Broken Bases

by Nikki Pennington

  "You have my kid Luke, I wanted to make sure she knew where I was if she asked." And then she hangs up on me.

  So instead of waiting until her daughter gets home from school to tell her bye she leaves it to me and just disappears for a month. Typical Lindsay, maybe we will get lucky and she won’t' come back.

  I head back to the house to get some rest before Ava gets home from school. I want to spend a couple hours with her before I have to catch my flight.

  When she gets home from school, I help her with her homework and then ask her how her day went.

  "I Just love school so much, daddy." She says with a smile. "Ms. Shay is the best teacher ever. She plays with us and colors with us. I love her so much." She beams up at me. I feel my heart melt.

  I know what that feeling is like. I know what it's like to love Shay.

  I knew Shay would be an amazing teacher, because I've seen how amazing she is as a mother. When it's time to go Ava cries, and I cry, and Rosa cries. But I know they will be okay. I also feel a little better knowing Ava has Shay while I'm gone.

  Chapter Forty

  Shay

  Night after night I grow more frustrated with coming home to an empty house. I have called Jacob like five times with no answer. It’s been months since we moved to Colorado, and I think I could count on one hand how many times I’ve seen Jacob since we’ve lived here.

  Ryder is at a friend’s house for the night, and I was just looking forward to having a night alone with my husband to be.

  I'm pacing the kitchen, wondering if I should go up to his office and find out when he plans to be home. I can't make dinner for us. I can't make plans for us. I haven't even talked to him in 3 days, because he comes and goes when I'm gone or asleep. This isn't the life I imagined for us, and I'm not going to start a life with someone if they aren't ready to start a life with me.

  I don't know if my sudden burst of independence is from seeing Luke again, or from just being fed up with people walking all over me and taking advantage of me. I don't want Ryder to grow up thinking his mom is weak. I have been through so much, and this is nothing.

  I grab my keys and head out. I'm going to find out what is so important he can't spend time with me, and if it's work, I'm going to sit at the office with him and at least have dinner.

  I get to the office, and it seems dead, aside from a few windows with lights on it looks as if everyone has gone home for the night.

  I park in the parking garage and head upstairs to his office. I can hear him before I see him. He's talking to someone, but I can't quite make out voices. His office door is closed when I get to it, so I just twist the knob and go in. I immediately walk in and see what Jacob has been so wrapped up in at the office.

  Jacob’s secretary, Jessica, is bent over his large wooden desk. She’s completely nude, aside from some bright red heels, and his pants are down around his ankles. He has his hands grabbing a chunk of her hair, and he’s pushing himself inside of her.

  It’s like a train wreck, and I can’t look away. I can’t speak, I can’t form words, and I’m just staring wide-eyed at the two of them.

  Jessica chooses this moment to look over at the door, and she gasps. Jacob is too wrapped up in what he’s doing and finishes before he realizes I’m standing there.

  "Shay! What the fuck are you doing here?”

  "Are you kidding me right now? Is this real life?” I’m glaring at him now, and painfully close to losing my cool.

  I like to pride myself in how I handle horrible situations, I’ve been through enough of them in my life, this is nothing.

  “I brought you some dinner, here you go.”

  I throw the bags of food at the two of them, maybe not my finest hour, but I’m feeling a little raged right now.

  I try to call Emily, but she doesn't pick up. I need to clear my head before I go home. I've got to figure out what we are going to do. We moved out here for Jacob, but I've just started my job and I love it. Ryder seems to be getting along well with the kids at school. I don't want to pull him out right after the school year started. I slam my hands on the steering wheel.

  How could he do this to me? Why would he even bother proposing if these were his intentions? I try Em one last time, but my call goes straight to voice mail. I take the chance to call Jimmy. He answers after 2 rings.

  "Hey doll, what’s up?" The tears immediately start to spill. "Shay, Shay what’s wrong?"

  I tell him the story, and immediately, I can tell he's pissed. "Look on my next day off I'm going to come out and visit. I'll help you. I have an off day on Monday, can you hold off until then?"

  I tell him to please not worry about that. I'll be fine, I'll figure it out, I always do. He pushes and he insists, and for once in my life, I give in. I need help, now is not the time to be prideful, I need his help, and I’m okay with admitting that.

  He talks to me a bit more, making sure I’m genuinely okay, and then I tearfully hang up the phone. I need to go home and get some things packed up for Ryder and me. We will probably need to spend a little while in a hotel until I can find us a place to stay. I'm going to have to explain to him what happened.

  When I pull up, I see Jacob's car in the driveway, I'm not too thrilled about it, but I know this conversation is going to have to happen. Better to have it now rather than later.

  The first thing he says when I walk in is, "It didn't mean anything Shay; we have just been working together late hours and we got caught up. It won't happen again."

  "How long?" I ask. He looks at me, looks like he wants to lie again and then changes his mind.

  "Since I started working out here."

  "Are you fucking kidding me, Jacob? You have been coming out here for a year. A fucking year. You are telling me it won't happen again is a slap in the face, it will happen again, it's a full-blown relationship. I'm the third wheel."

  He looks at me, doesn't deny anything I say, and sits down with his hands in his hair.

  "I'm going to gather up some things for the night. As soon as I get a place, I'll get the rest. and I'll do it asap, don't worry."

  He doesn't say anything, so I turn and walk away. He didn't even fight for me. I wouldn't have stayed, but the fact he didn't even fight for me isn't lost on me. There is a man across town that was fighting for me after only spending a week with me. My own fiancé can't even be bothered with that.

  How many more mistakes am I going to make in my life before I finally get it together. How many more men are going to disappoint me before I stop letting them?

  Chapter FORTY-ONE

  Luke

  This has been the longest week of my life. I've never been happier to be home, and I love playing ball. Ava is at the door to greet me when I get there, and that's one of the best feelings in the world.

  "How have you been, baby?"

  "I've been good. I had lots of fun. I made lots of friends." I squeeze her tight, so grateful to be back with my girl. I drop my bag and head into the kitchen. I see Jimmy.

  "Jimmy! What are you doing here, man? I'm so happy to see you.”

  "Hey man, I'm in town visiting Shay, and was hoping to catch you."

  "Well, I'm glad you stopped by; it's been too long." We sit around and chat when Jimmy's phone rings.

  "Hey, What? That's awesome. I'll be right there." He hangs up and looks at me.

  "I gotta head out dude. I'm supposed to help Shay move today."

  "What? Why wouldn't her fiancé help her move?"

  "Man, don't make me get involved. It's not my business to tell you that kind of stuff."

  I sigh, frustrated, and run my hands threw my hair.

  “Well, at least let me help. Another pair of hands will be helpful." He shrugs, and we head out the door.

  We get to her house 10 minutes later. Has she seriously been living this close to me all this time? Shay is standing outside on the porch when we pull up, at first, she seems uneasy about me being there, but only for a brief second and then she shakes it
off.

  "Hey guys, thanks for your help."

  We head inside and start grabbing boxes and furniture. Just as the last couple boxes are loaded in the truck, a BMW pulls into the driveway. The guy that steps out of the car just screams arrogance. He has the attitude of someone that thinks the sun rises and sets out of his ass.

  "Shay, is this for real? You can't be serious." The guy says, angrily.

  I look at Jimmy.

  This guy can't be serious talking to her like this. Jimmy puts his arm out as if to warn me to take a step back.

  "Look, Jacob, what's done is done. We already had this conversation, and there really isn't anything you can say to change my mind."

  "You see me fuck one girl and you freak out. Well go on then, you’re not worth my time. I’ve fucked a lot more girls than Jessica since we’ve been together. Maybe if you actually gave a shit about me, and what I was doing you would have realized it a long time ago. You will learn, Shay that all men are the same, and you just couldn't give me what I needed." At this point, I've had enough. Jimmy grabs my arm.

  "Dude, he is a lawyer, and you’re a ball player he will ruin your career."

  "Jimmy's right," Shay says. "He really isn't worth it anyway."

  I turn to the guy and tell him, "Your lucky."

  And then the three of us hop in the truck. About 30 miles down the road, we reach a small apartment building. We help her unload everything, and then Jimmy offers to get Ryder from school.

  When he leaves Shay and I are left in silence. I'm not sure what to say to her, I can tell she is hurting, but we haven't been close in a while, so I don't think it's my business to try and offer her advice. I'm not sure she would take it anyway.

  "I'm sorry about that scene he made out there." She sighs. "I caught him in his office naked with his secretary. It doesn't get more obvious what was going on. He thinks I'm stupid and tried telling me it wasn't what it looked like, then told me later it's been going on for a year. I'm such a fool."

  I walk towards her and take her in my arms.

  "You’re not a fool, Shay, you make some pretty questionable choices regarding guys, but you’re not a fool." She laughs into my chest.

  "Are you included in that list of questionable choices?" I sigh, I know she is joking, but unfortunately, she is right.

  "I was questionable back then, but I'm a man now. A man that still goes crazy when he looks into your eyes. I wouldn't consider myself a questionable choice anymore."

  She looks up at me and wipes a tear from her eye. "It's too soon Luke. I can’t jump headfirst into whatever this is when I just left someone I’ve been with for over five years. I have to get my life together; I have to worry about Ryder and me."

  I sigh and put my hands on her face. “It’s never the right time for us according to you. I’ve waited what feels like a lifetime for you, Shay, and I have no problem waiting longer. I don’t care if you were just with someone else, you and I both know he never really had you, it’s always been me. It will always be me. I'm just hoping when you realize that it is the right time, it's not too late."

  And I turn and head out the door. I've had enough of the heavy stuff for today. I call a cab and head back to my car. Having Shay in Colorado this close to me is going to kill me.

  Chapter FORTY-TWO

  Shay

  I lower myself to the floor and let the tears fall. How sad is it that I'm not crying for my failed relationship, I'm not crying for my fiancé that betrayed me, I'm crying for the man that I've never given a proper chance. I'm crying for someone that loves me with all that he has, even though I never give him any indication of feeling the same, even though I feel exactly the same, but I'm too terrified to let him in after all the pain I've been through. I’m too scared to let someone in that would be good to me because I’ve somehow made myself believe that I don’t deserve to be treated that way.

  All these years later, and I still can't get it through my head that I might deserve something more. That I might actually deserve to be happy.

  I pull myself together before Ryder and Jimmy get back, I don't need Ryder worried about me any more than he already is. I'm supposed to be the grown up here, and sometimes I think he feels like he needs to take care of me.

  I decide to text Luke.

  Sorry about earlier, you are right about so many things, give me some time and then we need to have a serious conversation.

  He replies quickly.

  Is this the bottom of the 9th?

  I smile and stick my phone back into my pocket.

  It's nearing the end of September; baseball season is almost over. Luke has three more games until his season is finished, and then I think it's time we have that talk.

  It's been almost a month since all the craziness with Jacob went down, and I'm ready. I'm ready to move on, and I'm ready to take this step.

  Ryder and I are sitting on the couch watching the game, and Luke is coming up to bat. I always get anxious, and Ryder always gets excited. He has been so happy about having Luke back around again.

  He has a nice hit, it looks like it's going to be a double, he rounds first and is making his way to second, it looks like his foot landed on the bag safely, but his body just kept going. He goes down. I jump off the couch covering my mouth.

  "Come on, Ryder, let's go."

  I jump in the car, not even sure I'll be able to get anywhere near him at the stadium, but I can't live with myself if I don't try.

  I race to the players entrance, and the man at the door tells me he can't let me in. I tell him numerous times who I am, plead with him to at least let someone know I'm there, so maybe it will get back to Luke. I sit in my car for hours when a phone call comes through.

  "JIMMY! What happened to Luke, have you heard? No one will tell me anything they won't let me in to see him. I don't know how to contact him."

  "Calm down, Shay. It's not good. It seems like he has probably broken his ankle, and maybe caused some ligament damage. He is on his way to the hospital. My game is over, so I'm catching a flight out there. Go home, and I will call you when I know more. He knows you are there. He knows."

  I hang up the phone and put my head in my hands and cry. This will break him. It will absolutely break him; baseball is his life. Baseball is everything to him, aside from Ava, baseball is all he has.

  I forget Ryder is with me until I feel someone reach over to hug me.

  “It will all be okay, mom. I know it will.”

  I kiss his forehead and somehow get us home. Ryder heads to bed after making me promise him if I hear something during the night, I will wake him up. I somehow manage to fall asleep and am woken up by the sound of my phone. I look at the clock and it's a little after 4 am.

  "Luke, are you okay? Oh my God, I've been so worried about you. I tried to be there for you."

  "Baby, it's okay. I'm okay. It's not good, but I'll be fine. I know you were there. I cursed everyone for not letting you in, as soon as your done with work come by the house. Jimmy is going to be staying for a while, and I'm heading home this morning."

  I breathe a sigh of relief.

  "Are you crazy? I'm not going into work. There is already a sub coming in. I'll be there as soon as I can."

  I hang up and get dressed. I need to get to his house and help Rosa get ready for him to come home. I call one of Ryder's friends’ moms and ask if it's okay that Ryder catches the bus at their house, and drop him off. I get to the house and Rosa welcomes me with a smile.

  "I thought you might show up." She says.

  "What can I do to help?" She puts me to work in Luke's downstairs living room. We are going to transform it into a bedroom for him until he is getting around better. We are just putting the finishing touches on things when Jimmy and Luke walk in the door.

  "Shay, what are you doing here?" Luke asks.

  "I have to be here for you. You have been here for me so many times. It's my turn. Let me help you, please." He smiles and pulls me into a hug.

 
"I would love nothing more than to spend some more time with you."

  "I'll take the evenings and Jimmy can take days. That way he gets a little bit of a break, and I can make sure Ava learns what she needs to learn at school." I say with a smile.

  "I'm not going anywhere. I'm done making excuses. I think we finally made it to the bottom of the 9th."

  I look up at him with a smile and tears in my eyes. He puts his hand on my cheek and wipes a stray tear that’s threatening to fall.

  “I thought this day would never come.” He sighs, just as he pulls me in for a hug.

  Chapter FORTY-THREE

  Luke

  Two months later

  I'm a mess. I'm trying to put on a front for all these people that care for me. But I'm dying inside.

  I’m told today that my baseball career is over. I haven't told anyone yet, because that will make it feel real.

  I was starting to feel like I might have everything I want in life. Shay and I have been spending time together, and I think our relationship was about to take a turn for the better and then this happens. I want Shay to have all of me, and I don't feel complete right now. I can't ruin this chance that I'm finally getting with her, but I don't know if I will ever be the same guy again. Who am I without baseball?

  Sure, it will be nice to spend all my time with Ava, but what will I do? I am nothing without ball. I'm trying to keep myself from falling into a depression, and I don't want to be that way around Ava. I don't want to be that way around Shay. I don’t want to be that way around Ryder. But every day it gets harder and harder.

  It's nearing Thanksgiving, and I'm finally moving around like normal. Shay, Ava, and Ryder are on Thanksgiving break, Jimmy still stays around a lot, and Rosa is here, so the house is full. I love it. I love all these people, but I also just want them to leave. I want to take some more painkillers and sleep my life away, but I can't do that. Shay and I have grown closer. Ava and Ryder love each other, and I have to suck it up and be present for these people that I love.