Suddenly Forbidden

by Ella Fields

  “Maybe,” I said, thinking, maybe never.

  No one seemed good enough for Daisy. Especially not me.

  Leaning in, Alexis pressed her lips against my cheek, her hand leaving mine to tilt my head to hers. Her lips met mine, and I shut my eyes, trying to rid my thoughts of golden hair by letting her take control of the kiss. It started slow, sweet, but when her hands began to roam and a whimper slipped out of her mouth and into mine, a chilling sensation worked its way down my spine.

  I pulled away. “I’m sorry, I really meant what I said. I’ve gotta finish a paper.”

  Blowing out a resigned breath, Alexis sat back, her fingers combing through her hair as she stood. From the doorway, she asked, “We’re okay, though?”

  Not wanting to outright lie, I sent a smile her way and nodded.

  Toby paused in the doorway to my room a few hours later. “Oh, shit. You are home.”

  Tossing my pen down, I turned my chair around to face him and stretched my arms up and over my head. “Apparently.”

  His head bobbed up and down. A little too fast for my liking. Cracking my neck, I studied him. He was wearing jeans and a band t-shirt, and I could smell his aftershave. “Got a date?”

  “Kind of.” He walked off, saying, “Pippa’s coming around. She and Daisy should be here any minute.”

  What the fuck?

  Getting up from my chair so fast that it almost fell backward, I marched out of my room to the top of the staircase. “Daisy? Why?”

  He looked up at me from the bottom. “I offered to make Pippa agree to come over. She’s harder to crack than a block of concrete. And Daisy’s cool, so I’ll deal.”

  I heard the TV turn on a minute later and cursed underneath my breath. Great.

  Walking back to my room, I sat back down in my chair, scooting it toward the desk. But my concentration was shot. My brain taking off elsewhere.

  Voices sounded downstairs, and I looked down at my attire.

  Pajama pants and a white t-shirt I’d pulled on after my shower. Studying was bad enough. I liked to at least be comfortable.

  I could stay up here, I thought to myself. Just ignore that she was here.

  Yeah right, you fucking wish.

  Groaning quietly, I got up to get changed, then thought better of it. I didn’t care. I wasn’t supposed to care. I had a girlfriend.

  I repeated that last nugget of important information to myself as I made my way downstairs and into the living room, thinking I’d just say a quick hello so I didn’t seem rude.

  “Hey, asshole,” Pippa said, chucking some popcorn into her mouth from where she was seated next to Toby on the couch. I was more surprised he didn’t care she was eating popcorn on the couch than the fact she’d just called me an asshole.

  “Yeah, hey.”

  “Pippa.” Daisy laughed.

  “What? Dude is going out with your ex-best friend. Asshole.”

  “I’ll take it,” I said, flopping down on the couch beside Daisy. “Hi.”

  Her smile was shaky, but it was there at least. “I’m a third wheel,” she whispered. “Hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all,” I said distractedly, noticing how the faint freckles on her nose had faded even more since we’d been apart. I was tempted to drag her back home to the fields beneath the sun to make them reappear.

  The movie started with a round of gunshots, and I reluctantly gave my attention to it.

  A while later, I heard Daisy curse softly and looked over to see her digging her pencil out of the crack between the couch cushions. Drawing. She had her sketchpad on her lap and a familiar poised concentration in her posture. Though to anyone else, she’d look completely relaxed.

  My heart seized a little as I watched her hand, flying and twisting over the paper at different angles, charcoal rubbing off onto the side of her hand. I remembered when we were kids, before she became a little more diligent with washing her hands, she’d sometimes wipe them on her face and not realize she’d smudged charcoal or paint onto it.

  “What’re you drawing?” I couldn’t make out what it was, her hand was moving over it this way and that, too fast for me to see.

  “Toby and Pippa,” she said without stopping.

  And there they were. I looked from the almost exact replica of them taking shape beside me over to the couple seated on the other side of the couch. Toby’s arm was around Pippa’s shoulders, his fingers playing with the tips of her hair. Her head was resting on his shoulder.

  At that moment, with how comfortable they seemed, they looked like they’d been together for years, rather than just getting to know each other.

  When the movie entered a quiet scene, I could hear my phone ringing from upstairs and went to see who it was. It was my mom. Setting a reminder to call her in the morning, I put my phone down and went back downstairs. I found Pippa and Toby making out, and no sign of Daisy.

  I’d walked through the kitchen to get to the living room, so I knew she wasn’t there. Glancing at the front door, I noticed it was open a crack.

  Walking outside and quietly closing it behind me, I saw her seated against the cement rendered exterior of the house right next to the window. Her sketchpad was beside her, and she’d pulled out a pen from somewhere and was doodling on her thigh instead.

  Her shorts had ridden up, and one look at those long legs and creamy white thighs had me swallowing what felt like a boulder.

  She paused, looking up as I took a seat beside her. Her brown eyes were wide behind the lenses of her black framed glasses as if she hadn’t expected me to follow her out here.

  That made two of us.

  “Didn’t your mama get mad at you enough times to make you stop drawing on your skin?”

  The tense silence broken, she smiled down at her leg where she’d drawn a few daisies clustered together. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

  That made me laugh. “You’re becoming bolder with old age.”

  She smirked, looking over at me, and I didn’t realize how close we were until I watched her breath catch. “Eighteen is hardly old. But as you said, things change.”

  Things change. I tried not to openly wince at having her repeat the same words I’d said to her. Nodding slowly, I said the first thing that popped into my head. “No braces.”

  “I told you when I got rid of those torture devices.” With her cheeks flushing, she moved her gaze toward the street, peering through the gap in the small hedge that lined the porch.

  “Yeah, but I never got to see.” I couldn’t stop looking. At her hair, her hands, those damn legs. I was greedy for everything. Everything I couldn’t have and shouldn’t want. Like this might be one of the only chances I had to really notice all the changes in her up close, to let my eyes eat their fill. “What happened to your purple glasses?”

  “They broke after we moved. I had them repaired, but I don’t know … They never felt the same.” She laughed dryly. “Man, that sounds dumb.”

  “I get it,” I said.

  She looked back at me, a soft smile edging her pink lips, and fuck if I didn’t want to kiss her again. Reaching out without warning, she took my hand, laid it flat on her warm thigh, and started drawing something on my palm.

  My throat tightened, my arms prickled with goose bumps, and my dick jerked to life at the soft strokes of the pen tip on my skin. “About the party,” I croaked, trying not to breathe in that familiar scent of caramel that drove me crazy.

  Her dark brown lashes fluttered, and her hand paused. “Are you about to apologize?”

  “For what?” I knew what she meant, but I wanted to hear her acknowledge it all the same.

  “I know you were drunk, but you shouldn’t, we shouldn’t …”

  Okay, so I was a little drunk, but not enough not to know what I was doing. “I know, but I can’t.”

  “Can’t what?” Her thumb brushed the side of mine.

  I could hardly think about anything other than how soft, how perfect her hand felt
against my own. “I can’t apologize when I’m not actually sorry.”

  She shook her head, going back to her doodling, but I’d felt more than heard her small intake of breath. “That’s not fair, Quinn. For anyone.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I am sorry for. I’m sorry if I upset you or made you uncomfortable,” I admitted.

  “You played a good game last weekend,” she said, changing the subject. I didn’t want to, but I let her, knowing it was probably for the best.

  She bit her lip and twisted my hand sideways for a better angle. I didn’t even look at what she was drawing, still too caught up in looking at her. “You watched?” I asked.

  “A little,” she said, a smile in her gentle voice.

  She’d never liked football all that much. Well, I wouldn’t say she didn’t like it, but she just wasn’t all that interested in it. It was kind of refreshing. I loved the game, and I’d played it as far back as I could remember. Tossing a football in the fields with my dad were some of my first memories. But my world didn’t revolve around it, not like most other players on the team.

  No, only a portion of my heart belonged to football. The rest belonged elsewhere. And I liked knowing I could enjoy this beloved game of mine for as long as I wanted. Then, when it was all over, home was where I would stay. Not out of obligation to my dad, but because that was where my soul remained. Under the soil of my family’s farm.

  “Daisy?” Pippa called out just as Daisy finished drawing. She blew on the ink, and I couldn’t help the shiver that coursed through me like a flicker of lightning.

  Her tiny hand folded over my fingers, closing my hand into a fist. “Don’t open it until I’m gone.” Her brown eyes stayed locked on mine a second, her voice filled with nerves. “Promise?”

  It was all I could do to answer and not pull her into my lap. “Promise,” I rasped.

  Pippa came outside, and Toby said something about walking them back to their dorm.

  I think I nodded, but the ink on my palm felt hot. As if it was burning me.

  I opened my hand, finding a mini constellation etched onto my skin.

  With my heart sticking to the roof of my mouth, I looked up just in time to see Daisy walk out of sight. Alexis’s earlier words echoed in my head.

  Meant a lot to each other.

  We more than meant a lot to each other.

  We were the breeze that ruffled the dandelions. The sun that scorched our skin red until we searched for reprieve under our favorite willow tree.

  And underneath the stretch of dark skies, we were each other’s stars.

  I was beginning to think I was an idiot for hoping those things would fade.

  The small crowd inside the Bean Stream could be seen clearly through the window. I didn’t know exactly how this would play out, but I thought I’d better tag along.

  Alexis got wind of it and insisted on joining us, which only made me feel more uneasy.

  Robbo, a freshman on the team, was playing at the café’s open mic night, which was held once a month on a Thursday. And judging from the snickers and jeers coming from the guys behind me, we weren’t here for moral support.

  I didn’t get coffee here often, but Robbo was a decent kid, and maybe I could help lessen the blow somehow.

  Alexis linked her arm through mine the second we walked inside. The little bell’s tinkle was faint underneath the sound of someone adjusting an amp on the tiny makeshift stage.

  “Oh, free table over there.” Alexis grinned and tugged my arm until we were seated on some purple and gold stools near the door to the store room on the left side of the stage.

  The guys filled the remaining seats around us and the booth behind, Ed hollering the second Robbo peeked his head outside the store room where he must have been warming up. “Come on, rock star!”

  Laughter ensued, and I flagged a passing waitress to ask for a coffee. Alexis shook her head when I asked if she wanted anything.

  Under the guise of stretching, I pulled my arm from hers, then let my eyes roam over the small yet charming cafe. It kind of reminded me of the one we had back home—just with way more young adults and way less elderly reading the town paper and eating scones.

  I sipped my coffee when it arrived, Alexis nudging her toe up the leg of my jeans as we waited for Robbo to come out.

  I didn’t know whether I should be worried or relieved about the lack of activity in my pants.

  My thoughts tugged back and forth between being here and wondering what I’d be doing if I were someplace else. With someone else.

  The past week had almost driven me out of my own head. I was so sick of this game of tug-of-war. Awake or asleep, I only saw brown eyes surrounded by a head full of unruly golden hair. All I could think about was her touch on my hand, her lips on mine—and felt like the worst son of a bitch for something I was helpless to control.

  My dick decided to harden, and I coughed, shifting my leg away from Alexis and feeling even worse.

  A young girl playing a ukulele took a small bow to a short, clipped applause and vacated the stage, heading into the store room as Robbo finally moved onto the stage.

  “Hey,” he said, resting his guitar against his leg as he adjusted the mic stand and pulled the stool closer. “So, ah, this is my first time.”

  “Whoo, you naughty boy!” Ed called out.

  “Yeah, at least let us buy you a drink first!” Callum hooted.

  More laughter followed, and Robbo ducked his head. I knew he was trying to laugh it off, and if he was nervous, he didn’t show it. “What I was going to say, before I was rudely interrupted, is that this is my first time playing here in Gray Springs.” He sat down and positioned his guitar. “So try to go easy on me.”

  “I’ll go easy on you, baby!” Burrows called out before he promptly shut the fuck up when Robbo flipped his hair from his forehead and proceeded to floor us with a voice that seemed to come out of nowhere and everywhere.

  Dude could sing like nothing I’d ever heard live, which admittedly wasn’t much, but still. He kept his gaze focused down as he played a cover from the Rolling Stones.

  “You guys are dickheads. He doesn’t even suck,” Callum said, getting up from his seat on the stool near Alexis right before Robbo’s time ended.

  “Shut up, Welsh.” Burrows stuck a straw in his mouth and chomped down on it.

  “Yeah, how were we supposed to know he was any good?” Paul laughed.

  Callum just shook his head, checking his phone before tucking it back into his pocket. “Whatever, I’m out.”

  “What? Dude, the guy’s a serious chick magnet.” Ed gestured to the girls sitting on the other side of the stage. “Look.”

  Alexis scoffed, crossing her leg over the other and snapping her gum.

  Callum’s gaze shifted from the girls to the door as someone walked in. Not just someone.

  Daisy.

  His posture morphed until he seemed to stand two feet taller. “Maybe I’ll hang around a bit longer.”

  My hand tensed around my mug, and I vaguely remembered that I should be mindful of the woman sitting next to me, but I couldn’t remove my eyes from Daisy or stop every synapsis in my body from firing into hyperdrive as I watched Callum stalk over toward the counter where she was ordering.

  It was almost eight at night, and I just knew she was ordering a hot chocolate.

  “Sweet. We’re gonna get Grellerson to grab us some beers after,” Burrows said to Callum’s back.

  “Say it a little louder, dickwad. I just love getting pulled over by campus security and having them steal all our shit,” Paul grumbled.

  Daisy looked over at the stage after ordering, her eyes widening a fraction when they met mine. She was wearing some kind of green sweater dress with small pom-poms on it. Her hair was tossed into a beautiful mess on top of her head, and her cheeks were slightly pink. My dick jolted at the same time my heart pounded heavily.

  “Hey,” Alexis said, her fingers grabbing my chin to turn me to face
her.

  Judging by the cheering, Robbo’s time slot had come to an end. The girls standing near the stage and a few other patrons hooted and hollered for more.

  Robbo’s shy voice came through the microphone as I tried to wipe my features clean. “Thanks, guys. Ah, yeah. I guess I can do one more.”

  “What’s up? Wanna go?” I asked Alexis when she just continued to stare. Hanging out in coffee shops wasn’t really my thing, and I’d usually be cool with bailing. Plus, Robbo was doing just fine. But now, well, the muscles in my neck strained as I tried to keep myself from turning my head back to the reason my heart was using my stomach as a trampoline.

  Alexis’s blue eyes searched mine some more, or more like scrutinized. “No, I was going to ask if you wanted something else.” She gestured to my coffee, her lip disappearing behind her teeth. “But maybe we should go.”

  Trying to keep my tone neutral, I picked up my mug. “Nah, I’m good to hang out a bit longer.”

  “Okay, then dance with me.”

  I almost spat out my coffee. “What?”

  She laughed a little, standing up. “Come on.”

  Robbo’s voice crooned another Stones song through the cafe, “Wild Horses” this time, making the hairs on the back of my neck and arms rise.

  I stood warily, glancing around. The guys had fists in their mouths as they watched Alexis grab my hand and drag me to the front of the stage where only a few girls were swaying side by side.

  “Lex …”

  “Shush, just put your hands on me and hold me.” She grabbed my hands, situating them on her hips before wrapping her arms around my neck.

  And just like that, I was taken back to my fifteenth birthday, one of the only times I willingly danced. That fact had everything to do with the woman I could feel burning holes into my back with her eyes. My head spun, and my hands felt clammy. I felt like I was betraying her in some way.

  We swayed side to side, Alexis leaning her head on my chest as the guys’ laughter and catcalls subsided.

  Eventually, we turned enough for me to catch sight of Callum tucking a stray piece of Daisy’s hair behind her ear as they stood by the side of the counter.