Then, Now, Forever (Heartbeat #2)

by Teodora Kostova

  For the first time in her life, Gia felt nervous about seeing Beppe. She hadn't seen or spoken to him in six weeks. Six fucking weeks since that night at the karaoke bar. Her legs felt a bit wobbly as she walked into the foyer of his apartment building and waited for the elevator.

  Relax. It’s Beppe for Christ sake! It’s gonna be fine.

  She chanted those words over and over in her head without much effect until the elevator’s ping startled her. The doors slid open and she stepped inside, pressing the top button. The butterflies in her stomach were getting worse and Gia almost changed her mind about going.

  The music from Beppe’s apartment could be heard as soon as the elevator doors opened into the huge foyer separating the two penthouses. Wiping her sweaty palm on her jeans, Gia raised her chin and forced her legs to walk without shaking until she reached Beppe’s door. She opened it without knocking and entered, the noise of people and music crashing over her. A waitress wearing next to nothing and serving champagne cocktails gestured for Gia to leave her present on a table that was nearly groaning under the weight of gifts. Gia shook her head and walked on into the living room, still clutching her present. She wanted to give it to Beppe personally and ignored the waitress’ irritated scowl.

  Looking around, Gia’s eyes immediately found Beppe by the pool table with a couple of friends. He looked incredible, wearing a pair of jeans that fit him to a T, a short sleeved button down shirt and his usual Converse. His hair was stylishly messed up. He must have gotten a haircut recently because his bangs weren’t falling in his eyes anymore, and the hair at the sides of his head was trimmed down to just a few millimeters. He was smiling at something someone said, his dark eyes shining and his perfect mouth curved at the sides. Gia loved the pronounced arc of his Cupid bow and her mind drifted off to the kiss they’d shared in the nightclub.

  As if feeling someone watching him, he looked up and saw her across the room. Gia thought she’d loose her balance and crumble to the ground the moment his eyes burned into hers. Her eyes welled up and she felt so stupid and selfish for distancing herself from him for the past six weeks.

  Beppe boldly crossed the distance of the room in a few long strides, his mates and the game of pool forgotten. He stopped right in front of Gia, completely ignoring her personal space, and enveloped her in a hug. Gia wanted to be strong, she didn’t want to apologise, or even discuss anything that had happened in the past month. All she wanted was to forget and move on, but the words slipped out before she could stop them.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said and hugged Beppe back, squeezing her small arms around his body as tightly as she could. His scent washed over her and his body heat enveloped her in that wonderfully familiar way. Gia felt the emptiness inside her fill. It was so good to have Beppe so close again.

  “Shh, it’s OK. You’re here. That’s all I wanted for my birthday,” Beppe said and pulled away slightly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He scrutinised her, as if he was searching for something in her eyes that wasn’t meant to be said out loud. “Come.” He tugged on her hand and led her to the kitchen, closing the door behind him. Gia leaned on the island in the middle of the big room and crossed her arms over her chest. Even though they were alone, she felt more exposed than ever before in her life. Beppe’s dark eyes had turned onyx and he narrowed them at her, as he walked to her.

  “What’s wrong? You seem uncomfortable,” he asked and his lips curved in a smile. “I can’t remember the last time you’ve been uncomfortable in my presence, if ever. Pissed off – yes; sad, happy, tired, emotional – yes. Uncomfortable – no.”

  “Well, considering we haven’t spoken in six weeks and the reason why, I think I’m entitled to feel a little tense.”

  “No, please, I hate it! I feel as if your walls are coming back up again and this time you won’t let me slip through the cracks.” Beppe’s voice was raw with honesty and Gia started to question her coming here. She’d imagined their first conversation after the separation going in a completely different direction, and this... this honesty and emotion laid bare on Beppe’s face was making her want to run and hide and cry.

  “You never left the inside of the confines, Beppe. So even if the walls do come back up, you’ll be caught inside, not outside.”

  Beppe’s grin was brilliant and Gia couldn’t help but return that beautiful smile.

  “I missed you so fucking much! Don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again!” Beppe wrapped his arms around Gia and she rested her cheek on his chest, absorbing his calming presence.

  “We have to talk...” she started, but Beppe pulled sharply away and fixed her with a determined stare.

  “Only if you want to. OK? If you’d rather just forget about the past few weeks, so would I.”

  “I can’t forget about them, Beppe. Things have happened. If we want to get our relationship back on track, you need to know about important things that have happened in my life, and the vice versa.”

  “OK,” said Beppe and nodded. Gia could see it in his eyes that he knew what she was about to say, but that didn't make it any easier.

  “I’m... I’ve been...” It seemed much easier thinking about saying it out loud, than actually doing it.

  “Dating Francesco Naldo. I know.” Besides the clenching of his jaw muscles there was no other reaction from Beppe – he said it as if stating a fact, without any emotion behind it. Why was Gia so worried about telling him? He obviously didn’t care all that much.

  “Yeah.”

  “Is he everything you imagined he’d be?” Beppe asked, his voice flat and emotionless. Gia wished he’s just say what he was actually thinking – was he upset? Jealous? Unhappy? Irritated? The indifference in his eyes was a hundred times worse that all of the above.

  “We’ve been together for just over a month, I can’t say I know him that well yet.” Beppe nodded, allowing her to continue. “But he’s nice and attentive and caring. I feel that maybe in time I’ll be able to let my guard down and let him in.”

  There. Something flashed in Beppe’s eyes but it was gone so fast Gia couldn't identify the emotion. At least he'd showed some emotion.

  “Beppe, say what you want to say and let’s move on. I know you hate the fact I’m dating Francesco – you’ve hated every guy I’ve ever dated. So come on, get it off your chest.”

  Beppe took a step back from Gia and folded his arms over his chest defensively. He didn't speak straight away, measuring his words. That was bad. Beppe always said exactly what was on his mind, without caring what people thought. Thinking before speaking was not a good sign.

  “It doesn’t bother you that he’s got connections to the mafia? That he’s probably laundering money through his restaurants?” he finally said, his dark eyes hard and unflinching.

  “Oh, come on! That’s all you have to say? Gossip?” Gia rolled her eyes and tried to dismiss Beppe’s words, but it probably wasn’t very convincing because Beppe narrowed his eyes at her and pressed on.

  “So you want to tell me there isn’t any truth in that? That you haven’t heard any whispered conversations? That he doesn’t step out when he gets a call to talk in private? That he doesn’t always lock the door to his office at home?”

  “He’s just a private person, he likes to keep his business and personal life separate, it’s not my place to listen in on his...”

  “Oh my God!” Beppe said, interrupting her weak attempts at explanation. He spread his arms wide and the mask he’d kept on his face until now, crumbled. Gia saw anger mixed with fear in his eyes. “How can you be so naive! Do you really believe anything you just said? It’s one thing to be private about his business and another to be completely paranoid.”

  “He’s not paranoid, he’s just...”

  “Stop lying to yourself! Francesco Naldo is involved with the mafia. He owes them his success! Deep down you know that, you’ve seen things that you’re trying to ignore or rationalise, but you know all the gossip is true. You know it’s not possi
ble for a regular guy without any money or connections, to turn into an overnight success as he did. You know firsthand how hard this business is, Gia.”

  “That doesn’t prove anything. You're just drawing conclusions from the little information you have about him. He’s ambitious and determined. I have no doubt he’s put all those qualities to good use in regards to his business.” Gia kept her voice low but firm. She knew she wouldn't be able to convince Beppe that Francesco wasn’t doing anything illegal.

  The truth was she didn’t have any concrete evidence to prove it one way or the other.

  “Let’s make a deal – you won’t talk trash about Francesco, without having any facts to support your claims, and I will share with you if I see or hear something significant.” Gia knew Beppe was worried about her – getting involved with someone with strong mafia connections was never a good idea, but she felt that Francesco was a hard-working, smart businessman and that was what had helped him to the position he was in now, not mafia money. But, he also felt she needed to put Beppe’s mind at ease. She did not want to put up with his nagging all the time. “Deal?” She extended her hand towards him and smiled. Beppe shook his head, but his eyes softened and he took her hand in his.

  “Deal,” he said softly as he rubbed his thumb over her palm. “Come here.” He pulled her towards him again and hugged her, resting his chin on top of her head. Gia knew this wasn't the end of the discussion, but for now they were both just happy to be in each other’s company. “Do you want to stay here tonight? I want to have you here, to feel you close and... I...” Beppe’s voice broke with emotion and Gia knew he was trying to swallow a lump in his throat, just as she was. She wanted to stay and talk to him all night like they used to do. It was Friday night, but she didn’t have any plans with Francesco, because he was out of town for a meeting and wouldn't be back before Sunday afternoon.

  The meeting was stressing him out. There was something going on business wise that was making Francesco act strangely, but Gia assumed it was normal. He shared very little about his business with her, but he’d mentioned he was planning some kind of expansion. Gia never pressed him for more information – he’d share in his own time. She gave him space and expected the same in return. If Francesco was more open with her about his life, Gia was afraid that he’d require the same of her and she wasn’t ready for that yet.

  “Of course I’ll stay. We have six weeks to catch up on. I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to.” Gia grinned and winked, knowing Beppe got what she was trying to say.

  “I haven’t been up to anything,” he said seriously.

  “Oh come on, I know you went out with Max at least a couple of times, and I know what happens when you guys go out...”

  “I haven’t been with anyone for over two months,” Beppe interrupted. He was clearly enjoying Gia’s stunned facial expression judging by his smirk.

  “Really? That must be some kind of a record for you.”

  Beppe shrugged dismissively and pulled completely away from their hug, heading for the door.

  “Why?” Gia’s soft question stopped him in his tracks.

  “No reason. I haven’t felt like it.”

  “You haven’t felt like sex? Are you kidding me?”

  Beppe spun around and strode back to Gia so quickly she started and stumbled back until her lower back hit the counter.

  “If you insist on asking questions so persistently, you must be willing to hear the real answer. Are you ready for that, cara? Do you want me to tell you exactly why I haven’t been able to fuck some faceless girl in two months?”

  Beppe crowded Gia against the kitchen island, his hands resting on the counter on either side of her. Their faces were only millimeters apart as he stared into her eyes. His voice was low and predatory, and his pupils were so dilated they almost took over his entire iris.

  “No.” Gia’s answer was quiet, but firm and she met his eyes determined not to look away, whatever his reasons were, they probably had something to do with her and she’d rather chew her own arm off than deal with this right now.

  Beppe drew back. “Good. Then let’s get back to the party. We have all night to discuss my lack of sex life.”He offered Gia his hand and shaking her head at his never ending mood swings, she took it and let him lead her back to the living room.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “Do you love him?” Beppe asked in the darkness. They lay on their sides in bed facing each other. Her hair was spilling over the pillows and her hazel eyes caught the dim light coming from the windows giving them a slight sparkle. Beppe could lay there drinking her in forever – the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, the soft sounds she made when she was sleeping, the way her hair tingled his nose when he spooned against her back.

  When all the guests had departed about an hour ago, they went to his room and fell onto the bed, exhausted. It had been quite the bash – they had danced, laughed, eaten, and talked to a ton of people. Beppe couldn't help feeling that Gia had been hosting the party with him, and most of the guests seemed have thought that too, because they all came to wish her goodnight and thank her for the wonderful night before they'd left.

  And now it was just the two of them, like so many times before. They looked for comfort that only the other could give.

  “No,” Gia answered softly on a sharp breath. Exhaling she said, “I wish I did.”

  “You wish you did so that you could stop loving me?” Beppe was glad his back was to the window. His face was masked in darkness, which gave him the courage to have a conversation he might not have had if she could see his eyes.

  Gia cast her gaze downward unwilling to show him the truth. But, there was no point – Beppe had already seen the ‘yes’ in her eyes.

  “I haven’t been with anyone in so long because I’m done whoring around. I don’t want anyone else.” Beppe said, hoping that his raw honesty would provoke the same reaction from Gia.

  “Anyone else?”

  “Anyone else but you. God, Gia, I only want you.” Once the words escaped he wished like hell he could take them back. It was the truth, but it wouldn't achieve anything. If Gia got pissed enough to leave and stop talking to him again, he wasn't sure he'd survive.

  Gia fell silent. Beppe knew she wanted to say something about his admission but didn’t. She fixed her gaze on a point just over his shoulder and kept her eyes there, devoid of any readable emotion.

  “Why don’t you want to be with me, Gia?”

  “Because I don’t believe this is permanent.”

  “This?”

  “Yes, this. This ‘I only want you’ phase.”

  “Phase? It’s not a phase! I’ve only ever wanted you, but when I got back from Tuscany you were the one who didn’t want me anymore. I was hurt and miserable. I was coping the only way I knew how.”

  Gia shook her head, refusing to look at him.

  “You don’t believe me.”

  “I believe that you believe it.”

  “That’s a very politically correct answer.”

  Gia shifted her gaze to stare at him and her eyes softened. She caught his hand in hers, bringing his fingertips to her lips. A tremor ran through Beppe’s body at the small, sensual contact.

  “I’m tired, Beppe. Let’s just go to sleep.”

  Beppe nodded and slid closer to Gia, wrapping her in his arms and pressing his lips to her forehead. She curled around him and buried her face in his chest. Beppe sighed contently – it had been a successful day. Gia had come back to him, and even though she wasn’t ready to accept or believe his feelings for her, she was here, in his arms. It was a small victory – Beppe would think about the entire war strategy tomorrow. Tonight he’d enjoy his small victory and sleep with the woman he’d loved since he'd been a scared little boy.

  Soon, Gia’s breathing slowed into sleep and her body relaxed against him.

  “I love you so much Gia. I’ll prove it to you” he whispered against her hair as he himself drifted off.

>   ******

  Gia walked into ‘Staccato’ – the new piano bar that had opened two weeks ago – and looked around, searching for Lisa. They were supposed to meet at 10:00 pm. With everything going on in their lives, they hadn’t been able to spend more than ten uninterrupted minutes in each other’s company. This girls’ night out was long overdue. Gia couldn't wait to talk to Lisa – the wonderful, calm, level-headed Lisa, who always managed to have a soothing effect on Gia. Lisa had the gift of making people feel at ease and relaxed. Gia felt like she could tell Lisa anything without being judged. No wonder this incredible girl had helped Max so much during his recovery.

  Lisa’s long blond hair caught Gia’s eye. She was sitting in a private booth across the bar and Gia headed in her direction. The bar was trendy, with low lighting and live music, that wasn’t too loud or intrusive, and the cocktails were already the talk of the town.

  “Hey, Lisa!” she said as she reached the table. Lisa stood and they exchanged hugs and kisses. Sitting, they both ordered drinks from the waitress that had appeared at that moment.

  “How are you, honey?”

  “I’m OK, I guess. I’m worried sick about Stella. Her surgery is tomorrow.” Lisa’s green eyes reflected her concern even in the low lighting. She bit her lower lip in order to stop them from quivering.

  Stella, Lisa’s cousin and Max’s girlfriend, had liver cancer. It had reappeared despite two previous surgeries to eradicate it. Her mum Helen had managed to set her up to receive an experimental treatment that was not yet approved for general use and held a fatal risk. But, it was her only chance to beat the cancer once and for all. Max had flown to London to be with her through it all. Even though Gia missed him, she knew he’d done the right thing going after the woman he loved.