The Truth About Family

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “You okay?” he asked, misinterpreting her reaction. “If this is really too hard…”

  She waved away his offer, anxious to focus on the reason they were here. “No, you’re right. I have to stop letting the past rule my life. Let’s begin.”

  Although concern and a touch of uncertainty remained in his eyes, he pulled a small notebook and pen from his chest pocket. “First, tell me what you were told about the day your mom died.”

  Erin closed her eyes against the emptiness that always seemed to swallow her soul each time she thought of her mother and pushed forward. “Caroline told me my dad came home to find my mother in the bathtub. She’d slit her wrists sometime earlier and bled to death. By the time my dad arrived, there was no saving her.” Although Caroline had never provided the gory details, Erin had a mental snapshot of her mother lying in a tub filled with blood. Bile rose in her throat and she fought the urge to gag. When she opened her eyes again, Colin was watching her tenderly. His presence bolstered her courage and she continued. “I don’t really know why she did it. Caroline said something about being depressed but I’m not so sure.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Erin frowned. “Well, I don’t have memories per se of her, but more of what you would call fleeting residual feelings. And what I remember is an overall sense of happiness. Plus, this morning I found some pictures of my mother when she was young and she looked far from the kind of person who was depressed.”

  “Sometimes a depressed person can hide their true emotions so well not even their own mother would know,” he answered quietly, his face drawn. “Maybe she just hid it well.”

  Erin shook her head. “No… I can’t explain it—it’s a feeling. I think she was really happy.”

  Colin roused himself from his own thoughts and noted Erin’s comments. “Where were you when this happened?”

  “With Caroline.”

  “Caroline?” He flipped through the notebook. Suddenly, he stopped and stared at a page. “But hadn’t Caroline lost her husband only a week prior?” At Erin’s nod, he shook his head at the information. “Don’t you find it odd, that one week after losing her husband she’s babysitting for her sister-in-law? Wasn’t she grieving?”

  Erin shrugged. “I guess… I mean, I don’t know I never really asked. But now that you mention it, it does seem a little odd. But, then again, everything about my Uncle Hank is weird.”

  “How so?”

  “As far back as I can remember, there’s never been any pictures of him, and Caroline never shared details. It’s almost as if he was erased from our family history.” Just like my mother. A chill shook her as an abhorrent thought came to mind. What if the rumors were true and her mother and Hank were having an affair at the time of their deaths? “In fact, it was only recently I learned my mother and Caroline had been best friends at one time.”

  Colin’s brown eyes lit with a dawning light. “I heard the police chief and your dad were once real tight. Do you know anything about their friendship?”

  Erin thought hard. She barely knew Roger Hampton but she did recall times when Roger had brought Charlie home instead of putting him in the drunk tank to sleep off a bender. She’d always just chalked it up to small-town generosity but suddenly it seemed like something more. “Actually, it’s nothing specific but when I was a kid he used to come over…before Charlie was drunk all the time.” She faltered as memories, long forgotten, flashed in rapid succession. Her dad, cracking a smile at something she’d said or done. Eating cold pork and beans straight from the can and loving it. Sitting at Charlie’s feet watching as wood shavings floated to the cracked wooden porch.

  “Erin?” Colin’s voice broke into her jumbled thoughts and she was overwhelmed by the sheer confusion clouding her brain. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

  Erin threaded her fingers through her hair, agitated. Wrong? Everything. What were these memories? It was as if someone had suddenly implanted another person’s life in her head. Her father laughing? She couldn’t remember a time when her father wasn’t yelling or at the very least growling. She shook her head, not knowing exactly what to say, how to communicate that her whole world had just been challenged. In the end, she said nothing, forcing her mind to return to Colin’s original question. “Roger Hampton stopped coming around when I was about six, I think. I remember a lot of arguing and then he never came back on social calls. If he came at all, it was to drop Charlie off after he was so far gone he wouldn’t have known if Santa Claus had given him a ride home on his sleigh. So to answer your question, I guess they were friends at one time but I don’t know what happened between them.”

  “Is it possible the falling-out was about your mother?” he ventured carefully. When she didn’t immediately answer, he added, “The other thing I heard was that at one time the chief and your dad were in love with the same woman.”

  Erin’s mind wandered to the vibrant, smiling girl immortalized in the picture sitting in Caroline’s box in the pantry, and a sharp pain pierced her chest. “I suppose that’s possible. She was very beautiful.”

  “If she looked anything like her daughter I can understand how two friends might have gone their separate ways,” he murmured.

  Erin looked away, shamed by the hot tears immediately flooding her eyes. Caroline had often told her she was a carbon copy of her mother. It was a compliment that never failed to raise conflicting feelings. She ached to know her mother yet somehow looking similar was a pain that rivaled the emptiness in her life. “Colin…” she managed to croak, and in seconds she was cradled in his arms.

  He held her until her silent tears stopped coursing down her cheeks. He seemed to sense she needed his physical comfort more than reassuring words. His solid strength was a balm against the torn edges of her exposed heart and it felt good. What was happening between them? And why wasn’t she fighting it? As if in answer, he leaned slowly to meet her lips in a soft kiss.

  Melting inside, she opened her mouth to his and her fingers were soon traveling up his neck to twine in his thick hair. Their tongues touched, sparking an ember-hot heat and before Erin knew or cared how it had happened, she was lying in the soft cushion of the blanket, pressed beneath the welcome weight of Colin’s body. He made love to her with his mouth until she was tearing at his clothes, eager to feel his skin against her own.

  His hands, rough and masculine, were a tantalizing torture as they roamed her skin, making her forget the anguish of her past if only for a few precious moments. Wrapped in his arms, crushed under his weight, she was far from her memories. She groaned as his mouth closed on her nipple and she embraced the oblivion that followed. The freedom was intoxicating. Her last coherent thought left as Colin took possession of her body, his expression, both fervent and intent, beautifully captured in her mind’s eye, forever replacing what she considered breathtaking.

  Later, as she drowsed in his arms, warmed by the glow of the fire and the reassuring presence of Colin’s body, she knew it couldn’t happen again, but she was content to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  COLIN WAS UNSURE HOW it happened but he wasn’t sorry it had. His only fear, as he glanced down at Erin snuggled at his side, was that she would come to regret their interlude and pull away. As if trying to stop that from happening, he pulled her closer against him. She seemed to mold perfectly to his body, almost as though she’d been made for him. He smirked at his own thoughts. Most cops didn’t believe in fate. They believed in the here and now because circumstance could change your life in the blink of an eye. Yet, here he was wondering if he’d just managed to find his soul mate in a woman who was as skittish as a feral cat. He wasn’t a fool. Just because they’d made love didn’t mean she meant to stay. He couldn’t think of that right now. First, he had a job to do. Then, he’d deal with his feelings.

  She shifted against him and he knew she was awake. He met her clear-eyed gaze, hoping he didn’t see regret creeping into her eyes. When she stretched against hi
m with a satisfied smile, he relaxed.

  “Do you always conclude your interviews like this?” she asked, playfully.

  He chuckled. “This isn’t something they taught at the academy.”

  “I should hope not.” Erin snuggled against him and his arm closed around her. She sighed and he knew how she felt. They remained in each other’s arms for another long moment until finally she moved away. He tried not to let his disappointment show but he wasn’t ready for this to end.

  She dressed quickly and he reluctantly followed her lead.

  “You know, I can’t remember ever being warm in this place,” she remarked softly, staring into the flames. “Once I tried building a fire but it was green and all it did was smoke. I was so cold my teeth had stopped chattering. I think I was close to hypothermia. If Caroline hadn’t shown up…” She looked to Colin, then shrugged. “But she did and I spent the entire winter with her that year.”

  “How old were you?” he asked.

  “Nine or ten. I don’t even remember Charlie coming around to see if I was all right.”

  “You spent a lot of time with Caroline growing up, didn’t you?”

  She nodded. “She was like the mom I never had. And I guess, I was like the daughter she never had. It worked both ways I suppose.”

  A minute passed, the silence a comfortable thing between them, until he felt Erin become restless. When he found her gaze, it was troubled. “What is it?”

  He could tell she was weighing her answer, wondering if she should share what was on her mind, and Colin gently pushed a stray strand of hair from her face. She stared at him intently and he almost felt as if he were being measured against an invisible yardstick. “Why won’t you tell Danni what happened to her mother?”

  Colin drew away, feeling the intimacy of the moment fade. Why couldn’t she just let him handle it his way? “I don’t think that’s what’s best for her right now.”

  “I disagree.” She paused then plunged forward despite what he knew wasn’t an inviting expression on his face. “All my life I sensed something terrible had happened in my family, something no one would talk about, except behind my back. Please don’t do that to Danni. Don’t let her go her entire life wondering what had been so awful that you had to lie to her. If she asked, she’s ready to know.”

  He snorted and moved away, the distance between them growing by the minute, but she wouldn’t back down.

  “She’s a smart kid. Give her some credit. I think she can handle whatever you’ve been hiding from her.” When he didn’t offer more resistance, she pressed a little harder, this time he sensed from personal curiosity. “Why did you lie to Danni about her mom?”

  Colin ran a hand through his hair, hating how the story sounded to his own ears, but it started to come out anyway. “I did what I thought was best at the time but I never thought when the time came to tell her the truth it would go this badly. As she got older, I realized I never wanted her to know the truth.”

  “And what is this horrible secret that’s worth destroying your relationship?”

  He expelled a short breath, hoping the action would dispel the ache in his chest, but all he needed to do was glance over at Erin to have it blossom behind his sternum again. He felt sick about the situation with Danni and Erin was right. It wasn’t getting better. He shook his head, defeated. “Danielle was sick. Not with cancer or anything like that—” Hell, he would’ve welcomed cancer at one point, he thought selfishly. “She was diagnosed manic-depressive with psychotic tendencies when Danni was a baby. In fact, if I hadn’t come home unexpectantly I wouldn’t have Danni at all.” At Erin’s puzzled expression, he decided to stop beating around the bush and just tell her, like ripping a Band-Aid off in one fell swoop. “I walked in on Danielle smothering Danni in her crib.”

  Erin gasped but he continued, intent on getting this over with. “Danielle had been hallucinating for weeks, seeing things that weren’t there, bugs mostly, but she refused to take the medication the doctor said would help. She claimed she didn’t need it and I was too busy, fresh out of the academy, trying to make a name for myself on the force to insist she take it. We were both young and I figured she’d get better. Plus, I never really thought Danni was in danger.” His throat closed and he needed a moment before he could speak again. “The thing is, I realized Danni would never be safe with Danielle because she didn’t believe she was sick. I tried sticking it out but I was too young to handle a sick wife and a child and I took the coward’s way out. I filed for divorce,” he said, hanging his head in shame at his selfishness. “Getting sole custody was relatively easy. Danielle defaulted when she never showed up for court. Danni and I moved to Granite Hills not long after.”

  “What happened to Danielle?” Erin asked.

  “She was in and out of hospitals for a few years. She’d get better when she was on her meds and I’d receive a letter from my attorney stating she was suing for joint custody, but she’d go off her meds again and she’d disappear. It went on like that for years, until one day I received a letter stating she’d overdosed on prescription-grade morphine. A death certificate followed.”

  “How did someone with Danielle’s medical history get a hold of morphine?” Erin asked, voicing one of Colin’s first questions to the investigating officer. “I mean, it’s not like you can get it off the streets like crack or heroine.”

  “I know. But before Danielle got sick, she’d just finished her nursing degree. According to the report, she faked credentials and managed to walk into a small community hospital, procure what she was looking for and walk out.”

  “So, she killed herself.” It was a statement, not a question.

  He nodded. “She didn’t leave a note but it seems fairly obvious. Danielle knew how much to give herself to do the job. I’d like to think that Danielle is in a better place now. Before she got sick she was a wonderful person. Caring, sweet, yet independent and strong.”

  “So you told Danni her mother died in a car accident to protect her.”

  “I’d like to say it was that simple. But I think I did it for myself, too. Unfortunately, when the time came to come clean, I bungled the situation and now Danni hates me.”

  “She doesn’t hate you,” Erin said. “She’s hurt and doesn’t understand. Talk to her, explain just like you did with me and she’ll come around.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t see how much she’s changed.”

  “She misses you. But she needs to know the truth—no matter how hard it may be to hear.”

  “She’s too young. It’ll scar her for life.”

  “C’mon, Colin, give the kid some credit. She’s tougher than you think.”

  “And what if she’s not?” he asked, fear roughening his voice. “What if I lose her even more when I tell her the truth? What then? I won’t be able to take it back. At least now, I can protect her.”

  “That plan will backfire,” she answered, frustration lacing her tone.

  “How do you know? I hate to keep pointing out the obvious but you aren’t a parent.”

  Erin lifted her chin and her eyes glittered with the anger he could feel building between them. “No, but I was Danni twenty years ago and I know what I went through because no one would explain to me what the hell was going on. Trust me, you don’t want that for your daughter.”

  No, he didn’t, but neither did he want to see his daughter’s horrified expression when she found out what her mother had tried to do. The corners of his mouth turned down and Erin obviously mistook his expression as one directed toward her. “Erin—” he said grabbing her hand when she looked ready to leave his sour attitude behind. She watched him warily but stayed where she was. “I’m sorry. I appreciate you’re trying to help. I’m just…” Dare he admit it? What the hell, it probably wasn’t a revelation. She already seemed to know more about his situation and how to handle it than he did. “Scared.”

  “I know you are.” She gave him a small smile. “But so is she.”

&nb
sp; Colin inhaled deeply, struck by how beautiful she looked at that moment. The depth of her understanding made him feel as if he’d been splashing around the kiddie pool with floaters on. “Erin—”

  She put a finger to his lips, telling him with her expression she wasn’t ready for what he’d been about to say. Disappointment almost made him say it anyway, but she had circumvented the opportunity by changing the subject.

  “Since we’re here, I’m going to take another look around,” she said, heading toward the short hallway.

  What could he say? Nothing and she knew it. They were here for a purpose, to find answers—not delve into matters of the heart. He agreed with his silence to let the subject go—for now—but he wasn’t about to let it go completely. When the timing was right, he’d revisit the issue.

  Erin turned into what used to be her bedroom. There was only the slightest hesitation at the door, then she disappeared inside. He had to give her credit. Whether she liked it or not, she was conquering her demons, one memory at a time.

  ERIN STOOD IN THE MIDDLE of the tiny, square room and let out a discreet breath. Too many things were going on in her head at once to try and sort them all out. A part of her was still reeling that she and Colin had just made love and the other part of her was balking at the foreign memories that had come out of nowhere.

  Being with Colin had been explosively primal, yet somehow his touch had soothed her ragged nerves. Running a shaky hand through her hair she almost laughed at her own behavior. When it came to sex, she was extremely cautious, downright conservative, and never had she considered making love on the dirty floor of an old shack romantic in any sense of the word. Yet with Colin, none of those old issues had reared their ugly heads. It had been so natural to be in his arms. And now she had the aftermath to deal with. They weren’t a normal couple, free to explore where this might lead. He was trying to uncover a big, nasty secret hiding in her family closet, and she would soon be leaving.