To Be a Man

by Anne Schraff

“Did you drop out of Tubman when you were a sophomore too, Dena?” Trevor asked her.

  “Yeah. I ran away from home,” Dena replied. “I hid out with friends for a long time. I came home for a while. But it didn’t work.”

  “I bet your parents were worried, Dena,” Trevor commented.

  “Oh yeah,” Dena said. “When I’d be gone, they were pestering the cops to look for me ’cause I had to be a kidnap victim, you know. My parents always been clueless.”

  “You friends with your parents now?” Trevor asked.

  “Yeah, we’re okay,” Dena nodded yes. “They sort of gave up on me and Vanessa too. They finally faced the fact that we are what we are. Parents don’t own their kids, you know. They gotta let go. I mean, if you want to own something, get a dog, right?”

  They pulled up to the apartment, and Trevor heard loud music pouring out of the windows.

  “That’s Bo playing the drums,” Dena explained. “He has this fantasy that he’ll be a big rock star someday with a hot band. Like that’s ever gonna happen.”

  “He your boyfriend, huh?” Trevor asked.

  “Yeah,” Dena said without much enthusiasm. Trevor didn’t blame her. Bo seemed like a loser.

  They went into the apartment.

  “Hi babe,” Vanessa cried when she saw Trevor. She threw her arms around him and gave him a big hug. “We just got pizza delivered. It’s hot and fresh,” she told him. “It’s the kind with pineapple on top, the really yummy kind.”

  Trevor settled down in one of the bean-bags and ate his slice of pizza until Bo stopped practicing with the drums. Then they all watched a medical drama on TV.

  “Ma works at a nursing home and it’s all drudgery,” Trevor remarked. “On this stupid show they act like all the doctors and nurses do all day is fool around with each other.”

  Bo got up and said, “You guys, this cold is really bothering me. I run out of cough medicine. I got to get my prescription filled down at the drugstore, but I took so much medicine that I’m buzzed, you know?”

  Dena looked at Trevor. “Poor Bo has had this rotten cold for a week now. He takes this strong medicine, and it says on the bottle not to drive if you took it. Could you drive him down to the drugstore, Trevor? You got a driver’s license don’t you?” Dena asked.

  “Yeah, I got a driver’s license,” Trevor said.

  “I’d take him myself, but I just had a couple drinks and I don’t need a DUI,” Dena explained.

  “Sure, I can do it,” Trevor agreed. Dena tossed him her car keys. Bo walked out with Trevor.

  “Thanks, kid,” he said.

  In the car, Bo asked Trevor how old he was.

  “I’m sixteen,” Trevor answered.

  “I’m twenty-six. I feel old already, man,” Bo said. “Gruesome, huh? Ten years older than you, dude. My hair’s thinnin’ at the top. My legs creak when I get up. Would you believe it? Life’s a piece of garbage, kid, that’s what I say.”

  It was dark when they reached the drugstore. “You want me to go in and get your medicine?” Trevor asked.

  “Nah, I gotta sign for it,” Bo said. “I’ll just be a coupla minutes. Don’t turn off the engine. Uses more gas to start it again. Keep the engine runnin’, man.”

  Trevor watched Bo go into the drugstore. He wore a heavy overcoat even though it was a warm evening. Trevor thought maybe he had chills from his cold.

  In a few minutes, Bo came running out of the drugstore. “Go!” he yelled at Trevor. “Just get this heap movin’, kid. Step on it!”

  Bo seemed in a panic. Trevor heard some guy back at the drugstore screaming. Trevor went numb as he gunned the engine.

  “What’s going down, man?” Trevor asked as he drove. “What happened in there?”

  “Don’t you understand English, fool?” Bo yelled at him. “Get some speed out of this heap. I want it smokin’, you hear what I’m sayin’, fool?”

  Trevor sped down the street, hoping there were no cops around. He kept hearing that guy back at the drugstore screaming. What was that all about? What was Bo doing in that drugstore anyway?

  Bo kept looking back. When they turned a corner, he seemed to calm down a little. He was breathing hard, and there was perspiration on his face.

  “Man, what happened in there?” Trevor demanded.

  “Nothin’ you hear me, nothin’,” Bo insisted. “Just keep driving.”

  Trevor pulled into the driveway of the apartment. When Bo jumped out of the car, Trevor noticed his coat pockets were bulging with stuff. Dena was in the apartment doorway when they arrived, and she asked nervously, “You okay?

  “Yeah, yeah,” Bo replied. He shoved past Dena, and then they both disappeared into a back bedroom. Trevor came slowly into the front room where Vanessa was still watching television.

  “The guy on the show is having gall bladder trouble. Do you know what a gall bladder does, Trev?” Vanessa asked. Then she looked up and saw Trevor was soaking with perspiration and his eyes were wild. Vanessa jumped up and went over to him. “What’s the matter, baby?” she asked.

  “Vanessa,” Trevor demanded, “what’s going on here?”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Bo,” Trevor said, “he wasn’t getting any cough medicine. He ran into the drugstore wearing that big coat, and he come running out like the devil was after him. He screamed at me to get out of there fast. I saw some guy from the drugstore looking after us, screaming bloody murder. What’s going on here, Vanessa?”

  “Ohhh,” Vanessa groaned. She walked to the back bedroom. “You guys!” she yelled. “What happened at the drugstore? Trevor’s freaking!”

  Dena was saying, “Oh, this is great stuff, Bo! These are fabulous. You got these too?”

  “Dena, Bo,” Vanessa demanded, “what’s going on?”

  “Nothin’,” Bo answered. “Everythin’s good.”

  Vanessa returned to the front room and made a helpless gesture to Trevor. “I wish my sister would drop that creep,” she remarked. “He’s nothing but trouble. Bo makes money on the Internet, but he’s not worth it.”

  “He shoplifted, right?” Trevor stated. “That’s how he gets stuff to sell on the Internet. He sells stolen goods. And I was set up. I was set up to drive the getaway car. They made me a criminal, and I didn’t even know what was happening.” Trevor was speaking in a bitter, emotional voice.

  Vanessa reached up and lay her soft hand alongside Trevor’s cheek. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry. I had no idea what they were doing. I mean, Bo has stolen stuff before, but he said he wasn’t doing that anymore. I’m so sorry they got you mixed up in it.”

  She started to caress Trevor’s cheek. He reached up and took hold of her wrist, not in a rough way, but firmly. He removed her hand from his face.

  “There could have been trouble with the clerk. It could have turned violent, Vanessa,” Trevor said to her.

  “Oh no, Bo would never do violence,” Vanessa protested.

  “But if the clerk had confronted him, tried to stop him,” Trevor persisted, “maybe Bo would have given him a push, and the clerk woulda hit his head on something and busted his skull and died. Then Bo woulda come running out, and I’m driving the getaway car away from a murder. That makes me guilty of murder too. I could be looking at a murder rap. You hear what I’m saying, Vanessa?” Trevor’s voice was shaky.

  Bo and Dena emerged from the back bedroom. They looked at Trevor and saw the rage on his face.

  “What’s the problem?” Bo asked.

  “You tricked me into driving you to the drugstore, and then you jacked the place, dude. You made a criminal of me,” Trevor yelled at him.

  “Calm down, kid,” Bo said. “Nothin’ happened.”

  “This whole deal stinks,” Trevor snapped. He glared at Vanessa. “I won’t bother you anymore, Vanessa. I won’t call you, and please don’t call me.”

  “Trevor, please,” Vanessa begged, starting to cry.

  “Hey kid, don’t freak,” Bo said. “Nothin’ happened.
”

  Trevor turned and went outside. He was shaking so badly he could hardly get his cell from his pocket.

  “Tommy,” he said, “I hate to bother you, but could you come pick me up on Apache Street, at the corner of Grant. I need a ride bad.”

  “I’m on my way, dude,” Tommy replied. “You okay? You sound freaked out.”

  “I’m okay,” Trevor answered. “Thanks man.”

  Vanessa came outside. “Trevor, I didn’t know anything about what they planned,” she said. “I swear—”

  Trevor turned his back to her. She admitted Bo had stolen stuff before. She knew what he was capable of. She knew the story about Bo being buzzed on cough medicine was a crock. Bo just wanted a fast getaway, and Trevor was it. He just needed some fool in the car with the engine running for when he came flying out of the store with the stolen goods. Vanessa had to know all that. Trevor finally turned to her. “Good luck to you,” he said in a choked voice. “You’re a pretty girl. I hope you find somebody nice, but it isn’t me.”

  He had really cared about her. He still did, but what happened shook him to his bones. Just that quick his whole life could have been in ruins, despite all his hard work to get an education, all his hopes and dreams, and all of Ma’s hopes and dreams for him. It could have been all over. When somebody died in a robbery, the guy behind the wheel of the getaway car was just as guilty as the guy who did the murder.

  “Trevor,” Vanessa pleaded, “please forgive me. I know I was wrong. I kinda suspected something was fishy when Bo asked you to drive the car. But I . . .” She was sobbing. “I d-don’t want to lose you, babe. You’re the most special thing that ever happened to me.”

  Tommy’s Cavalier came around the corner. The brakes squealed as he stopped. Trevor couldn’t believe he got there so fast.

  “Let’s go, man,” Tommy shouted at Trevor when he saw him.

  Trevor turned and ran to the car, getting in on the passenger side. Tommy took off, the wheels screeching.

  “What happened?” Tommy asked.

  “Bo,” Trevor explained, “Vanessa’s sister’s boyfriend, he tricked me into driving him to the drugstore to get a cough medicine prescription filled. Then he came running out of the store with his pockets full of stolen stuff, yelling at me to drive away as quick as I could. I was driving a getaway car, man!”

  “You idiot,” Tommy said.

  “I know,” Trevor admitted.

  Tommy turned on the radio for the local news as they drove. “I hope that freak didn’t conk somebody over the head in that store, bro. If the creep did, then you’re looking into your own grave, man.” The news came on and it was all about the city’s economic problems. “Well,” Tommy commented, “thank God nothing really awful happened or they’d be talking about it.”

  “Tommy, I can’t believe what just happened,” Trevor said. He was still shaking.

  “Lissen up, boy,” Tommy scolded. “You hang with skunks, you’re gonna smell bad. This bunch is no good. Vanessa’s no good. They’re all bums. Vanessa wouldn’t hang with people like that if she had any character. She’d be home with her parents where she belongs. And she can say all she wants about being sorry about what she did to Mr. Collier. Those are crocodile tears. I don’t care how much I hated a teacher. I’d never do something like that to him.” Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, then started speaking again.

  “Lissen up, little brother. When it comes to protecting you from Ma, I don’t have your back anymore. You do something stupid, I’m letting her know. I don’t care if she whups you up one side of your head and down the other. I won’t tell her anything about this, but if you screw up again, I’m on her side. You hear what I’m saying?”

  “Yeah,” Trevor answered. He felt sad and sick. For a little while he had a girlfriend. He thought about her many times during the day, and the thought of her made him happy. He was one of the guys, with a girlfriend. He worried about his mother’s reaction, but still life was good. Now that world had all fallen apart. Tommy said it all when he bitterly called him an idiot.

  “That’s what I am,” Trevor thought as he walked into the room he shared with his brother—a fool and an idiot. He thought he didn’t even deserve a girlfriend.

  Trevor showered and tried to sleep, but his cell phone kept ringing. He could see the calls were from Vanessa. He couldn’t talk to her. He transferred all his incoming calls to voice mail. But he couldn’t sleep anyway.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  As he jogged to Tubman on Saturday morning for track practice, Trevor listened to his messages. He thought he might as well listen to them and then erase them. After a couple of hangups, she finally left a message.

  “Trevor,” Vanessa begged, “please call me. I’m moving away from my sister. I’m going home to my folk’s house. I’m going for my GED, Trevor, honest. I told Dena I didn’t want anything more to do with her as long as Bo was with her. Please call me.”

  There were ten more messages, all saying the same thing. “Please talk to me,” Vanessa cried. “Didn’t you get my other messages?” On the final message she seemed to be sobbing.

  Trevor just wanted to run. He felt as if he was going to explode, and he just needed to run. He wanted to run so fast that he could clean all the thoughts of Vanessa from his brain.

  Coach Curry was talking with Kevin Walker and Matson Malloy. Marko Lane had just arrived. Trevor was training for the 100-meter dash, along with Kevin, Matson, and Marko. Trevor hadn’t run in this event before, but Coach Curry was impressed with his speed. He thought Trevor had a real shot to win the event in the meet against Lincoln because the Lincoln boys were not strong in the 100 meter.

  Kevin, Marko, and Matson ran first, and Coach Curry timed them. All did better than their previous times. Then it was Trevor’s turn. He didn’t know what got into him, but he ran his own personal best time. He literally flew down the track. Coach Curry yelled, “Way to go, Trevor!”

  Afterward, Kevin Walker was sitting on the bench drying the perspiration off his face with a towel. It was a hot, muggy morning. Kevin had recently moved to the town from Texas, and he was living with his grandparents. He lost his father at a young age when the man went to prison for murder and then died in a prison riot. Then his mother died. Kevin tried to keep his past a secret from his new friends at Tubman High, but his girlfriend, Carissa Polson, inadvertently let it out. Then Marko Lane taunted him mercilessly about it. Kevin almost came to blows with Marko and would have beaten him half to death if he hadn’t stopped his rage in time.

  Trevor figured Kevin would know what he was going through. Kevin’s dad was out of his life, like Trevor’s dad. The only difference was that Kevin lost his mom too, while Trevor lived with a mother who was often impossible. “Hey dude,” Kevin said, smiling at Trevor. “You were really on fire out there.”

  “Yeah,” Trevor replied. “I think I was trying to run outta this world, you know? Sometimes when you run, you just want to go faster and faster. like maybe you’ll get to a place where you feel more comfortable.”

  “What’s up, man?” Kevin asked. He was a nice guy. He had a bad temper, but he was getting it under control. He forgave Carissa for blowing his secret. If you gave him half a chance, he was a good friend.

  “Kevin, I got a really tough Ma,” Trevor explained. “She doesn’t think a guy my age should have a girlfriend. I got no dad and she’s trying to be mother and father. I got a girlfriend and hid it from Ma, but the girl turned out to have problems. I was really happy for a while, but now I dumped the girl. I still care about her, but I can’t forgive her.”

  “What’d she do, man?” Kevin asked. “Cheat on you?”

  “No,” Trevor answered. “She has this creepy sister and the sister’s boyfriend tricked me into driving a getaway car when he jacked a drugstore. He ripped off a lot of stuff, then came running out yelling at me to drive away fast. I got really scared. I thought, ‘What if the jerk had hurt somebody in the store?’ That would be on me too ’cause I dro
ve the car.”

  “But what did your girlfriend do? Did she know about the plans?” Kevin asked.

  “I don’t think so,” Trevor admitted. “But I think she may have suspected something was wrong.”

  “Maybe she’s just a dippy kid who had no clue,” Kevin suggested.

  Trevor played Vanessa’s last messages, the ones he hadn’t erased, for Kevin. Kevin listened intently. He seemed to really want to understand and to help Trevor sort out the situation.

  “Sounds like she’s trying to turn her life around, man,” Kevin commented.

  “But I felt like such a fool,” Trevor said.

  “Tell you what, Trevor,” Kevin suggested. “Call the girl. Tell her you have a lot of thinking to do. See if she means what she says. If she moves back with her parents and leaves the sister and the jerk boyfriend, then give her a chance. I was really ticked off at my girlfriend when she told her mom all about my past, stuff I was trying to hide. I wanted to blow her off too, but now I’m glad I didn’t. Carissa means a lot to me now, and I’d have messed up all that if I hadn’t overlooked what happened.”

  “You think, Kevin?” Trevor asked. For the first time since the incident happened, Trevor had a little hope. Maybe it wasn’t all down the drain after all. “Thanks Kevin, thanks man.”

  As Trevor was jogging home, he stopped to try to get Vanessa on his cell phone.

  “Hello, Trevor,” she answered eagerly.

  “Vanessa, look, just give me some time, okay?” he asked.

  “Oh Trevor I am so sorry,” Vanessa said. “You have every right to be angry and to hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you,” Trevor objected. “It just shocked me so much what could have happened. It’s like my whole life could have been ruined.”

  “I know,” Vanessa replied. “I never shoulda trusted Dena not to get involved in stuff like that. I shoulda stopped Bo when he asked for a ride, that dirty rat. I’m not saying it wasn’t my fault too. I knew they weren’t squeaky clean.”