Mike wouldn’t let Dale dictate to them. “Yes, we do all have to be there. It’s time she decided who she wants.”

  “What if she can’t?” Sebastian asked.

  “A better question is, can we share?” Dale’s question hung in the air.