Mr. Peabody's House

by Eve Langlais

  “Aren’t you going to use a needle?” I asked.

  “No.”

  “Have you at least sterilized that thing? I don’t want to catch a demonic infection,” I babbled, my mouth being the only thing I could move.

  “You won’t die. I need you, and when I’m done transforming, then your blood will feed the army I shall raise.”

  “Army? For what?” I asked, wincing as the blade drew a deep line on my arm. Blood welled in the cut. Bright red, the brightest thing in this place other than my sparkling personality.

  “To conquer your world, of course. I shall call a legion to my banner. Feeding them the taint of your human blood, crossed with that of a powerful demon, we shall cross the rift that has formed between our worlds.”

  Since watching myself bleed out really sucked, I tried to focus on more interesting things. “How did a hole to your world form inside the Peabodys’ house anyhow?”

  The red-haired dude, who had yet to give me his name, watched as my blood dripped into a chalice. “The rift occurred by chance. Our planes lie very close to each other, constantly rubbing, and if rubbed enough, a crack forms, but not for long. Once detected, there are those who would repair it instead of leaving it open that we might cross.”

  “But I thought you couldn’t go over because our world doesn’t agree with you?” I felt faint and slightly nauseous at the amount of blood spilling from me.

  “That doesn’t stop us from entering your world as incorporeal beings who must attach ourselves to a human host. So long as my kind feed, they can usually prevent a host from rejecting the spirit.”

  “That’s why they’ve been going after the witch blood?”

  “Blood imbued with magic sustains the host and makes the rider stronger.”

  In other words, we could starve those who seemed possessed and eject the demons from their bodies. I had to tell someone, but how? I was kind of caught for the moment.

  “What happens if the host dies while the demon is in it?”

  “Then the spirit snaps back into this realm.”

  “You mean those demons don’t die?”

  A slow smile pulled his lips. “We are not so easy to kill.”

  “If you can ride a human,”—which sounded so much better when it involved sex and not possession—“why are you still here?”

  A sneer pulled his lip upward. “That mode of transport is for minions. Lords such as I are above such things. And why settle for the body of another when I can drink of your blood and enter your world at full strength?”

  “Why do you want into my world so badly?”

  He blinked. “Because.”

  “Because why? Why not just rule this world?”

  “It’s not possible.” His lips flattened.

  “How is it not possible? I mean, you’re some kind of lord, right, with servants and shit? Why not form an army and declare yourself king?”

  “There is already a supreme ruler.”

  My eyes widened as I understood his dilemma. “You’re only a little demon on the scale, aren’t you? No wonder you want to rule mine. Well, you’re in for a surprise, buddy, because humans aren’t that easy to squash.”

  “You have been so far.”

  “Because we didn’t know you existed. Once you start mucking around too much, though, you’ll see. Humans will converge, and probably the Lycans and vampires—”

  “Vampires!” He spat the word. “The ultimate betrayers. We created them to serve us and bring us what we needed from your world. Instead, they deserted us.”

  “Is it me, or don’t you get along with people?”

  “Why should I?”

  “Is this because your mother didn’t hug you as a child?”

  “My mother died in an uprising led by my father.”

  “So, what you’re saying, is this is a family tradition.”

  “This is my destiny!” He thumped his chest and, for a moment, he looked very human—if you ignored the crazy eyes and the fact that he wanted to rule the world.

  Then again, as a little girl, I, on my pink Power Wheels, with my army of Barbies, had wanted to do the same thing.

  “Maybe you should rethink your destiny, given it hasn’t been working out so well for you.”

  “Gag her!”

  A slimy hand slapped over my mouth, and I could only hope he meant what he said about keeping me alive.

  The dude collecting my blood had finally stopped and placed some kind of bandage over my wound.

  “With this essence, I shall rule!” The redheaded underlord—because he certainly wasn’t over anyone out here—held up the chalice and chugged it.

  Gross.

  He, on the other hand, loved it and smacked his lips. What could I say? I tasted that good.

  “I feel myself changing already.”

  “Then we’re done.”

  “We’ve barely even begun.”

  According to him, this was only the start. He wanted to keep draining me of blood, first to cement his ability to walk on Earth and then to feed his army. Not exactly my idea of a great future.

  There was only one thing to do.

  Faint, which was easier than faking an orgasm with an inept idiot.

  I slumped to the floor beside my satchel and heard the underlord curse. “Did you take too much blood, you fucking moron?”

  “Humans are always weak, master. She will need time to recover.”

  “I don’t want to wait.”

  “If you continue to drain her, then she will most likely die.”

  “Arrrrggh.” Thump. Bang. Someone had a lovely tantrum.

  Given the doctor’s orders, I kind of hoped they’d all wander away and leave me alone, but a barked, “Throw her in a cell,” meant I had to act.

  When the big doofus went to grab me, I stopped faking. Out came the pepper spray, and what do you know, their giant red eyes were just as sensitive to it as a guy who couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

  The big demon bellowed, and the redheaded wannabe world ruler yelled for someone to grab me. The demon who’d taken my blood replied, “All of our other soldiers are recovering from their excursion to the Earth plane.” I took advantage of the chaos and took off.

  I ran for the door, bolted outside it, and headed for the slit, my legs pumping hard. Look at me becoming a kickass marathoner.

  I just had to make it to the rift.

  Of course, Butthead just had to harass me. The gargoyle dove at me, and I covered my face to protect it, blocking my visibility. I tripped and hit the ground hard on my arm.

  Fuck.

  I popped back up to my feet. Butthead came swooping in, and I swung my satchel.

  Wham, it went wheeling into the ground, and I started running again.

  Up ahead, I could see the rocky mound and the dark crack in it.

  I can make it. I know I can.

  “Halt.” The magical command fisted me tightly, and I shrieked.

  It was quite girly and unlike me, but it had an interesting effect. The invisible hand holding me vanished.

  Whirling on one heel, I faced the underlord. He looked a touch pissed.

  His eyes glowed brightly, but he didn’t have smoke coming from his nose or ears.

  I wasn’t done yet. I yanked off my cross and held it in front of me like a talisman.

  “Stay back, foul creature,” I shouted.

  His lip pulled up at one corner. “Do you really think that will stop me?”

  Nope. But his eyes couldn’t help but follow the shiny object, which meant he wasn’t watching my knee.

  Smoosh. Demon balls were as susceptible as human ones.

  As he hunched over, gasping, I turned and dove for the slit in the rock.

  The house spat me out, right at some feet. I recognized the shoes.

  I looked up and grinned. “Hey, Scooby. Nice of you to bring the gang.”

  Was it too much to ask that they kiss me instead of shaking me to say hello?

  Sebastian Interlu
de

  Usually an easygoing guy, Sebastian was the first to react, hauling Brenda off the floor and shaking her. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

  Before she could reply, a rarity, Dale took a turn. “Do you have any idea how worried we were!”

  Then it was Mike, who only shook her once with a muttered, “Moron,” before hugging her close with a softer, “Thank fuck you’re safe.”

  Brenda hugged him back and proclaimed, “Mike is still my favorite.”

  Dale shook his head. “Seriously? What if I said I had donuts in the car?”

  She threw herself at Dale and hugged him. “New favorite.”

  It made Sebastian wish he had a chocolate bar on him so he could be next. He got his hug without one. Brenda slipped her arms around him for a squeeze.

  “Thanks for coming, but we probably should go. There’s an angry demon coming after me.”

  “He can’t follow.” Morfeus entered the house in full wizard regalia, his long, dark robes brushing the rotting floor. “They can only possess humans who don’t have any magic in their blood.” The grand Whizziar was followed by several other wizards in robes.

  “Brenda’s human.” Dale eyed her with a frown.

  She planted her hands on her hips. “Are you trying to say something, Scooby?”

  Morfeus waved a hand. “The female is not carrying a demonic parasite. She can’t because her foul existence repels them.”

  “My foulness repels?” She turned her temper on Morfeus. “There is nothing repellent about me, Merlin.”

  “Morfeus.”

  “Whatever. I’ll have you know that the reason a demon isn’t humping my brain is because, according to them, my blood is very tasty. So yummy in fact, that my demon host on the other side drank a great big cup.”

  At the mention, Morfeus’s eyes widened. “You fed a demon your tainted essence?”

  “Not on purpose. But yes.”

  “Get out!” Morfeus screamed. “Everyone out, now. ”

  Since Brenda opened her mouth, probably to ask a thousand new questions, Sebastian hoisted her over a shoulder and they fled the house, a building that heaved and moved underfoot. Groaned as if stretching itself.

  As they fled out the door, Sebastian heard a voice from behind say, in a tone more deserving of a mansion than a crumbling heap, “Won’t anyone stay to welcome their new ruler?”

  “Return to your dimension,” Morfeus demanded, the warm air of his command blasting past Sebastian.

  Magic. There was only one thing to do about magic.

  Get as far away as you could.

  Sebastian paused only to wrench the door open. He dove over the threshold and hit the yard, where some of the wizards had stretched in a line, hands raised, chanting.

  A red glow emanated from their fingers, and Sebastian thought it best to get behind the line of fire.

  Dale and Mike joined him on the sidewalk, where Sebastian deposited Brenda, who declared, “Your ass is fascinating to watch when you run.”

  “What’s happening?” Willow came running, leaving the driver’s side of her Smart car open.

  “I think I caused an apocalypse.” Brenda beamed.

  “What she means to say is, apparently, a demon of some kind managed to cross over without needing a human body.”

  “A full demon? Without a circle to contain it?” Willow’s eyes widened.

  “I take it that’s bad,” Mike said.

  Brenda made a pshaw sound. “The wizard dudes will handle it.” Indeed their spell casting had reached a crescendo, and red light, sizzling and dancing like flames in the air, shot from their fingertips and hit the house.

  It immediately caught fire and began to burn. But it didn’t burn quietly. It moaned and screamed, the sounds eerie and blood-chilling.

  “What’s happening?” Brenda asked. “It sounds like the house is hurting.”

  “In a sense, it is. The souls of the human hosts caught between the worlds are escaping their prison.”

  “Going back to their bodies?”

  Willow shook her head. “Unfortunately not. This will simply prevent new incursions.”

  “What about the ones still on Earth?”

  “A hunt is underway to find them. The demons will be sent back to their dimension.”

  Fantastic news, except the man with the flaming red hair and even redder eyes strode from the house, unbothered by the flames, his lips stretched wide in a smile.

  “Peasants of Earth, bow to your new leader.”

  “That’s the dude who drank my blood.” Brenda pointed just to make sure everyone knew who she meant.

  “I, the great Lord An’al’onious”—Brenda wasn’t alone snickering at his anal name—“have come to rule your world.”

  “Begone, foul creature!” Morfeus shot a jagged streak of lightning at the demon.

  He held up a hand and absorbed it. “Did no one ever tell you that demon magic, being the root of all magic, is stronger than that of any other?” He swept a hand and bowled the wizards over. A flick of his hand and their arms were wrenched behind their backs. The wizards’ mouths hung open, but not a sound emerged. “You’ll make delicious meals for my minions. Stay here while I fetch my prize.”

  What prize? “What’s he talking about?”

  “Oh, shit, I think I know,” Brenda mumbled. She lurched into a run, and it took only a half second to realize what the demon was after.

  Sebastian threw himself in the path, as did Dale and Mike. They all tried to grab hold of the demon that gave all indications of being a man on fire.

  He burnt like fire, too. The touch of him singed the skin on their hands. A flick of his hand, and they were thrown away.

  In but a moment, the fiery male had Brenda, his hand wrapped around her hair, not burning her but not gentle either.

  She fought, twisting and turning, cussing him out. “Let me go, you bastard.”

  “Not yet. I have need of you. Need of your blood. One cup was not enough, and I am losing my thread with this world.” Indeed, the demon intruder’s skin rippled. His entire being waved.

  He drew Brenda up on tiptoe and, with his other hand, slashed a line. A thread of red appeared on her neck.

  The demon bent its head and—

  “Unhand the girl.” A shriveled little woman dressed in a flowered muumuu appeared out of nowhere to give that order.

  The red gaze flicked toward the new arrival and smirked. “Do you really think I’m frightened of a human witch?”

  “Who said I was a witch? How easily the children of the other realm are fooled.” The old lady smiled, and a spark appeared in her eyes, a spot of red that grew. “You shouldn’t have touched my grandchild.” With a flick of her fingers, the demon, with his mouth hanging open, exploded into a cloud of dust, setting Brenda free.

  And she just couldn’t be scared for once. Nope. She smiled wide and squealed, “Meemaw! You’re home.”

  19

  I hugged my grandma, so happy to see her, even if I now knew she was a demon. I didn’t care. This woman loved me.

  Which was why she harangued me.

  “Two weeks, Brenda. Two weeks I was gone.” Despite her short stature, when Meemaw wagged a finger, you paid attention. “Couldn’t you stay out of trouble that long?”

  Too many people shouted, “No!”

  How well they all knew me.

  Meemaw scowled. “A good thing our boat hit that reef and we flew home early, or who knows what mischief would have occurred.”

  “The world domination idea wasn’t mine, Meemaw. Blame him.” I pointed to the puddle of dust. “Cool spell. Can you teach me?”

  “Teach you magic?” It wasn’t just Meemaw that managed to look appalled.

  I’d work on her later. “How come I never knew I was part demon? How come all demons don’t look like demons? Or do you?” I tried to peek around at Meemaw’s butt.

  “What are you doing, child?”

  “Checking for a tail.”

&nb
sp; “I don’t have a tail. And neither do you,” she added before I could peek at my backside.

  “Are you a body snatcher?” I asked. Because if she was, we’d probably have to go on the run. Those snooty wizards wouldn’t get my meemaw.

  “This is my body. No one else’s.”

  “But you’re a demon, not a human.”

  “Correct. I migrated here from the other realm. And before you ask, the reason I don’t look grotesque is because only the lower classes let themselves go. I was born a princess.”

  “So does that mean I’m special?” My shoulders went back.

  “You were always special, granddaughter.” Meemaw’s gaze softened before hardening. “But you’re still an idiot. How am I supposed to leave you alone for some me time when you’re always getting into trouble?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I was working a case.”

  “A case that involved you getting your blood siphoned by a demon lord and wizards.”

  “You. The collective wants a word with you, Jasmine Baker.”

  “I haven’t the time to speak to you.”

  “I demand you—” Meemaw’s upraised hand took care of the grand whizzer and his demands. He froze in place, mouth open wide, not a sound emerging.

  Meemaw frowned. “Pompous idiots. And this is why I don’t advertise our roots. I have no interest in dealing with their ilk, which means we’ll have to move.”

  “Move?” I gaped. “But I don’t want to leave.”

  “And I can’t very well leave you alone.”

  “Would it help, ma’am, if we volunteered to look out for her?”

  Her dark gaze perused my boys—war-torn, handsome, and here to rescue me, boys.

  “All three of you?”

  They didn’t even pause they nodded so fast. My va-jay-jay rejoiced by wetting my, until now, dry underpants.

  “She’ll need careful watching.”

  “The closest,” Dale agreed.

  “She’s not a whore. You’ll have to claim her.”

  “As soon as we get her somewhere safe, ma’am.”

  Meemaw’s lips pursed. “Very well. I approve.”

  “Thank you!” I flung my arms around my grandmother’s neck and hugged her tightly.

  “Anything to keep you safe, child.” She whispered, “Now, forget.”