by Ella Fields
“The one who makes him look like he’s in a faraway place sometimes.”
I looked back at him, my brows furrowing. The front door opened, cutting off any chance I had to berate him with questions.
Alexis walked into the living room, and my heart fell into my unsettled stomach.
Toby glanced at us, whistling low. “Well, damn. Didn’t predict this happening. At all.” He got up, calling out, “Burnell!” Putting his coffee mug down, he mumbled something about Quinn probably being asleep.
“What are you doing here?” There wasn’t an all-out accusation in her voice, but it was still there. I think she was shocked more than anything.
I watched her move her sunglasses to the top of her perfectly styled head of hair and cleared my throat. Toby thankfully took pity and intervened. “Daisy and her friend were at the party last night. They got locked out of their dorm, so they slept here on the couch.”
Alexis twisted her lips, looking from Toby to the blankets strewn on the couch. “Her friend?”
“That’d be me,” Pippa said, scooting past her and dumping herself back on the couch.
Toby watched her every move as if she was about to perform a magic trick any second.
Then finally, Quinn arrived. “Ah, hey,” he said, tugging a shirt over his head.
Abs, holy abs. And fucking hipbones that had my jaw dropping. I snapped my mouth shut and made my eyes look away. They didn’t like it, but I could feel Alexis moving that feline-like gaze of hers over us, so it was best to be safe. “What’re you doing here?” he asked.
Alexis’s head reared back. “Oh, sorry. I came by to see you, my boyfriend, and found two girls on your couch. Why are you asking me questions right now? Because I’m a little bit fucking confused by that.”
Toby snorted, making everyone’s eyes swing his way. “Sorry, sorry. Carry on,” he muttered, picking up his mug and taking a seat next to Pippa.
“Lex,” Quinn started, and oh how my heart pinched at hearing him give her a nickname.
“No.” She laughed. “What the hell?”
“I think we should go,” I said quietly, looking at Pippa.
“Seriously? And miss the fight?” Toby asked.
Pippa nodded in agreement. “Yeah, just wait a minute.” She waved her hand in a downward motion as I rose to stand.
I rolled my eyes, almost growling behind clenched teeth. “Come on. Please.”
Heading for the exit of the living room, I hesitated, waiting for either Quinn or Alexis to step back so I could pass without touching one of them. They didn’t move. Taking a quick peek, I found Quinn looking at the ground, and Alexis throwing her icy glare back and forth between me and Quinn.
Fine, then. I held my breath and walked between them, then realized I didn’t have my shoes.
God damn it.
“Got them,” Pippa said with a smirk, shouldering past Alexis and Quinn and dropping them to the floor so I could slip them on. Toby offered to drive us, but we declined, and he walked us back to our dorm instead.
“Do they fight much?” Pippa asked him as we walked outside, Alexis’s voice escaping the closed door.
Toby shrugged, tucking his hands into his jean pockets. “Not really. Which is surprising. That chick is pretty high strung.”
“He’s known her for a long time,” I said without thinking.
“So I guess he’d know how to handle her then.” Toby said what I didn’t say.
Pippa made a grunting sound. “She’s got a reason to be pissed, I guess. We aren’t just two random chicks sleeping on her boyfriend’s couch.”
Toby hummed. “You and Quinn, you went out then?”
“A long time ago,” I said even though it felt like mere months ago. I pulled my cardigan tighter around me as we walked across the grass, the morning dew still clinging to the deep green blades.
“It wasn’t that long ago. What, two years?” Pippa asked even though she knew.
“Yep. Which is a long time,” I added.
The campus was quiet, as it usually was early on a Saturday morning. I felt like I could sleep for the rest of the weekend. But the paper I had due on Monday morning kind of messed with that plan.
Toby looked thoughtful when I glanced over at him but remained quiet.
When we reached our dorm, I climbed the steps, knowing he wanted some time with Pippa. “Thanks for last night.”
He gave me a wink, and I went inside. After spending a few minutes arguing with the probably hungover desk clerk, that no, I didn’t lock myself out just to piss her off, she finally handed me a key. “Return it in two minutes.”
“Fine,” I mumbled. Yeesh. As if people locked themselves out just to make her life hell.
Once inside, I saw my set of keys on the floor by the dresser, right next to a discarded bottle of orange juice. Which was sitting next to the still opened bottle of vodka.
Crinkling my nose, I put the cap on the bottle quickly and hid it on a shelf at the top of the wardrobe before snatching my keys and returning the spare downstairs.
Pippa came in just as I headed back toward the stairs. “I need a shower, sleep, food, and then more sleep.”
“Agreed. What’s going on with Toby?”
“Nothing,” she said quickly, ducking her head as we reached the second landing.
I scoffed. “Don’t even try that.”
She kept me in suspense until we were back in our room, grabbing our stuff to take a shower. “He asked me to go to his game next week. He wants to hang out after.”
“Are you going to go?” I asked, making sure I had my conditioner.
“I told him I’d think about it, but if I went, it wasn’t to watch him.”
I laughed, leaning back against the dresser. “You’re going to play hard to get?”
She snickered, closing the drawer with her butt. “Nah, but a little hard work never hurt anybody.”
Showered and lying on my bed, I stared upside down at the painting I still had hanging above it. “Do you think it’s time I take it down?” I asked Pippa when she came back into the room. Even to my ears, my voice was almost childlike, as though I feared the answer I might get.
“You want my honest answer or a bullshit one to make you feel better?” I didn’t know, so I stayed quiet. “I think you should, if only to make it a little easier for you to move on.”
“I’m supposed to be doing that, aren’t I?”
“What, moving on?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Yep. And no offense, but you’re kind of failing spectacularly at it.”
“I always aim high,” I tried to joke, my breath hitching on the last word.
My thoughts strayed, and I wondered if they were still fighting. If they’d even fought at all. A part of me was kind of happy that they still deemed me worthy enough of that kind of attention. And I didn’t even feel bad about that. I was sick and tired of feeling guilty for something I had no control over. I might never move on, but at least I was willing to be honest with myself.
Still looking at the picture of Quinn, I declared, “It can stay a while longer.”
“Is she still pissed at you?” Toby asked, scooping a huge spoonful of cereal into his mouth at the kitchen counter.
I poured myself some orange juice, then put it away, looking at the empty contents of the fridge with a grumbling stomach. “Nah, I don’t think so.”
He mumbled around a mouthful, “Then why you still moping and shit?”
It’d been a few days since drunk Daisy and her friend had crashed on our couch. Christ, just waking up and knowing she was under the same roof as I was had my stomach somersaulting, followed by some extreme knotting. “There was nothing for her to be mad about, so she got over it pretty quick.”
“But?” Toby asked.
Damn guy had always been too inquisitive for his own good. Not long after I’d met him, before our freshman year had even started, he had me pegged. “You have a hot-ass girlfriend, a full scholarship, and pla
y for one of the best teams in the state, yet you look like something isn’t quite right,” was what he’d said two days after meeting me.
And that was just it. Something wasn’t feeling quite right. At all. Especially after what she’d said walking back here the other night.
“It’s just not adding up, I guess. Daisy.” He knew the deal. Ages ago, after one too many beers, I’d told him the whole sordid tale. Even though I left out her name, it didn’t surprise me that he figured out it was her.
“You got that right. She still looks at you like you hung the fucking moon.”
Rummaging through the pantry, I was thankful he couldn’t see me wince at the mention of the damn moon. Or how what he said affected me.
Drawing in a sharp breath, I set it free slowly and closed the doors, grabbing my juice and leaning against the counter. “She changed her number. Wouldn’t talk to me. She even admitted it.”
Nodding, he swallowed another mouthful of cereal before saying, “Have you asked her why?”
Putting my glass down, I coughed, thumping my chest as the juice choked the air from me with help from that question.
“Jesus Christ.” He laughed incredulously. “You haven’t, have you?” Getting up and taking his bowl to the dishwasher, he muttered, “All twisted up inside over something he could easily fucking find the answers for. Idiot.”
“Whatever. You’re missing the point. It’s too late now,” I said with a slight wheeze in my voice.
He paused in the kitchen doorway. “Enough about you and your patheticness. You think her friend will give me a shot?”
I stared at my juice as if it was the culprit of all this rising doubt and these questions inside me. “She doesn’t seem like the hit and ditch type.” Toby went quiet at that, looking at the tiles when I glanced over at him. “Holy shit, you’re considering getting serious with someone?”
Flipping me off, he walked away. “Don’t act like you know me, Burnell.”
I was still laughing as I got my gear ready and headed over to campus for practice.
“Can you please send me Henrietta’s number?” I asked my mom when I got back in my truck after class that afternoon.
“Uh, why?” She told Spud to get down in the background, and I smirked, my heart aching a little. I missed him. “The last time you got off the phone with her, you cursed me out for having a crappy friend who wouldn’t let you speak to your girlfriend.”
Sucking air past my teeth, I closed my eyes and thumped my head back against the headrest. “I know. I need to talk to her though.”
“All right, I’ll text it to you.” She paused. “You’re not handling this so well, are you?” The fact she didn’t sound pleased and actually seemed worried this time made me feel marginally better.
“I don’t know what I am right now,” I admitted. “But I gotta go. How’s Spud?”
I could almost see her roll her eyes through the phone. “Spud, God. Need I say more?”
I chuckled. “So he’s fine, then.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll call you in a few days. Bye, Ma.”
“Don’t forget!” she hollered.
We hung up, and I straightened, ready to start the truck and get home when my phone pinged. I opened the text my mother sent me with the number, staring at it for way too long before I decided to call.
I was afraid it’d go to voicemail, knowing Henrietta was probably still teaching and maybe wasn’t finished working yet. Maybe that was for the best.
She picked up. “Hello?”
“Hi. It’s, ah, it’s Quinn.”
A beat of silence. Then, “Quinn Burnell?”
“The one and only,” I tried to joke, but my smile fell instantly. “Do you have a few minutes?”
“One sec, honey.” Muffled sounds filled my ear, and then it was quiet. “Sorry, moved back into my classroom. The students have just left, so it’s much quieter in here. What’s up?”
“I wanted to ask you about Daisy. What, well, you know, about what happened?”
“What do you mean?” Her voice was hesitant.
“She stopped answering my calls. She changed her number. And when I tried to call the house, you or Joseph would say she wasn’t available.”
More silence. I waited, hearing nothing but my choppy breathing and watching my hand fist the steering wheel. “I’m sorry. I don’t really know what to say. Have you spoken with Daisy?” It was my turn to hesitate, and she sighed. “Quinn, look. I’m happy you called. But I really think you should talk to Daisy about it.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I practically whispered, not caring if I sounded like an idiot. “But I need to know. Why did you guys lie?”
“Quinn …”
“Just, give me something. It’s not making sense anymore.”
“What isn’t?” she asked.
“That, well, I thought we just fell apart. I thought she lost interest and moved on.”
Henrietta made a slight coughing sound. “Oh, no. Honey, I wish I could tell you that she did.”
Breath, I couldn’t catch it. “Then, why?”
She exhaled loudly and said, “We thought it was for the best. She was miserable. She wasn’t making any friends or drawing and hardly left the house. We took her phone. Told her she could have it back after she made some changes. And Alexis …”
I blinked, trying to catch up with all she’d said. “Alexis?”
“I don’t know what she said exactly, but Daisy once mentioned that Alexis said that long-distance relationships didn’t work out, and that you both deserved to be happy instead of sad all the time.”
At a loss for words, my clammy hand dropped from the steering wheel, falling to my lap with a quiet thud as I stared out the front windshield at the old buildings on campus, barely seeing a thing.
“Quinn?”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I’m here, sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t have much else to tell you. That’s all I really know. Joe and myself wanted to see our girl smile again. You’ve got to understand. We felt so guilty for moving her away from you. But we didn’t think it’d be so …”
“Life changing,” I blurted without thinking.
“Yeah. It was turning her into someone else, and even after she stopped talking to you, she was never quite the same. But she had goals; she smiled again and kept going.”
Emotion clogged my throat, and I cleared it again. “I’ve gotta go. But thanks. For talking to me and, um, not hating me, I guess.”
“I could never hate you, honey. But I’d be careful around Joe if you ever see him again.” She laughed. “Take care, but please, don’t upset our girl.”
I couldn’t promise something I was pretty certain I’d already done, so I simply said goodbye.
Tossing my phone onto the passenger seat, I tried to process what little information I’d just discovered. Little information that was a huge deal.
Guilt slithered through my gut, and my head fell into my hands. She was struggling just as bad, if not worse, than I was. And Alexis …
My head snapped up, and my teeth gritted. Starting the engine, I checked my mirrors then made my way to the other side of campus.
I pulled in outside the tall, gray buildings covered in ivory and standing tall against the bright autumn blue sky. Getting out, I grabbed my phone, sending Alexis a text to let her know I was downstairs. It was Tuesday, and I knew she’d finished her last class at one o’clock. She’d either be here or at the library.
Leaning against my truck, I waved to a few girls from my calculus class and waited.
She came out the wide double doors a few minutes later, running her hands through her hair as she jogged down the steps. “Hey.” She smiled, leaning in to kiss me. Not returning it, I gently grabbed her upper arms and moved her back a step. She frowned. “What’s up?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Daisy?”
Her frown turned into an annoyed scowl. “What? Why ar
e we even talking about her?”
“Just answer me. Why didn’t you tell me how bad she was doing?”
“What do you mean?” Her blue eyes flitted over my face.
“You told me that every time you spoke to her, after she left, she was happy. That she’d made new friends and sounded like she was doing just fine.”
She visibly swallowed and stepped back. “She did sound fine.”
“Don’t lie to me,” I hissed.
Alexis paled, glancing around at the few passersby on the street. “Can we not do this here?”
Anger filled every cell in my body. “We’re not doing it anywhere else. Talk.”
Looking at the ground, she ran a shaky hand through her dark hair. “I’m sorry.”
I straightened from the truck. “Did you tell her to cut ties with me?”
“Quinn, come on,” she said, her voice getting raspy.
“Did you or did you not tell Daisy to stop talking to me?”
I was met with silence, and a bitter laugh left me as I turned to go. “Wait, stop.” I turned around, watching her black flats skim nervously over the sidewalk. “It wasn’t exactly like that.”
“Then how exactly was it?”
“You were miserable, partying all the time, which is something you never used to do. And whenever I spoke to her, it was always Quinn this or Quinn that, and I was sick of it. So yeah, I might’ve said something about how it might not last, and that you both should be happy instead of so torn up all the time.”
I blinked at her, not knowing what I was supposed to do now. My shoulders slumped. “That’s messed up, Alexis.”
She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, but I thought I was helping.”
“Helping?” I scratched the scruff on my chin for a beat, the uptick of my heart invading my ears. “So you thought lying to me was helping?”
Sucking her lips between her teeth, she shook her head, stepping closer. “I said I was sorry. Look.” She placed her hands on my arms, smoothing over them until they reached my own, and she stared up at me. “It was only a few years ago, sure. But we were so much younger. I didn’t know what I was doing. Only that I wanted you, and she wasn’t coming back. I didn’t think I was hurting anyone.”