Suddenly Forbidden

by Ella Fields

  Looking from it to him, I raised my brows. “What?”

  He gestured toward it, and I pulled it to me, flipping it open. He’d bought me a new one. “Wow, Quinn. You didn’t …”

  “Don’t. It’s yours.” He was annoyed.

  “Thank you.”

  Callum cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’ll be going now.” Getting up from his seat, he walked around the table to whisper in my ear, “Give him hell.”

  Quinn watched him leave the cafeteria, his entire body tense. Reaching over, I touched his shoulder, and he flinched. “Shit, sorry.”

  I pulled my hand back. “You okay?”

  “Crap sleep, I guess.” He watched as I finished my coffee, my fingers running over the rough black sketchpad cover. He knew exactly the type I liked.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Sitting, having coffee?” Bewildered amusement colored my voice.

  He drummed his fingers on the table. “No, I mean after.”

  “I have class in ten, why?”

  “Can I walk you?”

  “Only if you tell me what has you looking like you’re smelling something bad.”

  His shoulders dropped, his head falling into his hands as he scrubbed them harshly over his face. “Coffee. You’re having coffee with Callum?”

  His hands fell, revealing cloudy, irritated hazel eyes. “I did just have coffee with him. Briefly, yes.”

  Another noncommittal sound.

  I couldn’t handle it anymore. “Quinn, Jesus. Just spit it out.”

  It flew out of him in a rush. “I don’t like you hanging out with him. Or any other guys. It’s … it makes me itch. Like my damn blood is boiling.”

  His shoulders heaved up and down, his brow furrowed severely. I could feel a few onlookers staring but ignored them. He looked strung out, like he didn’t know what to do with how this made him feel. I guess it’d be weird for him. He’d never had to worry about other guys. In high school, everyone knew I was his. Not that I thought anyone was interested anyway.

  Still, I didn’t know how to reassure him especially when I wasn’t sure about anything.

  I did know one thing, though. “Callum and me … from the start, we realized we’re much better suited as friends.”

  His fists clenched on the table, and a dry laugh erupted from him. “Friends.”

  Grabbing one of his closed hands, I held it between mine, brushing my thumbs over it. “Let it sink in. You know I’m not lying to you.”

  With that, I left him muttering to himself at the table. It took a minute, but he caught up with me and silently walked me to class.

  The following week, I was lying on my bed, surrounded by textbooks, notes, and highlighters when the door opened, and Pippa hollered, “Up! You’re coming with me, grumpy.”

  I lifted my head from my bed, brushing a sticky note from my cheek. “I’m not grumpy.”

  “She says while grumbling,” Pippa mocked from the wardrobe.

  Sitting up, I pushed all my stuff farther up the bed and stretched my arms over my head. “God, I think my neck has a crick in it.”

  “Serves you right for lying on your stomach to study for hours at a time,” she said. Closing the door, she turned to me, a small pile of clothes balancing on her hand. “Come on then.”

  “What?”

  “You’re coming to the townhouse. The time for ignoring the world is up.”

  Twisting my lips, I pinched the air with my fingers. “Can’t I have just a wee bit longer? And I don’t want to go there.”

  She huffed, dumping the clothes into her small overnight bag. “Why not?”

  I made a face at her back. “Uh, because you know who lives there.”

  Snorting, she said, “He’s not Voldemort.”

  “Thank God for that.” I picked up my phone, glancing at the time. Holy hot damn. I’d been studying, or trying to, for hours. It was almost six thirty. “I’m hungry.”

  “We’re ordering pizza. Get dressed.”

  I glanced down. “I am dressed.”

  “Suit yourself, but you know who will be there.” Her brow arched.

  Indecision had my eyes rolling over the room, then back down at my outfit. I was wearing an AC/DC t-shirt and a pair of sweats. I shrugged. “He’s seen me in worse. Let me find where I tossed my bra, then I’ll be good.”

  She clapped her hands, her head dropping back dramatically. “Praise the Lord!”

  “Shut it, snot-burger.”

  After putting on my bra, I fixed my hair as much as I could, then swiped on some lip balm and grabbed my water bottle and keys. “Just so you know, I’m only going for the pizza,” I said, walking past her and into the hallway.

  Pippa locked the door, pulling it closed. “Whatever you say.”

  Her smug tone grated. “Let’s roll before I change my mind.”

  We trudged over the grass, cutting through the gardens to the other side of campus where residential streets lined the outskirts. The townhouse sat on the first street with two cars parked in the driveway.

  “Did Quinn put you up to this?” It didn’t make sense that she and Toby would want a third, no fourth wheel.

  “Nope,” she said, a tad too unconvincingly.

  Quinn was lying on the couch, one leg hanging off the side and the other extended out over the arm. He was wearing a navy blue t-shirt and sweats, which made me smile. I hid it behind my water bottle, unscrewing the cap to take a sip.

  He looked up at me from where he was lying, his eyes lighting up in a way that made the water almost go down the wrong pipe. He sat up a bit, lifting his legs out of the way. Looking at the other end of the sectional where Pippa was getting comfortable, I swallowed my pride and sat down near Quinn’s feet.

  “How’s the studying going?” he asked. He’d walked me home some days over the past week, a new sketchpad waiting for me every time. I now had four. Not that they made up for what happened to my old ones, which weren’t empty but full of my heart, but they still made me smile. It wasn’t his fault, yet he was trying to make up for it anyway.

  “Horribly bad.” I pretended to shiver, capping my water bottle and putting it on the side table.

  “Coaster,” Toby said, walking into the room. “What’s up, Daisy duke?”

  Sucking my lips together, I leaned over the arm of the couch and put the bottle on a coaster. Pippa caught my eye, a twinkle of affection in them at Toby’s curious ways. “Not much, Toby one Kenobi.”

  He guffawed. “Haven’t heard that one before.”

  “Really?” Quinn asked, looking perplexed. “You watch Star Trek.”

  Toby looked affronted. “Used to, as in, when I was a kid. And dude. Star Trek and Star Wars are not the same thing. Like not even remotely.”

  Quinn looked even more confused, his brows almost joining together. “I know that. I just thought—”

  “Quinn never watched much TV growing up,” I cut in. “Unless it was sports.” Gesturing to the game on the TV right now, I ducked my head, feeling kind of lame for coming to his rescue.

  “It’s okay,” Toby said. “Every man needs a nerdy fantasy phase, though. We’ll get you there, buddy.”

  Quinn tossed a throw pillow at Toby, who scowled and carefully set it down beside him on the couch, making the rest of us laugh.

  The pizza the guys had ordered showed up five minutes later, and with the ice well and truly broken, we all went to the dining room and dug straight in.

  “Going home for Thanksgiving?” Toby asked Pippa. She was sucking pizza sauce from her finger, and Toby’s eyes zeroed in on the movement. She wiped her hand on some paper towel, not even realizing he was watching her every move with rapt attention. “I don’t know, maybe.”

  She’d been waiting to see what he was doing and used the opening. “Are you?”

  Shrugging, he took a bite of pizza and swallowed before saying, “Maybe.”

  He grinned as she rolled her eyes, and Quinn bumped my foot under the table with his. “Come up
stairs with me?” I was finished eating, but hesitated. “I promise not to pull any funny business.”

  “Go with the boy scout. Pippa and I have shit to discuss.”

  She giggled as he pulled her into his lap, licking some pizza sauce from her lip.

  I followed Quinn upstairs, trying not to look at his ass, but well, I gave in. The top of his briefs showed, the white band of elastic calling out to females everywhere. Pull me, tug me, slip your hand underneath me.

  I glowered at it and walked behind him into a bedroom near the top of the stairs. “Toby got the master, being his place and all,” he said, dropping down onto his bed and tucking his hands behind his head.

  His biceps flexed tauntingly as he got comfortable, watching me slowly walk inside and look around. He had some trophies sitting on the corner of his desk, papers littering the surface with a few pens and highlighters. The rest of the room was kind of bare, besides a dresser with a small flat-screen on it and a team jersey hanging on the wall.

  “You still aren’t one for decorating much,” I observed.

  “I’ve never had to. That’s always been you.” My hands clenched at his words, fingernails digging into my palms. “Come here, I won’t bite. I just want to talk to you, and you’re making me feel uneasy with how nervous you are.”

  “I’m not nervous.”

  “You’re not comfortable either,” he said.

  Turning around, I went to sit on the other side of his large bed. “I’m not uncomfortable. It’s …”

  “You don’t know what to do.”

  “I guess.” Crossing my legs, I played with my fingers in my lap.

  He sat up. “Is it because you don’t trust me? After what I did with Alexis? You’ve gotta know, I didn’t think I’d see you again. Not here or anywhere.”

  “No,” I whispered.

  “Then is it because of what we did?” Pausing, he said, “Jesus, you don’t think I’d do the same thing to you, do you? You know me, it’s just … it was you.”

  Looking up at him, I reached out to run my finger down the straight bridge of his nose. Some of the tension left his face. “I trust you. I’m not sure what it is or isn’t. A lot’s happened, that’s all.”

  Taking my hand, he kissed my fingertips then held it with his on his thigh. His very thick, hard thigh. I swallowed, trying to keep my gaze on his and not look away as my blood seemed to bubble inside my veins. “What I said,” he started, then stopped, searching for the words. “Or rather, didn’t say … when you said that I’d told you I loved her.”

  My eyes dropped then, and he gently tipped my chin up, making me look at him. “I didn’t hesitate; I just didn’t know how to explain it.”

  Blinking away tears, I moved away, not sure if I wanted to hear this. He grabbed my hand before I could. “Stop. Please.” I stopped but still wouldn’t look at him. “I couldn’t find the right words, nothing that would make you understand. Then, instead of looking at you, the door was facing me. So this is me, knocking. Would you please open the door? Just a crack? Enough to let me explain it to you now?”

  With nothing else to do, and hearing the desperation floating in his voice, I nodded. “Okay.”

  Letting out a quick breath, he said, “What I told you all those weeks ago was true. I did love Alexis. But what I kept to myself was that I loved her in a way you love someone after you’ve already given your heart away.” I lifted my head, locking eyes with his as he continued, “Never with the full depths of your soul. Never with the feeling of something clicking into place whenever you were with them. Yeah, I loved her, sure. But I wasn’t capable of loving someone the way I love you, Daisy. So it was incomplete and probably not fair to her at all.”

  “Quinn,” I rasped.

  He held up a hand, stopping me. “Yet I found myself fortunate enough to have found even that amount of room in my heart again. So I’m sorry, but I meant what I said, to some extent. It all changed, though, and my heart was put to a test it would fail with flying colors as soon as you appeared in front of my eyes once again. I knew that, yet I was upset, angry, but I was also stuck. I couldn’t get out of the bed I’d made for myself in your absence.”

  It made sense—everything he said made perfect sense—and had my heart rocking from side to side, humming like a love-drunk fool in my chest. “Why didn’t you wait for me?” I asked, tears falling onto my lips. He rubbed them away with a thumb then licked them off as I watched through blurred eyes.

  “I didn’t know,” he said, taking my glasses off and cleaning them with the hem of his shirt. “I thought you were done with me.”

  “My mom told me you started partying more after I left.” He didn’t respond. “Quinn?”

  Cursing quietly, he said, “I was so pissed at you. At everything. You lived hours away, and when I thought about it, it seemed stupid to think we’d hold on when we were so young.”

  “But I did. I held on.”

  “I know that now, but I didn’t then.” He gently wiped my eyes then put my glasses back on. “And we’re still young; we probably don’t know shit. But this? Us?” His smile was luminous and had my breath stalling as he said, “It’s pretty clear what we feel will never go away.”

  I climbed into his lap, unable to stop myself. My arms looped around him, and my nose burrowed into his neck, breathing in his clean scent.

  It took a few pounding heartbeats, but his arms wrapped around me, holding me so tight as his head dropped to my shoulder.

  Time passed, but I held on until I noticed he was hard beneath me, and my belly ignited with fluttering heat. I got up, and he reached out, catching my hand as I climbed off the bed. “Wait, stay.”

  Squeezing his hand once, I pulled mine free. “Not tonight.”

  I needed to let his words sink in and figure out what to do with my lingering guilt.

  Sniffing, I swiped underneath my nose, stopping in the doorway. “But FYI, you’re still a bit of a goober. Albeit, a sweet one.”

  His laughter followed me downstairs, where Toby was waiting and offered to run me home.

  Quinn’s words rattled around in my head the next day, making my brain feel like a piece of cotton candy. So much so that, instead of studying after class because I couldn’t focus to save my life, I was doodling.

  “Is that a brain? Wrapped in cotton candy?” Pippa asked, leaning over the desk in the library.

  “Yep.” I popped the p, keeping my attention focused on the fluffy round edges created by my pink pencil.

  Pippa muffled her laughter behind her hand, but I still heard it. “Shush, it’s relevant.”

  “To what? How you’re feeling after last night? You should’ve stayed.”

  Sighing, I tucked my pencil away. “I couldn’t.”

  The librarian glared at us, and Pippa got up, tucking her chair beneath the table. “Why?” she asked, looping her bag strap over her arm.

  Someone’s gaze was hot on my back; I could feel it burning as if I’d been marked. Turning, I saw Alexis walking down the steps, her eyes darting away.

  “That’s why?” Pippa said, lifting her hand and scratching her nose with her middle finger, discreetly flipping her off.

  Trying not to laugh, I motioned for her to stop it. “Not entirely, but I just feel like … I don’t know. Like a child who threw a tantrum and got what she wanted. Only now, I feel wretched about it.”

  “That’s not what happened, and you know it.”

  I lifted my shoulders, packing my stuff away. I wasn’t getting anything done anyway. “Daisy.”

  “Hmm?” I shoved my stuff in my bag and stood.

  “You did something wrong, yes. But you’re not a horrible person because you love someone. In your mind, he’s always been yours. That’s hard to shake. But you tried. I saw you; we all did. And Alexis, well, she’s the one who threw the damn tantrum, if you ask me.” She scoffed. “A fucking epic one.”

  The librarian shushed her, and Pippa sucked her lips.

  I headed to the stai
rs with Pippa beside me. “She had more than enough reason.”

  “Oh, God. Would you stop?”

  I stopped, and Pippa grabbed my arm. “Not literally, you dork. I meant stop beating yourself up. I’m getting exhausted just watching you try to keep yourself from giving in. Give in already.”

  Easy enough for her to say. I knew how it felt to have my heart trashed, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Even Alexis.

  Yet that was exactly what I’d done.

  Pippa left me to go check in at the front desk for a book she needed, and I made my way outside, my head down and still clouded so badly that I walked right into someone. “Crap, sorry.”

  Pushing my glasses up, I stepped back, about to walk away when I saw who it was. “Oh.”

  Alexis righted her skintight sweater. “Yeah, oh.”

  She kept walking, and I caught up with her, not even knowing why, just knowing I had to do something. “Wait up.”

  “Why? So you can cry over me trashing your room?” She stopped near the quad. “Speaking of, why didn’t you call campus security?”

  I fidgeted with my bag strap. “I-I don’t know. I didn’t even really think about that.”

  She made a snorting sound, her pretty lips pressed tight as she eyed me up and down. “You’re still too nice for your own good. Oh, no wait.” Her blue eyes filled with venom. “That changed the night you screwed my boyfriend.”

  Wincing, I struggled for what to say, and bumbled out, “But you took him from me.”

  “You left. There’s a difference.”

  I stepped closer, my voice lowering. “You were my best friend. So, yes, there’s a huge difference, and you know it.”

  She swallowed, her eyes glazing over. “I had feelings for him. I fell in love with him.”

  “He wasn’t yours to fall in love with,” I spat, shocking myself enough to take a step back.

  The smile she gave me was full of amusement. “My, my. She’s grown thorns underneath that innocent looking exterior.”

  “One guess as to why that happened.”

  She sniffed. “Whatever. Anything else? I have a class to get to.”

  “Yeah. Why?”