Past Imperfect

by Alison G. Bailey

  Me: Could you please come to my office ASAP.

  In less than three minutes there was a soft knock on my door as it opened. The scent of cinnamon drifted in as gorgeous and concerned eyes met my panicked expression. My anxiety calmed for a moment as I soaked in his figure. He had on a pair of charcoal gray pants, a crisp white button-down shirt, a red and gray silk tie, and polished black dress shoes. Silver cufflinks cinched his sleeves at the wrist, and his class ring from Duke and chunky watch completed the sharp look. He was a conservative lawyer, until you reached the ever present light stubble along his chiseled jawline, his finger-combed hairstyle, and piercing sapphire eyes, then you saw the sexy bad boy. Every part of my body throbbed as I thought about what the sexy bad boy had done to me when he was out of those clothes.

  “Mabry, what’s wrong?” he asked as he closed the door.

  The sound of his deep voice brought me back to the current dilemma. “There’s something big and furry under my desk. Would you go take a look, please?” I whispered.

  I wasn’t positive, but I thought I saw a slight smirk cross Brad’s face. I reached over and picked up one of the large law books from the shelf and held it out to him.

  “What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Read to it?” he asked.

  “I didn’t want you to approach it unarmed. It’s huge.”

  He took the book from me. There was a moment of hesitation before he walked to my desk. With each step he took, my breathing picked up speed and my palms felt clammy. He slowly rounded the desk and crouched down to get a better look underneath, placing one hand at the edge to support himself.

  “It’s hard to see anything under here. It’s pretty dark.” He leaned forward slightly. “I don’t see anything, Mabry.”

  “Are you sure? It was over in the right corner.”

  “Wait a second, what’s this? SHIT!” he yelled.

  Suddenly, Brad’s head completely disappeared as his hand slid off the top of the desk and out of sight.

  “Oh my god, Brad!” I stood on the sofa, leaning forward, trying to peer over my desk to see if I could spot him.

  He jumped up, scaring the hell out of me. My eyes automatically closed, causing me to stumble back, and land sitting on the back of the sofa.

  Loud laughter cut through the sound of my rapidly beating heart. When I opened my eyes Brad was leaning back on my desk clutching his stomach. “Holy hell, Sweetness, that was priceless.”

  “Stop laughing at me. What was under my desk?” I demanded.

  “Are you sure you can handle it?” he asked, sarcastically.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. He returned my look with a sexy grin as he reached behind his back. “Here’s the dark menace from under the desk.” In his hands he had a pair of fluffy blue slippers.

  “Slippers? Those aren’t mine. Why are they under my desk?”

  He walked toward me and knelt down. “They are yours. I got them, so your feet won’t get cold while you’re working.” He ran one hand up and down the back of my leg, lifting it slightly, and then placed the slipper on my foot. I shuddered when the tips of his fingers made contact with my skin. He repeated the same action on the other leg. “Man, I’m really glad you wore a skirt today,” he said under his breath as he stared at my bare leg.

  “Me too,” I whispered, breathlessly.

  He lifted his gaze to meet mine. His eyes were full of so much warmth, caring, and desire. I wanted him to join me on the sofa, so I could crawl into his lap and feel safe. “What’d you say?” he asked. Hope flashed across his face.

  Clearing my throat, I answered, “Thank you. I said, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I better be getting back to my office now.” We gave each other a slight smile before he left.

  The next day, I found a framed picture of the two of us at the Marytre concert. As I stared at it, I realized Brad wasn’t just giving me gifts. He was showing me how much he loved me and wanted to take care of me. No one has wanted to do that for such a long time. The note I received on Friday completely melted my heart. I needed and wanted to be with him. The empty and lonely feeling I experience when I’m not with him is suffocating and unbearable. I decided to do what he asked and take a chance on him, on us. I’m scared, but being with him makes me feel loved, protected, and connected. I haven’t felt any of those things since my mom died and I crave them. I crave him.

  When I got to Brad’s this morning the door was slightly open, so I went on in. The sound and smell of breakfast cooking floated through the condo. I walked to the kitchen and I felt my entire world crash down on top of me. I never noticed anything between Brad and Tina other than the usual business-type interaction. There were no flirtatious smiles or looks, so I was convinced I had misheard what she said to him the other day at the office. But there was no denying that I saw a barely dressed blonde making him breakfast as he walked out of his bedroom half naked.

  As I stared at him, pain and anger took over my body. I suddenly became consumed with the need to self-harm. Beads of sweat collected across my forehead as the pace of my breathing increased. My fingers twitched. I wanted desperately to grab handfuls of hair and rip the strands out. I needed the quick fix until I was able to get home. Somehow I managed to get my legs to move and I left as quickly as I could.

  Mabry, you’re such an idiot. People warned you. This was just a sick game to him. Something for him to pass the time away.

  After two more pinches, I give up the struggle until we reach Brad’s door. He opens it, takes a step through, and I immediately latch on to the doorframe stopping him in his tracks.

  “Goddammit, Mabry. Let go.” His voice strains while he tries to pry my grip free by moving forward.

  “There is no way in hell that I’m going back in there with her.”

  “She’s not here. She went home. Would you just let me explain?”

  “You don’t owe me an explanation. We’re just fuck buddies, and apparently, I’m not enough of one for you.”

  With one hard jerk, my fingers break free from the doorframe and I go flying through the condo and into the kitchen, where he lands me on the countertop. Placing his hands firmly on either side of my hips, he cages me in. Sapphire eyes bore into mine. Beads of water trickle down our faces and bodies, making a puddle on the floor. We stare at each other for several seconds while we catch our breath. I haven’t been this close to him in a week. He looks incredibly sexy wet. The scent of cinnamon and fresh rain drifts between us. His smell is intoxicating. I’m hurt and pissed, but the pull toward him is too strong.

  How am I going to get past this?

  “I’ve missed you,” he says.

  “Yeah, you looked pretty lonely with your naked blonde.” My voice is flat.

  “She wasn’t naked and she isn’t my blonde.”

  Holding his gaze, I say, “You got balls, I’ll give you that. You get caught with the blonde and oh, let’s not forget your romantic date with Tina. Why did you do this to me?”

  I pound on his chest. He doesn’t budge. I pound on it harder as my sobs become uncontrollable. He grabs my wrists and pins them to my thighs.

  “I was asking Tina if she thought a picnic dinner at the fucking gardens would be romantic enough. Christy is my neighbor, my lesbian neighbor. She was helping me figure out a plan B.”

  “Plan B?”

  “I was going to pick you up later this afternoon and take you to Middleton Place Gardens for a candlelight picnic dinner. But since it’s pouring down rain, that’s not going to be possible.”

  I let what he just said sink in without responding.

  “Do you honestly think I would tell you I love you and then fuck another woman?” His voice breaks and the pain in his eyes is crushing.

  “You’ve been with a lot of women. I’m sure you’ve told some you loved them.”

  “I’ve never said those words to anyone. I’ve never even thought I loved anyone until you showed up.”

  His eyes are full of sincerity and
pleading.

  “I want to love you so bad,” I say.

  “Then love me,” he whispers.

  “I’m scared. There are things about me…”

  “You weren’t a dude at some point, were you?”

  “No,” I say, laughing.

  “Look, the stuff people have said about me is true, but I’m not that guy anymore. If you let me into your heart, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

  The electricity between us causes my body to vibrate. I close my eyes and replay his words in my head. When I open them I’m met with the warmest and most loving look I have ever seen.

  Taking in a deep breath, I say, “I do love you.”

  His eyes look as if they double in size and then fill with tears. “Thank you. You won’t be sorry,” he says, choking on the words.

  He places quick kisses on my forehead, moving down my temple, to my cheek. He pulls back slightly, and then brings his hands up to my face. There is a look of awe in his expression as he gazes at my lips. Leaning in, he nibbles across my bottom lip, taking his time. Gently, he sucks it into his mouth as his thumb glides over my cheek, causing my eyes to close and my lips to part. His tongue slides into my mouth, stroking mine slowly. Brad’s kisses are all-consuming. His focus is so intense, as if there is nothing more important in the world to him than kissing me. Raising my hands I find his hair and tangle my fingers through it. I open my legs more and he instinctively moves between them, deepening our kiss. His arms wrap around me as my legs wrap around him. We cling to each other like two lost souls who have just found their salvation.

  Brad breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine. “I love you so much, Mabry.”

  “I love you, Brad.”

  He picks me up and carries me through the bedroom and into the bathroom. Our eyes stay connected the entire time.

  “You’re shivering. I need to get you out of these wet clothes and into a hot shower,” he says against my lips.

  “What a coincidence. I need to get you out of these wet clothes and into a hot shower.” I toss him a wink and a flirty smile.

  I unwrap my legs and slide down his body. Brad turns the water on. As steam fills the room, we remove each other’s clothes, tossing them into a pile on the floor. He follows me into the shower, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me back against his hard chest. His lips find their way to my neck. Melting into his body, I let him and the hot water warm me. His hands move up to cup my breasts and he massages them. Between touching, kissing, and being pressed against him, I’m having a hard time standing. I turn around in his arms and look up at him. I slowly let my tongue come out and glide across one of his nipples. He takes in a deep breath. My hand runs over each ripple of his abdomen, down his V, until I reach his hard dick. Folding my fingers around it, I slide my hand up and down. Suddenly, I feel Brad’s hand on top of mine, halting my movement.

  “Sweetness, we’re not doing that right now,” he says, his voice ragged from being aroused.

  “We’re not?” I whisper with disappointment, as I look down.

  Brad places his index finger under my chin, tilting my head up, and says, “You just told me you love me. We’re not going to have a quick fuck against a tile wall after that. I need you in my bed, so I can take my time and make love to you slow and easy.”

  “Oh my.”

  Several hours later, I’m lying naked on my stomach in Brad’s bed. We’ve spent most of the day making love. I feel so relaxed and light, as if I’m floating above the mattress. I have never had so much sex in one day. I never wanted to until I met Brad. His lips glide down my back, placing a path of feather light kisses as they move. There’s so much reverence in his movements. He’s not just touching my skin. He’s touching my soul. I’ve never felt cherished like this before. He lingers for a moment on the dimple at my lower back.

  “I love every curve of your body,” he says against me.

  I feel the tip of his tongue slide across my skin and dip into the dimple. “Heyyy!” I say, laughing, as I turn over.

  Brad’s hand grabs my hip, stopping my movement. “Stay put. I’m not done worshiping your ass yet.”

  “But you’re tickling me.”

  “I’m going to be spanking you, if you don’t stay still.”

  “I think I’d like that.” I wiggle my ass a little.

  Brad lets out a loud growl. Vibrations run through my body and I feel the weight of his head as he plants his face on my lower back.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah, just give me a minute. My head is swimming with visions of you being a very bad girl.”

  “I’m very good at being very bad, you know,” I say in a low deep voice.

  “This is so much better than a picnic,” he says before resuming his trail of kisses.

  “Mmmhmm,” I purr.

  Shifting to the other side, he moves up my body, his lips landing at the spot just below my ear.

  “Turn over,” he whispers into my ear. His warm breath flows over my neck as his hand slides up my back, causing wave after wave of shivers to run through me.

  I flip over onto my back, looking up into his beautiful eyes. Raising my hand to his jaw, I run my fingers over his stubble. Holding my gaze, I feel his hand travel across my stomach and run up my torso. He brings his face to mine, placing the same feather-light kiss on my lips. I playfully nip at his upper lip before he slides his tongue in, meeting mine. Pulling back, he studies my face for several seconds.

  “Why is there so much sadness in your eyes?”

  His question catches me off guard. “Wow, you’re not one for easing into a conversation, are you?”

  “Subtlety has never been one of my strong suits.”

  “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I’m happy. You make me happy.”

  “You don’t have to answer me right now, but you will answer me soon. I need to know, so I can fix it.”

  “I love you,” I say, in part because of his patience with me, but also to try to change the subject. I know I’ll need to tell Brad about my past soon. I’m scared of his reaction. I have no way of knowing if even the possibility of inheriting my mother’s illness will send him running or not.

  He picks up my hand, kissing the tips of my fingers, and says, “Every time you say that, it takes my breath away.”

  We shift our position, so that we’re lying on our sides, face-to-face. “What were you like as a kid?” I ask.

  “I was a handsome, charming, and intelligent young lad. Pretty much a mini-version of what you see before you now.” His trademark smile appears across his face.

  “You forgot modest and humble.” My voice full of sarcasm.

  “Yeah, that too.” His smile fades and his expression turns vulnerable. “And lonely.”

  “Lonely? How could Mr. Charming ever be lonely?”

  “I had friends I hung out with, but you know how kids are. A lot of times they want to be your friend because of your pool, the family beach house, or boat. It’s hard to tell sometimes who likes you and who’s in it for the stuff.”

  “You had your brother and both your parents.”

  “Yeah, Peyton and I have never been very close and you’ve met B and B.”

  “B and B?” I ask in confusion.

  “My parents, The Bastard and The Bitch.”

  I don’t laugh because even though the tone of his voice is light I can see the sadness in his eyes. “So, I take it you’re not close to them either.”

  “It’s hard to be close to people who never wanted you in the first place.”

  I cup the side of his face. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “Well, when you overhear your parents reminiscing about driving to the clinic and how it was a mistake not to have gone through with it. Well, it paints a crystal clear picture that they didn’t want me.”

  Tears sting my eyes and all the breath leaves my lungs. I’ve been around his parents enough to know they were frauds. They bo
th put on a good act for clients, but I had experienced firsthand how cold his mother can be and what a lecherous fake his father is. Mrs. Johnson conducted my interview. She was professional in her questions, but had a condescending expression on her face the entire time. I was actually surprised to have gotten the job. On my first day, I arrived early to get settled into my office. I hadn’t met Mr. Johnson at that point. He came into my office to welcome me to the firm. We shook hands, he held mine a little too long as his eyes roamed up and down my body. My creep radar went on high alert and I knew then I had to keep my distance from him.

  I place a soft kiss on Brad’s lips. “I feel sorry for them.”

  “Why?”

  “Because they’ve missed out on knowing an amazing man.”

  Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him into my chest. As he nuzzles into me, I run my fingers through his soft hair. We stay like this, holding each other tight, and drift off to sleep.

  “Were you just smelling my dirty clothes?” I asked.

  Becca startled and quickly dropped the pair of my jeans she had her face buried in. “I was just checking to see if they needed to be washed. I found them crumpled up on the floor in your bedroom.”

  “Well, let me give you a piece of advice. If they’re on the floor, then chances are they need to be washed.” She looked up at me with the most pitiful expression on her face, like a child who had just been reprimanded. “Look, Becca, I have a class I need to get to.”

  “Is it okay if I stay and do your laundry? I also thought I’d cook dinner. That is if it’s okay with you.”

  “You know I don’t expect you to always do my laundry or cook for me.” I didn’t expect it, but I had to admit, that part of this “relationship” was pretty good. It was almost like having Miss Sally around except I never had sex with Miss Sally. Although, hers were the first set of tits I ever noticed.