by Ella Fields
“I sure am. Now that I’ve found you again, I’d be stupid not to.” He frowned, dark eyes taking in my no doubt stunned expression. I hoped I didn’t look as panicked as I felt. “Unless, of course, you don’t want to?”
“No,” I found myself blurting. Why did I say that? He was good looking, really good looking. And maybe it was because I could feel Quinn’s gaze on us, but I decided to hell with it. “That’s not it.”
He continued to stare at me, his top teeth sinking into his bottom lip and dragging. I blinked, following their every move as he murmured, “Well, I just thought it’s the least you can do after leaving me hanging at that party I invited you to weeks ago.”
“What?” I lifted my eyes to his.
“The first time I met you? I invited you to a party.”
Well, crap. He did. “Sorry.” I shook my head, laughing quietly. “I haven’t done much of that since I started here.”
“I’ll forgive you. If you come out with me on Sunday.”
Not being able to stop them, my eyes slid over Callum’s shoulder, soaking in the sight of Quinn in his gym shorts and team hoodie. He wasn’t looking at me, though. He was staring at the back of Callum’s head with his eyes narrowed slightly and arms crossed over his broad chest.
Callum started to turn, and I panicked, blurting, “What time?”
His smile was slow to spread across his face, but it was nice. His full lips curving and his eyes lighting up in a way that held my attention. “Eight. Girls dorms, right?”
Nodding, I smiled shakily at him, thinking he’d leave now.
Before he did, he reached over the counter and gently grasped the side of my head, planting a kiss on my cheek. “See you then, beautiful.”
He swaggered to the door while I held the counter with a death grip, trying to figure out what just happened.
Quinn stood by the door as the other four of them moved out onto the sidewalk, laughing and slapping Callum on the back. I didn’t know what to do, or if I should do anything at all. So I just stared. He stared back, and my heart thumped its way into my ears. I wondered what he was thinking. If that slight tic in his jaw still meant he was annoyed about something. And if the otherwise tense, immovable stance of his body had something to do with me.
I wondered and wondered, and I opened my mouth, breath sifting through my parted lips as I battled the urge to ask him what he was doing. To ask him anything at all.
When it became too much, I cleared my throat and could only settle on, “Your friends are gone.”
He didn’t respond but seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was in by shaking his head. The door shut behind him, and I watched as he tucked his hands into his pockets, walking by the windows with one last glance at me through them before disappearing.
After my shower, I padded down the dingy hall to our room, still thinking about the events of tonight. Pippa had just gotten in from her study group and was unpacking her backpack as I put my toiletries away in the little stand on my dresser.
“So Callum came into the parlor tonight.”
“That tall guy on the team from the diner a while back?”
“Uh-huh.” I flipped my head forward, running the towel through the wet ends of my hair.
“What happened?” She plugged her phone into the charger and sat on her bed, rummaging through a notebook.
I hung my towel up and grabbed my moisturizer. Squirting some into my palm, I smoothed it over my face. “He asked me to the movies.”
“For real? You said yes?” She didn’t sound enthusiastic. But then again, I guess I didn’t either.
“For real. And I did. But … Quinn was there.”
She gasped. “Oh, get fucked.”
Capping my moisturizer and tossing it onto my dresser, I admitted, “It was awkward, to say the least.”
“He say anything?”
My bed bounced as I jumped onto it. “Nope. Not a damn thing. Oh, he did call out to Callum to hurry up while he was talking to me.” Pippa’s silence had me turning my head, looking at her pinched lips. “What?”
“Did he seem annoyed?”
Thinking about it, I said, “I don’t know. A little maybe.”
“Figures,” she scoffed. “He’d better not be pulling the whole ‘I can’t have her but neither can anyone else’ bullshit.”
“I doubt it.” I yawned. “You’ve seen Alexis. Besides, if he wanted me, I was right there, arms open and dumb as hell, all his for the taking when I first saw him again.” Laughter from out in the hall broke the silence that followed, and I sighed. “I don’t even know why I said yes.”
“You do,” Pippa said, getting up to get her pajamas out of her dresser.
My brows furrowed as I gazed at the ceiling. Maybe I did. Still, I asked, “Why do you think I did?”
She slammed the drawer. I could feel her eyes probing me but kept my own facing upward. “Because Quinn was there. Because you’re too nice to say no to someone’s face. Because the guy is gorgeous. Oh, and let’s not forget, because Quinn has moved on.”
“Ouch. Say it, don’t shank me with it.”
“You know I’m right. And I think you did the right thing by saying yes.” She walked out of the room, leaving me with only her departing words for company.
The sun peeked through the thin gaps of the closed venetian blinds, throwing tiny slashes of light into the otherwise still dark bedroom. The arm around my waist shifted, and I glanced down. Alexis’s dark hair lay piled in a mess on top of her head, her dark lashes resting over the perfectly sculpted apples of her cheeks.
My throat tightened, and I glanced away.
This feeling of waking yet still dreaming flogged every one of my senses, making my skin burn from the inside out as my mind tangled with threads from the past.
My eyes shut, and I dragged in a slow breath, releasing it as quietly as possible. Right now, I was struggling. Unable to look at the young woman in bed beside me when my thoughts insisted on traveling someplace else. A place I thought I’d blocked out, that I had under lock and key. A place that was both old and new and now entirely forbidden.
I wouldn’t be that guy. I’d promised myself I had it under control.
Not seeing her helped that. I thought I was fine. But seeing her last night, or rather, knowing that she might now move on too, well, it rattled me. Made me realize this was no longer about my simple plan to live, love with what I have left, and survive.
This could turn into an all-out war.
“Hey, sexy.” A husky, sleep-coated voice pulled me from my head.
Shaking it, I stretched my arms above my head to grant myself a few seconds to wipe my features clean, and what I’d been thinking about from my eyes.
“Hey, sleep well?” I blinked my eyes open and looked down at her.
Alexis snuggled closer, a grin tugging at her plump lips. “You bet I did. What was that?”
My brows and arms lowered. “What was what?”
She rolled her eyes. “Last night. You fucked me like you were sure it was your last day on earth.” Biting her lip, she whispered, “I didn’t know you had it in you, my sweet man.”
Unable to avoid wincing slightly, I tried to laugh it off. My laughter broke into a groan. “Shit, I didn’t … I mean—”
Pressing her finger against my lips, she shushed me. “Don’t. I loved every second.” Her hand drifted lower, over my chest, nails tickling a trail down my abs to my dick. “In fact, I think we should do it again. Right now.”
My dick stirred, as it would with any drop-dead gorgeous woman making her way between my legs, but fuck me, I couldn’t do this right now. I needed air, and I needed to get my head on straight. As I was passing out last night, I’d vowed I wouldn’t fuck her like that again. I took her like an animal, and in the back of my mind, I knew it was because of what I’d seen at the damn ice-cream parlor just an hour beforehand.
My ringing phone thankfully gave me an out. “Shit. I think that’s my mom’s ringtone.”<
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“What a buzzkill.” Alexis sat up, grabbing her shirt from the floor and pulling it over her head, sans bra. “You can go a week without speaking to her, you know.”
Reaching across the bed to the nightstand, I froze, my skittish pulse kicking up a notch. “What?”
“Your mom.” She stood, grabbing her bag and tossing her own phone in there before tugging her panties on. “It was cute at first, don’t get me wrong, but don’t you get annoyed by it now? You’re in your second year of college, for Christ’s sake.”
My mom had always been a bit of a thorn between Alexis and me. Poking and prodding when she felt like it. But Alexis didn’t help matters by being so … cold about the relationship I had with her.
“Why would I? I call her almost as much as she calls me. Besides, we haven’t spoken in a while.”
She tugged on her jeans then got to work retying her messy bun. “Forget I said anything. I’ve gotta go anyway. Just remembered I’ve probably got a pop quiz in biology this morning.”
I sat up as she walked over to the bed, the gray sheet falling over my naked waist. Grabbing my chin, she tilted my head, searching my eyes for a heartbeat that made my own thud with every passing second. “I love you,” she whispered, lips resting on mine quickly before pulling away.
“I love you, too,” I said as she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.
And I did.
Did I feel bad about getting with Alexis? Of course. At first, I felt like the worst kind of son of a bitch that ever lived. But she made me feel … better. Her friendship saved me from some of my darkest moments. And perhaps I leaned on it a little too heavily. Started to rely on it. Depended on it to keep me afloat. Because something changed, and when she made her move, I wasn’t in any kind of place to turn her away. Hell, I think I welcomed it.
I knew she liked me. She’d never kept that much of a secret from me, and as the weeks turned into months, the months turning my heart to ashes, I decided to trust the branch of more she was extending. For fear of what might happen if I continued to spiral into something I wasn’t.
One kiss. One hesitant kiss. The shaky brush of her lips planting themselves on mine, and over time, I found a glimmer of something I never thought I’d be able to have again.
I’d always thought she was attractive. But I was a guy who no longer owned his heart, and so I never did more than briefly acknowledge it. As soon as I did, long after my heart was left bleeding at my feet one sunny afternoon, the attraction grew. Raging like a long-forgotten inferno deep in my gut.
Though, in hindsight, maybe it was more of a burning desire for revenge. I didn’t know. All I knew was that I didn’t expect to lose the remaining parts of my heart to someone else.
And the guilt I felt for letting that happen, well, I thought I’d let go of that a long time ago.
Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair then snatched my phone from the nightstand. Hitting call, I laid back down on the bed and watched the lines of light dance over the sheets as I waited for her to pick up.
“Hey, baby boy.”
“Hey.” I smiled. “Sorry I missed your call.”
“Don’t worry.” She sounded like she was busy, dishes rattling in the background. “How’re you doing? I haven’t spoken to you in a few weeks, which isn’t like you.”
She was right. The truth was, I was kind of pissed at her and didn’t know how to deal with that or broach the reason. It’d make it sound like I still cared more than I should. But I knew I had to. She’d have to have known. “Did you know Daisy was coming here?” I tried to keep my tone neutral, but if I could hear the accusation in it, then so could she.
Silence. Not even a sound in the background. “Mom?”
She cursed softly. “Yes?”
Groaning, my hand met my face. “Don’t play dumb, please.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Mom—”
“Did Dad text you about the calf? He was born last week you know—”
“Ma …”
“And Mary is doing well; she’s such a fusser. As we predicted she would—”
“Mom!” I yelled. Silence again. Great. I rushed to say, “Sorry, I’m sorry. It’s … please just tell me.”
After heaving out a loud breath, she finally admitted, “Okay, fine. I might’ve known that maybe, there was a slight chance. Not a big one, just a tiny one. Retta might’ve mentioned it once in passing, I mean …”
“Mom.” My fist moved to my mouth so I could bite down on it to stop from growling at her again.
“Sorry,” she said, voice meek. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to, um …”
She trailed off, but I caught what she wasn’t saying. “You didn’t want to risk I wouldn’t come to Gray Springs again this year?”
Clattering reached my ear. “Maybe. Look, I have lots of dishes to do. Chickens to feed. Busy, busy. I should really be going, darling.”
“Don’t you dare. You’re not allowed to keep this from me then leave me alone to deal with it.”
“Oh,” she whispered. “What’s happened? You’ve seen her then?”
Anyone could detect the excitement in her voice. Despite knowing that she likely did this on purpose, that she’d never really liked Alexis and me getting together because of Daisy, I still needed to talk to her. I needed to tell someone who might understand what had happened, and let how I was feeling out. Hopefully then I could find a way to leave it behind. Keep moving forward.
“Yeah, a few times now,” I said, resigned.
“I’ll put the teakettle on.”
“You look like Taylor Swift circa 2009. Next.”
Blowing a piece of curled hair from my face, I tugged the plaid blouse and denim shorts off and rummaged through the wardrobe for something else. “It’s just the movies. Why do I need to get so dressed up?”
I heard Pippa’s book shut before she appeared beside me. “The trick is to look like you didn’t go to much effort yet still look amazing.” She started tossing hangers aside in her side of the wardrobe.
Staring at her in nothing but my yellow cotton bra and matching panties, I wondered how the hell I was supposed to figure out that kind of jigsaw puzzle.
Laughing, she glanced at me over her shoulder. “What? You seriously had no girlfriends around in school to tell you this crap?” Blinking, I looked down at my mint green toenail polish, my toes curling over the coarse old carpet. “Sorry,” Pippa whispered.
“No,” I said. “It’s fine. I had friends at my new school, but I never dated. So whenever I heard about this stuff, well, I guess I kind of ignored it.”
“You didn’t date anyone after Quinn?”
Looking at her, I tried to smile. “No. No one. I didn’t want to.”
Her green eyes filled with sympathy. “Jesus, no wonder you’ve been such a mess.”
“Thanks? I think.”
She pinched my cheek, then grabbed my favorite navy blue dress with white daisies on it from a hanger on my side. “Just be you. Fuck the stupid dating rules.”
Taking it from her, I felt tears rush to my eyes and swallowed. “Okay.”
“But pair it with these,” she said, grabbing some flat heeled boots of mine and a faux leather jacket of hers.
Grinning, I rushed to finish getting ready.
As it crept closer to eight, the panic slowly set in. “Oh, shit.” My hands started flapping at my sides. I smoothed them over my dress, over and over. “What if he’s really a huge creep?”
“Stop,” Pippa said, rummaging through my bag. She passed me my caramel-flavored lip balm. “Put this on and go wait downstairs. I’ll wait with you if you want.”
Taking it from her, I swiped some on with a shaky hand, then checked my makeup in the mirror one last time. “Will that make me look like a loser? Too eager? Crap, I think I used too much mascara. My lashes are starting to clump.” I turned around, eyes wide on Pippa who was biting her lip to stop from laughing
. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”
The laughter left her eyes, and she stepped closer. “Okay, time for some tough love.”
“Tough love?”
“Yep.”
“Okay, hit me.” I braced myself, and she giggled.
“You’re ridiculous. Seriously, though.” She grabbed my shoulders. “It’s time. Don’t hate me, don’t slap me, just listen to me.”
“Listening,” I said, nodding and drawing in a deep breath.
“If Quinn was coming back to you, don’t you think he would’ve done so by now?”
“I’m not so sure I like this kind of tough love,” I muttered, exhaling roughly.
She rubbed my upper arms over the faux leather of her jacket. “I know. But you need to think like this, or you’ll never move forward. He’s hurt you. Badly. He’s made it clear he’s not coming back to fix that. You’ve let it hurt, and now it’s time to stop hurting even if that means doing things that scare you.”
My heart twitched with stubborn outrage, then seemed to give in with the slumping of my shoulders. “You’re right.”
“Besides.” Her hands slid down my arms, grabbing mine to squeeze tightly before releasing. “Would you even want him back after what he’s done? After how he and Alexis have made you feel?”
Out of all the things I’ve thought about over the weeks since I’d seen them, that had never actually crossed my mind. I wanted to scream, “Yes!” but I couldn’t. Something stopped me and made me turn those words over slowly in my head. Maybe I wouldn’t.
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I could.”
“But it doesn’t lessen how you still feel about him, I know.” She grabbed my purse and passed it to me. “So time to see if you can feel that way about someone new.”
Nodding, I said, “Thank you.”
“No thank yous, just give me every detail when you get back. And you’d better let him at least kiss you!”
Those last words followed me out the door and almost had me tripping over my feet. Shit.
Kissing? I felt like I’d been catapulted back to childhood when things like kissing made you cringe. I was cringing, but I was also petrified. And as I stared at Callum’s full lips under the dash lights in his car, maybe a tiny bit excited.